new recent music love: beautiful, and creative, too!
Saturday, May 22
my little study companion
introducing my favorite little furry friend: holly (aka ticky, kitty-baby, lovey, baby, sweetheart, kitty-witty, etc.) i was studying for several hours today on the sofa in the front room of my other home (the real one in fact - how how good to be home again!), and she kept me company the whole time - alternating between curling up by my feet, falling between the cushions (seen above), and sitting on a rocking chair next to me. that's right. a trip home this weekend was definitely in order. unfortunately, you can't exactly escape homework when you bring your backpack with you. i think holly was rubbing it in. sometimes i envy the life of my cat, snoozing in the sun on the squishiest part of the sofa cushion. but i guess she doesn't exactly get to enjoy the other good things. like chocolate. still though, i wish could nap as easily as she does, even while her back end is completely falling off the cushion.
Wednesday, May 19
swinging in the park
today, i met an old friend. and when i say "old friend," i mean really old friend. in my first memory of her, i called her a muskrat. she called me stupid. and that was the beginning of a fabulous friendship.
in my next memory, i was lying flat on my back, coughing up the tooth her flying fist had just knocked loose.
there were years that we saw each other two, maybe three times other than in weekly sunday school classes, and there were years that we never missed a thursday night trip to the temple together - just us.
over those years, we've talked about everything from bugs to boys. mostly silly and laughter, sometimes serious and tears.
she was married a month and a half ago to the boy of her dreams. (and i'm still not quite finished with her wedding present).
it's a little strange when people you're close to move on. i'm happier than anything in the world that she's happier than anything in the world. but at the same time, it feels strange that she grew up. i know it happened a little at a time, but sometimes it seems so sudden. swinging together at the park seems so close in the past. i guess that's the thing: we all grow up. quickly. and then we just have to figure out what to do with this adult-sized body that doesn't quite seem natural yet.
a couple days ago (at a church activity) a boy was trying to guess my age. after a little hmmming, he pinned me at nineteen. a little in shock, i said no, i'm twenty.
oh, it's about the same thing! he exclaimed, then walked off to refill his salsa bowl.
it's the first time i remember someone ever assuming i was even a year younger than i am. it's a good thing i think. maybe my age is catching up to my looks finally. or maybe i'm growing young again.
anyone want to swing?
ps. congratulations to the muskrat!
Tuesday, May 18
suggestions
above is today's featured sticky note. now it's your turn. have suggestions??
go ahead.
suggest something you'd like me to write about. suggest i read a book you've been loving lately. suggest a great recipe for the world to see. it's your suggestion.
and look at the rest of knock knock's great paper products by clicking on "these"... above. have a laugh, to you from me.
Monday, May 17
my cookie reminder.
okay. so.
cookies.
first off, i feel i ought to give a little explanation about how i came to eat the way i do, or rather, how i came to not eat the things i don't. actually, the how i came to and why i do now are slightly different stories. this isn't in full, mind you. that's for another day. but to give a little background on both... (before we have cookies)
i was fourteen years old. young, for someone with a severe chronic illness. the doctor's visits had started years before, a journey jump-stared with headaches and general practitioners and leading to more alternative means of health care as symptoms widened and worsened. then one night, at the age of fourteen, i snapped. i sat on the bathroom floor, door locked, crouched on my knees, and sobbed.
this definitely wasn't the first time. but i remember cyring this night more than any of the others. i remember because this was my turning point. my tipping grain of rice. my rock bottom.
after the hysterics passed and i couldn't shake more tears out, i was usually too exhausted to think. but tonight the tears simply wouldn't. stop. coming. my spirit and mind rebelled against the prison my body was turning into. inside myself i screamed, i just can't live like this! i won't live like this!
and that was it. i stopped crying. i realized i wasn't willing to live a lifetime in constant pain. so i wouldn't. i wanted to be able to do all the things other kids my age could do. so i would. in a moment, it was all that simple. it didn't matter what the professionals told me i would never be able to do while living with in this 'condition.' i would find a way. in that small moment, i knew there would be a way provided {see 1 nephi 3:7}.
the next day, my mother and i spent hours completely revamping my diet, sleep habits, and exercise (a note on my mother. she's incredible. i would still be sick if she wasn't exactly as she is). she showed me the book "the healing power of whole foods," by beth loiselle. a book that helped change my life completely. starting that day, the 25th of october, 2004, i stopped eating almost all processed foods. whole foods only. no sugar (not even honey. not even in tomato sauce). i discovered that if i ate sugar, it made all my nasty symptoms return with a whoop. not at first, but over time. i can honestly say i was as close to perfect as was teenage-girl possible for a solid year - the most healing year of my life.
i have my own little mental celebration on the 25th of october every year for the day i discovered my will power. but i'm getting beside the point. it's been up and down from there, obviously. but mostly up, and continually up. that's what's important.
so. cookies.
this summer, i've been eating mostly raw foods - a step even further in the healing direction. three weeks. probably the longest i've been without any sugar since that 2004 year.... until this weekend. i splurged. granted, the cookies i made were vegan, whole-wheat, and sweetened with evaporated cane sugar (still sugar, don't be deceived, but maybe a smidgen better than that white stuff).
they were monster cookies.
peanut-butter, oatmeal, chocolate-chip, m&m monster cookies.
sometimes, you just need a cookie. it had been an awful weekend. so... i ate them. my roommate had two. my relief society presidency took five or six... and the rest of them, i ate. it took me three days (only three days, oh my goodness gracious).
i do this every once in a while. for some reason, my body feels like it needs to remind itself why i eat the way i do by showing me how i feel when i eat the way i shouldn't. i remember now. i remember that i don't like headaches (or stomachaches). i remember that i don't like to feel like i'm going to die when i run. i remember that i like to be able to sleep and wake up on time.
and i remember now that what i eat makes such a difference.
ps. they really were fabulous cookies (if you don't eat the whole batch). if you'd like the recipe i used, i'll post it, too!
cookies.
first off, i feel i ought to give a little explanation about how i came to eat the way i do, or rather, how i came to not eat the things i don't. actually, the how i came to and why i do now are slightly different stories. this isn't in full, mind you. that's for another day. but to give a little background on both... (before we have cookies)
i was fourteen years old. young, for someone with a severe chronic illness. the doctor's visits had started years before, a journey jump-stared with headaches and general practitioners and leading to more alternative means of health care as symptoms widened and worsened. then one night, at the age of fourteen, i snapped. i sat on the bathroom floor, door locked, crouched on my knees, and sobbed.
this definitely wasn't the first time. but i remember cyring this night more than any of the others. i remember because this was my turning point. my tipping grain of rice. my rock bottom.
after the hysterics passed and i couldn't shake more tears out, i was usually too exhausted to think. but tonight the tears simply wouldn't. stop. coming. my spirit and mind rebelled against the prison my body was turning into. inside myself i screamed, i just can't live like this! i won't live like this!
and that was it. i stopped crying. i realized i wasn't willing to live a lifetime in constant pain. so i wouldn't. i wanted to be able to do all the things other kids my age could do. so i would. in a moment, it was all that simple. it didn't matter what the professionals told me i would never be able to do while living with in this 'condition.' i would find a way. in that small moment, i knew there would be a way provided {see 1 nephi 3:7}.
the next day, my mother and i spent hours completely revamping my diet, sleep habits, and exercise (a note on my mother. she's incredible. i would still be sick if she wasn't exactly as she is). she showed me the book "the healing power of whole foods," by beth loiselle. a book that helped change my life completely. starting that day, the 25th of october, 2004, i stopped eating almost all processed foods. whole foods only. no sugar (not even honey. not even in tomato sauce). i discovered that if i ate sugar, it made all my nasty symptoms return with a whoop. not at first, but over time. i can honestly say i was as close to perfect as was teenage-girl possible for a solid year - the most healing year of my life.
i have my own little mental celebration on the 25th of october every year for the day i discovered my will power. but i'm getting beside the point. it's been up and down from there, obviously. but mostly up, and continually up. that's what's important.
so. cookies.
this summer, i've been eating mostly raw foods - a step even further in the healing direction. three weeks. probably the longest i've been without any sugar since that 2004 year.... until this weekend. i splurged. granted, the cookies i made were vegan, whole-wheat, and sweetened with evaporated cane sugar (still sugar, don't be deceived, but maybe a smidgen better than that white stuff).
they were monster cookies.
peanut-butter, oatmeal, chocolate-chip, m&m monster cookies.
sometimes, you just need a cookie. it had been an awful weekend. so... i ate them. my roommate had two. my relief society presidency took five or six... and the rest of them, i ate. it took me three days (only three days, oh my goodness gracious).
i do this every once in a while. for some reason, my body feels like it needs to remind itself why i eat the way i do by showing me how i feel when i eat the way i shouldn't. i remember now. i remember that i don't like headaches (or stomachaches). i remember that i don't like to feel like i'm going to die when i run. i remember that i like to be able to sleep and wake up on time.
and i remember now that what i eat makes such a difference.
ps. they really were fabulous cookies (if you don't eat the whole batch). if you'd like the recipe i used, i'll post it, too!
Sunday, May 16
joshua
although i'll admit that i read the book of mormon more than any other book of scripture, lately joshua - in the old testament - has really drawn my attention. there is such great strength in this prophet's words, so much that has sustained me, reminding me that everything will work out (i'll find a job, be able to perform as well as i need to in school to keep my scholarship, find the words and time to keep my relationships strong and help my friends in their struggles) because i'm relying on the only source of power that can never let me down - the Lord. these few scriptures help to me worry a lot less, and pray a lot more.
joshua 23:8-11 (my favorite parts)
"but cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day... for the Lord your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you. take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God."
joshua 1:9 (what i turn to most when i worry)
"have not i commanded thee? be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."
joshua 24:15 (to strengthen my resolution)
"...choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
during church today, this last scripture made me think a lot about my priorities. a thoughtful man sitting a few rows in front of me made a comment that i liked quite a bit. "priorities are not determined by your stated purpose," he said, "they're determined by how you are actually spending your time." i'm a list-maker. at this very moment, i have seven different lists just on my desk next to my laptop, and at least another three hanging from my bulletin board on sticky notes. but i realized, just because i wrote it down on the top of my list, doesn't make it my priority. it's whether or not i actually do it. i think sometimes i need to stop making lists and just do it (not promoting nike here, no worries).
on another note, i've always thought of this scripture in a "decide today what you're going to do forever" sense, but today i thought of it a little differently during sunday school. sometimes you have to take life one day at a time, and i think that might have been part of what joshua meant here. choose what you will do to serve the Lord, today. not what you did yesterday, not what you have to do tomorrow, just today. just choose for today. one day at a time. it makes the concept seem a little more personal, right now in my life, easier to grasp.
ps. i successfully haven't fallen asleep during my morning scripture study for more than a week now. my roommate was right, reading on the floor instead of on my bed made all the difference!
pps. in the last two days i've eaten more than nine cookies. after how many weeks of resisting every sugar-filled, white-flour yum that passed under my nose?? more to come on that ridiculousness later.
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