so.
today was stressful, this week is stressful. but to counter the heightening tension spring semester is causing, i've decided to feed myself particularly well and make time for emotional wind-down while i cook and eat (instead of studying while i eat, which is {unfortunately} the usual).
today, i found a new favorite recipe! really, it's fabulous. i was a little skeptical at first, but wanted to try it just because it looked so darn beautiful - and as we all know, beautiful food always tastes better. okay, maybe i'm at the liberty of the food photographers sometimes, but hey. this time, it paid off. the blog i snatched the recipe from is also quickly becoming another favorite.
http://ohsheglows.com/
if all her recipes are as good as this one, then i'll definitely be trying more from her archives.
these are her "you're so cheezy" savory oats: http://ohsheglows.com/2010/03/03/youre-so-cheezy/
1/2 cup oats
1 cup water
1/2 cup almond milk (i didn't have any on hand, so i used soy milk)
1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
1/6 cube vegetable bouillon
tumeric
and a little salt.
practically the easiest (and one of the quickest) delicious dinners ever. put everything in a pot, bring to a boil, then simmer on low for about ten (ish) minutes. i topped mine with home-made crumbled flax crackers, sliced avocado, salsa, and black beans. absolutely delicious. make sure to check out the link, too - she has some great pictures of it, and her post is super fun.
to even further convince you of this deliciousness, it passed the non-vegan taste test. christine, a non-vegan food lover, came to dinner to try my new find and loved it just as much as i did! she also gave me a recipe that i'll be trying soon for sweet potato scones - yeah. talk about yum.
hope i've left you drooling. by the way, i just bought nutritional yeast and besides using it for the loads of savory oats i'm going to be making, i want some other good recipes that taste veganly cheesy, so i'd love some suggestions!
eat on, and be happy.
Wednesday, May 26
Tuesday, May 25
a little change
yep, with the sloooow change of seasons this year, i felt i needed a change in my life that was a little more drastic. so i cut my hair again! well, okay, i didn't go crazy and cut it all off this time - it's still growing out. but i decided to bring the bangs back. we'll see how i like them after a couple of days, but right now i'm mostly on a change high - kind of like an adrenaline rush, just not quite so dangerous. it's all straight in this picture, not like it is in real life when i absolutely don't have time to run an iron through it everyday. i'll try to sneak a picture in of how it really is, all wavy and such, sometime.
also, to get this haircut, i successfully navigated my way through the obnoxious freeways of northern utah. toooo big for me! too many lanes, too many cars, too many huge trucks to pass, just too much. but. i did it without causing any accidents, fainting, or getting myself or anyone else killed. not to mention that i didn't even get lost (which is probably the greatest accomplishment of the entire month, if you know me). i have now expanded the area i know i can safely access with a car. to riverton... pathetic, maybe. but a step in the right direction. salt lake, watch out. here i come!
...some other day.
when i'm feeling much much much more adventurous.
Monday, May 24
psst.
i'm back again.
back to this little apartment with broken front blinds and cold tile. back to my cheery-colored room. back to class. back to more homework. back to the place where it snows at the end of may (ridiculous). back to the green trees and vines on all the old beautiful houses.
i went to the dentist while i was home.
and ate a lot of delicious food (brought some back, too! including a jar of fabulous chocolate cinnamon peanut butter from my generous sister, lori)
i traded a pair of jeans with my younger sister (goodbye skinnies, hello something that fits my hips!)
i snuggled with two unwilling kitties the whole time
i talked about the downfall of righteous government, correct education, and the deterioration of the english language (yes, we're mostly crazies)
and now.
i need to unpack. humph. that's almost the worst part of traveling,
isn't it?
back to this little apartment with broken front blinds and cold tile. back to my cheery-colored room. back to class. back to more homework. back to the place where it snows at the end of may (ridiculous). back to the green trees and vines on all the old beautiful houses.
i went to the dentist while i was home.
and ate a lot of delicious food (brought some back, too! including a jar of fabulous chocolate cinnamon peanut butter from my generous sister, lori)
i traded a pair of jeans with my younger sister (goodbye skinnies, hello something that fits my hips!)
i snuggled with two unwilling kitties the whole time
i talked about the downfall of righteous government, correct education, and the deterioration of the english language (yes, we're mostly crazies)
and now.
i need to unpack. humph. that's almost the worst part of traveling,
isn't it?
Sunday, May 23
a drive to the past
it's been a nostalgic day.
driving from my beautiful ivins home *into town always gives me throw-back memories, depending on the route i take. one specifically takes me back to my senior year of high school (a drive i made probably four times a day some days - when my senioritis had me skipping class more than most). another reminds me mostly of my very first real job. it was a little (rather greasy) burger shop, complete with ready-made fry sauce and onion rings. how many times did i press the gas pedal a little harder to miss that yellow light so i wouldn't be late? more than a few, i'm sure.
today, it was skyline drive. i could make this drive blindfolded, missing every pothole, catching every curve of the road. back and forth to and from the little community college, back and forth to my college job, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. i remember one specific day i made the 20 minute drive five times. different classes, different work schedules, forgotten lunch, no money to buy lunch, late-night trip to the "community-college-boyfriend's" apartment, and home again, home again, jiggity jig.
it seemed i was two years younger again. i found myself thinking about old professors (specifically the worst biology professor ever to step into a classroom and the best {and possibly most attractive} sociology professor in the realm of social science - not one missed class, not one late day... extraordinarily unusual for me. especially high school senior year). i remembered friday nights late in the visual arts building, and believe me i will never forget the time the rats attacked me. but that's another story. i remembered that "community-college-boyfriend," and then i quickly remembered how glad i am that i'm not living in two years ago.
lots of people write letters to themselves in the future. dear future me, dear future family, dear future husband, etc. i'm guilty. you'll find them stashed between pages in my journal, and yep - even here on my blog. lots of people do that.
but sometimes (most times), i wish that instead of writing letters to my future-self i could write letters to my past-self. they would look something like this:
"dear self, i know that you're running really late for class today, but trust me. please, please don't take center street. really, you can't afford that ticket. love, someone who's already been there."
"dear self, holding that guy's hand right now might seem like a good idea, but just don't. for once, don't ask for a reason, and just don't be so emotionally driven. love, a more logical you."
"dear self, i know you can fly through high school without trying much and still get into college. but take some advice from a poor college student and work a little more, scare your parents a little less, and actually try to live up to your intellectual potential. it might just get you further than you think. love, someone who would have appreciated a larger savings account."
i think this is why i write to the future version of me sometimes. it keeps me focused on what i'll think when i look back, keeps me critically asking myself is this a decision i'm going to okay with in five years? because sometimes (most times, again), i look back on the past five or so years and simply wonder what in the world i was thinking. i know, i know. i was a teenager - cut myself some slack! but i don't want to cut myself some slack in another five years because i was just a young adult, either.
yes, living for the present matters. but most times, isn't it a good thing to know what direction you want to be headed, too?
that's why i write to my future.
so.
future self,
tonight, i'd like you to remember what you think about when you drive down skyline. then remember what you think about when you drive down south campus drive, provo. look at the difference. and then look at what you'll be remembering in another five years, when you re-visit your current city (where ever in the world it might be). please adjust your life so the memories that drive brings back only fill you with gratitude, with joy, and with a reverence for the past.
love,
a past nostalgic driver.
*into town: i've now been told a sufficient number of times that this is not a normal phrase. explanation: it comes from living out of central town, and the phrase is practically incurable. besides, i rather like the small town sound of it.
driving from my beautiful ivins home *into town always gives me throw-back memories, depending on the route i take. one specifically takes me back to my senior year of high school (a drive i made probably four times a day some days - when my senioritis had me skipping class more than most). another reminds me mostly of my very first real job. it was a little (rather greasy) burger shop, complete with ready-made fry sauce and onion rings. how many times did i press the gas pedal a little harder to miss that yellow light so i wouldn't be late? more than a few, i'm sure.
today, it was skyline drive. i could make this drive blindfolded, missing every pothole, catching every curve of the road. back and forth to and from the little community college, back and forth to my college job, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. i remember one specific day i made the 20 minute drive five times. different classes, different work schedules, forgotten lunch, no money to buy lunch, late-night trip to the "community-college-boyfriend's" apartment, and home again, home again, jiggity jig.
it seemed i was two years younger again. i found myself thinking about old professors (specifically the worst biology professor ever to step into a classroom and the best {and possibly most attractive} sociology professor in the realm of social science - not one missed class, not one late day... extraordinarily unusual for me. especially high school senior year). i remembered friday nights late in the visual arts building, and believe me i will never forget the time the rats attacked me. but that's another story. i remembered that "community-college-boyfriend," and then i quickly remembered how glad i am that i'm not living in two years ago.
lots of people write letters to themselves in the future. dear future me, dear future family, dear future husband, etc. i'm guilty. you'll find them stashed between pages in my journal, and yep - even here on my blog. lots of people do that.
but sometimes (most times), i wish that instead of writing letters to my future-self i could write letters to my past-self. they would look something like this:
"dear self, i know that you're running really late for class today, but trust me. please, please don't take center street. really, you can't afford that ticket. love, someone who's already been there."
"dear self, holding that guy's hand right now might seem like a good idea, but just don't. for once, don't ask for a reason, and just don't be so emotionally driven. love, a more logical you."
"dear self, i know you can fly through high school without trying much and still get into college. but take some advice from a poor college student and work a little more, scare your parents a little less, and actually try to live up to your intellectual potential. it might just get you further than you think. love, someone who would have appreciated a larger savings account."
i think this is why i write to the future version of me sometimes. it keeps me focused on what i'll think when i look back, keeps me critically asking myself is this a decision i'm going to okay with in five years? because sometimes (most times, again), i look back on the past five or so years and simply wonder what in the world i was thinking. i know, i know. i was a teenager - cut myself some slack! but i don't want to cut myself some slack in another five years because i was just a young adult, either.
yes, living for the present matters. but most times, isn't it a good thing to know what direction you want to be headed, too?
that's why i write to my future.
so.
future self,
tonight, i'd like you to remember what you think about when you drive down skyline. then remember what you think about when you drive down south campus drive, provo. look at the difference. and then look at what you'll be remembering in another five years, when you re-visit your current city (where ever in the world it might be). please adjust your life so the memories that drive brings back only fill you with gratitude, with joy, and with a reverence for the past.
love,
a past nostalgic driver.
*into town: i've now been told a sufficient number of times that this is not a normal phrase. explanation: it comes from living out of central town, and the phrase is practically incurable. besides, i rather like the small town sound of it.
Saturday, May 22
my little study companion
introducing my favorite little furry friend: holly (aka ticky, kitty-baby, lovey, baby, sweetheart, kitty-witty, etc.) i was studying for several hours today on the sofa in the front room of my other home (the real one in fact - how how good to be home again!), and she kept me company the whole time - alternating between curling up by my feet, falling between the cushions (seen above), and sitting on a rocking chair next to me. that's right. a trip home this weekend was definitely in order. unfortunately, you can't exactly escape homework when you bring your backpack with you. i think holly was rubbing it in. sometimes i envy the life of my cat, snoozing in the sun on the squishiest part of the sofa cushion. but i guess she doesn't exactly get to enjoy the other good things. like chocolate. still though, i wish could nap as easily as she does, even while her back end is completely falling off the cushion.
Wednesday, May 19
swinging in the park
today, i met an old friend. and when i say "old friend," i mean really old friend. in my first memory of her, i called her a muskrat. she called me stupid. and that was the beginning of a fabulous friendship.
in my next memory, i was lying flat on my back, coughing up the tooth her flying fist had just knocked loose.
there were years that we saw each other two, maybe three times other than in weekly sunday school classes, and there were years that we never missed a thursday night trip to the temple together - just us.
over those years, we've talked about everything from bugs to boys. mostly silly and laughter, sometimes serious and tears.
she was married a month and a half ago to the boy of her dreams. (and i'm still not quite finished with her wedding present).
it's a little strange when people you're close to move on. i'm happier than anything in the world that she's happier than anything in the world. but at the same time, it feels strange that she grew up. i know it happened a little at a time, but sometimes it seems so sudden. swinging together at the park seems so close in the past. i guess that's the thing: we all grow up. quickly. and then we just have to figure out what to do with this adult-sized body that doesn't quite seem natural yet.
a couple days ago (at a church activity) a boy was trying to guess my age. after a little hmmming, he pinned me at nineteen. a little in shock, i said no, i'm twenty.
oh, it's about the same thing! he exclaimed, then walked off to refill his salsa bowl.
it's the first time i remember someone ever assuming i was even a year younger than i am. it's a good thing i think. maybe my age is catching up to my looks finally. or maybe i'm growing young again.
anyone want to swing?
ps. congratulations to the muskrat!
Tuesday, May 18
suggestions
above is today's featured sticky note. now it's your turn. have suggestions??
go ahead.
suggest something you'd like me to write about. suggest i read a book you've been loving lately. suggest a great recipe for the world to see. it's your suggestion.
and look at the rest of knock knock's great paper products by clicking on "these"... above. have a laugh, to you from me.
Monday, May 17
my cookie reminder.
okay. so.
cookies.
first off, i feel i ought to give a little explanation about how i came to eat the way i do, or rather, how i came to not eat the things i don't. actually, the how i came to and why i do now are slightly different stories. this isn't in full, mind you. that's for another day. but to give a little background on both... (before we have cookies)
i was fourteen years old. young, for someone with a severe chronic illness. the doctor's visits had started years before, a journey jump-stared with headaches and general practitioners and leading to more alternative means of health care as symptoms widened and worsened. then one night, at the age of fourteen, i snapped. i sat on the bathroom floor, door locked, crouched on my knees, and sobbed.
this definitely wasn't the first time. but i remember cyring this night more than any of the others. i remember because this was my turning point. my tipping grain of rice. my rock bottom.
after the hysterics passed and i couldn't shake more tears out, i was usually too exhausted to think. but tonight the tears simply wouldn't. stop. coming. my spirit and mind rebelled against the prison my body was turning into. inside myself i screamed, i just can't live like this! i won't live like this!
and that was it. i stopped crying. i realized i wasn't willing to live a lifetime in constant pain. so i wouldn't. i wanted to be able to do all the things other kids my age could do. so i would. in a moment, it was all that simple. it didn't matter what the professionals told me i would never be able to do while living with in this 'condition.' i would find a way. in that small moment, i knew there would be a way provided {see 1 nephi 3:7}.
the next day, my mother and i spent hours completely revamping my diet, sleep habits, and exercise (a note on my mother. she's incredible. i would still be sick if she wasn't exactly as she is). she showed me the book "the healing power of whole foods," by beth loiselle. a book that helped change my life completely. starting that day, the 25th of october, 2004, i stopped eating almost all processed foods. whole foods only. no sugar (not even honey. not even in tomato sauce). i discovered that if i ate sugar, it made all my nasty symptoms return with a whoop. not at first, but over time. i can honestly say i was as close to perfect as was teenage-girl possible for a solid year - the most healing year of my life.
i have my own little mental celebration on the 25th of october every year for the day i discovered my will power. but i'm getting beside the point. it's been up and down from there, obviously. but mostly up, and continually up. that's what's important.
so. cookies.
this summer, i've been eating mostly raw foods - a step even further in the healing direction. three weeks. probably the longest i've been without any sugar since that 2004 year.... until this weekend. i splurged. granted, the cookies i made were vegan, whole-wheat, and sweetened with evaporated cane sugar (still sugar, don't be deceived, but maybe a smidgen better than that white stuff).
they were monster cookies.
peanut-butter, oatmeal, chocolate-chip, m&m monster cookies.
sometimes, you just need a cookie. it had been an awful weekend. so... i ate them. my roommate had two. my relief society presidency took five or six... and the rest of them, i ate. it took me three days (only three days, oh my goodness gracious).
i do this every once in a while. for some reason, my body feels like it needs to remind itself why i eat the way i do by showing me how i feel when i eat the way i shouldn't. i remember now. i remember that i don't like headaches (or stomachaches). i remember that i don't like to feel like i'm going to die when i run. i remember that i like to be able to sleep and wake up on time.
and i remember now that what i eat makes such a difference.
ps. they really were fabulous cookies (if you don't eat the whole batch). if you'd like the recipe i used, i'll post it, too!
cookies.
first off, i feel i ought to give a little explanation about how i came to eat the way i do, or rather, how i came to not eat the things i don't. actually, the how i came to and why i do now are slightly different stories. this isn't in full, mind you. that's for another day. but to give a little background on both... (before we have cookies)
i was fourteen years old. young, for someone with a severe chronic illness. the doctor's visits had started years before, a journey jump-stared with headaches and general practitioners and leading to more alternative means of health care as symptoms widened and worsened. then one night, at the age of fourteen, i snapped. i sat on the bathroom floor, door locked, crouched on my knees, and sobbed.
this definitely wasn't the first time. but i remember cyring this night more than any of the others. i remember because this was my turning point. my tipping grain of rice. my rock bottom.
after the hysterics passed and i couldn't shake more tears out, i was usually too exhausted to think. but tonight the tears simply wouldn't. stop. coming. my spirit and mind rebelled against the prison my body was turning into. inside myself i screamed, i just can't live like this! i won't live like this!
and that was it. i stopped crying. i realized i wasn't willing to live a lifetime in constant pain. so i wouldn't. i wanted to be able to do all the things other kids my age could do. so i would. in a moment, it was all that simple. it didn't matter what the professionals told me i would never be able to do while living with in this 'condition.' i would find a way. in that small moment, i knew there would be a way provided {see 1 nephi 3:7}.
the next day, my mother and i spent hours completely revamping my diet, sleep habits, and exercise (a note on my mother. she's incredible. i would still be sick if she wasn't exactly as she is). she showed me the book "the healing power of whole foods," by beth loiselle. a book that helped change my life completely. starting that day, the 25th of october, 2004, i stopped eating almost all processed foods. whole foods only. no sugar (not even honey. not even in tomato sauce). i discovered that if i ate sugar, it made all my nasty symptoms return with a whoop. not at first, but over time. i can honestly say i was as close to perfect as was teenage-girl possible for a solid year - the most healing year of my life.
i have my own little mental celebration on the 25th of october every year for the day i discovered my will power. but i'm getting beside the point. it's been up and down from there, obviously. but mostly up, and continually up. that's what's important.
so. cookies.
this summer, i've been eating mostly raw foods - a step even further in the healing direction. three weeks. probably the longest i've been without any sugar since that 2004 year.... until this weekend. i splurged. granted, the cookies i made were vegan, whole-wheat, and sweetened with evaporated cane sugar (still sugar, don't be deceived, but maybe a smidgen better than that white stuff).
they were monster cookies.
peanut-butter, oatmeal, chocolate-chip, m&m monster cookies.
sometimes, you just need a cookie. it had been an awful weekend. so... i ate them. my roommate had two. my relief society presidency took five or six... and the rest of them, i ate. it took me three days (only three days, oh my goodness gracious).
i do this every once in a while. for some reason, my body feels like it needs to remind itself why i eat the way i do by showing me how i feel when i eat the way i shouldn't. i remember now. i remember that i don't like headaches (or stomachaches). i remember that i don't like to feel like i'm going to die when i run. i remember that i like to be able to sleep and wake up on time.
and i remember now that what i eat makes such a difference.
ps. they really were fabulous cookies (if you don't eat the whole batch). if you'd like the recipe i used, i'll post it, too!
Sunday, May 16
joshua
although i'll admit that i read the book of mormon more than any other book of scripture, lately joshua - in the old testament - has really drawn my attention. there is such great strength in this prophet's words, so much that has sustained me, reminding me that everything will work out (i'll find a job, be able to perform as well as i need to in school to keep my scholarship, find the words and time to keep my relationships strong and help my friends in their struggles) because i'm relying on the only source of power that can never let me down - the Lord. these few scriptures help to me worry a lot less, and pray a lot more.
joshua 23:8-11 (my favorite parts)
"but cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day... for the Lord your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you. take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God."
joshua 1:9 (what i turn to most when i worry)
"have not i commanded thee? be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."
joshua 24:15 (to strengthen my resolution)
"...choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
during church today, this last scripture made me think a lot about my priorities. a thoughtful man sitting a few rows in front of me made a comment that i liked quite a bit. "priorities are not determined by your stated purpose," he said, "they're determined by how you are actually spending your time." i'm a list-maker. at this very moment, i have seven different lists just on my desk next to my laptop, and at least another three hanging from my bulletin board on sticky notes. but i realized, just because i wrote it down on the top of my list, doesn't make it my priority. it's whether or not i actually do it. i think sometimes i need to stop making lists and just do it (not promoting nike here, no worries).
on another note, i've always thought of this scripture in a "decide today what you're going to do forever" sense, but today i thought of it a little differently during sunday school. sometimes you have to take life one day at a time, and i think that might have been part of what joshua meant here. choose what you will do to serve the Lord, today. not what you did yesterday, not what you have to do tomorrow, just today. just choose for today. one day at a time. it makes the concept seem a little more personal, right now in my life, easier to grasp.
ps. i successfully haven't fallen asleep during my morning scripture study for more than a week now. my roommate was right, reading on the floor instead of on my bed made all the difference!
pps. in the last two days i've eaten more than nine cookies. after how many weeks of resisting every sugar-filled, white-flour yum that passed under my nose?? more to come on that ridiculousness later.
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