to my nanny

day fifteen.

task: write to encourage a friend and inspire her beauty.

my darling natalie fish,

     have i ever told you you're one of the most beautiful women i know?  you passions in life inspire me, your accomplishments motivate me, and your spirit of adventure gives me strength to do the scary things in life.  the beauty of your faith has strengthened me and fed mine so many times.  as i've seen your determination toward life and happiness and your continual work work work to achieve it, i've realized even more how great your example is.  your insistence upon happiness is contagious.  and that, itself, is beautiful.

     living without you here is lonely, sometimes.  i was so used to your constant bubbly exuberance for life.  your energy and happiness kept me going so many times, kept me seeing the good and the possibilities.  you live with a vibrancy that gives life {full, beautiful life} to everyone around you.

     thank you for playing the love game with me when i needed it.  thank you for letting me cry when i wanted to and telling me to toughen up when i was ridiculous.  i still play those games in my head - and i hope you do, too! the last year and a half of living so easily together has become a part of me.  thank you for giving me that!

    i love you a bazillion.

love,

{your} fishy.

p.s. it's been much too long since i've been properly dipped and bitten.

the un-outfit post #2

day fourteen.

task: ...outfit post. {a.k.a my excuse to blog about something else}

i never had a valentine's post!  i'm so sad i forgot!  so i'm going to do a valentine's recap + a few other random tidbits...  basically, this is {once again} creative liberty to celebrate my womanhood in ways other than take pictures of my clothes. which, as i've said, i'll get to.  maybe once. :)

valentine's day is my favorite.  okay, maybe not quite favorite, but when it comes to random holidays it gets up there on my charts.  i love love!  and i love to celebrate love.  a couple days before the fourteenth, my parents came through provo on their way to slc.  after breakfast, they surprised me with valentine's gifts!  admittedly, my favorite thing about the holiday is that my wonderful father gives me flowers and my incredible mother makes heart-shaped scones for breakfast!  this year, because i wasn't home i didn't get to enjoy scones by mom, but i did attempt them myself!

the flowers from my dad are still brightening my everyday!  because i wasn't going to be there for scones this year, my mom gave me a chocolate bar - dark orange. . .YUM.  it was definitely a treat.  i've been being super careful with sugar lately so my running will be tip-top shape for the race in a week.  the chocolate was much-needed and much-enjoyed!

speaking of this race, i signed up tonight!  the dogtown 9k and half marathon is going to eat my dust in a week, let me tell you.  actually, i'm a little nervous. . . :-}  this is my first race, and i've worked so hard to get to it, but i'm already feeling the nerves.  hopefully, this is one of those cases where i'm nervous for a week beforehand and then completely calm on the day of the event.

i planned out my training schedule at the beginning of the month and have stuck pretty close to it!  this week i've fallen off the grid a little bit.  i haven't had a car, and i'm a chicken when it comes to running in the cold.  but!  i've been adding in a few other things {besides running}.  annalisa, my roommate from last summer, was just certified as a personal trainer.  she and i went to the gym last night and she showed me a thing or two about weight-lifting.  i'm really new to anything other than running and yoga, so it was exciting!  as to be expected, i've been a little sore all day long, but it feels tremendous to have muscles sore other than the ones i run with.  tomorrow i'm hoping to tackle somewhere between five and six miles.... wish me luck!

so back to valentine's day.  genni and i decided that it was high time for a proper number 103 girls' night, and that valentine's day was just the right time to do it!  we went all out.  pulling our mattresses into the living room, we smooshed them together for a sleep-over.  

we both enjoyed the pile of blankets.  i think we used most of them in the apartment. . . which is quite a few!  and they came in handy during the movie.  i know, i know, valentine's day is the day to watch sappy chick-flicks!  but we just weren't in the mood for anything but my beloved lord of the rings.  i know.  i'm a nerd.  but it really is so darn good.

it may be quiet everyone once in a while with just two of us in the apartment, but when it comes to holidays, genni and i know how to celebrate.  it's been so fun with the two of us the last month!

of course, all sleep-overs have a few necessary ingredients.  we made pizza together, had hot chocolate, edamame, and {of course} chowed down on the valentine's scones i made earlier that morning.  it was a splurge day, that's for sure.  but you have to have a little treat every once in a while, and there's no better time than a holiday!
ps. the pizza and hot chocolate were to die for that night!

me and my food - usually the happiest part of my day.  well, besides running! :)

self image

day thirteen.

task: write about something you'd like to change about yourself for the better.

i am a big advocate of goals.  reading over some of my posts from a while back i laughed at how much that topic popped up unintentionally.  there are always quite a few things about myself i'm working on - i pick little projects, topics of improvement, i guess you could say.

right now, my biggest goal for change isn't really an actual change in... well, myself.  rather it's a process of becoming happy with myself the way i am {while still having a drive to improve}.  the way i view myself has taken a roller-coaster ride the past five {plus} years.  i'm working on changing that right now - diligently.  some days it's a painfully slow process, some days i feel like i make leaping bounds forward.  reprogramming my mind to think about myself differently is truly a slow process, and it takes more self-discipline than i ever imagined.  but i believe it will be worth the effort - a million times worth the effort.  my goal is to achieve a consistently healthy mindset of myself, to develop patience for myself, and to allow myself to not be perfect all the time.

i'm a work in progress. :)

and it's okay.

see, look at that - how far i've come.  i'm starting to believe it, and that's a big step in the right direction!

overcoming the programming

day twelve.

question: what wears you out as a woman?

well. . . i don't want to be a downer.  we're trying to keep a positive attitude here!  so, i'm tweaking this question slightly.  creative liberty, yaknow.

right now, the thing that wears me out is something i very much have control over - but i don't always keep it in check.  social comparison is a killer, sometimes silent, sometimes not so much.  i was in church last sunday singing the opening hymn when a girl behind me leaned over and to her roommate whispered (about the chorister) she's so skinny and beautiful!  social comparison is rampant around here {and really everywhere among women today}.  i catch myself at the indoor track sometimes thinking things like i would love to look like her or if i could have anyone's body, it would be hers.

it's more than hard to put a stop to all of that when it's in your mind.  but it's absolutely necessary.

social comparison is one of the most wearing things we do to ourselves and {in my opinion} one of the most difficult to overcome.  i'm far from saying i'm over it - it wears me out, i'll admit it!

but it's also important to know how to combat those things that wear us down.

i'm not the expert here, either.  but there are a few things i've tried that help me out!

1. look other women in the eye.  when i compare myself to others, i really don't think i'm thinking about them as women - women who suffer the same wear and tear i do, women who are my equals.  as i focus on looking at other girls in the eye, i take my focus away from comparing my body to theirs and place it on our common ground.  after all, they are women just like me.

2. list things everyday (start with five, then ten...) that you love about your body.  i started this a while back, and at first being sincere with myself was incredibly difficult.  but as i've continued, i find there really are things that are uniquely mine - that i can love about my body today.

3. wear comfortable clothing.  when i'm having a bit of a down-on-myself day despite my efforts, uncomfortable clothes make me want to stay home and never look at myself or other women again!  but if i'm comfortable, i don't think about it as much - i can forget about the way i look and focus on the task at hand.

4. have a hobby.  pick something you love to do - that you love so much you want to think about it all the time.  in situations where i feel myself falling to social comparison, i pull out my love box.  i think about the things i love to do, to create, that make me feel fulfilled.  it restores the sense of self-worth i need to keep my mind away from making comparisons.

do you have tips to avoid negative social comparison?

twofer one!

okay, maybe it's cheating to do catch-up questions all in the same post, but i guess that just means i'm a rebel.

day ten.

question: what is Christ teaching you as a woman?

to be honest, i ask myself that frequently the last while.  the ironic thing about figuring out what you're supposed to learn {or what you're attempting to be a student of} is a tricky task because you never truly know until after-the-fact.  i've learned recently {and am still processing the reality} that the only thing i can control in life is what i do.  that i can do what's right - what's exactly right - and the consequence might not be what i expect.  although i've always known i can't control the actions and decisions of others, i've really learned recently that i can't control the consequence those choices have on me.  which is a scary thought, sometimes.  but i think i'm getting used to it, slowly. . .

i know there's a ton more - that i'm supposed to be learning right now.  but i'm taking things one day at a time.  and hopefully as time goes on, i'll be able to look back at the culmination of those days and say wow, i really learned a lot.  after all, i'm trying to learn!  even if i don't exactly know what. :)

day eleven.

task: post a recipe!

well!  if you've read even a little, you know my obsession with new recipes, making up recipes, and raving about how much i love new food in general. 

i tried this a few days ago for dinner and it was quite a keeper.  i started with a recipe from ohsheglows {personally, an all-time favorite blog} and ended up with something very different... which usually happens because of a lack of on-hand ingredients (and this time the lack of an on-hand car and ready money to purchase those ingredients).  oh the budget of a college student!

curried {red & yellow} lentils with tofu

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 large red onion

1 medium carrot

1 large garlic clove

1 medium summer squash

1 tablespoon curry powder

1/2 tablespoon coriander

1/2 tablespoon cumin

1 cup uncooked red lentils

4 cups water

1 tablespoon lemon juice

salt & pepper

1 large green onion

1/2 block pre-fried tofu

okay... sadly, no pictures this time, but it's really beautiful stuff.  the spices make it come out bright yellow, creamy, and gorgeous!  first, fry the onion, carrot, and garlic in a big soup pot (with the oil.. of course).  when the onion is translucent, add the squash, too.  after the squash gets a tiny bit soft, add the spices and let them fry with the veggies for a minute.  add the dry lentils (so easy, i love it to death), water, and lemon juice.  bring to a boil, then reduce to medium heat and simmer for 25 minutes (stirring a few times).  after it gets pretty thick, add salt and pepper to taste.  i had a half block of extra firm tofu pan fried from the previous day that i tossed in with the lentils for the last 5 minutes (just enough to warm the tofu, but not enough to make it get crumbly).  it was fantastic with the added tofu.  sprinkle chopped green onion on top at the end for a tiny kick!

perfect for a cold day when one is desperately in need of comforting, warming, delicious {and healthy} food!

also, genni found this picture and i couldn't stop laughing at it.  this is probably the epitome of college-life cooking, i think.  my personal picture goes this way with buying new ingredients that are out of my usual cooking routine.

silly. :)