i drank a large amount of tea tonight from my theo chocolate mug. it was divine.
sometimes all life needs is a big mug of tea. or a good cry.
today was an unusually productive day in all. quite a few long-time to-do list items were crossed off: chip in the windshield fixed, shower fixed, oven heating element replaced (no more sparks!), and a plethora of phone calls checked off. also three (more) jobs applied to, another chapter of my book devoured, a successful eggplant adventure.... it's been a busy day, in all.
mostly it felt good to get up and get some things done. and, as usual, it helped to start with a hard long workout and a good breakfast.
other than those things, though, today - and lately, really - i've just been missing. missing coming home to a cat that purrs and sits on my feet. missing the twenty-minute walk to campus in beautiful provo - beautiful provo no matter the season. i've been missing that peace, the way the mindless beautiful calm walk opened up my mind to new ideas and the way it sometimes chased all thoughts away until i was left with only feeling the breeze and the sun on my skin, hearing the birds.
i've been missing the drive home from provo, back to ivins. missing those mountains, the longs stretches of uninterrupted music of my choice, the eager phone calls along the way and the warmth waiting to sink into me as i walked into my ivins home. i miss coming inside to find my family waiting for me, expecting me, hugging me and showing me all the things i'd missed in my forever month-long absence.
i miss living with my sisters. sneaking away when homework was obnoxious to find some good food and great conversation. i miss driving around with them in my car, the music up loud, the city dark, and having adventures on a whim. i miss the exuberance in provo - the life that 40,000 young adults give to the air. i miss the afterglow on the mountains and the way we would all scream at the ice.
i miss popcorn and the office with hailey.
i miss stopping by mindy's work to say hello at lunch breaks.
i miss late-night movies and desserts at lori and james' house.
i miss talks with dad, movies with dad, his teasing and always available wisdom.
i miss carrie and lori dropping by for a quick errand and staying for lunch and games.
i miss grocery shopping with mom, walking on the trail every morning with mom, and talking late into the night with her.
i miss larry's jokes and james' thoughtfulness. i miss josh's motivation and acceptance.
i miss the red mountains and blue sky. i miss hiking and hills. i miss buying maple syrup and berries, coconut bliss and chocolate bars when i wanted a treat. i miss frozen yogurt with natalie and hailey and mom and dad. i miss picking apricots in the backyard, watering the garden and chasing the cats. i miss chiropractors and massage therapists. i miss art classes at dixie and working for a summer with one of my best friends. i miss working toward a massive goal (my degree) and putting my everything into it.
i just miss... all the things i loved from all the places i've ever been and all the people who have been in my life.
the list of things to love here is growing, i suppose. i really do love the storms and the birds. i love having a gym membership and the new sphere that's added to one area of my life. but while i have with me someone i love the most, there is a vast shortage of anyone-elses. and something i'm learning more and more about myself is that i'm a lot more naturally social than i ever thought i was. i like to be around people.
so, all you people who have ever been in my life and aren't physically that way right now, i miss you. i can't wait to see you again, and i love you.
and i think tomorrow morning, i might just have another large mug of tea.
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