loveme.

january and i have been in the middle of a love-hate relationship this year.  i love the blue skies, he drops snow on me.  i hate the cold, and it warms up.  i make incredible resolutions to start the new year off. . . and with the first month they go the way of the world {which is away}.

i feel like january shouldn't really be a part of the year.  see, everyone makes all these great resolutions and plans to change, do things a little differently, be a little better.  but come the end of january and most of us are on the same old track.

for that reason, i now decree january a test month - not a real one.

for the rest of my life, i intend to make my new year's resolutions at the end of january.  that way, i've had time to try out a few different things.  i've had time to try to change things, i know what works and what doesn't, and i won't be horribly frustrated by the end of the first month of the new year when nothing has changed.

a test month.  i'll try a different strategy every week or so.  then, come february, i'll have a plan - a concrete plan.  i'll know exactly what i want to change and how i want to change it. . .at least, that's the hope.

luckily, this is a perfect year to start this strategy.  it's almost the end of january and quite a few of my resolutions from the previous year have failed - miserably.  okay, let's be a little more optimistic!  not failed miserably. . . just not quite accomplished the over-arching goal, which is actually what i'd like to talk about.

so: new year's resolution {post test-month}:
{this is a big one}.

    i've come up with a theme for this year:  loveme. 
                 loving myself has been a challenge since i can remember, and to be honest i'm terrified to tackle it. this encompasses a lot.  from demanding much too much of myself, placing extreme restrictions on myself, placing no restrictions on myself, mental guilt-tripping. . . it's been a long road of self-abuse.  but it's time to put a stop to it.  this goal will change the dynamics of the blog quite a bit, i expect.  i'll be blogging about things like eating disorders, mental attitude, general health, nutrition, having a relationship with Christ, social relationships, expectations, attitudes about men and women, social competition and comparison, and more as they surface.  this is a year-long project.  but by then end, i expect to have a better opinion of myself, to learn to truly take care of myself, to be happy to be me.  in short, this year will be a turning point - one that will shape my future drastically.  by the end, i hope to believe there's nothing i can't do.

project loveme will have quite a few different components and stages.  i still haven't worked out a fool-proof plan, but there'll be more to follow on that later.  i am determined to do a few things right off the bat.  i've been wanting to write about these issues for a long time, but it was just never the right time.  but i've realized that i can't keep waiting for the right time, i just have to start now, where i am.  so i'm actually going to write about these things - address my real life issues and how i'm overcoming them.  i'm going to post more pictures of myself.  selfish?  i thought that at first, too.  but not anymore.  i want this to be a record of me, of my life, and pictures are a way to do that, while also helping with my own self-image.

the first step:
i wanted something that would really get me writing about all this, more than once a month.  so, to start off, i'll be trying out a blog challenge called project 31.  it's all about women, real beauty, and being unique.  i'll start that on february 1. {and yes, i know that february doesn't have 31 days, but i missed january!}

after that i'm not sure where i'll head.  my hope is that it will help me be more comfortable writing about all this - all this stuff that's much more me.

so.

let project loveme begin!