chocolate truffle nut balls: yum

beautiful photography - courtesy of sabrina danielle, author of the yellow canary

this week was crazy - enough to drive me to find something chocolate... but not crazy enough to break my commitment (in other words, it still had to be raw).

here's what i came up with: 

chocolate truffle nut balls: yum.

the cookie is a combination of dates, pecans, cashews, and cocoa (a long time favorite of mine).

the truffle frosting is a new invention!

cocoa, avocado, banana, dates... and to be honest, i can't remember what else!

vanilla...maybe. a little salt. and i think that's all. :)

frozen until fudgy, these little treats are divine! and without the frosting, are absolutely perfect to grab in a zip-lock bag, throw in your backpack, and enjoy during class (which is the quest of my present life - finding things that travel well back and forth to campus).  i'm considering adding raspberries to the mix next time as well, although i'm not exactly sure how. ideas??

to the parents of the vegan cupcake, punky brewster gal

 i love it when i find things that scream, "JESSSSICAAA!!"  even more, i love it when other people find things that scream me.  it makes me feel like i'm getting across to people, like people are getting the right idea, understanding who i am, what makes me happy, and what makes my world go 'round.  this journal screamed me.  luckily, i know i can always count on my parents to find things that brighten my day.  i know they'll always "get" me.  really, i think i get the whole "keep calm and have a cupcake" saying from my mom.  except her version would be "keep calm and have a cookie," or "take some deep breaths, drink enough water, and have some chocolate."  looking back, it's a good thing my dad enjoyed my year-long cupcake craze.  i don't know what i would have done without a few people to appreciate attempt after attempt at a vegan cupcake that could take over the world.  anyway, i love my parents.  thanks, mom and dad, for understanding me... and for eating my cupcakes.  i love you!

un-cook

just like every day in provo that hasn't been so hectic i almost forget to eat, tonight i piled vegetables into my blender.  after winter semester took its toll on both my physical health and well-being, i decided that a lifestyle change was in order for at least the summer.  since the beginning of spring semester, i have delved into the world of raw foods.  through the long and sometimes rocky journey that brought me to my daily eating/sleeping/exercising habits, i have come to believe in the healing power of raw and whole foods.  so in order to have a more in-depth healing and recovery stage this summer, i've started dividing my meals into a balance of about 75% raw foods, and 25% cooked...ish.  in the past, i've done spans of a week or so following this general pattern, and this time around has been no different - i already feel more awake and alert, i have more energy, i think more clearly, and i still can't wait to eat!

tonight, while i was whipping up green gazpacho, sabrina asked a question that really made me start thinking.  she asked, "jessi, why don't you try to write a cookbook?"  next, she pointed out that almost every time i cook, i'm making it up myself or changing someone else's recipe enough that it's original anyway.  i love to cook! and this summer i love to... uncook! but really, like sabrina said, my favorite part is making it up as i go, tasting and adding more basil.. tasting and wishing i'd used two less tomatoes... tasting and making everyone around me taste, too!  luckily for me, sabrina has been a good sport so far, tasting all my concoctions and never making a "wow, that's really nasty" face.  this train of thought led me to a new life-resolution.  i've always wanted to write something.  today, i think i found my something.  someday, i'm going to publish a cookbook.  step one: start writing down everything i cook (which is actually a lot harder than it sounds because i improvise so much).  but at least it will be a start! then, maybe in 20..or 30 years..or maybe in 5 (!) you'll be able to go to your local bookstore, find my name, and then you can start tasting, too! 

today's dinner: definitely one i'm going to remember and play around with, of course - it was the best gazpacho i've had in a while!  i ate it with a mini-mexican pizza left over from a couple nights ago: ezekiel tortilla spread with black bean dip (beans, garlic, lime juice, red pepper, yum), red onion, bell pepper, tomato, broccoli, and salsa.

green gazpacho

1 avacodo

1 1/2 cups tomato (ish)

3/4 large cucumber

2 cloves garlic

1 cup water

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil (ish)

1/2 teaspoon + red pepper flakes

blend together, top with chopped broccoli, orange bell pepper, red onion, and guacamole

rolled up pant-legs

today was an official day: the first official day that ants are taking over my life.  up until today, they have taken over my kitchen and my living room, but never dared invade my most personal spaces.  today, they crossed the line.  over the last several weeks, the ant problem in our apartment has been increasingly worse.  first, i was interrupted while studying by a tiny, pesky black one exploring my toes.  next, one came out of hiding from under our fridge to make a stand for his newly discovered territory; thankfully the stand-off was ended quickly by the short-time official bug-squisher, dustin (thank you, deary).  after that (even though both ants were killed almost instantly) the ants seemed to be attempting a retaliation movement - two of their lives for two of ours.  they covered the floors, walls, counters, and yes, even the ceilings.  every time i left my room, i was armed with shoes, rolled up pant-legs, paper towels for squishing, and wide open eyes scanning all possible surfaces.

at the beginning of the week, after reporting the problem several times to our ever-vigilant management company, my dad called to snap them into action.  they sprayed for ants, finally fixed the toilet handle (yay! two bathrooms again!), and placed ant traps in every corner.  feeling a little relieved, i stopped rolling up my pant-legs when i left my room.  however, sabrina and i are now quite positive that instead of ant-killer, the ant traps contained an illegal version of ant-steroids.  tripling in size, they have now invaded my bathroom and traveled via sabrina's purse into her car.  the really crazy thing is this: sabrina and i are clean... no, i could even say we are meticulous.  however, the ants soldier on.  no amount of cleaning can take care of this one. so, i continue to pray: please, please, please, please take away the ants!! or... if the ants really must stay, at least hide them from my sight so i won't know that i'm sharing my apartment and my life with large, infected, crawling, shiny, squirmy, black bugs.  and i won't complain about continuing to roll up my pant-legs.

p.s. i tried to post a picture of the large black ants we house, but i couldn't bring myself to do it. i deleted it from the computer because it was giving me the creeps! so... go look up a picture of ants yourself if you really need a visual. it just makes me itchy!

SUMMER...or not

yep, that's right. i've made a rather unreasonable decision to NOT take a break this sunny season.  for another six weeks i'll still have my nose in text books, my hand cramping from note-taking, and my seat parked in a classroom with dim lights at 8:00 a.m. (such a recipe for an alert student, isn't it?).  but please, don't mourn the loss of my sanity quite yet!  although i am absolutely sure that to most, the idea of sitting in the basement lecture hall while the weather is ideal for kite-flying is enough to bring tears the same way smacking your nose against the door frame does, i am actually mostly...excited.  there, i said it.  i am excited to be enrolled full-time in the summer.  i have officially sold my soul to the educational demon.  and yes, they have those at byu, otherwise known as the over-ambitious student ("BURN THE OVER-ACHIEVER!!" that's for you hailey). my only qualm is that i think my decision might be effecting the weather.

mother nature: "it's spring!! wait.... you're going to class.. i mean, it's SNOWING! goodbye flowers, haha!"

snow in almost-may, really? this IS an unusual year... however, although i am going to be swamped  up to my eyelids with reading and writing and test-taking, i am not going to give up my few simple pleasures of the season.  that reading list is still going to be finished at the end (i've started already - man! fablehaven is such a great escape book for post-stressful-semester).  i'm still going to sew and make jewelry, and i'm still going to make time to paint again. yes, even if it snows through june.  so wish me luck! and pray that if it really must snow, it snows so much that no one can leave their apartments so i don't feel quite so guilty about my little summer pleasures inserted in the middle of another semester.  ready, set, study!

scripture of the year

on a particularly difficult night at the beginning of fall semester 2009, natalie came into my room with her scriptures.  i had been crying - again.  why in the world do people move far away from their families? why did i move away from my family??  yes, i was a little bit home-sick at the beginning of fall semester, and facing a more daunting challenge ahead than i had comprehended before the move.  luckily, i was blessed with a sister that knew how strengthen me.  opening her scriptures, she read to me from Mosiah 24:15 (read verses 13 through 15 to get the complete picture):

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren [jessica and her sister] were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

this scripture has been the source of strength that i look to when i start asking myself, "why? why in the world did i move out of the home that i love and away from the best family anyone could ever ask for?"  the answer: because the Lord wanted me to.  and drawing my confidence from this scripture, i know that because i came here, in accordance to the Lord's will for me, he will strengthen me, help me through the hard times, and let me see the joy through the difficulty.  written on a sticky note and tacked to my desk, this has given me comfort, and been my dictating scriptural reference throughout these two semesters.  as life changes a little bit more with the passing of winter semester, i can see that where ever the will of my Heavenly Father takes me, i will be strengthened and supportive by His great and divine love.

summer dreams

the semester is almost over.  for me, this means i've been making lists of summer projects like a madwoman.  all semester long (as is usual, especially during a frost-bitten winter semester) i have made plans for project after project (new skirt patterns, wall hangings, a few blank canvases, etc.), and now that the semester is coming to a close, i have realized yet again that i haven't finished one yet.  yes, i am a firm believer in de-stressing time.  however, my lists always seem to find a way to the bottom of the de-stress pile... it's thanks to my friends, i think, that i haven't been artsy lately, and that i haven't been a recluse.  thanks friends. :)

the lists just keep growing! but for now, my projects list reads something like this:

• embroidery hoop wall hangings
• vintage frames cleaned, painted and filled (i've been hording some beautiful old frames - DI's a great place for that sort of thing).
• sew two dress patterns, at least one apron, and a couple bags (++ really, i want to sew as much as possible this summer so i don't forget everything i learned last semester! but i'll start with these).
• finish decorating/painting/pinning my lamp shade
• paint - 3 canvases just waiting for some looooove.
• build up fabric necklace collection to start selling... and giving away :)

my reading list is also overflowing.  i can't wait for to allow myself a little pleasure-reading time!

• 3 cups of tea
• thomas jefferson education
• fablehaven 5 (FINALLY!! ...guilty pleasure, i know)
• killing us softly (okay.. not really pleasure reading, but jean kilbourne - so so interesting)
• 12 steps to whole foods (by the green smoothie girl)
• 8 human talents (wow... even my books are full of lists! great yoga reading i can't wait to get my hands on.)
• fast food nation
• the phantom of the opera
• laddie
• the coming aristocracy
• anne of green gables
• the continuous atonement

really, i think this list is rather ridiculous. all i'm going to do the whole summer is read!  honestly, i can't wait to start.  however, i'm having a little difficulty deciding where to start.  any suggestions? i'm open. :)  i've decided that this summer will be a great time to learn more about raw roods.  although i think i have a pretty decent handle (for a college student, at least) on whole foods, i feel quite uneducated when it comes to raw.  what better time than summer to start, right?  in addition to all of this fabulous summer living, i'm also going to school this spring, and starting to work again, but i'm determined.  it will still be summer, and i will still live like it is!

home again, home again...

to sum up the last several months, the first thing i would say is that absolutely too much time has passed between four hour trips back to my beloved ivins.  this weekend, a spontaneous road trip was in order.  in the morning, i woke up (too late to go to my friday classes), showered, packed my bags, and jumped in the truck to hit the road.  while in provo, it's easy to become so consumed in that kind of lifestyle: the constant overload of homework, the juggling balance of the life in a college town (almost void of order and predictability), the lack of sleep and constant atmosphere promoting parties - not peace.  my ivins home is almost the definition of peace.  the smell of essential oils, grapefruits, and mostly lavender from hours of my mother's soap-making.  a pleasing proportion of space to furniture, clean cut and orderly.  quiet music, complex classical that calms and clears my mind.  images of christ, the prophets, the temples, our family - all in harmony with muted colors and clear southern utah sunlight streaming through large clean windows.  unlimited delicious food and treats in a fridge full of unrestricted delights.  and mostly my mother: arms open, smile wide, voice soft, questions ready, a complete personification of peace.  i love the nieces and nephews, the reunion of all my sisters (a bond not often enough renewed with complete togetherness).  i love my cats, despite their mauling fights and slinking foot attacks.  i love my red mountain: bright, solid, and protecting.  i love the southern utah skies with clouds full and billowing, larger than any other sky on earth.  but mostly, i love peace. i love the renewal of my soul, of who i am deep down inside, the remembrance that i am part of the most important institution on earth - the family.  coming home is remembering where i fit in the world, why i fit in the world, and all the possibilities the world given to me provides - and this brings me peace.

completely greeeen salad

a couple days ago, i had the most beautiful salad - honestly, i want to re-create it again and again every day for the next three weeks.  it was an accident, actually.  without any forethought i had started combining all the ingredients in the fridge that needed to be used first and most, and i ended up with the best salad combination i've had.  this is what came out:

a large plate filled with spinach

topped with steamed broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus

diced yellow onion and cucumber

drizzled with a mixture of lemon juice, basil, salt, pepper, and fresh garlic

simply divine.

next time i think i want to add artichoke hearts and avocado slices, keeping with the green theme.  the light lemon and garlic dressing was perfect over the steamed veggies, and the contrast between the warm broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus and the cool cucumber and onion was delicious.  definitely a keeper! i wish i had taken a picture. besides being a love fest on my tongue, it was also quite the sight, covering the full spectrum of the color green.  expect one next week when i can't stand the craving any longer!

stove-top POPcorn

last night was my very first experience with stove-top popcorn.  believe it or not, my health nut expertise did not include healthy popcorn.  the extent of my cooking with popcorn that isn't pre-coated in butter, oil, salt, saturated fat, and yellow food coloring is that little container you pour whole kernels into and throw into the microwave for two minutes - the air popper, or whatever they call it.  and even that has been years.  lately, my popcorn cravings are satisfied by a one-portion sized bag labeled "newman's naturals!".  hardly healthy.

so last night, i drew the line.  i love popcorn... i really love popcorn. but i will not stoop to put little bag of fake flavorings in the microwave again! or at least not this week.  natalie, the always-supportive sister, came into the kitchen to coach my efforts.  being a long-time stove-top veteran (thanks to the lack of microwave popcorn in uruguay), she assured me that this was my experiment; she had burnt too many helpings, and the blame for a catastrophe would be all mine.  apprehensive, i poured 3 tablespoons of oil into a pan along with 1/3 cup whole popcorn kernels. i had a small panic attack as the liquid began to sputter from the heat and i realized i couldn't see inside the pan.  how in the world could i stir so it wouldn't all burn if i couldn't even take the lid off without kernels popping clean out of the pan and all over the kitchen floor?? a sharp, "calm DOWN!" from natalie stopped my squealing, and i stood staring at the pan rather frantically. i could hear the popping; it shook the pan slightly. suspenseful?? yes. 

when the popping finally subsided, i yanked the pan off the stove and switched the burner to off.  slowly, i lifted the lid from the steaming pan.  beautiful, white completely popped kernels stacked, then spilled over the edge onto the stove.  perfect popcorn.  with not one black spot visible and barely five kernels left unpopped.  i overflowed. as if the thrill of making the stove-top perfection popcorn wasn't enough, eating it covered in a saucy mixture of coco and agave syrup was heaven.  hello, world. throw away the butter-stained microwave bags and wake up to the wonderfulness of stove-top popcorn!