home again, home again...

to sum up the last several months, the first thing i would say is that absolutely too much time has passed between four hour trips back to my beloved ivins.  this weekend, a spontaneous road trip was in order.  in the morning, i woke up (too late to go to my friday classes), showered, packed my bags, and jumped in the truck to hit the road.  while in provo, it's easy to become so consumed in that kind of lifestyle: the constant overload of homework, the juggling balance of the life in a college town (almost void of order and predictability), the lack of sleep and constant atmosphere promoting parties - not peace.  my ivins home is almost the definition of peace.  the smell of essential oils, grapefruits, and mostly lavender from hours of my mother's soap-making.  a pleasing proportion of space to furniture, clean cut and orderly.  quiet music, complex classical that calms and clears my mind.  images of christ, the prophets, the temples, our family - all in harmony with muted colors and clear southern utah sunlight streaming through large clean windows.  unlimited delicious food and treats in a fridge full of unrestricted delights.  and mostly my mother: arms open, smile wide, voice soft, questions ready, a complete personification of peace.  i love the nieces and nephews, the reunion of all my sisters (a bond not often enough renewed with complete togetherness).  i love my cats, despite their mauling fights and slinking foot attacks.  i love my red mountain: bright, solid, and protecting.  i love the southern utah skies with clouds full and billowing, larger than any other sky on earth.  but mostly, i love peace. i love the renewal of my soul, of who i am deep down inside, the remembrance that i am part of the most important institution on earth - the family.  coming home is remembering where i fit in the world, why i fit in the world, and all the possibilities the world given to me provides - and this brings me peace.

completely greeeen salad

a couple days ago, i had the most beautiful salad - honestly, i want to re-create it again and again every day for the next three weeks.  it was an accident, actually.  without any forethought i had started combining all the ingredients in the fridge that needed to be used first and most, and i ended up with the best salad combination i've had.  this is what came out:

a large plate filled with spinach

topped with steamed broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus

diced yellow onion and cucumber

drizzled with a mixture of lemon juice, basil, salt, pepper, and fresh garlic

simply divine.

next time i think i want to add artichoke hearts and avocado slices, keeping with the green theme.  the light lemon and garlic dressing was perfect over the steamed veggies, and the contrast between the warm broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus and the cool cucumber and onion was delicious.  definitely a keeper! i wish i had taken a picture. besides being a love fest on my tongue, it was also quite the sight, covering the full spectrum of the color green.  expect one next week when i can't stand the craving any longer!

stove-top POPcorn

last night was my very first experience with stove-top popcorn.  believe it or not, my health nut expertise did not include healthy popcorn.  the extent of my cooking with popcorn that isn't pre-coated in butter, oil, salt, saturated fat, and yellow food coloring is that little container you pour whole kernels into and throw into the microwave for two minutes - the air popper, or whatever they call it.  and even that has been years.  lately, my popcorn cravings are satisfied by a one-portion sized bag labeled "newman's naturals!".  hardly healthy.

so last night, i drew the line.  i love popcorn... i really love popcorn. but i will not stoop to put little bag of fake flavorings in the microwave again! or at least not this week.  natalie, the always-supportive sister, came into the kitchen to coach my efforts.  being a long-time stove-top veteran (thanks to the lack of microwave popcorn in uruguay), she assured me that this was my experiment; she had burnt too many helpings, and the blame for a catastrophe would be all mine.  apprehensive, i poured 3 tablespoons of oil into a pan along with 1/3 cup whole popcorn kernels. i had a small panic attack as the liquid began to sputter from the heat and i realized i couldn't see inside the pan.  how in the world could i stir so it wouldn't all burn if i couldn't even take the lid off without kernels popping clean out of the pan and all over the kitchen floor?? a sharp, "calm DOWN!" from natalie stopped my squealing, and i stood staring at the pan rather frantically. i could hear the popping; it shook the pan slightly. suspenseful?? yes. 

when the popping finally subsided, i yanked the pan off the stove and switched the burner to off.  slowly, i lifted the lid from the steaming pan.  beautiful, white completely popped kernels stacked, then spilled over the edge onto the stove.  perfect popcorn.  with not one black spot visible and barely five kernels left unpopped.  i overflowed. as if the thrill of making the stove-top perfection popcorn wasn't enough, eating it covered in a saucy mixture of coco and agave syrup was heaven.  hello, world. throw away the butter-stained microwave bags and wake up to the wonderfulness of stove-top popcorn!

coming out of hibernation

it's been a month. a hectic, rather uncreative month.

but finally, after almost resigning to the sun's decision to altogether abandon northern utah, i saw blue sky and budding trees, awoke to frantic birds in the branches outside my window, wore a jacket instead of a coat, ate salad instead of soup, and subtracted one blanket from my bedding equation.  it's still cold enough to require bundling to walk to campus, but not quite enough to demand a coat, scarf, and boots to run down to the mailbox.  although snow soaked through my shoes again this afternoon, the day started out much like what i think spring might look like here.  the world is waking up, at last!

the unpredictable (but undeniably improving) weather has aroused my spontaneity.  last weekend i wore magenta pants for the first time in almost a year.  for the past week, upon arriving home, i fly into laughing fits that end in three to four people sprawled on the couch and table close to tears (really for no reason at all).  i start homework only to convince myself that something else is more important today... like blogging.  i listen to kate nash.  i have an irrepressible urge to watch sappy chick flicks (yes, i watched the proposal twice last week and had a flashback with disney's beauty and the beast).  the only explanation for all of this ridiculous behavior is this: the sun is waking me up, and giving me spring fever. although personally, as ridiculous as magenta pants appear, they are actually a very liberating item of clothing to own.

i'm finding the need to console myself often - really, it's okay to watch a movie.  after all, i earned a 92% on my last test, and so on.  it makes me feel more productive (and combats the urge to drop out of school and start a perpetual spring break.  i've made several different 5-year life plans, budgeted for the rest of my life, cleaned my room from top to bottom, and made some new goals (blog post at least once a week, sleep for eight hours a night, make myself three full meals a day, etc.).  but even with all this general productivity, i am still counting down the days until the end of winter semester. 11 class periods left of tuesday/thursday classes, 11!  and i feel justified in doing so.  if byu won't grant me at least one week of spring break, i am STILL going to blog, i am going to sleep, i am going to leave all the windows open. and  i am going to wear magenta pants.

late-night demetri martin spree

for those times when you just really need to laugh so hard it makes your stomach cramp and your eyes water. this was that time for me tonight, demetri martin was the source of its accomplishment, and these are tonight's best of the best: enjoy :) in the words of the soy creamer carton, "shake well and smile often."


“I went into a deli and got an egg sandwich and a hot chocolate. And then I went outside and I had to get a cab, so I had to put up one of my hands. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. So I chose the hot chocolate. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. Standing on the street, ‘Here’s to you guys, to everybody heading west, I just wanna say I like what you do… but one of you needs to stop, pick me up.’”


“I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said “if you need anything, I’m Jill”. I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.”


“I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then Í said, “Does he bite?”. She said “No.” And I said, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? … Liar.”"


"If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy."


"I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such...a specific item. I don't know that many words and I'm going out...and I have pants. Perfect!"


-- demetri martin 

thankful.

january has been a month unusually full of difficult situations.  now, in the last week, i have realized the abundance of resources i've been blessed with throughout.  i think most of us (like me) have the tendency for complete obliviousness to the simple blessings of everyday life in the midst of an unwanted experience.  i'd like to overcome that tendency someday, to bring more grace and composure to the way i handle the situation when an unexpected color is thrown onto my canvas.  i'd like to be able to recognize the beauty of all the colors together more quickly.  in the words of nancy (one of the most influential women in my life), "you know you can eat this week, you have a place to go when it rains, you have clothes on your back, and now you have new experience, too!" because that's what this is all about: experiences.  after all, at the end of the month i find myself only thankful, in a simple way.

i am thankful for my bed and pillows, and especially for the rice pack that warms them up at night.
i am thankful that i have boots this week, so my feet don't freeze in the snow.
i am thankful for chocolate peanut butter balls.
i am thankful for thank you notes when they are truly sincere.
i am thankful (most of all) for my sisters, both related and not, who will cry with me, hold me when i need someone close, laugh at the smeared make-up on my face, make sure i eat well and sleep enough, and send me support from miles away.
i am thankful for toothpaste and soap.
i am thankful for sleepy time tea.
i am thankful (most of all) for a father and mother who know the importance of a hug and a seven hour drive.
i am thankful (most of all) for blessings and instruction.
i am thankful for puppies and cupcakes.
i am thankful.
and i am thankful that thankful is all i need to be.

winter: an overcome-able state of mind

The seasons have a funny way of wishing the northern hemisphere a happy new year.  January 1: new goals, new start, beginning of new trends, the horizon to days, weeks and months still undiscovered, unscathed, undamaged, and inviting... Also, beginning of the two bleakest months of the entire year: filled with overcast days full of slush, ice, snow, smog, frozen noses and ears, cold toes and fingers, and a complete absence of color.  Obviously, Mother Nature is attempting to crush the world's confidence.  This kind of cold is bearable... but only with Christmas lights!  As a substitute for the lack of festive decoration, I have been diligently seeking a consolation, a comfort, or a sunny-side to this season altogether lacking all warmth and life provided by the center of our solar system.  I need a reason to survive the season; I am on a mission to discover the life (if any) that was left when the sunshine deserted the town of Provo.  I will discover it, or I will move to the equator.

Logical, provable, and valid reasons for loving (or at least appreciating) those winter months following the festivities:

Fireplaces: How wonderful is it to curl up in front of the fireplace in a huge quilt with a wonderful book? Very wonderful. In fact, it almost rivals wearing flip-flops every day.  It especially counts as a plausible argument for winter when the fireplace smells like a fireplace natural does and is situated by a large, overstuffed, and comfortably worn-in chair.  Flaw: Unless I am willing to pay a tremendous fee for turning my roommate's bedroom into a furnace (and probably threatening a large amount of screaming girls at the same time), I will experience a drastic lack of fireplace this winter.

Hot Chocolate: Yum. That's about the first and last thing that I want to say on this topic.  Dark chocolate orange, milk chocolate mint, creamy chocolate with a tinge of hazelnut, or deep chocolate peppermint, which almost makes the air in my apartment taste like Christmas again.  There is not a stopping place when it comes to this divine gift.  As I have said more than once, chocolate is proof that God loves us.  Two weeks ago, this seemed like the perfect solution.  I think that chocolate orange quickly became the most popular in my mouth, although a straight dark chocolate rich enough to make you dizzy was a close second.  However, two weeks was two weeks too long.  When I was in my bed, completely sick to my stomach, with the second cup of hot chocolate from the last day of the second week still standing on my night table, I proclaimed the experiment a fail.  The amount of hot chocolate it takes to take away the winter blues is also enough to run you flat into bed for days.  Bad idea.  Also, it's more expensive to make "healthy" hot chocolate than I at first realized. Sorry, delicious comfort drink, my sugar tolerance level AND my pocket book say "No."

Snow: I would think this one is rather self explanatory.  It snowed today - a light sprinkling of itsy-bisty flakes flying around while I was walking to class.  I loved the first snow! It was magical, breath-taking, peaceful, and all those other cliche things that snow is. I loved every bit of it.  I don't actually mind the snow, I've come to realize.  It's the innate fact that it simply must be accompanied by bitter cold, and more often than not, bitter wind, that I am just not fond of.  Snow: not a bad thing at all, but simply not good enough to make up for the bleakness and blahness of January 20th.

New Year's Resolutions: No. I am a goal-setting, list-making, self-improvement-meeting maniac.  But how much more optimistic are a set of new goals and exciting endeavors if you announce them to a drizzling sky?  They are not.  I have quickly discovered that this year's set of resolutions is proving much more difficult to keep than ever before simply because of my atmosphere.  The sun motivates me, encourages me, and strengthens my will to keep going, try again, do better, do better! The desertion of that energy source leaves my self motivation rather raw.  Unfortunately, the weather has effected this element instead of this element effecting my outlook on the weather.  But persevere I will, as this lengthy post proves, I am determined to find a reason to at least like the winters in Provo.

I am now searching for a new object, state of existence, or thought process that will improve upon the first two months of the new year, or even take my mind away from their faults.  I am taking suggestions!  At the moment, I am simply looking forward to the fact that there is one more single-day-long break from classes approaching quickly.  And once it is gone, the end of seemingly endless grey skies might, just might be in sight.

to make

over the summer, i created a habit of continual creative outlet; i was always painting walls and shelves, gluing fabric and beads, and ripping magazine photos for inspiration.  sadly (but expectedly), after the move the busy-level kicked up too many notches and the creative juices were squished into the back of my mind to slowly start to leak away.  however, last night i made a resolution: no matter how busy i become, i simply cannot ignore the pesky little pop-up window on the screen of my mind encouraging me to "make, make, make..." no matter how many times i click the "X" button, the pop up returns. so today, i am fighting back against the busy-ness, giving in the tempting pop-up window, and i am going to make!  today was jewelry mostly, accompanied by some music and some food (the one thing that i have absolutely continued to make time to make).
so, from the past and the present:

the jessica tree

my deco-mirror, absolutely more exciting in person.

an image can never do a mirror justice.

fabric necklaces, definitely more to come of these.

i'm just warming up.

as cute as a button earrings

after today, i would like to re-think my life, drop out of school, and simply spend all of my time making.  however, since making a difference is more important than making food and jewelry, i will have to continue looking forward toward my saturdays - my make-days.

a cinderella moment

crunching on an apple for lunch, my feet swung from side to side as they dangled from the wall, a foot above the busy pavement.  in between class, the sidewalks are crowded with hurrying, distracted students, and i sat only a few feet back from the main walkway.  as i was enthusiastically swinging my legs, my colorful snake-skin-esk right shoe jumped off my foot and landed two feet in front of me - not quite in the student traffic line. my legs stopped swinging.  i groaned. i was enjoying a particularly crisp gala apple  and an odwalla superfood which was balanced in my lap.  deciding whether to move my lunch, jump off the wall, replace my shoe, and climb back atop the wall or wait for another fifteen minutes to retrieve my lost possession as i walked to my next class, i stared lazily at the rebellious object - willing it to walk back to me and climb onto my foot itself.   as i stared with pursed lips, inwardly debating, a pair of black dress shoes, partially covered with men's dress slacks, jogged to stop in front of my forlorn little shoe.  startled, i looked up to see a well-dressed young man (talking business on his cell phone) stoop down and snatch up the shoe.  walking a pace forward and bending close to the pavement again, he gently took the back of my ankle with his free hand and guided my foot back into the small, humbled shoe.  dropping his hand from my ankle, he swiftly stood, still responding to the conversation in which he hadn't missed a beat, and began pacing away.  still slightly stunned, i called after him, "Thank you!"  without turning his head or body, he raised a hand - the only acknowledgement thus far of his surprisingly thoughtful deed.  smiling and chuckling, i looked down at my now-submissive right shoe.  if only there was a kind, charming gentleman to take care of every wayward shoe in this world, every woman would be as happy as Cinderellla, and have as many shoes, too.  so, thank you, mr. charming man, for your thoughtfulness, regardless of how preoccupied you were.

celebrations of autumn

this september brought the autumn equinox, ushering out the summer heat of st. george (which never quite hit provo).  nevertheless, there was still a celebration, complete with autumn soup, pumpkin biscuits with orange honey-butter, and an impressive line up of deluxe caramel apples.  this year, things were a little more spread out than usual.  sadly, dinner and dessert were separated from tuesday to friday (the plus side being an entire week of soup and celebrations!).  dessert night started out with wrappers and bags...

...and ended with a chocolate coated sugar rush.

in st. george, we're used to several more weeks of short-sleeved, air-conditioned weather.  in the north, however, mother nature apparently values punctuality.  a week after our celebrations came to a close, the snow blew across the mountains (luckily, not any lower than the tops of our heads).  flip-flops were put on the top shelf and sweaters came out of the boxes.  fortunately, we still had autumn soup left-overs to warm us after the shock the first day of the cold front provided.