my very best writing time used to be mid-afternoon. while at byu, i had a twenty minute walk home from class everyday. usually afternoon and usually alone. i didn't realize it at the time, but that walk was absolutely ideal writing prep time. on my way home, i'd day dream, process the day's happenings, and think deep thoughts about life, religion and the social sciences (as if i didn't get enough of it in class...). typically, once i'd get home, i'd plop my backpack on the bed, sit in my chair and write until everything was out of my head. most of the time i wouldn't even take off my shoes or my coat, which is pretty unusual for me - i'm comfort-demanding.
i feel like some of my best writing came from that time period, where my schedule had built-in thinking/pondering time. and i think that's one of my biggest blocks, too. right now, there isn't thinking time in my schedule. the closest thing i have to mindless time right now (where i can't be doing anything else productive at the same time) is while i'm at the gym. and let's be honest, here... while i'm at the gym my thoughts look something like this:
i'm so tired.
NO! i'm happy! i'm energized! i'm waking up!
...but my legs hurt..
YOU CAN DO THIS! run run run, you're getting faster, you're running longer!
it isn't a big deal if i stop thirty seconds early....right?
I CAN FINISH! I CAN FINISH!
and so on. it's difficult to brainstorm and think deep thoughts about anything when your mind is engaged in a constant battle of self-discipline against sore muscles.
this schedule, with no think time, is creating the illusion of writer's block. for the last week, i sit down to write and stare at a blank screen for five minutes or so. then over the next 15 minutes, i start six different sentences on different topics, backspacing each before the thought is even complete. then finally i'll start a thought that feels sustainable (for a couple paragraphs, at least) and before i have a full paragraph sketched out, it's time to move on to something else. so then right before bed, i'll hurriedly finish a few thoughts and click publish with no particular attachment to what i've just written.
which makes me kind of sad.
i'm seriously considering giving myself 15 minutes of meditation time before i write any words at all... that might do the trick. or maybe some writing prompts? my goal to write every day this month is looking pretty bleak after one week. i want to write every day to practice, but i would really dislike writing 30 days of blah.
i need another challenge, i think. and so the search will begin. tomorrow. tonight, i'm going to push publish without even so much as a read through and start trying to conquer the goal in the morning light.
also, i'm welcome to suggestions. really.
Saturday, July 7
Friday, July 6
one of the good parts
i've had molly moons on the mind, lately. it probably has something to do with an email from my mom with a link to their new cookbook... (you mean i can have molly moon's lavender honey ice cream at HOME?) excited is an understatement. although i'll admit the release of the ultimate ice cream cookbook gave me a small dose of anxiety, too. see, the only time i've made ice cream was a total flop. sure, it froze up okay and we devoured it and loved every bite. but see... it didn't thicken at all. as in, when i finally gave up, stopped the machine, and put it in the freezer, it was still liquid - an incredible amount of chocolate milk.
i'll have to practice. ice cream, anyone?
anyway. molly moon's has me thinking of seattle. in lots of different ways.
i think i mentioned a while back that i'd finally come to terms with the city itself. i decided i actually loved the place quite a lot. it's a beautiful place with interesting people and a food culture to covet. the experience is still requiring mull time, though. i'm still not sure where i'm at with it. with most life experiences, i can attach a general word or emotion to help me sort through the memories, put them in their mental boxes, all organized and resolved. for example, i can say with surety that the last summer i spent in my ivins home was bliss. pieces of my life were in disarray and i wasn't happy the whole time, but looking back i can say good memory and stick it in the wonderful box. i can pin several relationship memories clearly in the negative life experience box.
but seattle? i just can't peg the experience. i guess most things in life aren't as simple as just good and bad, and probably most can't even be put on a gradient scale of black to white and all the shades in between. all experiences have good parts, bad parts, weird parts and funny parts. but it makes my organizational mind squirm to have things our of their boxes, sometimes.
despite the continuing mental confusion, there are a few things i can label specifically with good. maybe even with fantastic.
molly moon's is one of them. before seattle, ice cream was just ice cream. if it was offered, i'd gladly take part in its consumption, but it wasn't ever my treat of choice. molly moon's changed all of that. i can't count the times i went that summer. too many - or never enough depending on the viewpoint. i ate more ice cream that summer than i'll probably eat this year. okay, maybe more than i'll eat in the next two years. and i fell in love with it! the crunch of the waffle cones, the fresh vibrant flavors... honey lavender was a reining favorite. but i really love their sasquatch flavor, too. this ice cream taught me how to live.
it took a girl who would always and forever choose chocolate over anything else and transformed her into someone who couldn't wait to try the next seasonal fruit flavor. i started buying waffle cones, not giving a darn about how many calories they were (or how many extra dollars it would cost). two different flavors if i get an extra scoop? bring it on.
never before had i eaten a treat with such freedom. i appreciated their commitment to local ingredients instead of caring what the calorie content was. i savored the taste as long as possible instead of shoveling it down like most strictly rationed sugar in my life. i learned that food, enjoyed, is food at it's best.
in part, molly moon's is to thank for helping me end unhealthy restriction in my life. not that it's all the way done forever - just a bigger step in the right direction. and in the right direction i'll continue to go.
now somebody get me that cookbook! ;)
i'll have to practice. ice cream, anyone?
anyway. molly moon's has me thinking of seattle. in lots of different ways.
i think i mentioned a while back that i'd finally come to terms with the city itself. i decided i actually loved the place quite a lot. it's a beautiful place with interesting people and a food culture to covet. the experience is still requiring mull time, though. i'm still not sure where i'm at with it. with most life experiences, i can attach a general word or emotion to help me sort through the memories, put them in their mental boxes, all organized and resolved. for example, i can say with surety that the last summer i spent in my ivins home was bliss. pieces of my life were in disarray and i wasn't happy the whole time, but looking back i can say good memory and stick it in the wonderful box. i can pin several relationship memories clearly in the negative life experience box.
but seattle? i just can't peg the experience. i guess most things in life aren't as simple as just good and bad, and probably most can't even be put on a gradient scale of black to white and all the shades in between. all experiences have good parts, bad parts, weird parts and funny parts. but it makes my organizational mind squirm to have things our of their boxes, sometimes.
despite the continuing mental confusion, there are a few things i can label specifically with good. maybe even with fantastic.
molly moon's is one of them. before seattle, ice cream was just ice cream. if it was offered, i'd gladly take part in its consumption, but it wasn't ever my treat of choice. molly moon's changed all of that. i can't count the times i went that summer. too many - or never enough depending on the viewpoint. i ate more ice cream that summer than i'll probably eat this year. okay, maybe more than i'll eat in the next two years. and i fell in love with it! the crunch of the waffle cones, the fresh vibrant flavors... honey lavender was a reining favorite. but i really love their sasquatch flavor, too. this ice cream taught me how to live.
it took a girl who would always and forever choose chocolate over anything else and transformed her into someone who couldn't wait to try the next seasonal fruit flavor. i started buying waffle cones, not giving a darn about how many calories they were (or how many extra dollars it would cost). two different flavors if i get an extra scoop? bring it on.
never before had i eaten a treat with such freedom. i appreciated their commitment to local ingredients instead of caring what the calorie content was. i savored the taste as long as possible instead of shoveling it down like most strictly rationed sugar in my life. i learned that food, enjoyed, is food at it's best.
in part, molly moon's is to thank for helping me end unhealthy restriction in my life. not that it's all the way done forever - just a bigger step in the right direction. and in the right direction i'll continue to go.
now somebody get me that cookbook! ;)
Thursday, July 5
fireworks + we bought a zoo
as it turned out, abilene does have fireworks. pretty good ones. last night, we planned to head to acu campus to watch the fireworks. we didn't think it was particularly close to where they were being launched, but we wanted to go on a walk while we were waiting and were pretty sure it'd be as good a place to watch as any. not long after we jumped on the freeway to head to the other side of town, the traffic started to pick up significantly. abilene doesn't ever really have traffic (which is nice), so this was unusual. a big group of cars all got off a few exists before we were going and that's when we started to see what abilene really does for independence day. for several miles, cars (okay, trucks mostly) were pulling off the freeway wherever there was space. the sides of the road were packed with trucks and people, parked in the weeds, sitting on tailgates, playing football... right next to the freeway.
sounds illegal, right? i'm pretty sure it must be. after passing the continuous tailgate party for a few minutes, we decided to change our plans and see what it was all about. apparently, without even meaning to, we'd found the place to watch fireworks in abilene. we flipped around and found a spot right in the weeds with everyone else. everyone was facing a big field and we were fairly confused because we thought the fireworks were going to be launched from somewhere north of "downtown."
once the fireworks started, we were happy we'd followed the crowd this time. they were being shot off from the field right in front of us!
true, our bums hurt from sitting on the top of our car, but the show was pretty fun.
after fireworks we saw why sections of the freeway in abilene have three lanes (the mysterious third lane has always been a little funny because it's really not needed). it took us over an hour and a half to make a commute that typical takes 10 minutes or under. talk about traffic. despite the setback, we came home and watched a movie to finish off our celebration.
and now, we bought a zoo is one of my favorite family movies i've seen. right up there with dan in real life in my book. it was charming, real and wonderful! my favorite thing in the whole movie was the "20 seconds of courage" idea. really, i want to start using that in my life.
all it takes is 20 second of insane courage and great things will happen. i promise!
love it.
anyway, off to dinner. really wanting fresh bread today, but that won't be ready till tomorrow. gotta find something else that sounds good!
sounds illegal, right? i'm pretty sure it must be. after passing the continuous tailgate party for a few minutes, we decided to change our plans and see what it was all about. apparently, without even meaning to, we'd found the place to watch fireworks in abilene. we flipped around and found a spot right in the weeds with everyone else. everyone was facing a big field and we were fairly confused because we thought the fireworks were going to be launched from somewhere north of "downtown."
once the fireworks started, we were happy we'd followed the crowd this time. they were being shot off from the field right in front of us!
true, our bums hurt from sitting on the top of our car, but the show was pretty fun.
after fireworks we saw why sections of the freeway in abilene have three lanes (the mysterious third lane has always been a little funny because it's really not needed). it took us over an hour and a half to make a commute that typical takes 10 minutes or under. talk about traffic. despite the setback, we came home and watched a movie to finish off our celebration.
and now, we bought a zoo is one of my favorite family movies i've seen. right up there with dan in real life in my book. it was charming, real and wonderful! my favorite thing in the whole movie was the "20 seconds of courage" idea. really, i want to start using that in my life.
all it takes is 20 second of insane courage and great things will happen. i promise!
love it.
anyway, off to dinner. really wanting fresh bread today, but that won't be ready till tomorrow. gotta find something else that sounds good!
Wednesday, July 4
::summer love
happy 4th!
it was a sleep-in sort of day (with no tea, despite last night's supposing). however... there were things much better than tea. breakfast in bed is exactly what a sleep-in sort of morning calls for, and i'm glad my husband knows that even better than me! i woke up to scrambled eggs and veggies, bacon, toast with jam, and a green smoothie. sooooo yum!
i'm excited to see what texas can do with the 4th of july tonight. i have my doubts, but hey - if a city can organize a daschund race, then they certainly can shoot off fireworks, right? but fireworks or not it'll be a night of lacrosse-catch, a walk in the park, black bean burgers, and probably a movie. or the hobbit. we'll see which catches our fancy first.
have a happy summer independence day, everyone! :)
Tuesday, July 3
late-night tea and more missness
i drank a large amount of tea tonight from my theo chocolate mug. it was divine.
sometimes all life needs is a big mug of tea. or a good cry.
today was an unusually productive day in all. quite a few long-time to-do list items were crossed off: chip in the windshield fixed, shower fixed, oven heating element replaced (no more sparks!), and a plethora of phone calls checked off. also three (more) jobs applied to, another chapter of my book devoured, a successful eggplant adventure.... it's been a busy day, in all.
mostly it felt good to get up and get some things done. and, as usual, it helped to start with a hard long workout and a good breakfast.
other than those things, though, today - and lately, really - i've just been missing. missing coming home to a cat that purrs and sits on my feet. missing the twenty-minute walk to campus in beautiful provo - beautiful provo no matter the season. i've been missing that peace, the way the mindless beautiful calm walk opened up my mind to new ideas and the way it sometimes chased all thoughts away until i was left with only feeling the breeze and the sun on my skin, hearing the birds.
i've been missing the drive home from provo, back to ivins. missing those mountains, the longs stretches of uninterrupted music of my choice, the eager phone calls along the way and the warmth waiting to sink into me as i walked into my ivins home. i miss coming inside to find my family waiting for me, expecting me, hugging me and showing me all the things i'd missed in my forever month-long absence.
i miss living with my sisters. sneaking away when homework was obnoxious to find some good food and great conversation. i miss driving around with them in my car, the music up loud, the city dark, and having adventures on a whim. i miss the exuberance in provo - the life that 40,000 young adults give to the air. i miss the afterglow on the mountains and the way we would all scream at the ice.
i miss popcorn and the office with hailey.
i miss stopping by mindy's work to say hello at lunch breaks.
i miss late-night movies and desserts at lori and james' house.
i miss talks with dad, movies with dad, his teasing and always available wisdom.
i miss carrie and lori dropping by for a quick errand and staying for lunch and games.
i miss grocery shopping with mom, walking on the trail every morning with mom, and talking late into the night with her.
i miss larry's jokes and james' thoughtfulness. i miss josh's motivation and acceptance.
i miss the red mountains and blue sky. i miss hiking and hills. i miss buying maple syrup and berries, coconut bliss and chocolate bars when i wanted a treat. i miss frozen yogurt with natalie and hailey and mom and dad. i miss picking apricots in the backyard, watering the garden and chasing the cats. i miss chiropractors and massage therapists. i miss art classes at dixie and working for a summer with one of my best friends. i miss working toward a massive goal (my degree) and putting my everything into it.
i just miss... all the things i loved from all the places i've ever been and all the people who have been in my life.
the list of things to love here is growing, i suppose. i really do love the storms and the birds. i love having a gym membership and the new sphere that's added to one area of my life. but while i have with me someone i love the most, there is a vast shortage of anyone-elses. and something i'm learning more and more about myself is that i'm a lot more naturally social than i ever thought i was. i like to be around people.
so, all you people who have ever been in my life and aren't physically that way right now, i miss you. i can't wait to see you again, and i love you.
and i think tomorrow morning, i might just have another large mug of tea.
sometimes all life needs is a big mug of tea. or a good cry.
today was an unusually productive day in all. quite a few long-time to-do list items were crossed off: chip in the windshield fixed, shower fixed, oven heating element replaced (no more sparks!), and a plethora of phone calls checked off. also three (more) jobs applied to, another chapter of my book devoured, a successful eggplant adventure.... it's been a busy day, in all.
mostly it felt good to get up and get some things done. and, as usual, it helped to start with a hard long workout and a good breakfast.
other than those things, though, today - and lately, really - i've just been missing. missing coming home to a cat that purrs and sits on my feet. missing the twenty-minute walk to campus in beautiful provo - beautiful provo no matter the season. i've been missing that peace, the way the mindless beautiful calm walk opened up my mind to new ideas and the way it sometimes chased all thoughts away until i was left with only feeling the breeze and the sun on my skin, hearing the birds.
i've been missing the drive home from provo, back to ivins. missing those mountains, the longs stretches of uninterrupted music of my choice, the eager phone calls along the way and the warmth waiting to sink into me as i walked into my ivins home. i miss coming inside to find my family waiting for me, expecting me, hugging me and showing me all the things i'd missed in my forever month-long absence.
i miss living with my sisters. sneaking away when homework was obnoxious to find some good food and great conversation. i miss driving around with them in my car, the music up loud, the city dark, and having adventures on a whim. i miss the exuberance in provo - the life that 40,000 young adults give to the air. i miss the afterglow on the mountains and the way we would all scream at the ice.
i miss popcorn and the office with hailey.
i miss stopping by mindy's work to say hello at lunch breaks.
i miss late-night movies and desserts at lori and james' house.
i miss talks with dad, movies with dad, his teasing and always available wisdom.
i miss carrie and lori dropping by for a quick errand and staying for lunch and games.
i miss grocery shopping with mom, walking on the trail every morning with mom, and talking late into the night with her.
i miss larry's jokes and james' thoughtfulness. i miss josh's motivation and acceptance.
i miss the red mountains and blue sky. i miss hiking and hills. i miss buying maple syrup and berries, coconut bliss and chocolate bars when i wanted a treat. i miss frozen yogurt with natalie and hailey and mom and dad. i miss picking apricots in the backyard, watering the garden and chasing the cats. i miss chiropractors and massage therapists. i miss art classes at dixie and working for a summer with one of my best friends. i miss working toward a massive goal (my degree) and putting my everything into it.
i just miss... all the things i loved from all the places i've ever been and all the people who have been in my life.
the list of things to love here is growing, i suppose. i really do love the storms and the birds. i love having a gym membership and the new sphere that's added to one area of my life. but while i have with me someone i love the most, there is a vast shortage of anyone-elses. and something i'm learning more and more about myself is that i'm a lot more naturally social than i ever thought i was. i like to be around people.
so, all you people who have ever been in my life and aren't physically that way right now, i miss you. i can't wait to see you again, and i love you.
and i think tomorrow morning, i might just have another large mug of tea.
Monday, July 2
eggplant and bananagrams
tonight, i took advantage of taylor's work-through-dinner schedule to make myself a spicy-as-heck meal. he puts up with my over-spicing ridiculously well, and i've learned to tone-down the hot sauce... a little. but tonight i went all out. with my sauteed summer squash and greens, i added more than half a fresh jalapeno. and salsa. of course.
yum.
reading animal, vegetable, miracle has me dreaming about heirloom seeds and fresh food. i can't wait to decide what to do with the eggplant in my refrigerator. even if life gets dull, food will never.
--
i took a long hiatus and now it's several hours later. after spewing all the information i just learned about genetically modified foods onto my husband's plate, i've now filled my quota for the day's stimulating conversation.
also i want to play more games. tonight was bananagrams. chess and carcasone are on the upcoming menu.
the last few weeks have been a little rough in texas. we've hit some unexpected speed bumps and the emotional tires are still recovering... or just adjusting, maybe. but we've had good food (even if rationed). and we've played good games. and we're good company to each other, taylor and me.
tonight, it's time for bed. tomorrow holds an early run, lots more job applications, the promise of an adventure in the fridge (in the form of an eggplant), and probably the repairs of the oven, the shower, aaaand the windshield. finally.
all that calls for some good sleep. may your night be restful and your eggplant as exciting as mine is.
'night!
yum.
reading animal, vegetable, miracle has me dreaming about heirloom seeds and fresh food. i can't wait to decide what to do with the eggplant in my refrigerator. even if life gets dull, food will never.
--
i took a long hiatus and now it's several hours later. after spewing all the information i just learned about genetically modified foods onto my husband's plate, i've now filled my quota for the day's stimulating conversation.
also i want to play more games. tonight was bananagrams. chess and carcasone are on the upcoming menu.
the last few weeks have been a little rough in texas. we've hit some unexpected speed bumps and the emotional tires are still recovering... or just adjusting, maybe. but we've had good food (even if rationed). and we've played good games. and we're good company to each other, taylor and me.
tonight, it's time for bed. tomorrow holds an early run, lots more job applications, the promise of an adventure in the fridge (in the form of an eggplant), and probably the repairs of the oven, the shower, aaaand the windshield. finally.
all that calls for some good sleep. may your night be restful and your eggplant as exciting as mine is.
'night!
Sunday, July 1
the LOVE game: sunday morning
1. i love sleeping in on sunday mornings.
2. i love days that are filled with finishing things - it just feels good to get some things done!
3. i love a clean desk. no papers. no clutter. no stacks of unnecessary things.
4. i love love love barbara kingsolver. really, sometimes i wish i could be her.
5. i love a full workout chart. goal accomplished!
6. i love homemade bread toasted with as much butter as it can hold.
7. i love summer veggies and fruit. can't get enough of them, really.
8. i love cool(er) evenings before the sun is down, with enough time to go outside and play.
9. i love my little plastic solar-powered waving daisy. it's one of the happiest things in this house.
10. i love saturday night work-outs, when the gym is practically empty and the music isn't quite as bad as usual.
ps. you know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed when you get to number eight and it takes 15 minutes to think of the last three. i ought to do this ten more times today to turn my mood around, really.
what do you love today?
2. i love days that are filled with finishing things - it just feels good to get some things done!
3. i love a clean desk. no papers. no clutter. no stacks of unnecessary things.
4. i love love love barbara kingsolver. really, sometimes i wish i could be her.
5. i love a full workout chart. goal accomplished!
6. i love homemade bread toasted with as much butter as it can hold.
7. i love summer veggies and fruit. can't get enough of them, really.
8. i love cool(er) evenings before the sun is down, with enough time to go outside and play.
9. i love my little plastic solar-powered waving daisy. it's one of the happiest things in this house.
10. i love saturday night work-outs, when the gym is practically empty and the music isn't quite as bad as usual.
ps. you know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed when you get to number eight and it takes 15 minutes to think of the last three. i ought to do this ten more times today to turn my mood around, really.
what do you love today?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)