roommate christmas party! {and a birthday}

last night my roommates and i gathered in the front room of our apartment to have a little gift-giving christmas party.  genni and beth were leaving provo today, so yesterday was the closest we could get to the real thing.

we are tree-less in provo this winter, so my pineapple lamp did double duty {and didn't mind one bit}.

being poor college students, we drew names between the four of us.  it was a silly coincidence that our gift-giving ended up in age order.  natalie gave to beth, beth to me, me to genni, and genni to natalie!

natalie gave beth a spanish novel she's been wanting this semester, a beautiful necklace {which was worn immediately}, and a notepad from knockknock, one of my personal favorite places to give and get from.

genni gave natalie a bright yellow teapot to replace the one that rusted very early this winter.  this picture describes her reaction almost perfectly - she was tickled!

from beth to me: two pairs of fabulous tights, the a&e pride and prejudice, and little owl earrings.  it was perfectly splendid!

i was too busy watching genni open my gift that i forgot all about my camera!  i gave her two of my favorite novels in the whole wide world {little women and the princess bride} and a beautiful heart-rose necklace.

of course, we had to have a little treat with the gifts!  my mom had given me a few things to make some end-of-the-semester treats for our apartment.  the cheeseball was definitely a hit!

later that night, brant {natalie's boyfriend} came over after work for an early birthday celebration. since none of us would be around on his birthday we decided it was necessary to have a provo-birthday party.  after we started eating, two of his roommates came to join our dinner celebration.  

i discovered something last night while we were madly preparing dinner and making sure everything looked beautiful: i really love to throw dinner-parties.  i love the cooking rush before, the beautiful table {we were excited that no two plates, bowls, or glasses on the table matched}, the communal eating late at night, and the lounging around the dinner table after it's all over with.  truthfully, i don't mind the morning clean-up much either, granted i have loud energetic music and pajamas!

oh, and i almost forgot!  the four of us {beth, genni, natalie, and i} went to the mall in search of bride's maids dresses for beth's wedding.  sadly, the ones we found are out of stock.  so the search continues!  but we did get some pretty snazzy pictures of the three of us. . .

i must say, the shiny dress took us each about fifteen minutes to put on.  it was such pain!  but worth it for the ridiculous pictures, at least!

snow.

i opened my eyes.  little flecks of pale-blue light floated through the closed blind.  not summer light, the light of a new snow.  i opened my blinds a crack to find every limb and twig of every tree and bush covered in beautiful delicate white snow.  

i couldn't help myself.  it was so peaceful that i didn't want to get out of bed.  but knowing that my day was already in mid-morning phase {sleeping in a tad bit was glorious this morning with no homework looming over my head}, i sneaked into the dark kitchen, mixed up a quick warm glass of lemon juice and cayenne pepper and tip toed back to my bed to listen to ingrid michaelson and watch the snow.  the warm water fogged the window a tiny bit and nothing moved but the solar-powered plastic flower on my dresser, waving back and forth in excitement.  

yoga this morning.  in my bare feet with the windows cracked just enough to see the snow while i breathe.  

i love the first snow here, almost as much as i dreaded it before i knew what it felt like.  

someone's going to get a very large snowball thrown at them today, because i simply don't think i can help myself!

the end.

finished.

clicked send on my last final at 6:13 pm.

i'm tired.
but i'm reveling in the excitement of finishing such a demanding semester!

it's elating, and although i'm really quite exhausted i don't want to sleep for fear i'll wake up and realize i still have eight research papers due. . .
or something scary like that.

school has been all-consuming this semester, since that first day i came home from class and laid on the floor for four hours reading.  i don't think i've stopped reading {or writing} since. . .

the first day: {could have been every day}

i laid on the floor reading. standing, stretching, breathing every half hour or so.  several hours into the bulk of it, an outgoing {and slightly overbearing} boy calls me.  from the ward.  he'd gotten my number the previous day at a little "get-to-know-you" activity. don't we all love those?  i was flattered.  after all, more than a few girls had been eying him the whole night.  i was not, however, very interested.  i'm polite, but i had homework and was a little too emotionally overwhelmed to be a very pleasant date at the barbecue.  i said no. but thank you, and please ask me again some time!  he never called, and i was never disappointed.  as it turns out, i was very, very lucky.  eating cookies at his apartment about a month later, i heard the whole tale straight from his own drama-filled mouth.  dating three girls in the ward, stressed that he couldn't hide it much longer and distressed because he couldn't decide which one to choose.  i'm glad to say i didn't laugh {out loud}.

believe me, i do consider myself lucky.

and now i get to sleep.
and cook whatever i want, disregarding the amount of time the recipe takes.
and paint my end table.
and read sense and sensibility and eating animals and three cups of tea and total money makeover.
and drink hot chocolate in the morning in bed.
and run for an hour without worrying about the time.
and finish my christmas shopping!

happy end of the semester.  merry christmas to all!
and to all. . . a very good night!

weekend excursions

have i said how excited i am to be all the way finished with this semester yet? tomorrow. tomorrow is the day that it's all over with.

as a little break from all this finals studying, my sisters mindy and hailey came up to visit on friday night.  they just left this morning - it was a fabulous weekend.  christmas concert with the utah symphony, shopping with the sisters for christmas presents and clothes, lunch at one of the coolest healthy-urban-hippie-ish restaurants in salt lake (the oasis), and dinner at an all-time favorite: the bombay house.  who doesn't love indian food, right?

having my sisters up for a little escape to salt lake city was one of the best thing that could have happened this weekend! it gave me just the break to work up a little more stamina for my last two finals.  one in the testing center tomorrow that will determine whether i scrape by or come off with my all-time lowest class grade yet, and another that will only make me feel warm and fuzzy.

no matter the outcome, tomorrow night i'll be celebrating!  making myself and my sister wonderful balanced meals, running every day, and reading all the books i've been dying to read all semester long.  not to mention sewing, painting furniture, possibly doing something drastic to my hair (and i mean really drastic), and... well, doing anything and everything i want!  maybe i'll even find some willing boy and take myself swing dancing - something that this semester has had a shocking lack of.

this semester has been rather suppressing. . . and it's time for a little creative liberation.
in just about every way possible.

also, going to salt lake helped my seattle excitement to escalate.  i'm getting excited - really, really excited!  in fact, i started thinking about how sad i'll probably be to leave when the time comes.  i can't wait for the new sounds, sights, smells, and people.
i'm ready for adventure!

here at the end of all things

today i sat in my third level english class and quietly celebrated.  first class of the semester finished.  sixteen page research paper out of my hands, twenty minute presentation out of my mouth.  finished!  this is one of those bittersweet endings - i love to write.  i love to be critiqued.  i love to workshop my writing.  and i'll miss that.  i won't miss that massive group project though.  i am infinitely happy that is done with.

it's all almost over again, and i'm slightly reluctant to let it all go.  one class particularly, i can't seem to let go of.  my advanced family processes class {graduate school prep class} terrified me at first.  the professor calling on people at random, and me sitting there biting my nails hoping something intelligent would come out of my mouth. now i love it.  now i don't wait until he tells me i have to talk or else.  oh how i love those people and their opinions!  it's been my favorite class thus far, i think.  the most challenging, arguably.  the most ambiguous, definitely.  but also the deepest.  we thought in that class, i mean really thought.  beautiful, intelligent conversation and debate.  glorious disagreements and fantastic compromises.  i'll miss that intellectual roller-coaster more than any class before.  not to mention the people - the quirky social science nerds, the girls with the beautiful accents, the ones that challenged my thoughts and became kindred spirits.  i'll miss that professor profoundly, with his unexpected lectures and history tangents, his advice, concern, and real-life down-to-earth expectations.

i can't wait to work with his project in seattle.  it frightens me a little again, to be trusted with a piece of this genius's brain-child.  but i'm giddy nonetheless.

thankful:

1. i'm thankful for the best professor i've ever had.
2. i'm thankful for for the potentially last group paper i'll ever write - finished!
3. i'm thankful for customized cupcakes and chocolate milk to end the best class of the semester.
4. i'm thankful for pasta salad after a starving day, a grandpa with a kind heart, chocolate oats, glen beck.
5. i'm thankful for three hour naps after one crazy day on campus, and a sister to make sure i don't sleep for twenty hours consecutively.

christmas in the air

happy december!  i'm a few days late, but it's the first sunday of the month and the first time i've really remembered it's already here.  december houses so many different exciting {and sometimes bittersweet} happenings: the end of the semester is flying toward me, christmas is creeping up, finals are looming, two of my sisters are coming up so soon, and i have so many presents to give away and little surprises and treats for people that i'm practically bursting at the seams!  the evening of the first sunday of december usually finds me curled up on the couch watching the annual LDS christmas devotional, but not tonight.  annalisa, my sweet roommate from summertime had four tickets to attend the devotional in salt lake city today!  i was thrilled when annalisa invited sabrina, natalie and i to shuttle up north with her to see the devotional in person!

this is the second year in a row i've been to the devotional, and just like last year, it took my breath away.  temple square is even more beautiful in the december fog and christmas lights.  the conference center was a spectacular sight.  as always, the devotional moved me almost to tears.  the girls and i sang christmas songs, laughed about the ridiculous christmas music on the radio, and took a million pictures!

being at the devotional again and walking the temple grounds afterward made me extremely contemplative, and. . . reflective, mostly.  i attended the devotional last year in much different life circumstances.  it's a memory i still treasure - an important period of my life that caused so  many significant changes, shaped me and steered my path in life, strengthened my faith in my Savior.  i'm different now.  much different than i was back then, a year ago.  it's interesting how much a year can change a person.  it's been one of the most changing years of my life.  one of the most unexpected, one of the more challenging.

i'm putting a lot of thought into my goals for this coming year, that's for sure.  it was almost a disconcerting experience to look back and realize that i've changed in so many ways i didn't ever expect to.  i'm different now in ways i didn't expect to ever be different in.  next year when i look back, i'd like to have anticipated a few of those changes, if even just for intentionality's sake.

thankful:

1. i'm thankful for wonderful x-roommates.  the little excursion tonight was exactly what i needed to set my focus on christmas instead of all my little problems {not to mention finals}.  annalisa, sabrina and natalie are three of the people that make me smile the most, i think.  i love being around happy people, and they are certainly happy people!

2.  i'm thankful for christmas lights, christmas trees, christmas songs, and christmas spirit.  i love seeing people be a little more kind, a little more thoughtful and giving.  it makes me want to do the same.  believe me, this year i have plans for just that.

3. i'm thankful for genni - we have such wonderful heart-to-hearts.  so telling.  inspiring enough to let me see myself and others more clearly.  and that clarity is always a large relief to me.

4. i'm thankful for hot chocolate, hot ginger tea, hot water with lemon juice and cayenne pepper. . . and all the things that makes them hot!  after being outside tonight, i needed a good warm-up to stop the shivering!

5. i'm thankful for the encouraging words and beautiful music tonight.  it lifted my focus to where it should be, gave me the strength i'll need for the coming week, and set my heart as ease during this crazy time.  it helped me to slow down and ponder more.  to appreciate the simple things and be thankful for everything i've been given.

ps. i know things with heat are becoming a repetitive theme - this will probably continue through february or march at least, at which point i'll be eternally thankful for spring.
pps. merry christmas!!

coat disorder

thankful:

today, natalie and i went coat shopping.  if i haven't mentioned, i am in desperate need of a winter coat.  being without one here {even just at the beginning of december} is devastating!  fortunately, we have a water heater.  in my small circle of kindred spirits it is fairly well known that i hate coats.  winter clothing as a whole, to be honest.  i have a phobia of feeling like a marshmallow.  if it's too tight i won't wear it because it makes me claustrophobic in my own skin.  if it's it's too big i won't wear it because i feel like a man.  coats are difficult for me.  so after turning in a massive research paper this afternoon {that i've been losing sleep and hair over for the past week}, and despite natalie's looming research paper, we headed into town in search of a suitable coat.  she didn't really know what she was getting into, despite her superior knowledge of my coat disorder.  we found one. sort of.  see, i bought one, but i'm not sure i'm entirely satisfied with it.  and. . . that's a lot of money to spend on something i'm not absolutely in love with.  i like it an incredible amount, but i'm not sure if it's love, quite yet.  so. i bought another coat online - one that i am absolutely in love with!  if it fits, i'll take one back, and voilá!  so it's undecided, but the good thing is, within the week i'll have a coat, and it was incredible fun with natalie bringing me just about every small- and medium-sized coat in the store.  so. . .

1.  natalie: i'm thankful for a sister that will let me drag her through the ordeal of choosing a coat, despite how difficult and ridiculous i am every time i put another one on.  it was a darn good thing i wasn't alone, or i wouldn't have come out with anything!

2.  water heaters: genni and were talking about how absolutely cool it would be to have one of those water heaters that never runs out of hot water - the ones that heat it as it enters or something specific like that.  then, i realized that i am blessed to even have a water heater, even if it runs out of hot water after i do the dishes.  i am so absolutely grateful for hot water when i wake up in the morning and freeze upon getting out from under the covers.  hot water is an absolute piece of my physical salvation sometimes and i am thankful for that water heater!

3.  coats: natalie has one i've borrowed this week and oh was i ever thankful for that coat!  walking to class with just a jacket had my lips blue and goose bumps on my goose bumps on my entire body.  i'm happy that i have a coat.  so many people don't and this week having one to borrow (and now having one in my possession) makes me want to buy one for every poor college student in provo that isn't warm enough - not to mention the rest of the freezing world population.  this christmas, i wish for everyone who needs a coat to have one.

4.  finished research papers: i was so relieved today after turning in that paper that i could have danced. . . i should have danced!  next paper, i will.  i'm so thankful that i have the ability to be in a place where enough is demanded of me that i write things i never thought could come from my mind.  i love feeling stretched; i love feeling relief when the result of said stretch is pleasing.

5.  God-given time: i've needed a coat for quite some time.  i've needed a little escape this week with someone to give me a tad bit of coat-support.  i just haven't had time {and didn't expect to have time} until during finals week.  today, i was blessed with a few hours {and so was natalie} in which to relieve some stress and buy some warmth.  i'm thankful when God gives me things i don't expect sooner than i expected.

by the way, what were you thankful for today?

extra on the thanks

thanksgiving was lovely this year.  for the first time in {we figured} four years, my entire family was together - plus a few extras.  we had almost a pie per person!  and the food... oh! the food.  it was glorious, to say the least.  this was also the first time in probably five years that i took part in the turkey-eating.  i can tell you right now, it was darn good!

other than our passionate love affair with food, thanksgiving (and the beginning of the holidays in general) bring out a few little quarks in my family.

as has become the unspoken tradition, all chess boards remained on the tables in multiple rooms.  i think i played over ten games of chess while home, and only lost two!  unfortunately, the losses were to my dad and natalie's boyfriend {brant}.  old vices, intimidation, drastically out of practice, the excuses could go on.  truth be told, i've only beat my dad twice in my life - and we've been playing since i was probably thirteen.

the holidays awaken another sleeping monster, especially prevalent in hailey and i (although vigorously shared by my dad and natalie, too).  epic movie marathons are always on the mind around this time of year.  usually the lord of the rings, star trek, or pirates of the caribbean.  something along those lines.  but this year (in light of the newly released craze), we waved our wands and borrowed the entire harry potter collection from my oldest sister, carrie.  yes, that's right: harry potter 1-7 (part one) in a week!  i'll admit. . . i still have hesitations about harry potter.  i was outright anti for quite some time.  after reading books one through five i was absolutely fed up with the recycled plot, lack of all natural consequences for the main characters, and well, other things.  but i've reduced my sticklerness lately.  harry potter, while not fabulous literature, is fun.  and sometimes, i'm okay with just fun.  i've realized (after slowly beginning to eat meat again) that i don't have to be obsessive about the things i feel strongly about.  just cautious.
and oh was it fun!
the honest truth: i think i might even see 7 (part one) in theaters again. . . and possibly pick up the last three books during the semester for a bit of light escapism.

okay! now, what i was actually going to write about when i started this crazy post was how i'm working on an attitude adjustment.  in light of the season, i'm starting a thankful series.  the plan: at least five things i'm thankful for per day - recorded starting today {but i had to review thanksgiving, too, after all}.  we'll see how it goes.  basically, being thankful makes me un-grouchy.  sorta like the LOVE game.  but here's the thing.  it's the last two weeks of the semester, so. . . crunch time.  i'll miss some days probably.  but the point is to keep me from ripping out my hair if finals go kerplunk.  i think it will!

oh yeah, and to all you other college students: happy finals.  i'm praying for all of us!

thankful:
1. i'm so very thankful for a new heating pack.  i love not having rice in my bed, and i'm so thankful that i can sleep warmly.
2. i'm thankful that i could see the spectacular mountains this morning.  i always seem to forget how breath-taking they are when snow was completely dumped on top of them.  add to that an incredible sunrise on my walk to campus and you get a fabulous morning - that's for sure.
3. i'm thankful for sabrina perkins.  this semester, so many times when i needed a lift, she was the one that realized, that got me out of the house, convinced me to buy the incredible jacket and yellow boots, made me feel like i was trusted and worth trusting, let me talk as long as i needed and cry as much as i wanted, made me dance to lady gaga and laugh till i was giddy.
4. i'm thankful for ink in my printer. . . and getting slightly more simple, for my printer.  the expense and hassle of printing in the library for a month was starting to drive me bonkers.  i live on convenience, i know.  i almost feel guilty for being thankful for a printer.  after all, it's not a necessity.  but maybe that's all the more reason to be thankful.
5. my mom sent back two bottles of homemade turkey noodle soup - thanksgiving leftovers.  believe me, i'm thankful for that soup this freezing week in provo.  and thankful for my generous mother to make the soup and insist i take it.  i love soup and mom!

the LOVE game: IV

1. i love nutmeg on my applesauce, in my oatmeal, and in everything else imaginable {in the fall}.
2. i love snuggly kitty cats - late night, early morning, and during yoga.
3. i love ingrid michaelson while i'm eating breakfast.
4. i love thanksgiving pie planning meetings.
5. i love epic movie marathons and ahi's taste of asia with hailey - oh the memories it brings back!
6. i love the anticipation of drawing christmas "sister" names.
7. i love waking up in the same bed as two cats and a sister.
8. i love the view from the front windows of my ivins home - the william's house, particularly.
9. i love the smell of autumn - the smoky rich air, the wet sagebrush, the sweet things baking.
10. i love now - two days before thanksgiving when the adreniline hits me in the face and i can't stop jumping up and down like a two-year-old, when thanksgiving food is home from the grocery store, when the tv blares christmas music, when shoppers have smiles on their faces.  i love now!

be careful what you wish for

remembering back a few years ago, if i had known i would be moving to seattle soon, i would have been thrilled.  no, thrilled is an understatement.  i would have been packing my bags today!  all i wanted was to go somewhere far away (and provo was not far enough).  byu was about the last place on the list; i didn't even know that marriage and family studies existed.  my top pick was anywhere in the northwest: oregon, preferably; washington, a close second; even northern california would have satisfied my craving for far and different.  but i drew the byu card, and packed up my room to move to happy valley.

it only took a few months before i really started to love provo.  i fell in love with the ancient houses, first.  the first morning i glimpsed the mountains on fire with autumn, i knew no other sight could have satisfied my soul as much.  screaming at the ice on the sidewalks and slipping every two steps had me laughing harder than is allowed at straight-faced straight-laced byu.  the morning rain in the spring.  the train's whistle at night.  the campus bells at noon.  yes, i am deeply in love with provo - in a way that i never thought possible.  can you believe i'm sad to have missed the first huge snowstorm of the season?  i am!  thinking backward, i'm shocked i didn't want to be there.

i'm amused that i thought i needed the northwest so deeply.  just when i was resigned to the fact that portland or seattle was a dream possibly too far-fetched, i found the flourishing families project.  launched from byu and based in seattle.  that was a little over a year ago - the first time i applied for the internship.  two days after submitting an application, i withdrew it again.  it was definitely not the right thing for me!  at that point, i forgot all about the northwest.  goodbye, redwood forests and rocky seashore!

but, i should have been more careful what i wished and prayed for so fervently.  you see, i guess even when we forget our dreams (those that we really held so close and so deep), God doesn't forget.  he remembers all those things we wanted so much we thought we'd die if we didn't get them.

application round two, and i'll be moving to seattle for the summer!  i'll admit it - i had mixed feelings.  see, when i forgot my northwest dream, i found others.  other dreams that now seem more deep, more fervent, more... well, desirable.  i'm ecstatic to have found a reality in my dream!  i know i'll be quite more than content up in my little corner of the united states!  and i have to remember that God gives us our righteous desires - eventually.  after all, this internship is solid proof of that!

here's the thought: a wise professor told me a few days ago, oh honey, we hardly ever get what we want in life!

and after mulling it over for several days, i've seesawed slightly.  at first, it seemed just the advice i needed!  after all, it's not what i want that really matters.  it's not where i am, but how i'm living.  and that's all that really matters.  but then i remembered... wait, i wanted seattle.  i wanted that northwest coast so badly it ached!

and i think we do get what we want, just not necessarily when we expect it.  it's easy to be so set on getting what we want now, when we want it, that we lose sight of what we wanted - or really want.  because (as long as we're wanting good things, and wanting them for the right reasons) we get what we want.

and that's . . . a good thing, right?
inconvenient, perhaps.
but definitely good!

apparently when i ramble, it always ends with a goal! :)

i've been writing too many research papers.  after the fourth or fifth time someone asks you, "how's life??" and ten minutes later you find yourself rambling on about the research articles you're reading, you know it's time to take a little break from the social sciences {for a while}.  i get hyper-focused.  luckily, i realized this early enough in the semester to make some changes.  next semester the cure will take place i hope.  but.  if i start writing poetry in my creative writing class about the social sciences, i hope someone gives me an F - or some other massive wake-up call!  sadly, although i'm home on thanksgiving {break}, my homework level has bumped itself up significantly - which doesn't help my conversational skills this week.  my professors have decided they'd rather be out for christmas a week earlier than planned.  consequently, all my finals (except one) have been moved up a week.  pro: i get an extra week of christmas break! and there's one less to endure of this insane semester. con: all my final papers have to be finished while i'm on thanksgiving break...and all my finals (except one) are on the same day.  eeeek!

but.
final papers are not going to be the death of me this week.  if that happens, it will be death by turkey.  that's right, folks. this year, i am eating turkey.
and finals aren't going to be the death of me, either. if that happens, it'll be the eight inches of snow i get to trudge through to get to finals... before the test, rather than after.
but... let's make the goal that i am not going to die... i like that one.
*first goal of my 21st year: don't die - not because of fourteen page papers, not because of finals, not because of turkey, not because of snow.
in fact... here we go. i like this better!
*first revised goal of my 21st year:  be happy about my fourteen page papers (after all, it really is fascinating research), study my eyes out for finals (the hope is for A's!), eat as much turkey as i want (it's been sooooooo long!), and make more snow men this year than i ever have before.
ready....GO!
okay.. maybe not tonight. but...come monday, the papers seriously begin!

by the way, have i said how much i love the holidays?
because i do.
also, it is so good to be home!

happy early thanksgiving!

random review, a few lists

okay, it's been a while... {again} so instead of trying to make up for anything, i'm simply going to do one of my favorite things: make a list. and probably include a picture or two.

thanksgiving plans! and plan of attack:

- leave tomorrow (friday) by noon

- create really fabulous driving playlist with all my new favorites from natalie and sabrina (including blind pilot, whom i now love).

- packpackpack tonight.. at some point hopefully.

- buy myself a couple sweaters - or at least long-sleeved shirts. believe me, i NEED winter clothes.

- go running in the morning so i don't get crazy fidgety in the car on the way down to home.

homework level:

- affects sleep level, which is at a monthly low.  fortunately, i've got another night to catch up before driving.

- last assignment before thanksgiving turned in as of 8:30 this morning

- school surprise this morning! both morning classes absolutely canceled. i am sorry my professor is ill, but also very grateful that i could eat breakfast this morning.

- 4 papers to go before the end of the break (big ones)

- two classes to go before the break... i think i can i think i can i think i can i think i can... 

excitement factors:

- i get to see my family tomorrow.

- i get to see my cats tomorrow.

- i get to go shopping in the morning.

- i have a bunch of new exciting music.

- i got to sleep in this morning.

- there are still crunchy red leaves all over provo.

- ivins is going to be significantly warmer than provo.

- all my finals have been moved up - that much closer to the finish line.

- i would have been on time to both of my 8:00 classes this week, had one of them not been canceled - that's progress, i'm telling you!

- i get to read all the books i want to read over the holiday.

the last week{ish}'s events/highlights:

- genni smashing nilla wafers with a hammer

- only one night of less than three hours of sleep

- speaking in church - glad to have done it, glad to have it over with

- listening to lady gaga with sabrina dancing like crazy in the car

- laughing more at comedy sportz, with the whole crew of us here

- one and a half days running this week (and one yoga day) - not hitting quite the mark, but still much better than expected this week

- starting my christmas shopping (that's right, sabrina - you were first!)

- drawing christmas names in my apartment (i have genni!)

- redesigning {slightly} the blog.  i was in desperate need of a change - however subtle.

- olive garden fhe

- a couple of really interesting experiences with crazy boys

- romeo & juliet: anticipated heartache, discovered freedom. allison, you are my favorite.

- really great hearttohearts

- pumpkin chocolate oats and bananas

- pumpkin pie oatmeal

- pad thai

- the emergency room for two hours (it had been a while - luckily, this time i wasn't the one with the bracelet)

- going to bed at 12:00, waking up at 11:30

- going to bed at 3:45, waking up at 6:30

- professor ripping apart my paper

- professor commending my paper

- professor condoning my eye-rolling and acknowledging my honesty in doing so

- helping hailey with math on less than three hours of sleep

- late birthday present from natalie - book by brian doyle! 

- wearing a high-wasted skirt and being happy about it

- finally doing my laundry

- cornbread and toothpaste... then the lack of toothpaste

- cookies from mom

- new potential favorite game: atlantis

- and of course, spit. the game, you know.

what a week! and only one more to go till thanksgiving. november has flown, hasn't it?

black ink

today is monumental.  today, my printer officially prints in black.
for the last several weeks (probably more like month or so), i have printed papers in blue, green, and red.  sticky notes stuck on the front page of every hard copy turned in assignment apologizing for the strange colors - i simply couldn't get my hands on black ink.  i bought ink twice: both times it was the wrong cartridge for my printer.  that fact alone makes me want to run around in circles ranting about ink cartridge sizes and conspiracy theories and college student budgets and the end of the world.

luckily, last night natalie went to costco.  we realized just two or three days ago that costco will refill our ink cartridges for much less than buying a new one.  at least, we had heard the rumor.  little did i know, that fact alone would save me more than fifty dollars this week!  that's right.  ten dollar refills.  costco, you are my hero.

but i've had a slight realization... after printing my first paper in a month in black ink, i realized that i kind of liked all these colorful papers!  it was like a signature... a stamp or mark stating this is the work of a gal that loves color!  unfortunately, i don't know how much my aging professors would like to read yellow ink after all the other colors have run out... and to tell you the truth, this semester, i'd rather not test those limits!

so, thank you costco, for refilling the ink cartridges of desperate students for a much more reasonable price than all the alternatives.  i am, for the rest of the semester, in your debt!

run to love

i have a lot to talk about.  but for a moment, i revert to an old summer subject: run.

i learned to run (and learned to love to run) in ivins.  well, behind ivins, actually.  back in those weaving red canyons, i learned to talk to my Heavenly Father - really talk; i learned to be happy, learned to love myself.  a large portion of that learning peace came from the surrounding peace of the mountains, the barely-dawn light, chirping birds, silent streets, sparse housing.  there, back in that desperate-clinging-overpowering peace, is self-discovery, is God-discovery.  there, it's easy to pull my legs out from under the covers and into my running shoes, easy to get on that running trail.

naturally, then, returning to provo-running is more than slightly jarring.  stop signs at every corner, backpacks back and forth on every street, crowding the thin sidewalks.  houses with no yards or stacked right on top of each other.  thousands of other runners with their ipods and minishorts.  but peace? thought? prayer?  especially when the privacy of your own room is invaded by roommates' music and upstairs residence movie nights twenty-four hours a day, those are scarce things to come by.

yesterday, i found a slice of that mountain-peace in provo.  it resides at 6:00 am - before the beginning sunrays touch the mountains.  i don't run alone in provo, especially in pre-dawn darkness.  happily, my roommate genni is a willing *accomplice this week, enabling me to rediscover that peace.  re-recognizing that provo is capable of holding a feeling even slightly resembling my mountain-prayer-peace encourages my good-opinion-growth of the city more than ever.

so there you go.  it was dark.  it was raining beautifully and freezing cold.  but quiet, still, sleeping, inspiring, dreaming.  and i remember that i have enough love, enough love for all of provo now, too.


ps. i saw a note in a campus bathroom this morning that read: smile! remember you are a beautiful daughter of God!  it did make me smile, and i sent a silent thank you to the kind girl that reminded me.
pps. today was provo's first real snow of the season.  thick flakes falling in clumps gracefully to the ground.  and yes, they stuck on my nose and eyelashes!
ppps. and now i have officially used too many hyphens and dashes in a post... oh dear!
*also,  i know i'm not technically using the word accomplice in its proper setting. i just like it a lot. it's what came to mind! and i wanted to use it today.

birthday!! and a shocking surprise.

yes, that's right.  this week {thursday} was my twenty-first birthday.  because the last year has sincerely taken me for a whirl, i'll be updating soon.  new profile.  new layout.  new life lists.  new goals {i do this by birthday more than by year...i think it makes them more personal}.  new pictures.  new-ish me. . . . but not really more grown-up.  i've officially decided i don't believe in growing up.  not that i'm throwing responsibility to the wind and joining the peter pan generations, here.  i'm just not growing up in the usual sense.. i'm growing up in the literal sense.

thanks mostly to the saintly natalie, my birthday celebration was an absolutely fabulous blast.  she made me breakfast, bought me a package of guilty pleasure veggie corndogs, planned, organized, decorated, and more.  a little group of close friends {natalie, sabrina, beth, genni, and me} went to dinner at happy sumo  - YUM sushi. so so great.  later that night, we played spit for hours, watched emperor's new groove, ate mountains of cupcakes, threw over a hundred yellow balloons around, played some kazoo, attempted an unsuccessful learning session of killer bunnies, and generally had a ball.  my birthday had really been kicked off the night before {starts at midnight!} with a thrilling, ear-splitting round of happy birthday by the general living room crowd.

mostly, i felt loved - which is what a birthday is all about.

sadly, the decorations came down yesterday in preparation for our vigorous cleaning checks {PASS}.

and now for my news...
this coming summer, i will not be blogging from little happy valley.  i won't be blogging from home-sweet-home-ivins, either.  i'll be blogging from seattle!
shocked?
i was, too.

remember that internship i applied for?  well, there are two branches: one in provo, one in seattle, washington.  i applied for the provo branch.  logically, i'd be close to home, wouldn't have to drive my car all over a huge city...it just made sense.  but guess what?  they offered me a spot in seattle.  and guess what?  i took it!  i'm nervous, anxious, eager, excited, scared, anticipatory, still shocked, horribly sad to be leaving my family for a solid four months, fabulously thrilled by the thought of such a huge adventure, and feeling so many different and contradictory things i don't know how to react. except for excited. i am that.  also nervous. i know i'm that, too.
did i say nervous?

satisfactorily, i can now say to my dear little future: i found you!

adventure, here i come!
i feel a little like buzz lightyear. see, for me, seattle is practically infinity.  i can't even imagine what beyond would look like!

i have the most amazing little sister.

hailey jo.
it's not really what her name is (my parents thought hailey jo johansen might be a little much), but it's what we've called her since she was born.  since the day she came home to us, we knew she was destined to be great, to be important, to be beautiful.  with dark curly crazy hair and wild green eyes to match, she stands the tallest of the johansen women - beating me by almost an inch and a half.  she loves cats and dogs just as much as i do, and gives our two a little extra love for me while i'm away from home.  she's slightly more than five years younger than me, but you wouldn't know it to look at us.

despite her age (most high school girls need a wakeup call, and i can say that because i was one of them once), hailey is cool.  really cool.  because of her early determination and stubborn nature, she's on her way to becoming a master pianist, already wowing us.  at every trip home, one of my favorite moments is lying on the couch and listening to her play.  i could do that for hours, and i miss hearing that everyday just as much as i miss my kitties.  you'd think a brilliant pianist would steer away from high school sports slightly, right?  not hailey.  not only does she decidedly not avoid crazy high school competition, she chose the most intense to participate in.  my sister's part of one of the first rugby teams in utah.  i can't wait to see her play.  add to the list a few more things: her passion for political discussion; love of education, literature, and history; her intense game of chess; and her strength of testimony in her Savior.  she makes incredible raspberry cornmeal pancakes and perfect buttercream frosting which is just the right compliment to my cupcake obsession phases.  she's willing to try just about anything - once at least, and because of that has a wide range of loves.  she owns rock climbing shoes and heels.  can beat me at spit and sprints {but not chess - yet}.  i help her with her math homework and she tells me all she knows about current political candidates.  she already knows what colleges she wants to attend, which degrees she's aiming for, and has a working oh, probably 20 year plan laid out.

this girl's got it figured out.

i love you, haimee.
and can't wait to see you in four days!

winter semester line-up

i am going back to the kind of school schedule that made me beam - exuberantly beam, i mean.  i love my classes, right now!  but {being honest, here} they've gotten a little heavy.  heavy load, weighty subject matter, all on the same day... it's gotten to be quite a lot this semester.  

class registration opened for me today, and although nothing will be absolutely finalized for a week or so (and even then, it'll probably change until a day before the semester begins), i'm ecstatic about several of these classes.  it is rather funny, though: the schedule is surprisingly reminiscent of my high school class schedule - something i never thought i'd care to repeat.  with the art major i've added, i'll have either a painting or drawing class.  i've decided to give in to my love of it and take a creative writing class (thus more happiness).  i really haven't done much thought-out creative writing for a few years, so i am excessively excited about this one!  also, it's a prerequisite for a class natalie is taking this semester, creative non-fiction, that seems fantastic.  i'll be taking that one for sure as well.  also, call it a guilty pleasure if you will, i'm taking a family finance class.  it makes me a little giddy, i'll be honest.  all that budgeting stuff, it's just right up my alley.  of course, there's the moral foundations of family life course, theories in family perspective, and the high hope of the internship prep class rolling around in the potential mix, too.

one thing's for sure: there's no getting bogged down in five fourteen analytical research papers due on the same day in the same semester again.  i was crazy for taking this many 400-level classes at once. crazy, i tell you.  but i think it paid off.  after all, i never would have broken down enough to add an art minor to begin with if i hadn't gone a little bit crazy.

so here's to crazy.

and a really great class line-up.

to october:

lately, i love the yellow leaves crunching under my black shoes while i run on the provo streets, swishing and whirling on the pavement.  the watercolor east mountains, staying transparent from dawn till late afternoon, give the days a surreal quality {as if in a fairytale}.  confused clouds - all different shades of blue and grey, all different shapes and speeds floating - play around the mountain tips, concealing their heights, failing to hide the white sunlight, the sunlight the last days of october have still permitted power to leak through to rest on my eyelashes and cheeks.

lately, i wake up slowly because the mornings have turned blue.  i peak out the blinds, anticipating the first morning i'll wake to white covering my windowsill, the stair-rails, the light-posts, the trees.  the sun is tardy usually, these days.  on the walk to class, this morning, natalie read aloud to me (essays by brian doyle); the moving text kept my mind off the frigid air.  scarves. coats. mittens.  socks and tights.  frozen breath in air.  red trees covered with spiderwebs of ice.  these are the days i crave yoga in the early mornings, to wake up before the sun.

lately, midnight comes too soon.  october is slipping away from beneath my toes, whisping and threading through my fingertips and out of grasp {like a handful of sugar}.  it's real - very real.  although each individual day isn't filled with specific memories lifetime lasting, the repetitive nature of waking and cracking the blinds to check for snow leaves a fingerprint in the storage center of my mind.

october has been a remembering month, granting nostalgic longing for lost people, lost places, lost emotions.  the onset of winter tends to have that effect - a clinging, of sorts, while memories are buried under white drifts.  checking for that burial is an anticipation, i guess.  soon, the snow will cover more than the leaves.  i've never felt quite so freed by the idea of winter as i do this year.  there have been things i've neglected to bury,  but the snow is coming; the first flurries danced in the valley today.  and when snow buries autumn's dead, the earth can begin to heal, to restore, and once again to play.


and about the scrabble interview: i was called back for a second (which took place last friday).  individual this time, luckily!  the waiting shouldn't last long.  the promise of the first of november clutches the back of my mind constantly.  honest to goodness, i want this internship!

a day in the life of:

buzzing chirping wailing beeping screeching zzzzzzzzzzzzz...  pulling flying grabbing going running heaving panting counting checking crossing (tally) stepstepstep - sit - clacking hacking etching scratching clickclickclick munching crunching gulping scraping gone... (ringringring) giggle sob guffaw swoon {pounding choking sighing seeing} breathing     breathing        breathing               breathing.

tossing twirling beam - flinching flirting dream - 

s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g

ticking tocking talking rocking stocking stalking

plod

plod

plod

plod

chirping buzzing bleeping flashing: LOLOMGTTYL

scribble doodle blog

ddrriinnkk.

fading falling coming going

washing brushing laying closing (twirltwirltwirl)

breathing:

closing

breathing:

beating

breathing:

out.

rice

the last few consecutive nights, something rather peculiar has been added to my bedtime routine - something i think needs remedying.  last night, for example...

10:00 pm, and my eyes were definitely ready to turn the lights out!  in fact, they were closing on their own - mascara, contact lenses and all.  so i jumped into my newly washed pj's (mmmm, dryer-warmed clothing!), washed my face, brushed my teeth, read my scriptures and prayed, and meandered into the kitchen for a bedtime glass of water.  with me, i brought my bright blue heating-pack (natalie's actually, mine are both too ragged).  while drinking my glass of water, i waited for the pack to warm up in the microwave.  {*note: during the winter in provo, there is simply no sleeping without a heating-pack for me.  i get too cold!  especially my feet; they freeze, the poor things!  no matter how many blankets, i simply can't sleep without warmth radiating from something other than my own limbs.}

the pack draped across my shoulders, i headed back to my room.  i pulled down the covers.  my feet slipped to the end of of the bed.  the first thought in my head was BUGS!  i gasped and quickly retracted my feet.

wait... not bugs, RICE.  that's right.  rice!

this bright blue heating-pack is filled with nothing other than rice (and lavender, of course, which makes it smell incredible).

normally, this wouldn't be a problem.  but last winter, our situation was far from normal - me and this rice-pack.  our microwave was possessed.  well... maybe not quite.  but either that or just down-right dangerous.  anything you put into the microwave came out with a black hole burnt into it.  popcorn, potatoes, my roommate's glass dishes - you name it, it came out of the microwave with a hole.  well, or broken in half, but that's another story.

so this rice pack has a hole in it.  small, but still enough for little grains of rice to escape down by my feet as i'm falling asleep.  and yes, they feel like bugs.

time for a new heating-pack?
i think so!

but until i have a chance to pull out my sewing machine, i might just have to deal with a little bit of rice at the end of my bed.  after all, no one likes to sleep with freezing toes!

song of the week...or more :)

i go through phases, obsession {sorta} with music.  lately, this song is about all that will satisfy my singing memory.  i'm in love with it - completely.



and by the way, i'm not in tahiti - i'm right here, in happy valley.

fine line

some days, i feel like this.

{it's why high heels aren't a good idea sometimes}

every once in a while, your eyes don't stay on the destination - or even the rope,

and when you look down, you realize it's a long drop before the safety net catches you.

{if they remembered to put it up}

i'm going to take off the metaphorical high heels for a while...

and request a parachute.

internship? i thought this was game night...

yesterday, 12:42 pm. i walked into a little office on the left side of one of the most beautiful buildings on campus. three minutes early.  purposefully - not too early, but definitely not cutting it close, either.  heels: not too high, pointed.  pants: blue and white pinstripe, wide-leg, high-waisted, made me look tall.  blazer: white, feminine, three buttons on top, fit like a glove - thank you natalie's closet!  purse: zebra; hair: curly; lips: red.

i walked into the office (smiling), and looked at the boy with the clipboard.  "ah, there you are!" he announced to the two seated individuals, a lanky man with worn dress shoes and a gal with long dark hair and a flouncy skirt.  {interjection: i don't talk about clothes or the way i look much, i don't think.  but when entering a mysterious group internship interview, clothes are about the one thing that you can control.  well, other than the shape of your mouth...the lanky man wasn't smiling.}  "have a seat, jessica.  we're just waiting for one more."  he instructed.  the one more showed up quickly - too quickly for my liking; i wanted a moment to collect my thoughts.  she was tiny, smiley, and pretty in blue.  she stepped through the door and without a moment's hesitation, the boy with the clipboard whisked us back to a small closet/room with an oval table with four chairs behind it, a video camera in front of it, and a newspaper laying horizontally on top of it.

brief (very brief) instructions and introductions were given.  the researchers (including the boy with the clipboard) would leave the room after starting the camera and handing us a task card.  we had exactly six minutes in which to complete our task.  "we'll knock at two minutes. open the door at six."  a card was laid on our table, a button pressed, and right before they left, they snatched the newspaper from the table to reveal an entire set of scrabble letters - face down.

that's right - letters.  we had six minutes to use all the letters on the board in the most creative words we could think of, bonus points for length.  {interjection: at this point you should know that this is not a dream.  no worries, i had to pinch myself a few times to make sure my mind wasn't frantically making up nervous stories about the up-coming interview, too.  nope, this is a real interview, down the every last Q and Z.}

we stared at each other - all a little shocked - for about 5 seconds.  30 seconds of interaction, "let's try for the longest words individually, then combine them and see how far we can get with those," and we took off.  "here's the Q!", "anyone have any great Z words in mind?", "RESPONSIBILITY, they'll like that, haha...".  knockknockkncok.  two minutes left, "okay let's just start tacking smaller words on where ever we can find a space," the lanky man dictated.

the door opened, the button was pushed.  "thank you for your time! it looks like you guys did a great job!" a new woman exclaimed.  "we'll let you know within the week if you've been chosen for an individual interview through email.  have a great day!"

that was it.

six minutes of stressed-scrabble-mania to decide the next year of my life.

thank you, natalie, for making me play scrabble with you more than once a week for the last year {exaggeration, but still, we play a lot}.

here's to hoping those scrabble skills didn't interfere with my social skills too much!




ps.  i picked up the hitchhiker again, today.  yes, the same hitchhiker.  bad habit of his, i guess.  convenient for him, i own a very polite car.

not really a punishment

balance is something i have searched for through this semester (now half-way in).  i've made progress.  i get more than three hours of sleep a night lately, and my room stays consistently clean {for the most part}.  i read my scriptures, go to most of my classes with almost most of my homework most of the way finished, and i play a little, too.  taking a critical look at my schedule, i am a pretty balanced gal - especially considering i'm going to school.  however, i haven't felt quite grounded enough since school started.  the summer was grounding - perfectly so.  but since classes started up again, the ground seems to be constantly tilting, slipping out from under my feet, or sometimes trying to shake me off my feet altogether.

i think i'm going to shift my focus slightly, for the rest of the semester.  i'm balanced - i think i've gotten pretty good at that!  but i want to stay grounded, feel like i always have my head on. 

so i'm grounding myself.  really.  to my room, to be alone with myself for a little while every once in a while.  because for me, being grounded (in a sense) really is....grounding.

pumpkin addict

i bought canned pumpkin in the stores for the first time a few days ago, and i celebrated!  i don't think i've ever loved pumpkin so much as i do right now.  i bought four cans.  even if they aren't nearly gone, next time i pass the grocery store i'm going to buy six. the time after that eight, and so on.  i simply can't get enough of it!  the stores always run out at the most crucial times, and this year, i will be prepared with plenty of extra pumpkin in my pantry.  really, if i had my way i'd want to buy enough to last until next october, through the very pumpkin-less summer.  but... that might be a little far fetched!  hopefully i'll save it up at least through the winter!

last night i had the most delicious pumpkin pie smoothie, with just a hint of chocolate.  i still have pumpkin muffins left over for my breakfast this morning.

but i need more recipes!  what's your favorite pumpkin recipe or autumn food obsession?

goals, balance, and food

so once the first round of midterms hits (byu classes normally have two midterms), schedules get so crazy that there isn't much time to think about what you're going to eat for lunch tomorrow.  this, for me, is a little tragic - i take a lot of joy in planning meals and even more in making meals that take me more than five to ten minutes.  this week was the beginning of midterms, but the first round won't end for me for another two weeks or so.  after that, i'll only have a few days until the cycle starts all over again.

so i've made a new little resolution.  i'm going to start making something exciting (something i've never made before) every weekend!  i like to give myself at least a little break on the weekends most of the time, and this will be a perfect way to satisfy my cooking-craving that i starve from during the week.  it should also keep my pallet satisfied - college-quick food has my mouth in a constant depression most of the time.  for the first test, i've decided to try vegetarian pot stickers and chinese chow mein, although i'm a little skeptical about the mushrooms and the bok choy... but hey! this is an experiment, so caution to the wind! right??

change of thought pattern, slightly..

i also have another little goal i'm starting today.  okay, it's more like a lifestyle change, i guess.  but that all starts with small goals, i think.  this all started with a post by loveyoulongtime a few days back.  she talks about the little things she does to show her love to herself (really, it's a great little post - you'd like it).  it made me think about how hectic my life has been the past few weeks and the things i usually do to remember my worth that have been sacrificed lately.  nothing huge, but sometimes small things count the most.

so i'm going to implement a few things and bring a few things back into my life:
i'm going to treat myself to eight hours of sleep a night (which will be a huge improvement).
i'll let myself feel a little more feminine and make time to paint my nails - pink!  i haven't done this in quite a while.
in this lifestyle, there isn't much alone-calming time, so i'm going to calm myself and have some very me-time with yoga - several times a week.
i'm going to start eating breakfast sitting down every morning - without rushing (fifteen-minute breakfasts - oh yeah!).  that way it'll be more than an apple out the door.
i really love to shower, and i love to wear skirts, but lately i've been in such a rush that shower time has been significantly cut down.  so i'm going to make time to shower everyday without rushing, and shave enough to wear a few more skirts.

now that i've realized how many things i cut out of my schedule during school, things that really make me remember that loving myself is important, i've realized that it's the lack of these things that make me feel frantic when i get busy.  i think bringing them back will help me feel more balanced and secure in my lifestyle right now!

what things do you do to bring balance back to your life?

ps. i've decided that once you start dating frequently, the inevitability of a really bad, awkward, depressing, or time-wasting date is a little daunting.  the pro: sometimes you get really great stories.... and sometimes you come home laughing and looking forward to your own apartment.

pps. HAPPY OCTOBER!

the hitchhiker friend

7:50 tuesday morning, and in a rush again.  i think it's probably a miracle that i haven't hit any frantic students crossing the street as i drive to the bottom of the stairs of death each tuesday and thursday morning, still half asleep.  this morning, in particular, i was more asleep than usual.  most of campus seemed to be suffering the same syndrome because there were markedly more late students speed-walking their legs off up the street.

two blocks from my apartment, i saw an unusual thing.  leaning against the steering wheel for a better vantage point into the cross-streets, i glanced out my side-view window.  blonde, tall, and weighed down with his stack of books, stuffed backpack, and lunchbox, a boy was walking further in the street than the crowd.  his arm extended, his thumb sticking up in the air.  i normally would have thought he was simply giving the oncoming traffic a thumbs-up: "this is going to be a great day, folks!  way to drive to class this morning like champs!"  but the pleading and rather desperate look on his face suggested that he was thinking entirely opposite thoughts.

stopped at the stop sign (they are on every corner from 103 up to campus), i waved him over to my car.  he ran around the side of my little green punky (yes, my car has name), opened the door and jumped into the passenger's seat with an enthusiastic, "you saved me life!"  all i could do was laugh and ask him which direction he was headed.  luckily, it was in the same direction as me - mostly.  preoccupied (he was doing about twenty different things with his phone at the same time), he explained that he was headed to the business building.  fitting, for an attractive blonde with a phone addiction.

he jumped out of my car before i had time to put the gear shift into park yelling a quick "thank you!" as he jogged away with his slipping stack of books.

i was laughing so much - at him and at myself for the silliness of actually stopping - that i forgot my breakfast and went hungry until lunch time.  no worries, the peach was safe in my car at the end of the day, waiting for me.

byu is a strange place, sometimes.  just when you think you've seen it all, the strangest things happen.  have you ever seen (or even heard of) a student hitchhiking four blocks to school before?  i certainly hadn't.  but i'll definitely remember that next time i'm late for class and without a car, the universe owes me ride!


ps. two exciting developements in my week: possible job offer (wow!) and a meeting with an art professor to review my knowledge of basic concepts and determine the amount of credits i deserve to start with (eek!)

good day! but... strange!  maybe if he hitchhikes again he'll put my number in that consuming phone of his?

minor

for the last few weeks {monthish} i've been contemplating quite a few very large decisions.  for example:

• internship winter semester or summer semester?
• internship in provo or anywhere in the world?
• ...which internship??
• after april graduation, what next -
• frantic search for full-time job to cover expenses?
• yoga certification?
• stay in provo?
• move back to st. george?
• move...anywhere else?
• LDS mission (which very recently became a possibility with the closeness of my 21st birthday)?
• if so, mission in january? april? later?

in short, i have been overwhelmed with the options.  naturally, when one has a list of possible opportunities this long, one chooses something that was never on the list to begin with.  which is exactly what i did.

art minor!

that's right, my mourning days are over.  i am now an official visual arts minor, and i don't have to cry out in jealousy every time i meet an illustration major.  true, this decision pushes my graduation out another semester.  now, the date is december - slightly more than a year away.  that's a daunting thought, surely.  but after considering all the many options in my life right now, the only one that feels right is just to stay put for a little while longer.  and to compound that, it makes more sense than the rest do.  now, the possibility of finding a paid internship (that i'll love) will be considerably easier because i can look during the summer without worrying about graduation.

i do have one concern: money.
but my reasoning is thus: money was the one factor that almost stopped me from coming to this university to begin with (which, i feel, has been one of the best decisions in my life).  so, if money wasn't a good enough reason to stop that, it's not enough to stop this.  money will work itself out, somehow.

i also have one soapbox:
a pet-peeve, of sorts.  it drives me crazy when boys and girls stay in college for eternity playing around.  they take all the fun classes, perpetually put off making decisions about their major and future in general.  i think this exemplifies the stereotype of my generation - the generation that doesn't know how to grow up and take the reins.  i am decidedly not doing this.  i realized this was a large reason for my rush through school - the goal of graduating with my bachelors when i was twenty.  but guess what?  i realized adding a minor wasn't considered playing around - and i can still have a lot of fun doing it!

so there you go.

i'm now very settled with my decision to do what i'm passionate about (study families), while also incorporating one of my first loves into my education (art).

and i can't wait to step into that art building.

with full confidence that someday, my studio will look like this.

perceptions of autumn

happy first day of fall!

the consequence of good intentions

it's tuesday.  tuesday implies an eight-o-clock class, followed by others until i mentally quit at 4:00 pm.  it's 8:58 am. right now, and i am not in class - again.  what's more, it's two minutes before nine and i am not leaving for my nine-thirty class, either.  really, this story begins about a year ago.

last fall semester, i realized something about myself: when most people become stressed with classes, they simply step up their performance a little, push for the perfect score, read everything twice, and so forth.  not me.  when class stresses me out, the most relieving thing that i can do is to quit - for a moment, at least.  i discovered this after waking up late consecutively for several days of class, always wearing a beanie over my bed-head, and going for more than a week without makeup.  then one day, i slept in past my class.  and it felt wonderful.  that's when i realized the benefit of taking a sick day to put my life back in order, instead of always being late.  it's proved an effective strategy, most of the time.  the only danger (other than the fact that missing class means missing lectures that will inevitably be tested on) is that i will become so stressed that i miss an entire week, or too many days here and there, resulting in a much lower test score than will make me happy.


last night, nine-thirty, i still had an incredible amount of homework.  and when you're stressed, the best thing to do {generally} is to exert yourself physically until your too tired to stress anymore.  so, i put the books down and took a light run (nothing too strenuous due to the large cinnamon roll at ward-family-home-evening).  after that, the best thing to do is eat.  so naturally, i sat myself at the table with my beloved roommates and chowed down on watermelon, chips, and salsa.  i have this little goal lately; it's called get to bed early.  and for the sake of the goal, i decided that it would be much more beneficial to my health to turn my light out earlier and wake up earlier to finish my reading [and my paper].  what i didn't take into consideration is the inevitable tendency my body has to simply sleep until it's satisfied, which (considering the deprivation lately) is a substantial amount.

now, my good intentions: early to bed, early to rise, right?  such a good thing.  i love that principle!  but i'll have you note, midnight doesn't qualify as early to bed.  i thought it might last night... but nope!  not even close.  i woke up this morning five minutes after the beginning of my first class, realized i hadn't completed the reading or attendance writing for my second class (and absolutely did not have time to do so), and made the decision to take a sick day.

i feel great!  not an ounce of sick in me [except maybe dark circles under my eyes].  i'm going to finish a little reading for an afternoon class, do yoga, drink a green smoothie, and curl my hair.  it's a good day, isn't it?


ps. i've been craving dill pickles and extra-sharp cheese. strange, i know. but they tasted sooo good last night!

i have roommates to back me up when i forget my camera.

my candied orange scones.  i told you they were delicious. 

for the recipe, go here.

on travel

i'm feeling antsy in provo, today.
it's an adventure - but some days i'm not sure if it's big enough for me,
or if it's my adventure for more than a short while longer,
it's a growing feeling, and i can't pinpoint when it started.

it must have been somewhere between a cross-cultural family development course
in which i have no previous experience with other cultures
and most of the others do.
the seed could have been planted when natalie left for london,
but more likely when she came home -
with descriptions of the markets, the food, the diversity.

it might have been before that:
something of my own doing, by displaying
the beautiful hand-painted blue turkish bowl.
the intricate spoon from uruguay.
an eiffel tower lamp, always hovering above my bed.
a miniature vintage mannequin - from natalie, in london.
a desktop image of italy.

last night, i was {yet again} opened to the possibilities.
my friends sat around me, talking about
the places they'd been
things they'd seen

i've always been content at home.
happy to let others travel and see their spoils,
but it's getting to me.

and i'm antsy in provo.
hopefully just today.

excursions

it's been three weeks since i moved from my beautiful sunny red mountains to the mysterious green and cloudy ones.  it's crazy how fast times flies - especially once classes begin and all thoughts of the passing of time (except for the upcoming deadlines) just sort of... fly out the window?  anyway, it's been a crazy three weeks.  natalie and i laughed so hard at the end of the first week because it had taken us so long to move in!  an entire week and there were still boxes everywhere.  so, to get away from the boxes, we decided to take a little trip.

notice natalie, buried behind all the boxes and completely unable to come out of her room.  this is why we needed a getaway.

we also needed haircuts; it had been a terribly long time.  so we took a little drive up to my aunt julie's for a trusted trim (and new bangs for natalie).  afterward, the real fun began.  we drove a little further north, to the gateway mall - i'd never been before, and considering the rather landmarkish destination point it is, we figured it would be worth the short drive from my aunt's to the mall.  and oh, oh oh, it was.  

my favorite part of the day: anthropology.  i'm a long-time catalog collector (the photography is so artfully beautiful!), but i'd never actually been inside the physical store, just the mental one.  luckily, we hit some killer sales, as well.  who would pass up a pair of two-hundred dollar pants for thirty dollars? not me, certainly!

the aprons were to die for.

and the home decor practically screamed my name.

two happy girls!

kitty missness

"WE the people of the johansen household, in order to form a more peaceful union, establish regular sleeping habits, insure domestic tranquility, provide for collective mental sanity, promote the general well-being, and secure the blessings of family peace and love to ourselves and our posterity, do plea for the complete surrender of hostilities and warfare between co-residing domestic felines everywhere."

this, the preamble to the extermination of feline contention, was written a little over a year ago by yours truly.  our two little cats had kept us (the entire family) awake for the past consecutive week with their midnight battles.  we were to the point of separation - breaking up the family, so to speak (although after two class periods in part devoted to the subject, i understand the cats in actuality never could be a part of our family system).  

it's funny how frustrated with the two little fur-balls we were.  now, i would give quite a bit to have them fighting in my apartment at night.  i miss these two just as much as i miss my family, especially waking up in the middle of the night being pushed off the bed because they wanted to snuggle so close.

i can't wait to see my holly and merlin!

baby holly (ticky), falling off the bed.

mr. merlin (merlincito), a little camera shy.