peace

tonight i'm feeling gratitude, passion, life, and contentment.

it's been a day.  worked eight hours, came home to look a little more into brene brown, worked out {hard}, made homemade pizza with my husband and scurried away to my bedroom while he attended an online meeting to write him love notes and read more brian doyle.

this is my favorite quote of the night: "I did not expect a miracle to happen.  No.  That is not what praying is for.  I was praying not to lose hope.  I was praying to be calm and accept what would be.  I was praying to be calm about what would happen.  I did not know what would happen."

and this: "But my heart tells me that it's immensely grateful for the whole unpredictable extravaganza that is life."

really, brian doyle is one of the greatest word geniuses that has ever lived.

after reading for a while and letting my mind unwind the gratitude started to set in.  as i said previously, my homework for this week is to notice the ordinary in my life and find beauty in it: to be grateful for the ordinary.  as i've been looking today, i've seen ordinary beauty in a few ways.  i expect the list to grow with practice, but for now:

i'm immensely grateful for my heart.  my heart that's allowed me to live, to run, to love and to feel pain.  i'm grateful for it's capacity to feel pain and joy today.  both together, because {as brene brown would say} we can't selectively numb the dark emotions.  i'm grateful that my heart has felt true pain because now it can feel true joy.

i'm grateful for my dear husband.  today, i've felt his wind in my wings - he's a joy to live with.  we've created a place of safety together, a place a peace and growth and understanding and acceptance.  a home like i've never experienced before: with a freedom from expectation, infused with curiosity and possibility.  a content home.

and tonight, i'm grateful for this time in my life - that i can sit down for a half hour and read for enjoyment.  that simple pleasure {one that was denied to me by my own self discipline and lack of time management all through my degree} helps me feel awake, relaxed and at peace.

on that note of gratitude, goodnight.  sleep tight, and make sure to keep a prayer in your heart tonight!