night frights

so it's going on more than a week now.  a week that i just absolutely cannot sleep.  you'd think that once all the stress was whisked away and the comforts of home surrounded me that sleep would come easily, naturally.  unfortunately, my body has a different opinion than yours.

or maybe it's my mind.  because, you see, it's not that i can't sleep because i'm restless or achy or just not tired.  i can't sleep because my mind simply will not turn off.  and i'm not thinking of nice things, either.  i go over and over whether or not all the doors in the house are locked, how big the cat has to be to set the sensor light on outside my window, and if that sound i heard in the kitchen was the cat or... wait, the cat's by my feet.  what in the world could have made that sound in the kitchen??  etc.

usually, going to bed is a bit of a self-calming exercise to begin with.  i'm no stranger to the solution of hum a hymn and pick your favorite memory to mull over until you doze off and don't have to worry about the could-be robber outside your bedroom window.  but the last week has been an unnatural panic every time the light goes out.  i don't remember being afraid of the dark when i was younger, but somehow that fear must have developed with a surplus of information.  information about the rapes around my apartment.  information about how easy it would be to break the front door in if you really wanted to.  information about the importance of carrying mace around in my purse... or hand if i really want to be prepared.  simply too much information.  taking greater care with safety precautions in my apartment coupled with all the stress of the closing of last semester has made me paranoid.  and i can't seem to turn off the paranoia quite as quickly as it seemed to come on.

but.

sooner or later, i have to get some sleep.  after all, one can die from exhaustion.  it's a fact.

so. i might as well try again tonight.

goodnight.

and wish me luck.