a month in review.

august flew by, filled with wonderfulness.  sometimes, i don't write because life comes at me too fast to process, live, and write about it at the same time.  sometimes i don't write because i'm in the depths of despair. but in august, i didn't write because life got so good it simply demanded my full attention!

the month started with the end of the flourishing families project.  it was a whirl, and looking back, it's all slightly blurred.  one thing i can say is i was glad to see it go.  it was an incredibly defining life experience for me.  and {as usual} those are the ones we're happiest to have done be finished with.  i'll miss seattle, and i'll always remember the experience.  i'll value what i learned this summer.  and i was glad to have the experience end.

only a few days after the end of my internship, taylor {formerly known as the musician - he has a good name, so i might as well use it!} came back from adventuring in japan to visit me in seattle!  it was a long-awaited reunion, and worth every bit of over three months of waiting.  after showing him some of my favorite spots in the emerald city, we drove to central oregon to spend a week with his family.  hiking, making fabulous food, pictures and stories and souvenirs from japan, movies at night and games during the day made an amazing week.

after an eighteen hour day of driving, we arrived in ivins - home sweet home.  most of the week in ivins was made up of packing and sorting... over the years i've acquired too much stuff, and it was time to condense what i was keeping at my parent's house.  besides sitting in a room full of boxes, taylor and i went to a play at tuacahn.  they did a great job of making the little mermaid enjoyable to all ages - and up-to date with a new feminist ending.  not sure how i felt about it.  we also made more than one trip to kneaders, ate at the adobe ice box, and i had my first taste of nelson's frozen custard.  it's crazy that i've never been there before!  after my first taste, i'm sure i'll be back for more.  also, going through all those boxes would have gotten pretty tedious {and probably have taken much less time} if we hadn't had a good supply of movies!  we watched mega mind, a knight's tale, tangled, and you again? {which was hilarious and so so strange}.

really, a week home is never enough time to spend with my family, but byu is like a magnet sometimes.  i just couldn't stay away from my beloved university.  thick on the sarcasm there.  really, though.  coming back to provo had its good and bad.  i was thrilled to see genni and ari and to meet the new addition to our fdl apartment: erika from seattle {go figure}.  i was not, however, very happy to take taylor to the airport.  the {almost} three weeks we spent together was happier than i even imagined it would be, and saying goodbye is never easy for me.  after i stopped crying, i came home, accepted a cream-filled doughnut from genni, and started to unpack - like crazy.

that was a week ago, and i'm almost finished!  the first week of school has me realizing i'm going to be digging for motivation this semester.

and also making cupcakes, looking under rocks for work, and reviving some old hobbies.

august was almost unbeatable, but in the words of dr. gibson "now you can take time to recover and enjoy it all!"  and i plan to.  happy september!

the {almost} last day of class celebration

for as long as i can remember, on the very last day of school my mom would pick my sisters and me up from class and take us out to ice cream.  it's just about the best last day of class celebration ever.  it takes priority over parties, friend lunches, and everything else.  last day of class ice cream is my favorite. ever.  being three and a half hours away from mom, i'm always a little sad on the last day of class when no one's going to pick me up and pay for my yogurt {because believe me, this tradition will not die}.  luckily {not to repeat myself too many times} i live with a couple fantastic girls that believe in traditions involving good food and the end of school.  i'm driving home on the last day, so we're a day early here.  we felt safe to assume at this point that no one will die before tomorrow's over with.

mine's the one with the oreo crumbs, of course.  ari's on the left, and genni's on the right.  because frozen yogurt tells a lot about a person, right? :)

my beautiful girls!

ari and me

devoured!

we talked about having a little book club over the summer - we're going to chose a book we'll read to talk about when we get back together again in the fall.  oh yes, and we are officially living together again in the fall - one story up for an extra window {yay!}.  we dreamed about summer plans, avoided going home to one last night of homework, and talked about animal testing... and cats falling from buildings... and rats on the top floor of the swkt.  weird, right?  who in the world would have thought they kept rats up there. . .

oh glorious yogurt.  it was a much needed reunion.  thank you, mom, for the absolutely excellent tradition!  and thank you, roommates, for keeping it up!

i have a bad case of senioritis.

a few minutes ago i sat down at my desk, opened my laptop {who is slowly earning a name - i've started brainstorming}, opened my little planner, and looked over my homework load for the coming week.

it looked a little like this:

• monday: discussion paper due, meeting with advisor to make sure i'm on track to graduate when i want to.
• thoughts: i haven't started this paper yet. . .i wonder if i could get away with skipping it.  i don't really want to meet with the advisor.  i should, but. . .
• tuesday: seattle travel plans have to be finalized {eek}.
• exciting, yes!  but the musician just got back from seattle, and he said it was difficult to navigate.  and. . .i'm not exactly a directionless individual, but i know i'm going to get lost.  well, adventure is out there! and coming up fast.
• wednesday: biography nine page paper due.
• this is one of those assignments that i hope will teach me never to procrastinate again.  at the moment, i'm on page fifty-five of the three hundred page biography that i have to write a nine page paper about by wednesday.  aaaaand every time i sit down to read, i fall asleep.  yeah, it's that dull.
• thursday: all day sucked up by the fulton research conference!
• that's right, folks!  it's finished - our poster is submitted and we're setting up on thursday.  because my schedule is free of classes on thursday, i'll be there the whole day filling in-between for everyone else that has to leave often throughout.  really, i'm concerned {almost most} about my feet.  a whole day standing in dress shoes. . .doesn't sound appetizing to me, especially when my feet already hate my shoe wardrobe.  new shoes before thursday? YES.
• friday: eight page marriage interview paper due.
• yeah. . .haven't done the interview yet.  this one will probably be completed {start to finish} on thursday night.

mostly, looking over my planner for next week made me realize that my senioritis is at an all-time high.  despite the fact i have a million things to do, i'm going to make a quick trip to the health food store, play my music really loud, clean my room, make granola to send to allison, and maybe talk to the musician a little more.  honestly, i kind of hope all these deadlines just. . .sort of. . .evaporate! 

*poof!*

gone. 

just like that.

but if not, it'll all be over soon!  for better or worse. . .

{and no, that's not an allusion to anything but my gpa.}

panic alternative: stand on a chair.

my head's been floating a little the past few days.  there are two weeks of school left.  well, scratch that.  i wanted to write this post yesterday, at which point there would have been two weeks of school left.  now, there are less than two weeks of school left.

in any normal semester, i would haven known this.  no, not only would i have known this, i would have held a celebration at two weeks.  thrown my homework in the air and made gourmet cupcakes - complete with raspberry filling and chocolate drizzled over the buttercream frosting.  but this hasn't exactly been a typical semester, has it?

this semester, i wasn't counting down.  actually, the one-month mark passed me up without my conscious awareness of it.  i didn't count because i've been insisting on a one day at a time mindset.  my philosophy was that if i only focussed on one day at a time, i wouldn't have any major panic attacks about moving to a very foreign corner of the united states with nothing but my car and a work phone {basically}.  what i hadn't considered was what would happen when the moving day came.

luckily, i came upon some wise words.  last week, i started thinking about this whole moving thing more realistically - you know, envisioning myself there and other nerdish techniques.  that's helped keep me calm, too.

however, as a testament to my floating head, the fact that i only have two weeks left in which to finish a major amount of papers and books and projects never crossed my mind.  until yesterday, that is.  so, what did i do?  i started to have a panic attack, then stopped myself.  {note, i am extremely proud of the progress that shows in everything after this point.}  i calmed-talked myself, saying things like "all i can do will be enough," and "it's not too much if you take it slowly."  i did four minutes of wall-sits, two minutes of full plank position, eighty reps of boat-pose twists with a five pound weight. . .and as a result i can barely sit in a chair today.  after all of that, i drank almost two quarts of water while standing on a kitchen chair in the middle of the kitchen and living room.  and it worked.

i'm going to remember this strategy because it kicked the up-coming panic attack in the backside!

positive affirmations + a killer workout + lots of water + standing on something really tall = a calmer and happier me!

i know the bit about me standing on a chair might seem a little strange, but i promise it works.  next time you're feeling overwhelmed, go stand on a chair or table and do some deep breathing.  when you're that high above everything, there's nothing left to close in on you.  it's magic.

so, back to these two weeks left of class: it's going to be busy.  but i also have a feeling that it might just be the best two weeks of the semester.  i'm on a roll right now - which is a good thing to be on while the semester is coming to a close.  i'm also feeling much more energetic than is typical for me come close to finals week.

so, here's the plan of attack:

• early to bed, early to rise: i need about eight hours a night to function.  these next few weeks, i'm going to shift my sleep schedule a tad bit for maximum productivity.  i'll be in bed before eleven and i'll be up and running before seven.
• exercise!  if there's anything that keeps me happy and energetic, it's a good run.  i've been laying off running the last while because of my sore feet, but i'm going to start slowly {very slowly, at the demand of my sad feet} stepping it up again.  five days a week - resting on wednesday and sunday.
• good food:  i've had a hard time trying to tinker with my diet lately.  with crazy things coming at me from all sides, if i try to buckle down i end up sitting on the floor with cinnamon and sugar toast, a bag of chocolate chips, hot chocolate, and ice cream....which is what we don't want. :)  i'm aiming for three balanced meals a day and not too much sugar.  my goal is to listen to my body.
• study: i need some major focus time.  with mornings a little more free, i'm going to really utilize my morning energy to crank out some papers.  i'll have evenings free to finish more reading while i'm feeling a little more sluggish.

so that's the plan.  it'll probably change. . .because they usually adapt to my roommate's schedules, too.

ready. . .

go!

wherein i purchase something of value.

the week i went without a computer changed a few things.  one of the more significant alterations was the way i keep track of life.  see, on my computer, i had something like twelve to twenty lists {current lists}.  it's how i kept track of homework, goals, and birthdays.  it's my system of housework, keeps me on track - where i need to be when i need to be there.  i do make physical lists, too.  my sticky-note obsession otherwise would cease to thrive.  the perpetual problem with these is that they almost always end up lost.  hopelessly so.  lost in my purse, my backpack, in a pile of binders and textbooks, on the kitchen table, in the kitchen trash bin.  when i lost my computer, i lost all my lists - the important ones that told me what i actually needed to be accomplishing in life.  the result was an almost absolute lack of homework {which was wonderful for about a week}.  nothing needed to be done, because there weren't any lists to tell me what to do.

i haven't been able to recreate the planner i kept for myself on the last computer.  it just seemed too much of a hassle - and something that wasn't necessary seeing as i didn't have anything that needed to be done anyway.  my lack of planner led to unfinished homework, which led to panic mode, which led to a purchase that i am sure proves my existence as a nerd.  yes, i bought a planner, but not just any planner.

as i walked into the byu bookstore saturday afternoon, i was on a mission to find the perfect planner.  something flexible: i'm an artist by nature, a doodler, and that requires an extreme amount of freedom in my planning.  yes, i'm a bit of an oxymoron.  i needed something that didn't proclaim procrastination.  i did not want to open up this little bit every hour to see the months of january, february, and march completely empty. i might have a bad habit, but that would just be too revealing.  i wanted space.  none of this "one inch square box" for every day.  no, no.  i demand space to breathe, to write, to doodle, and to make lists to my heart's content.

it turns out the only planner in the entire three level overly-priced facility that vaguely fit these criteria was the r.m. planner.

i was on a mission, but not that kind of mission.  i carried it around for a full half hour before convincing myself that my dire need out-weighed the level of nerdness i would reach by making the purchase.  i justified in every way putting it back.  but my obsessive-list-making self won the battle.  i bought the planner.

i thought i could cover my tracks by placing a large very cool sticker on the front.  cover up the too-large bold-face letters spelling out that i am a returned missionary who simply can't return to normal life without my pocket book planner.  but i was wrong.

saturday night, the musician {who deserves his own post in which i will fully explain the not-quite-fitting title} told me plainly i couldn't disguise that little book with just a band sticker.  at byu, things like that are just too well-known.  i laughed.

"wanna bet? one big ingrid michaelson sticker will do the trick!"

but i was wrong.  oh so absolutely wrong.

this morning in family finance, i sat next to my current internship partner.  as i looked over tomorrow's activities, she reached over and exclaimed {not quietly}, "i know that planner!!"

yes, yes, i am a nerd.  the twenty-one-year-old who has not served a mission carrying around a returned missionary planner - complete with sections for specific goal setting.  i'm still going to find stickers.  cool ones.  and until then, i'll keep the front page folded back for those who are slightly out of practice when it comes to detecting that unmistakable thick spiral binding.

my consolation: it made the musician laugh.  and i dearly love to hear people laugh.

on the hunt {for housing}

typically in provo, "on the hunt" refers more to dating than animals, bargain shopping, or the like.  i'm hunting, alright.  for a house, not a husband.

apartment hunting has been consuming my entire existence the last week.  i go back and back to the same byu-approved housing lists, drive around and around and around campus looking for rent signs, and i call managers over and over and over.

i'm getting too familiar with the phrase, "we're all sold out for fall/winter."

wish me luck.

this really is getting rather daunting.


on the plus side, to relieve a little of the housing stress, i took an hour to draw today. . .instead of study for my test tomorrow.
be that as it may, the test will come.  i might fail. . .but i really hope not.
again. wish me luck!

sacred matters: dr. randy day

being at byu provides all sorts of incredible opportunities around the world and on campus.  tonight, i attended a lecture given by professor randy day - one of my very favorites from my time here.  he's the man in charge {so to speak} of the flourishing families project i'll be interning with this summer.  i've taken four different courses from him as a professor, and each time i've loved the qualities he so easily brings out in me and my peers as students.  from him i learned to really think critically, to develop my own ideas, and to challenge the ideas of others - even if they've existed for centuries.  through his prodding, i developed a confidence in my own ideas {especially when it comes to the social sciences}.  with his high bar of scientific creativity, i've written the paper i'm most proud of - my own small brain-child.  he's the biggest reason i'm even considering graduate studies in a little over a year.

considering, mind you.  that's still a year away.

tonight, i'm exceedingly grateful for his lecture.  i've been feeling. . .a little disappointed with my classes, lately.  last semester, i had to stretch myself more than i ever have, intellectually.  i thrived on the critical thinking process.  i thought about it when i didn't have anything else to think about.  it practically consumed my existence. i found myself {often} eating dinner and thinking about the connection between eating disorders and family processes.  {yes, i realize what a science nerd that makes me.}

this semester, i've just felt slumped.  my classes really haven't ignited that fire that i was so used to last term.  no one has told me they think i can create my own ideas - let alone articulate them well enough to form a researchable topic.  i've missed it.

tonight, that fire was rekindled.  i remembered how deep down i love research and love finding the answers to burning questions i have about families and the way they work.  once again, i feel motivated to learn, to push myself, and to share that information with everyone else so they know, too.  that way we can all grow together.

i might establish i periodic social science discussion on the blog, here. . .
the idea makes me happier than anything tonight!

thank you, dr. day, for helping me to remember tonight why i love research, family, and social science.  i needed a wake-up call!

professor

day three.

question: who inspires beauty?

it's late.  and i'm tired. but determined to proceed!

one of my professors a couple semesters ago was a woman who radiated feminine beauty.  she was in her mid-thirties, recently married, expecting her first baby, extremely tall, and beautiful in every way.  she had such a calm presence.  being around her was soothing and made me feel good about myself.  she was one of those people who brought out the beauty in everyone, and made everyone around her want to be a little better.  

i look up to her a lot.

thanks, professor erikson!

reassurance on the walk home

sometimes i do things without thinking, and directly after the fact i wonder what in the world possessed me to do it.  the funny thing is that most times, these little absent-thought-actions lead to big things - life changes.

last year, despite my current emotion coma, i decided to give one of my shoes to the ward activities committee, thus committing to attend the cinderella ball.  {it's something unique to provo: it seems the religious leaders here delight in watching horribly awkward situations unfold in front of their eyes}.  after turning my shoe in, i went back to my apartment and cried.  what in the world had i done?? i don't even go to normal ward activities i thought, why why WHY did i give them my favorite SHOE??  luckily, i had really great roommates who supported my rather insane urge.  i met a boy at the ball that i dated for a significant amount of time.  i'm still not sure how i feel about the whole thing {after-the-fact emotions take a while to resolve for me sometimes}.  but it was definitely a life-altering process.  it changed the way i viewed myself, the way i looked at the world and the people in it.  it changed the things i want out of life, my goals and dreams.

and they did return my favorite shoe.

a little over three months ago, i found myself in a similar situation.  i had submitted my application to work with the flourishing families project in provo over the summer.  after a group interview i was asked to return for a personal interview that would determine if i would participate in the internship.  i'd thought it all out, was confident in my decision and excited to move forward.  provo was a great place to be in the summer - last spring in provo was absolutely beautiful!  i would be close to family, be paid enough to secure my last semesters at school, and be in an area i felt comfortable in.  i had decided firmly that going with the seattle team of flourishing families was out of the question - too big, too unknown, too long, and too far.  

and yet there i sat in the interview telling them that although i applied for provo, i was equally interested in seattle opportunities.  i knew what i was saying, and it horrified me!  but i couldn't stop myself.  it was like being in a bad dream, one where you know what's happening and don't like it one bit, and yet you have no power whatsoever to stop it from happening.  it's really the experience i'm interested in more than the place, i said.  yeah right.  i was terrified of seattle.

i agonized the entire walk home.  hopefully, i wished, they would discard that statement as only an afterthought.  why did i even say it?  am i absolutely insane?  

i tried my best to dismiss the interview and let things play out.

several weeks passed and i received an email from the flourishing families project coordinators.  we are pleased to congratulate you on your acceptance to the flourishing families project - seattle team.  i'm almost embarrassed to admit i cried for ten minutes before coming out of my room and announcing my good news.  

but as i walked home from my internship preparation course tonight, i had a strange feeling.  the snow makes everything absolutely quiet, absolutely still.  it makes it easier to think on the walk home in the twilight.  and i thought, maybe this is another cinderella ball.  

life changing, certainly.

true, if i think about moving to seattle right now, i still panic.  but i don't have emotional breakdowns if i focus on the one day before me.  a twenty-four hour period.  an article summary, an email to my assigned professor.  today, i can do that.

and today was the first day this winter that i was infinitely grateful for how quiet the snow makes a busy campus.

i'm appreciative of my belief that nothing is coincidental - despite the panic of an unexpected adventure.

the end.

finished.

clicked send on my last final at 6:13 pm.

i'm tired.
but i'm reveling in the excitement of finishing such a demanding semester!

it's elating, and although i'm really quite exhausted i don't want to sleep for fear i'll wake up and realize i still have eight research papers due. . .
or something scary like that.

school has been all-consuming this semester, since that first day i came home from class and laid on the floor for four hours reading.  i don't think i've stopped reading {or writing} since. . .

the first day: {could have been every day}

i laid on the floor reading. standing, stretching, breathing every half hour or so.  several hours into the bulk of it, an outgoing {and slightly overbearing} boy calls me.  from the ward.  he'd gotten my number the previous day at a little "get-to-know-you" activity. don't we all love those?  i was flattered.  after all, more than a few girls had been eying him the whole night.  i was not, however, very interested.  i'm polite, but i had homework and was a little too emotionally overwhelmed to be a very pleasant date at the barbecue.  i said no. but thank you, and please ask me again some time!  he never called, and i was never disappointed.  as it turns out, i was very, very lucky.  eating cookies at his apartment about a month later, i heard the whole tale straight from his own drama-filled mouth.  dating three girls in the ward, stressed that he couldn't hide it much longer and distressed because he couldn't decide which one to choose.  i'm glad to say i didn't laugh {out loud}.

believe me, i do consider myself lucky.

and now i get to sleep.
and cook whatever i want, disregarding the amount of time the recipe takes.
and paint my end table.
and read sense and sensibility and eating animals and three cups of tea and total money makeover.
and drink hot chocolate in the morning in bed.
and run for an hour without worrying about the time.
and finish my christmas shopping!

happy end of the semester.  merry christmas to all!
and to all. . . a very good night!

weekend excursions

have i said how excited i am to be all the way finished with this semester yet? tomorrow. tomorrow is the day that it's all over with.

as a little break from all this finals studying, my sisters mindy and hailey came up to visit on friday night.  they just left this morning - it was a fabulous weekend.  christmas concert with the utah symphony, shopping with the sisters for christmas presents and clothes, lunch at one of the coolest healthy-urban-hippie-ish restaurants in salt lake (the oasis), and dinner at an all-time favorite: the bombay house.  who doesn't love indian food, right?

having my sisters up for a little escape to salt lake city was one of the best thing that could have happened this weekend! it gave me just the break to work up a little more stamina for my last two finals.  one in the testing center tomorrow that will determine whether i scrape by or come off with my all-time lowest class grade yet, and another that will only make me feel warm and fuzzy.

no matter the outcome, tomorrow night i'll be celebrating!  making myself and my sister wonderful balanced meals, running every day, and reading all the books i've been dying to read all semester long.  not to mention sewing, painting furniture, possibly doing something drastic to my hair (and i mean really drastic), and... well, doing anything and everything i want!  maybe i'll even find some willing boy and take myself swing dancing - something that this semester has had a shocking lack of.

this semester has been rather suppressing. . . and it's time for a little creative liberation.
in just about every way possible.

also, going to salt lake helped my seattle excitement to escalate.  i'm getting excited - really, really excited!  in fact, i started thinking about how sad i'll probably be to leave when the time comes.  i can't wait for the new sounds, sights, smells, and people.
i'm ready for adventure!

be careful what you wish for

remembering back a few years ago, if i had known i would be moving to seattle soon, i would have been thrilled.  no, thrilled is an understatement.  i would have been packing my bags today!  all i wanted was to go somewhere far away (and provo was not far enough).  byu was about the last place on the list; i didn't even know that marriage and family studies existed.  my top pick was anywhere in the northwest: oregon, preferably; washington, a close second; even northern california would have satisfied my craving for far and different.  but i drew the byu card, and packed up my room to move to happy valley.

it only took a few months before i really started to love provo.  i fell in love with the ancient houses, first.  the first morning i glimpsed the mountains on fire with autumn, i knew no other sight could have satisfied my soul as much.  screaming at the ice on the sidewalks and slipping every two steps had me laughing harder than is allowed at straight-faced straight-laced byu.  the morning rain in the spring.  the train's whistle at night.  the campus bells at noon.  yes, i am deeply in love with provo - in a way that i never thought possible.  can you believe i'm sad to have missed the first huge snowstorm of the season?  i am!  thinking backward, i'm shocked i didn't want to be there.

i'm amused that i thought i needed the northwest so deeply.  just when i was resigned to the fact that portland or seattle was a dream possibly too far-fetched, i found the flourishing families project.  launched from byu and based in seattle.  that was a little over a year ago - the first time i applied for the internship.  two days after submitting an application, i withdrew it again.  it was definitely not the right thing for me!  at that point, i forgot all about the northwest.  goodbye, redwood forests and rocky seashore!

but, i should have been more careful what i wished and prayed for so fervently.  you see, i guess even when we forget our dreams (those that we really held so close and so deep), God doesn't forget.  he remembers all those things we wanted so much we thought we'd die if we didn't get them.

application round two, and i'll be moving to seattle for the summer!  i'll admit it - i had mixed feelings.  see, when i forgot my northwest dream, i found others.  other dreams that now seem more deep, more fervent, more... well, desirable.  i'm ecstatic to have found a reality in my dream!  i know i'll be quite more than content up in my little corner of the united states!  and i have to remember that God gives us our righteous desires - eventually.  after all, this internship is solid proof of that!

here's the thought: a wise professor told me a few days ago, oh honey, we hardly ever get what we want in life!

and after mulling it over for several days, i've seesawed slightly.  at first, it seemed just the advice i needed!  after all, it's not what i want that really matters.  it's not where i am, but how i'm living.  and that's all that really matters.  but then i remembered... wait, i wanted seattle.  i wanted that northwest coast so badly it ached!

and i think we do get what we want, just not necessarily when we expect it.  it's easy to be so set on getting what we want now, when we want it, that we lose sight of what we wanted - or really want.  because (as long as we're wanting good things, and wanting them for the right reasons) we get what we want.

and that's . . . a good thing, right?
inconvenient, perhaps.
but definitely good!

apparently when i ramble, it always ends with a goal! :)

i've been writing too many research papers.  after the fourth or fifth time someone asks you, "how's life??" and ten minutes later you find yourself rambling on about the research articles you're reading, you know it's time to take a little break from the social sciences {for a while}.  i get hyper-focused.  luckily, i realized this early enough in the semester to make some changes.  next semester the cure will take place i hope.  but.  if i start writing poetry in my creative writing class about the social sciences, i hope someone gives me an F - or some other massive wake-up call!  sadly, although i'm home on thanksgiving {break}, my homework level has bumped itself up significantly - which doesn't help my conversational skills this week.  my professors have decided they'd rather be out for christmas a week earlier than planned.  consequently, all my finals (except one) have been moved up a week.  pro: i get an extra week of christmas break! and there's one less to endure of this insane semester. con: all my final papers have to be finished while i'm on thanksgiving break...and all my finals (except one) are on the same day.  eeeek!

but.
final papers are not going to be the death of me this week.  if that happens, it will be death by turkey.  that's right, folks. this year, i am eating turkey.
and finals aren't going to be the death of me, either. if that happens, it'll be the eight inches of snow i get to trudge through to get to finals... before the test, rather than after.
but... let's make the goal that i am not going to die... i like that one.
*first goal of my 21st year: don't die - not because of fourteen page papers, not because of finals, not because of turkey, not because of snow.
in fact... here we go. i like this better!
*first revised goal of my 21st year:  be happy about my fourteen page papers (after all, it really is fascinating research), study my eyes out for finals (the hope is for A's!), eat as much turkey as i want (it's been sooooooo long!), and make more snow men this year than i ever have before.
ready....GO!
okay.. maybe not tonight. but...come monday, the papers seriously begin!

by the way, have i said how much i love the holidays?
because i do.
also, it is so good to be home!

happy early thanksgiving!

random review, a few lists

okay, it's been a while... {again} so instead of trying to make up for anything, i'm simply going to do one of my favorite things: make a list. and probably include a picture or two.

thanksgiving plans! and plan of attack:

- leave tomorrow (friday) by noon

- create really fabulous driving playlist with all my new favorites from natalie and sabrina (including blind pilot, whom i now love).

- packpackpack tonight.. at some point hopefully.

- buy myself a couple sweaters - or at least long-sleeved shirts. believe me, i NEED winter clothes.

- go running in the morning so i don't get crazy fidgety in the car on the way down to home.

homework level:

- affects sleep level, which is at a monthly low.  fortunately, i've got another night to catch up before driving.

- last assignment before thanksgiving turned in as of 8:30 this morning

- school surprise this morning! both morning classes absolutely canceled. i am sorry my professor is ill, but also very grateful that i could eat breakfast this morning.

- 4 papers to go before the end of the break (big ones)

- two classes to go before the break... i think i can i think i can i think i can i think i can... 

excitement factors:

- i get to see my family tomorrow.

- i get to see my cats tomorrow.

- i get to go shopping in the morning.

- i have a bunch of new exciting music.

- i got to sleep in this morning.

- there are still crunchy red leaves all over provo.

- ivins is going to be significantly warmer than provo.

- all my finals have been moved up - that much closer to the finish line.

- i would have been on time to both of my 8:00 classes this week, had one of them not been canceled - that's progress, i'm telling you!

- i get to read all the books i want to read over the holiday.

the last week{ish}'s events/highlights:

- genni smashing nilla wafers with a hammer

- only one night of less than three hours of sleep

- speaking in church - glad to have done it, glad to have it over with

- listening to lady gaga with sabrina dancing like crazy in the car

- laughing more at comedy sportz, with the whole crew of us here

- one and a half days running this week (and one yoga day) - not hitting quite the mark, but still much better than expected this week

- starting my christmas shopping (that's right, sabrina - you were first!)

- drawing christmas names in my apartment (i have genni!)

- redesigning {slightly} the blog.  i was in desperate need of a change - however subtle.

- olive garden fhe

- a couple of really interesting experiences with crazy boys

- romeo & juliet: anticipated heartache, discovered freedom. allison, you are my favorite.

- really great hearttohearts

- pumpkin chocolate oats and bananas

- pumpkin pie oatmeal

- pad thai

- the emergency room for two hours (it had been a while - luckily, this time i wasn't the one with the bracelet)

- going to bed at 12:00, waking up at 11:30

- going to bed at 3:45, waking up at 6:30

- professor ripping apart my paper

- professor commending my paper

- professor condoning my eye-rolling and acknowledging my honesty in doing so

- helping hailey with math on less than three hours of sleep

- late birthday present from natalie - book by brian doyle! 

- wearing a high-wasted skirt and being happy about it

- finally doing my laundry

- cornbread and toothpaste... then the lack of toothpaste

- cookies from mom

- new potential favorite game: atlantis

- and of course, spit. the game, you know.

what a week! and only one more to go till thanksgiving. november has flown, hasn't it?

winter semester line-up

i am going back to the kind of school schedule that made me beam - exuberantly beam, i mean.  i love my classes, right now!  but {being honest, here} they've gotten a little heavy.  heavy load, weighty subject matter, all on the same day... it's gotten to be quite a lot this semester.  

class registration opened for me today, and although nothing will be absolutely finalized for a week or so (and even then, it'll probably change until a day before the semester begins), i'm ecstatic about several of these classes.  it is rather funny, though: the schedule is surprisingly reminiscent of my high school class schedule - something i never thought i'd care to repeat.  with the art major i've added, i'll have either a painting or drawing class.  i've decided to give in to my love of it and take a creative writing class (thus more happiness).  i really haven't done much thought-out creative writing for a few years, so i am excessively excited about this one!  also, it's a prerequisite for a class natalie is taking this semester, creative non-fiction, that seems fantastic.  i'll be taking that one for sure as well.  also, call it a guilty pleasure if you will, i'm taking a family finance class.  it makes me a little giddy, i'll be honest.  all that budgeting stuff, it's just right up my alley.  of course, there's the moral foundations of family life course, theories in family perspective, and the high hope of the internship prep class rolling around in the potential mix, too.

one thing's for sure: there's no getting bogged down in five fourteen analytical research papers due on the same day in the same semester again.  i was crazy for taking this many 400-level classes at once. crazy, i tell you.  but i think it paid off.  after all, i never would have broken down enough to add an art minor to begin with if i hadn't gone a little bit crazy.

so here's to crazy.

and a really great class line-up.

a day in the life of:

buzzing chirping wailing beeping screeching zzzzzzzzzzzzz...  pulling flying grabbing going running heaving panting counting checking crossing (tally) stepstepstep - sit - clacking hacking etching scratching clickclickclick munching crunching gulping scraping gone... (ringringring) giggle sob guffaw swoon {pounding choking sighing seeing} breathing     breathing        breathing               breathing.

tossing twirling beam - flinching flirting dream - 

s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g

ticking tocking talking rocking stocking stalking

plod

plod

plod

plod

chirping buzzing bleeping flashing: LOLOMGTTYL

scribble doodle blog

ddrriinnkk.

fading falling coming going

washing brushing laying closing (twirltwirltwirl)

breathing:

closing

breathing:

beating

breathing:

out.

fine line

some days, i feel like this.

{it's why high heels aren't a good idea sometimes}

every once in a while, your eyes don't stay on the destination - or even the rope,

and when you look down, you realize it's a long drop before the safety net catches you.

{if they remembered to put it up}

i'm going to take off the metaphorical high heels for a while...

and request a parachute.

internship? i thought this was game night...

yesterday, 12:42 pm. i walked into a little office on the left side of one of the most beautiful buildings on campus. three minutes early.  purposefully - not too early, but definitely not cutting it close, either.  heels: not too high, pointed.  pants: blue and white pinstripe, wide-leg, high-waisted, made me look tall.  blazer: white, feminine, three buttons on top, fit like a glove - thank you natalie's closet!  purse: zebra; hair: curly; lips: red.

i walked into the office (smiling), and looked at the boy with the clipboard.  "ah, there you are!" he announced to the two seated individuals, a lanky man with worn dress shoes and a gal with long dark hair and a flouncy skirt.  {interjection: i don't talk about clothes or the way i look much, i don't think.  but when entering a mysterious group internship interview, clothes are about the one thing that you can control.  well, other than the shape of your mouth...the lanky man wasn't smiling.}  "have a seat, jessica.  we're just waiting for one more."  he instructed.  the one more showed up quickly - too quickly for my liking; i wanted a moment to collect my thoughts.  she was tiny, smiley, and pretty in blue.  she stepped through the door and without a moment's hesitation, the boy with the clipboard whisked us back to a small closet/room with an oval table with four chairs behind it, a video camera in front of it, and a newspaper laying horizontally on top of it.

brief (very brief) instructions and introductions were given.  the researchers (including the boy with the clipboard) would leave the room after starting the camera and handing us a task card.  we had exactly six minutes in which to complete our task.  "we'll knock at two minutes. open the door at six."  a card was laid on our table, a button pressed, and right before they left, they snatched the newspaper from the table to reveal an entire set of scrabble letters - face down.

that's right - letters.  we had six minutes to use all the letters on the board in the most creative words we could think of, bonus points for length.  {interjection: at this point you should know that this is not a dream.  no worries, i had to pinch myself a few times to make sure my mind wasn't frantically making up nervous stories about the up-coming interview, too.  nope, this is a real interview, down the every last Q and Z.}

we stared at each other - all a little shocked - for about 5 seconds.  30 seconds of interaction, "let's try for the longest words individually, then combine them and see how far we can get with those," and we took off.  "here's the Q!", "anyone have any great Z words in mind?", "RESPONSIBILITY, they'll like that, haha...".  knockknockkncok.  two minutes left, "okay let's just start tacking smaller words on where ever we can find a space," the lanky man dictated.

the door opened, the button was pushed.  "thank you for your time! it looks like you guys did a great job!" a new woman exclaimed.  "we'll let you know within the week if you've been chosen for an individual interview through email.  have a great day!"

that was it.

six minutes of stressed-scrabble-mania to decide the next year of my life.

thank you, natalie, for making me play scrabble with you more than once a week for the last year {exaggeration, but still, we play a lot}.

here's to hoping those scrabble skills didn't interfere with my social skills too much!




ps.  i picked up the hitchhiker again, today.  yes, the same hitchhiker.  bad habit of his, i guess.  convenient for him, i own a very polite car.

the hitchhiker friend

7:50 tuesday morning, and in a rush again.  i think it's probably a miracle that i haven't hit any frantic students crossing the street as i drive to the bottom of the stairs of death each tuesday and thursday morning, still half asleep.  this morning, in particular, i was more asleep than usual.  most of campus seemed to be suffering the same syndrome because there were markedly more late students speed-walking their legs off up the street.

two blocks from my apartment, i saw an unusual thing.  leaning against the steering wheel for a better vantage point into the cross-streets, i glanced out my side-view window.  blonde, tall, and weighed down with his stack of books, stuffed backpack, and lunchbox, a boy was walking further in the street than the crowd.  his arm extended, his thumb sticking up in the air.  i normally would have thought he was simply giving the oncoming traffic a thumbs-up: "this is going to be a great day, folks!  way to drive to class this morning like champs!"  but the pleading and rather desperate look on his face suggested that he was thinking entirely opposite thoughts.

stopped at the stop sign (they are on every corner from 103 up to campus), i waved him over to my car.  he ran around the side of my little green punky (yes, my car has name), opened the door and jumped into the passenger's seat with an enthusiastic, "you saved me life!"  all i could do was laugh and ask him which direction he was headed.  luckily, it was in the same direction as me - mostly.  preoccupied (he was doing about twenty different things with his phone at the same time), he explained that he was headed to the business building.  fitting, for an attractive blonde with a phone addiction.

he jumped out of my car before i had time to put the gear shift into park yelling a quick "thank you!" as he jogged away with his slipping stack of books.

i was laughing so much - at him and at myself for the silliness of actually stopping - that i forgot my breakfast and went hungry until lunch time.  no worries, the peach was safe in my car at the end of the day, waiting for me.

byu is a strange place, sometimes.  just when you think you've seen it all, the strangest things happen.  have you ever seen (or even heard of) a student hitchhiking four blocks to school before?  i certainly hadn't.  but i'll definitely remember that next time i'm late for class and without a car, the universe owes me ride!


ps. two exciting developements in my week: possible job offer (wow!) and a meeting with an art professor to review my knowledge of basic concepts and determine the amount of credits i deserve to start with (eek!)

good day! but... strange!  maybe if he hitchhikes again he'll put my number in that consuming phone of his?

minor

for the last few weeks {monthish} i've been contemplating quite a few very large decisions.  for example:

• internship winter semester or summer semester?
• internship in provo or anywhere in the world?
• ...which internship??
• after april graduation, what next -
• frantic search for full-time job to cover expenses?
• yoga certification?
• stay in provo?
• move back to st. george?
• move...anywhere else?
• LDS mission (which very recently became a possibility with the closeness of my 21st birthday)?
• if so, mission in january? april? later?

in short, i have been overwhelmed with the options.  naturally, when one has a list of possible opportunities this long, one chooses something that was never on the list to begin with.  which is exactly what i did.

art minor!

that's right, my mourning days are over.  i am now an official visual arts minor, and i don't have to cry out in jealousy every time i meet an illustration major.  true, this decision pushes my graduation out another semester.  now, the date is december - slightly more than a year away.  that's a daunting thought, surely.  but after considering all the many options in my life right now, the only one that feels right is just to stay put for a little while longer.  and to compound that, it makes more sense than the rest do.  now, the possibility of finding a paid internship (that i'll love) will be considerably easier because i can look during the summer without worrying about graduation.

i do have one concern: money.
but my reasoning is thus: money was the one factor that almost stopped me from coming to this university to begin with (which, i feel, has been one of the best decisions in my life).  so, if money wasn't a good enough reason to stop that, it's not enough to stop this.  money will work itself out, somehow.

i also have one soapbox:
a pet-peeve, of sorts.  it drives me crazy when boys and girls stay in college for eternity playing around.  they take all the fun classes, perpetually put off making decisions about their major and future in general.  i think this exemplifies the stereotype of my generation - the generation that doesn't know how to grow up and take the reins.  i am decidedly not doing this.  i realized this was a large reason for my rush through school - the goal of graduating with my bachelors when i was twenty.  but guess what?  i realized adding a minor wasn't considered playing around - and i can still have a lot of fun doing it!

so there you go.

i'm now very settled with my decision to do what i'm passionate about (study families), while also incorporating one of my first loves into my education (art).

and i can't wait to step into that art building.

with full confidence that someday, my studio will look like this.