i'm realizing it more and more lately: art is in my blood.
since finishing school, i feel i've been searching for something. something more than just a thing to fill my time with. i have plenty of those. something different than a look how much i accomplished thing. i was searching for an outlet of sorts. there were things inside me that needed to be let out, needed to run rampant and have their say, needed to be expressed, demanded attention. and i needed a thing with which to give them voice.
i've seen this happen to my sisters. several years after lori was married, her cooking and baking became more than just food on the table, more than just giving her family the respect of a beautiful meal. it became creation, expression and love. several years after mindy was married, she started running - really running. working out became her outlet, her go-to.
i love to make food, i really do. but when it comes down to it, i'll admit my relationship with food is still at quite a love-hate stage. pouring myself into creating food isn't satisfying my hunger to express lately. and while working out it one of the few things i can absolutely whole-heartedly count on to put me in a good mood and stabilize me for the remainder of the day, i don't have a magnificent drive for it.
and then there's my art. my art that i vowed i wouldn't give up if i decided not to make it my career and then promptly put it away for more than two solid years. my art that draws so much out of me, has the capacity to take what's inside and make it physical. my art that feels so rusty, feels so far away. but it's been coming back of late. after three full-body sketches i finally hit my groove. true, i'm not near where i used to be as far as creative skill. i can't put the things in my head on paper the same way i could several years ago.
but i think i'm moving with a different motive now. i'm not trying to capture perfect replicas anymore and really i'm not trying to get back to where i used to be with art because i'm no longer that same person. i don't really expect to produce anything of similar scale or quality because i anticipate my art will be taking an entirely new direction. i'm a new person, it's a new medium to me in this phase of life.
i haven't been artsing continuously lately. but i plan to try. i plan to be more comfortable expressing with that medium. that's the goal of late.
and then there's something swimming around in the back of my head about eating less sugar for the sake of the pain in my neck and inflammation and chard and kale and folic acid and omega threes and how food is something i don't want to have too much of a fascination with at the moment because i know the tweaking i'm going to do is going to make me slightly uncomfortable. although i do love kale.
i also love a darn good frozen yogurt with candy bar pieces on it.
but really, i'm about at the point that i'd do anything to get the pain in my head and jaw to stop. so... omega threes and folic acid, here i come.
farewell, espresso-less frappe.
