the un-outfit post #1

day four.

task: post a picture of your favorite outfit.

well, to be honest, i don't have a favorite outfit.  i have a lot of them!  my dad has always calls me punky brewster, and i love that he does!  for me, a really really good outfit day is one that i don't think i could pile on more patterns or colors if i tried.  no worries, i usually don't look like a fool when i leave my apartment.

BUT! no picture of that today!  i don't love outfit posts.... i don't know, it seems a little too much like.. "look at me and my CUTE clothes!"  i'll post one throughout this challenge, maybe, so my children can appreciate that i looked crazy even when i was their age.

something a little more exciting than an outfit happened today... i got a haircut! eeeek!

usually, the following happens:

stage 1: i hate my hair and schedule a hair appointment.

stage 2: i decide i really like my hair, consider canceling my appointment and am convinced by others to keep it - for my sanity and theirs.

stage 3: i consider a kazillion different hair styles, from pixie cuts to different colors.

stage 4: nervously, i go to my appointment.

stage 5: i come out hating life intensely.  i consider suing the stylist, shaving my head, and posting hate notes about the salon all over town.

stage 6: my roommates, friends and family avoid me for two weeks until i blow the steam off and decide it'll grow out.

but THIS time...

this time is different.  everything panned out as usual until i entered the salon.  i sat in a massage chair while they washed my hair, the stylist listened to me and took time on my hair - not rushed a bit!  and i walked out loving my hair more than i have in over a year... or maybe over two years.  for the first time in a long time, i feel very... me.  very very me.

it's really good to have me-hair back.

so.

this is it!  i tried to post a video... but it wasn't working. and i don't know why. soooo i'll get that figured out sometime soon and post it then. 

fun, yeah?? :)

professor

day three.

question: who inspires beauty?

it's late.  and i'm tired. but determined to proceed!

one of my professors a couple semesters ago was a woman who radiated feminine beauty.  she was in her mid-thirties, recently married, expecting her first baby, extremely tall, and beautiful in every way.  she had such a calm presence.  being around her was soothing and made me feel good about myself.  she was one of those people who brought out the beauty in everyone, and made everyone around her want to be a little better.  

i look up to her a lot.

thanks, professor erikson!

breakfast, lunch, & ripped jeans

surprisingly, there is no correlation between these two meals and the sad ending to my favorite pair of jeans.  but first things first!  and the first thing is breakfast! :)

i've been eating this breakfast almost everyday for the past two weeks!  it's really that good.  although if this keeps going i might run all the local health food stores out of muesli!

really, it's been my favorite.  it's takes all of two minutes to whip together in the morning and half the time i shovel it down just as quickly because it's so darn good!

strawberry chocolate goodness


1/4 cup muesli
1 tablespoon cocoa
1/2 cup rice milk

let that sit in the fridge for ten or fifteen minutes {or "overnight, as the swiss do!" as the packaging suggests}.
then add:

3 large strawberries, diced
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1-2 tablespoons almond butter
1 tablespoon unsweetened shredded coconut
1/2 tsp cinnamon

stir all together and just try to resist that deliciousness for more than a minute!
really, it's just about the best stuff ever.


today i had another little burst of cooking energy.  i've been a little sad over the result of my spinach artichoke dip for the last week or two.  the first try was pretty runny, and to be honest i'm not a fan of runny artichoke dip.  but i love it so much i had to give it another try!  this one was much more of a success. :)

vegan spinach artichoke dip


1/2 block extra firm tofu
1/2 block silken tofu
1 12 oz can artichokes
3 large handfuls baby spinach
2 green onions
3 tablespoons minced sun-dried tomatoes
1/4 cup vegenaise
2 small cloves garlic
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/4 teaspoons pepper
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon dried basil
3 tsp nutritional yeast

despite the long list of ingredients {for a time-pressed college student}, this one is pretty darn quick, too!  in the food processor, blend together the two kinds of tofu and the vegenaise.  pour these in a glass pan {i don't really know what size mine is...it's weird-shaped...little smaller than a 9x13}.  chop up the artichokes, spinach, onions, tomatoes, and garlic and slide them into the baking dish as well.  add all the spices and combine really well with a fork.  bake at 375 for 40 minutes!

i love when i decide to try something like this again - something that was a disaster the first time.  man, was it yummy!

okay, now for my poor jeans story.  i woke up this morning - a little late.  despite my resolution to be happy no matter what, i'll admit i was feeling a little down this morning.  i've ran really well this week!  but i felt pretty yucky this morning.  so.  scrambling for time, i ran to get my jeans out of the dryer.  my good jeans.  the ones that make me feel okay when i don't feel so hot in the morning.  they'd shrunk up a tiny bit, but that was usual.  after pulling them on, i zipped them up only to hear a loud riiiiiiiiiip!

i was horrified.  this was my FAVORITE pair of jeans!  sure enough, the entire backside had ripped in half.

i'll admit it, i threw quite a tantrum...aaaand was five minutes late to class, consequently!

true...these jeans were a year and half old.  pretty good life span, right??  but i'm still in mourning.  and now budgeting a little bit of money to buy myself a new pair next month {while also trying not to dread the chore of shopping for them}!

well... i do love new pants! :)

r.i.p. jeans {pun...intended}

i'm me, not you!

day two.

question: what makes you uniquely you?

well, i'm pretty sure there are a million other girls in general proximity with green eyes and caramel brown hair that stand five feet almost seven inches.  i'm just as certain there quite a few attending a religious university studying the social sciences.  and, as proven by one simple phone call an hour ago, i know there are at least three others at this university with the same first and last name as me.

but.

my guess is that not as many can say they've spent about four years as a vegetarian and vegan.  i feel my journey toward health alone sets me apart, a little.  putting a name to an illness at age fourteen started a snowball effect that's left me knowing more about whole foods, holistic living, and disease prevention than many at age twenty-one.  

that little demonstration alone shows that one of the largest factors in the uniqueness scale is our experience.  growing up in a family with six daughters, a dog, and two cats is a little bit different, as is being home-schooled through a good portion of my elementary experience.  two other factors adding to one's unique makeup are our loves and passions.  mine are a little unique because of their diversity.  visual arts, art history, music, chocolate, the sciences, math, literature, food, and running are just a few to start.  next, our enjoyments make us strikingly individual - no two people like exactly the same thing.  i enjoy the desert sunshine, frozen bananas, and yoga.  last, i think our decisions set us apart.  our past decisions shape the experience that makes us who we are today, but our decisions in the current moment - the ones that are shaping our future are the ones that really define our unique identity.  today, i choose to be happy.

i guess there's really no "one thing" that makes me unique, but the sum of my experiences, loves, passions, enjoyments, and decisions add up to someone that can't be replicated.  it's for that - the uniqueness i know is all mine and can never be taken away from me - that i thank my Heavenly Father for.  i'm thankful to be me.

and from now on, i'm going to strive to show that thankfulness a little more each day.

i'm not a poet, but sometimes i'm as cheesy as one.

today is the day! {...or should i say, tonight is the night!} yeah, didn't think it would be this late.

today, i'm starting project 31 - a blog challenge issued by blogger mandy at she breathes deeply.  as a disclaimer, i'm normally not into blog challenges. . .at all.  it's always felt too much like a journal jar.  you know, pick a piece of paper to tell you what to write because you can't think of any thing yourself.  but when i started reading this project on love wins (a new favorite blogger), i was surprised.  it had a different feeling.  at first, i couldn't pinpoint what it was.  it was just different.  but the more i read, the more i loved it.  finally, i caught a glimpse of the vision:

this project is all about our individual beauty as women.  the exact challenge is "for 31 days, blog each day about things that celebrate your God-given beauty and the beauty of the women around you."

can you imagine if all the women in the world {or even half...even a fourth} started celebrating the beauty that God gave to them individually?  

personally, that thought was empowering.  some of the greatest plagues are caused by the warped view of beauty we hold, the definition fed to us by modern-day media, and our attempts to conform to those definitions.

not only am i eager to be a part of something so very good, i also think this is a great way to start off my own new blogging topic: loveme.  keeping this correct view of myself and women's beauty has been a struggle sometimes.  i'm going to start approaching some topics that {for me} are a little sensitive, and i feel project 31 will help give me the right perspective as i'm starting a new journey.

so. without more ado. . .

day one.

question: what does beauty mean to you?

i've had quite a journey with developing my own definition of beauty.  i plan to talk a little later on about my struggle with eating disorders, personal identity, and confidence in myself.  however, over time i've come to learn that beauty is something unique to each person.  and the whole beauty of humankind is {in short} each individual's unique identity.  

today, while i was running at the indoor track on campus {it's much too freezing cold to run anywhere but indoors, lately!} i saw a girl that was tall.  i mean, stepping casually over track hurdles tall.  she had the longest legs i've ever seen in my life!  and i thought wow, she's really beautiful...  then a few minutes later, i saw another girl whose head was quite a ways below my shoulder {and my height is very average}.  i thought, she's so pretty!  later tonight, as i was thinking about my run, i realized that it's very possible they could both look at the other wishing to have those long legs or that tiny body.  

but they were both beautiful.

okay, that's a bit of a tangent.  what i'd like to convey is that beauty {physical or otherwise} stems from our differences.  each unique talent and quirk.  long legs and little ones.

beauty is in meeting a goal, overcoming a stumbling block, finding faith in Christ, learning to trust ourselves and others.  beauty is the combination of talents that only together can accomplish the greatest things.  beauty is realizing that i am beautiful just the way i am.  not wanting alterations, but always striving for a little better.  beauty is found when we realize we are the agents over our own destiny - our own happiness.  beauty  is having the courage to claim that joy.

and really,

joy is what creates beauty.

loveme.

january and i have been in the middle of a love-hate relationship this year.  i love the blue skies, he drops snow on me.  i hate the cold, and it warms up.  i make incredible resolutions to start the new year off. . . and with the first month they go the way of the world {which is away}.

i feel like january shouldn't really be a part of the year.  see, everyone makes all these great resolutions and plans to change, do things a little differently, be a little better.  but come the end of january and most of us are on the same old track.

for that reason, i now decree january a test month - not a real one.

for the rest of my life, i intend to make my new year's resolutions at the end of january.  that way, i've had time to try out a few different things.  i've had time to try to change things, i know what works and what doesn't, and i won't be horribly frustrated by the end of the first month of the new year when nothing has changed.

a test month.  i'll try a different strategy every week or so.  then, come february, i'll have a plan - a concrete plan.  i'll know exactly what i want to change and how i want to change it. . .at least, that's the hope.

luckily, this is a perfect year to start this strategy.  it's almost the end of january and quite a few of my resolutions from the previous year have failed - miserably.  okay, let's be a little more optimistic!  not failed miserably. . . just not quite accomplished the over-arching goal, which is actually what i'd like to talk about.

so: new year's resolution {post test-month}:
{this is a big one}.

    i've come up with a theme for this year:  loveme. 
                 loving myself has been a challenge since i can remember, and to be honest i'm terrified to tackle it. this encompasses a lot.  from demanding much too much of myself, placing extreme restrictions on myself, placing no restrictions on myself, mental guilt-tripping. . . it's been a long road of self-abuse.  but it's time to put a stop to it.  this goal will change the dynamics of the blog quite a bit, i expect.  i'll be blogging about things like eating disorders, mental attitude, general health, nutrition, having a relationship with Christ, social relationships, expectations, attitudes about men and women, social competition and comparison, and more as they surface.  this is a year-long project.  but by then end, i expect to have a better opinion of myself, to learn to truly take care of myself, to be happy to be me.  in short, this year will be a turning point - one that will shape my future drastically.  by the end, i hope to believe there's nothing i can't do.

project loveme will have quite a few different components and stages.  i still haven't worked out a fool-proof plan, but there'll be more to follow on that later.  i am determined to do a few things right off the bat.  i've been wanting to write about these issues for a long time, but it was just never the right time.  but i've realized that i can't keep waiting for the right time, i just have to start now, where i am.  so i'm actually going to write about these things - address my real life issues and how i'm overcoming them.  i'm going to post more pictures of myself.  selfish?  i thought that at first, too.  but not anymore.  i want this to be a record of me, of my life, and pictures are a way to do that, while also helping with my own self-image.

the first step:
i wanted something that would really get me writing about all this, more than once a month.  so, to start off, i'll be trying out a blog challenge called project 31.  it's all about women, real beauty, and being unique.  i'll start that on february 1. {and yes, i know that february doesn't have 31 days, but i missed january!}

after that i'm not sure where i'll head.  my hope is that it will help me be more comfortable writing about all this - all this stuff that's much more me.

so.

let project loveme begin!