remembering back a few years ago, if i had known i would be moving to seattle soon, i would have been thrilled. no, thrilled is an understatement. i would have been packing my bags today! all i wanted was to go somewhere far away (and provo was not far enough). byu was about the last place on the list; i didn't even know that marriage and family studies existed. my top pick was anywhere in the northwest: oregon, preferably; washington, a close second; even northern california would have satisfied my craving for far and different. but i drew the byu card, and packed up my room to move to happy valley.
it only took a few months before i really started to love provo. i fell in love with the ancient houses, first. the first morning i glimpsed the mountains on fire with autumn, i knew no other sight could have satisfied my soul as much. screaming at the ice on the sidewalks and slipping every two steps had me laughing harder than is allowed at straight-faced straight-laced byu. the morning rain in the spring. the train's whistle at night. the campus bells at noon. yes, i am deeply in love with provo - in a way that i never thought possible. can you believe i'm sad to have missed the first huge snowstorm of the season? i am! thinking backward, i'm shocked i didn't want to be there.
i'm amused that i thought i needed the northwest so deeply. just when i was resigned to the fact that portland or seattle was a dream possibly too far-fetched, i found
the flourishing families project. launched from byu and based in seattle. that was a little over a year ago - the first time i applied for the internship. two days after submitting an application, i withdrew it again. it was definitely not the right thing for me! at that point, i forgot all about the northwest. goodbye, redwood forests and rocky seashore!
but, i should have been more careful what i wished and prayed for so fervently. you see, i guess even when we forget our dreams (those that we really held so close and so deep), God doesn't forget. he remembers all those things we wanted so much we thought we'd die if we didn't get them.
application round two, and i'll be moving to seattle for the summer! i'll admit it - i had mixed feelings. see, when i forgot my northwest dream, i found others. other dreams that now seem more deep, more fervent, more... well, desirable. i'm ecstatic to have found a reality in my dream! i know i'll be quite more than content up in my little corner of the united states! and i have to remember that God gives us our righteous desires - eventually. after all, this internship is solid proof of that!
here's the thought: a wise professor told me a few days ago,
oh honey, we hardly ever get what we want in life!and after mulling it over for several days, i've seesawed slightly. at first, it seemed just the advice i needed! after all, it's not what i want that really matters. it's not where i am, but how i'm living. and that's
all that really matters. but then i remembered...
wait, i wanted seattle. i wanted that northwest coast so badly it ached!and i think we do get what we want, just not necessarily when we expect it. it's easy to be so set on getting what we want now, when we want it, that we lose sight of what we want
ed - or
really want. because (as long as we're wanting
good things, and wanting them for the right reasons) we get what we want.
and that's . . . a good thing, right?
inconvenient, perhaps.
but definitely good!
