project: you are what you think - the beginning of a new journey.

it's a new day.

and yes, i know that's a very obvious statement.  but.  today is different.  today marks the beginning of a new goal, experiment, and potentially life-altering decision.

there are a million different things that shape you into who you are, exactly, right?  considering what i deeply believe, the first (or what should be first) is our Heavenly Father - His plan for us through our compliance with it.  next, the Lord has told us that "as a man thinketh, so is he."  i also believe in the largely quoted (and never taken quite seriously enough) statement, "you are what you eat."  i strive for the first, devoutly.  i almost obsess over the latter, strictly.  until now, i have payed only vague acknowledgement to the second: you are what you think (disappointingly).

in actuality, your thoughts determine your reality, and your perception of it.  i've known this, but largely (and ashamedly) have ignored the fact.

remember how i'm sick?  it got worse yesterday.  the goal was to not be bed-ridden, and to my disappointment i failed miserably.  i did get out of bed, but only to move to the couch and in front of the television.  how pathetic is that?  i don't even watch television.  i've been blaming this nasty cold on the stress of last semester in combination with the sweets that were altogether too plentiful my last week in provo (for a while).  i'm sure these elements played a role.  after all, you are what you eat, and i was eating what makes me sick.  i know my body doesn't hold up very well under extreme stress or pressure, and that's exactly what i was in.  but.  here's the confession: what have i been thinking through all this stress and some uncharacteristic unhealthy eating? unhappy thoughts.

i've been a nervous wreck the past couple of weeks.  angry often, upset regularly, annoyed like clockwork, and emotionally distraught daily.  my mom was kind enough to point out last night that i am positively worrying myself sick, literally.  worse, i'm a basket case worrying about things that i mostly can't control to begin with.

the last few weeks of this type of thinking i like to think are uncharacteristic because of how drastic i've been.  but really.  i need to be brutally honest with myself for a moment here. so allow me a moment.  i try to be a very optimistic person, i really do. however, past that determination, i struggle with negative thoughts often.  mostly toward myself or my current situation, i stress, demand perfection, worry worry worry, etc.

today, it stops.  today is the beginning of project "you are what you think."

the first thing i'm going to cure is this blasted cold.

i'm going to take it a few steps at a time because oh-how-i-know i have a whole lot to work on.  it's daunting.  a little nerve-wracking.  but it's time to really give it a shot - whole-heartedly.

i talked some about the little beast of a chronic illness i was diagnosed with several years ago, fibromyalgia.  i've contained it with diet, controlled it with lifestyle.  i've liked to think for the past year or so that it's gone because i don't want to give in to what's left of it.  today is the beginning of it's banishment.

this is a big step.  an overwhelming journey to begin.  but no matter what, the only logical way to go is up.

and guess what?
i can do hard things.

i'm up to the task.

wish me luck!
and anyone want to join me in my journey?