::summer love

happy 4th!

it was a sleep-in sort of day (with no tea, despite last night's supposing).  however... there were things much better than tea.  breakfast in bed is exactly what a sleep-in sort of morning calls for, and i'm glad my husband knows that even better than me!  i woke up to scrambled eggs and veggies, bacon, toast with jam, and a green smoothie.  sooooo yum!

i'm excited to see what texas can do with the 4th of july tonight.  i have my doubts, but hey - if a city can organize a daschund race, then they certainly can shoot off fireworks, right?  but fireworks or not it'll be a night of lacrosse-catch, a walk in the park, black bean burgers, and probably a movie.  or the hobbit.  we'll see which catches our fancy first.

have a happy summer independence day, everyone! :)

late-night tea and more missness

i drank a large amount of tea tonight from my theo chocolate mug.  it was divine.

sometimes all life needs is a big mug of tea.  or a good cry.

today was an unusually productive day in all.  quite a few long-time to-do list items were crossed off: chip in the windshield fixed, shower fixed, oven heating element replaced (no more sparks!), and a plethora of phone calls checked off.  also three (more) jobs applied to, another chapter of my book devoured, a successful eggplant adventure....  it's been a busy day, in all.

mostly it felt good to get up and get some things done.  and, as usual, it helped to start with a hard long workout and a good breakfast.

other than those things, though, today - and lately, really - i've just been missing.  missing coming home to a cat that purrs and sits on my feet.  missing the twenty-minute walk to campus in beautiful provo - beautiful provo no matter the season.  i've been missing that peace, the way the mindless beautiful calm walk opened up my mind to new ideas and the way it sometimes chased all thoughts away until i was left with only feeling the breeze and the sun on my skin, hearing the birds.

i've been missing the drive home from provo, back to ivins.  missing those mountains, the longs stretches of uninterrupted music of my choice, the eager phone calls along the way and the warmth waiting to sink into me as i walked into my ivins home.  i miss coming inside to find my family waiting for me, expecting me, hugging me and showing me all the things i'd missed in my forever month-long absence.

i miss living with my sisters.  sneaking away when homework was obnoxious to find some good food and great conversation.  i miss driving around with them in my car, the music up loud, the city dark, and having adventures on a whim.  i miss the exuberance in provo - the life that 40,000 young adults give to the air.  i miss the afterglow on the mountains and the way we would all scream at the ice.

i miss popcorn and the office with hailey.
i miss stopping by mindy's work to say hello at lunch breaks.
i miss late-night movies and desserts at lori and james' house.
i miss talks with dad, movies with dad, his teasing and always available wisdom.
i miss carrie and lori dropping by for a quick errand and staying for lunch and games.

i miss grocery shopping with mom, walking on the trail every morning with mom, and talking late into the night with her.

i miss larry's jokes and james' thoughtfulness.  i miss josh's motivation and acceptance.

i miss the red mountains and blue sky.  i miss hiking and hills.  i miss buying maple syrup and berries, coconut bliss and chocolate bars when i wanted a treat.  i miss frozen yogurt with natalie and hailey and mom and dad.  i miss picking apricots in the backyard, watering the garden and chasing the cats.  i miss chiropractors and massage therapists.  i miss art classes at dixie and working for a summer with one of my best friends.  i miss working toward a massive goal (my degree) and putting my everything into it.

i just miss... all the things i loved from all the places i've ever been and all the people who have been in my life.

the list of things to love here is growing, i suppose.  i really do love the storms and the birds.  i love having a gym membership and the new sphere that's added to one area of my life.  but while i have with me someone i love the most, there is a vast shortage of anyone-elses.  and something i'm learning more and more about myself is that i'm a lot more naturally social than i ever thought i was.  i like to be around people.

so, all you people who have ever been in my life and aren't physically that way right now, i miss you.  i can't wait to see you again, and i love you.

and i think tomorrow morning, i might just have another large mug of tea.

eggplant and bananagrams

tonight, i took advantage of taylor's work-through-dinner schedule to make myself a spicy-as-heck meal.  he puts up with my over-spicing ridiculously well, and i've learned to tone-down the hot sauce... a little.  but tonight i went all out.  with my sauteed summer squash and greens, i added more than half a fresh jalapeno.  and salsa. of course.

yum.
reading animal, vegetable, miracle has me dreaming about heirloom seeds and fresh food.  i can't wait to decide what to do with the eggplant in my refrigerator.  even if life gets dull, food will never.


-- 


i took a long hiatus and now it's several hours later.  after spewing all the information i just learned about genetically modified foods onto my husband's plate, i've now filled my quota for the day's stimulating conversation.


also i want to play more games.  tonight was bananagrams.  chess and carcasone are on the upcoming menu.


the last few weeks have been a little rough in texas.  we've hit some unexpected speed bumps and the emotional tires are still recovering... or just adjusting, maybe.  but we've had good food (even if rationed).  and we've played good games.  and we're good company to each other, taylor and me.


tonight, it's time for bed.  tomorrow holds an early run, lots more job applications, the promise of an adventure in the fridge (in the form of an eggplant), and probably the repairs of the oven, the shower, aaaand the windshield.  finally.


all that calls for some good sleep.  may your night be restful and your eggplant as exciting as mine is.


'night!

the LOVE game: sunday morning

1. i love sleeping in on sunday mornings.
2. i love days that are filled with finishing things - it just feels good to get some things done!
3. i love a clean desk. no papers. no clutter. no stacks of unnecessary things.
4. i love love love barbara kingsolver. really, sometimes i wish i could be her.
5. i love a full workout chart. goal accomplished!
6. i love homemade bread toasted with as much butter as it can hold.
7. i love summer veggies and fruit. can't get enough of them, really.
8. i love cool(er) evenings before the sun is down, with enough time to go outside and play.
9. i love my little plastic solar-powered waving daisy.  it's one of the happiest things in this house.
10. i love saturday night work-outs, when the gym is practically empty and the music isn't quite as bad as usual.

ps. you know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed when you get to number eight and it takes 15 minutes to think of the last three.  i ought to do this ten more times today to turn my mood around, really.

what do you love today?

i want to ride an elephant

sometimes i'm an adventurous person, in my head.  the other day i saw a picture on facebook of someone i used to know who is in thailand.  she was riding an elephant down a river, and i thought someday....i really really want to ride on an elephant.

the truth is there are a lot of adventures i want to have someday.

when i was younger, a family friend took hailey and me to the circus.  there was a big ring where they were giving rides on two very sad looking elephants.  and i wanted to ride so much.  basically i've wanted to ride an elephant as long as i can remember and although this opportunity was quite a bit less than the idea of riding an elephant down a stream while wearing exotic clothes and balancing a basket on my head, this was my opportunity!  we went to stand in line.  i remember how ecstatic i was - i could barely contain myself!  then i said something about my excitement and with a look that said really? grow up.. the woman who was our chaperone told me that i was much too old to ride the elephants.  we were only in line for my little sister.

and so my search for an elephant continues.


there are a lot of other adventures i want, too.  someday i want to go on a backpacking trip - a legitimate one.  i want to rock climb (outside... not just indoors).  i also reeeaaaalllllly want to go on a river rafting trip down the grand canyon.  and run a marathon.  and maybe do a triathlon someday.  and absolutely learn to snowboard.

and i want to see the great pyramid and what's left of the sphinx.  i want to walk the great wall of china.  and see the kangaroos, koala bears, and platypuses in australia.  while i'm at it, i'd love to go to hobbiton in new zealand and learn to surf and scuba dive.

i want to do a lot of things.  be a lot of things.

and someday i really am going to ride an elephant.  and if my kids ever want to, i'll tell them they are never too old to ride the elephants.

music and homemade bread

burned bread again today.  well, at least the tops.  i haven't seen the inside yet, but one thing is certain: baking bread in a toaster oven is tricky business.  our almost-dead ancient horrible oven died for real last night.  i wanted a BIG pan of roasted veggies!  but...when the heating element caught fire and started sparking all over the place, i decided it was time to retire the thing for good.  at least the veggies were finished by the time i saw the sparks, right?

also, this has nothing to do with vegetables, ovens or bread, but wesley blaylock's new ep is absolutely beautiful.  here are a couple of my favorites.  i especially love hannah blaylock (featured in the second).

thanks to taylor for finding this gem!  ....on repeat :)

thinking of painting tonight... it's been a while and i'm itching to get back at it lately.  also i'll probably have three more slices of that bread.  while in the middle of writing, i already had one and it was glorious.  for some reason the toaster oven always turns the tops of the bread black, but it's never really burned....?  the bread is so moist it doesn't get hard at all.  and it doesn't taste too done at all.  horrah! for another toaster oven success.  really, sisters.  thank you.  it's because of you that i've been able to cook anything in the oven at all these last six months.  love you! :)


ps. chopping all my hair off is now inevitable.  the next time i'm even remotely close to lubbock, it's all coming off.  all of it!

tossing the closet

today i began the arduous task of cleaning out my closet (...a sub-project of cleaning out my whole apartment - which started last week).  and okay, it's not really that arduous; it's actually kind of fun.  at any given time i probably only ever wear 75% of what's in my closet and dresser.  lately that statistic is more like 15%.  if that.  i'm always grabbing for what's most comfortable and functional, and that ends up always being the same 10 items.  also, while watching videos from dress your truth (really, i'm pretty much obsessed) i heard that the average american woman has $6000 in her wardrobe (clothes, shoes, bags, accessories).  while i think i'm actually way way way below that number, there are definitely things in my closet worth a pretty penny that i haven't worn in months and months - or that i've only worn for a total of four hours.

seeing as the job search continues, i figured i might as well cash in the clothes i don't want anyway for some extra change... or extra money with which to pay our internet bill or something.  currently, there is a stack that takes up half our bed (and is at least two feet high) of clothes that i'm probably going to get rid of.  there's another stack on a chair about a foot high (stacked single-file) that i'm definitely going to sell, toss or give away.

now is the time when i really wish i were one of those famous bloggers with 15000 followers who cleans out their wardrobe by creating a subsection of their blog with images of clothes and prices.  i've known more than one woman who bought an article of clothing that way just because so-and-so owned it.  because it hung in her closet next to the one she wears in her profile picture.

yeah, it'd be pretty awesome to auction my clothes off and have obsessed women out-bidding each other for the skirt i wore in my profile picture two years ago.

BUT because that's not the case, i think ebay is going to become my new best friend.  and if that doesn't work, then i'll take the stacks to a consignment shop in lubbock... or something.

any online selling suggestions will be greatly welcomed.  i'm new at this.

in other news, i'm reading animal, vegetable, miracle (which has been on my list for ages) and absolutely eating it up (pun intended).  i already wanted to grow a garden.  now i think i'm going to go buy pots and start one on my balcony.  ....once the money starts flowing again.

speaking of vegetables, dinner tonight was delicious: lightly sauteed red onion, carrot, summer squash and kale; one hard-boiled egg; and a juicy plum for dessert.

yum.

it doesn't get any better than that, folks.

texas lessons

it's storming again tonight in texas.  these storms started a pattern forming in our apartment the last month or two.  typically one of us will see the stormcloud.  one dark massive wave across the otherwise empty blue big sky - exactly how you see a storm cloud in movies if they're created by magic or something else evil and unnatural.  about an hour later, both our phones will start ringing at the same time: the storm warning.  you'd think (because of the urgent tone of the recorded man) this automated message would bring some anxious preparations so our apartment didn't blow over in the damaging winds, get struck by dangerous lightning, or be pelted into an unrecognizable ball of debris by the extremely large hale.  but that's not the case.

the phone call is the signal to get a few snacks, open the blinds all the way, turn off the lights and get ready for the show.

texas storms are one of the few incredible things about this place.

they're fierce.
wild.

dangerous.

without fail after it's subsided (and sometimes still in the middle) the sirens sound.  the roads get crazy and there's always a few unlucky drivers that can't get inside quick enough.  but, without fail, they do pass.  the storms are actually very short-lived.  the longest this far into the season is still the very first - nearly four hours of pouring rain and window-rattling thunder.  but typically they're much shorter.  an hour, sometimes almost two.  then they pass, the clouds dissipate and everything is blue and clear again.

---

for the last several months, i've started a new routine at the gym.  heck, in the last few months i've started going to the gym for the first time in my life!  running's old news sometimes and i wanted to try my hand (or back..and legs, really) at weight-lifting.  so i've started dabbling.  typically i'll run (okay, okay.. and walk more) for a half hour, then sit on weird machines (or lift up big heavy objects that were only created so i could lift them then put them back down) for another fifteen or so.

sometimes i want to stop so so much.  the gym's unnatural to me.  i like to run outside in the clear where there's no one else in the entire wold - just me and the mountains and the sky.  but it's not safe to run in abilene and so i'm learning to be thankful for gyms.  (yes, even if texas food is twice the portions it ought to be and the healthy food movement has yet to hit the big country they do have a few gyms in this town - a few.)  but anyway.  working out, both running and weight lifting, are... well, i love it.  afterward.  okay, sometimes i love what i'm doing during, but not all the time - definitely not a lot.  the point is i love that while i'm doing it i burn.  i get totally and completely out of breath.  i think my legs aren't going to carry me.  i shake.  but then i walk out of the gym, take some deep breaths in the car, have a long drink of water... and everything goes back to normal.

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the big point is all things pass.

texas storms are furious and frightening at times.  but they pass.
going to the gym makes me feel like i'm going to die, and sometimes i do for an hour afterward.  but then it passes and i go back to normal.  okay, better than normal (let's be honest, who doesn't love those endorphins?)

everything passes.
the rain.
the burning in my lower-half.
texas.
a tiny apartment.
and having no money.

all things pass.  that's what texas is teaching me these days - a funny thing for a town that looks like it's been here since the beginning of time to teach me that all things will pass eventually.  but they will.  and at the end of the next year and a half texas will reinforce that lesson by letting me leave and go back to places that believe in health food.  and city drainage systems.  and mountains.

yeah.  texas, too, will pass.


(for me, at least.  to all those who came here expecting it to be only a few months or years and are still here after 30 years, my heart goes out to you.  it weeps for you.  but, in all honesty, i will never be one of you.)

faubus lake

while i'm not really in love with abilene {and neither is taylor} it's taken a little while to start finding things that  really grab me about this place.  the first thing i really started to love was faubus fountain lake on acu campus.  it's not a lake at all - just a little pond.  kind of a glorified version of byu's duck pond.  at first (when it was cold), i'd just run around the track and see the lake for a good ten minutes of my run.  once it started getting warmer, i'd walk down the stone steps to sit by the water and read while i waited for taylor to stop therapatizing people so he could come play with me.  now, it's become our picnic spot.  we pack up our sandwiches and our mutual book sometimes and head over to watch the birds and fish while we eat and take turns reading to each other.  it's hot lately, but the sun is darn good for my legs!

this is our friend, the great blue heron.  he's a lonely bird that doesn't let any of the others (or us...) get close. i'm glad he's sticking around for the summer - he's about the only majestic part of abilene there is. {okay, okay, except for the lightning and thunder.  which is amazing, by the way.}

aaaand these are my toes loving the sun.  you can't see them in the pictures, but there are MASSIVE coyfish  in the pond.  bright florescent orange, red and glowing white.  and then there's one that's probably 3.5 feet long - really.  there's also a little angel fish that hangs out by the rocks.  she's pretty cute.

and here (at long last) is the grackle.  these birds are everywhere in abilene.  this is guy came over for a sip of water and was angry because the water level was too high for him to climb down.  they make an awesome sound with their heads tipped all the way back.  pretty cool birds.  sadly, everyone here hates them... well, except us i guess.  :-)

it was taylor's turn to read, so i sneaked a picture while he was at an exciting part.  we've just finished the fablehaven series and neither of us is finished grieving yet.  one of the best fantasies ever written, in my opinion.  just plain amazing.

even if most of the city is pretty sad, i'm glad there are a few little spots that satisfy my need for nature.  here's to hoping i find more!

linking

via.

this is a powerful blog about love, and the best beauty secret in the world.

something i've been thinking about lately again, from a woman who's changed the way i see the world.

finally finished with this beautiful, inspiring book.  i loved every sentence of every page.

i love love love it when someone people listen to stand up for a proper perspective.

and last but not least, here's something i've started working on again.  anyone wanna join me?