one of the good parts

i've had molly moons on the mind, lately.  it probably has something to do with an email from my mom with a link to their new cookbook... (you mean i can have molly moon's lavender honey ice cream at HOME?)  excited is an understatement.  although i'll admit the release of the ultimate ice cream cookbook gave me a small dose of anxiety, too.  see, the only time i've made ice cream was a total flop.  sure, it froze up okay and we devoured it and loved every bite.  but see... it didn't thicken at all.  as in, when i finally gave up, stopped the machine, and put it in the freezer, it was still liquid - an incredible amount of chocolate milk.

i'll have to practice.  ice cream, anyone?

anyway.  molly moon's has me thinking of seattle.  in lots of different ways.

i think i mentioned a while back that i'd finally come to terms with the city itself.  i decided i actually loved the place quite a lot.  it's a beautiful place with interesting people and a food culture to covet.  the experience is still requiring mull time, though.  i'm still not sure where i'm at with it.  with most life experiences, i can attach a general word or emotion to help me sort through the memories, put them in their mental boxes, all organized and resolved.  for example, i can say with surety that the last summer i spent in my ivins home was bliss.  pieces of my life were in disarray and i wasn't happy the whole time, but looking back i can say good memory and stick it in the wonderful box.  i can pin several relationship memories clearly in the negative life experience box.

but seattle?  i just can't peg the experience.  i guess most things in life aren't as simple as just good and bad, and probably most can't even be put on a gradient scale of black to white and all the shades in between.  all experiences have good parts, bad parts, weird parts and funny parts.  but it makes my organizational mind squirm to have things our of their boxes, sometimes.

despite the continuing mental confusion, there are a few things i can label specifically with good.  maybe even with fantastic.

molly moon's is one of them.  before seattle, ice cream was just ice cream.  if it was offered, i'd gladly take part in its consumption, but it wasn't ever my treat of choice.  molly moon's changed all of that.  i can't count the times i went that summer.  too many - or never enough depending on the viewpoint.  i ate more ice cream that summer than i'll probably eat this year.  okay, maybe more than i'll eat in the next two years.  and i fell in love with it!  the crunch of the waffle cones, the fresh vibrant flavors...  honey lavender was a reining favorite.  but i really love their sasquatch flavor, too.  this ice cream taught me how to live.

it took a girl who would always and forever choose chocolate over anything else and transformed her into someone who couldn't wait to try the next seasonal fruit flavor.  i started buying waffle cones, not giving a darn about how many calories they were (or how many extra dollars it would cost).  two different flavors if i get an extra scoop?  bring it on.

never before had i eaten a treat with such freedom.  i appreciated their commitment to local ingredients instead of caring what the calorie content was.  i savored the taste as long as possible instead of shoveling it down like most strictly rationed sugar in my life.  i learned that food, enjoyed, is food at it's best.

in part, molly moon's is to thank for helping me end unhealthy restriction in my life.  not that it's all the way done forever - just a bigger step in the right direction.  and in the right direction i'll continue to go.

now somebody get me that cookbook! ;)

eggplant and bananagrams

tonight, i took advantage of taylor's work-through-dinner schedule to make myself a spicy-as-heck meal.  he puts up with my over-spicing ridiculously well, and i've learned to tone-down the hot sauce... a little.  but tonight i went all out.  with my sauteed summer squash and greens, i added more than half a fresh jalapeno.  and salsa. of course.

yum.
reading animal, vegetable, miracle has me dreaming about heirloom seeds and fresh food.  i can't wait to decide what to do with the eggplant in my refrigerator.  even if life gets dull, food will never.


-- 


i took a long hiatus and now it's several hours later.  after spewing all the information i just learned about genetically modified foods onto my husband's plate, i've now filled my quota for the day's stimulating conversation.


also i want to play more games.  tonight was bananagrams.  chess and carcasone are on the upcoming menu.


the last few weeks have been a little rough in texas.  we've hit some unexpected speed bumps and the emotional tires are still recovering... or just adjusting, maybe.  but we've had good food (even if rationed).  and we've played good games.  and we're good company to each other, taylor and me.


tonight, it's time for bed.  tomorrow holds an early run, lots more job applications, the promise of an adventure in the fridge (in the form of an eggplant), and probably the repairs of the oven, the shower, aaaand the windshield.  finally.


all that calls for some good sleep.  may your night be restful and your eggplant as exciting as mine is.


'night!

music and homemade bread

burned bread again today.  well, at least the tops.  i haven't seen the inside yet, but one thing is certain: baking bread in a toaster oven is tricky business.  our almost-dead ancient horrible oven died for real last night.  i wanted a BIG pan of roasted veggies!  but...when the heating element caught fire and started sparking all over the place, i decided it was time to retire the thing for good.  at least the veggies were finished by the time i saw the sparks, right?

also, this has nothing to do with vegetables, ovens or bread, but wesley blaylock's new ep is absolutely beautiful.  here are a couple of my favorites.  i especially love hannah blaylock (featured in the second).

thanks to taylor for finding this gem!  ....on repeat :)

thinking of painting tonight... it's been a while and i'm itching to get back at it lately.  also i'll probably have three more slices of that bread.  while in the middle of writing, i already had one and it was glorious.  for some reason the toaster oven always turns the tops of the bread black, but it's never really burned....?  the bread is so moist it doesn't get hard at all.  and it doesn't taste too done at all.  horrah! for another toaster oven success.  really, sisters.  thank you.  it's because of you that i've been able to cook anything in the oven at all these last six months.  love you! :)


ps. chopping all my hair off is now inevitable.  the next time i'm even remotely close to lubbock, it's all coming off.  all of it!

the elderly of abilene

tonight was grocery shopping night.  actually, that should have been last night, but other things came up and grocery shopping was put off until tomorrow - which is fairly typical.  the list was long, my husband and i were both tired, it was late and we were hungry.

once we got to the check-out stand and started putting groceries on the conveyor belt, i remembered we needed bananas.  so i took off to grab some.  while i was gone, taylor finished putting our groceries on the belt and began swiping his card and punching in the numbers.  as i walked back up to the stand, the older woman behind us finished placing her groceries behind ours.  it wasn't much: a couple bags of chips, a few bottled drinks.  she had a plastic separator between our items.  but as i walked up behind her to place the bananas in our section, she reached out quickly {sooo discretely} and took the can of olives from our section and placed them in her own.  just one can of olives.  with her groceries there was no way she could have thought it was hers - she had deliberately taken the can of olives from us to pay for them and take them home herself.

confused, as i set down the bananas i looked at the can of olives and then up into her face.  she looked away quickly.  i had seen her take them - she had seen me watch her take them.  i was only standing a foot away from her {and right in front of her} when she had.

my first impulse was to reach in front of her, take the can of olives and give it to the cashier to place safely in a bag and into our cart.  but i froze.  i couldn't do that - what if she started a scene, accused me of stealing her food?  i wanted to say something.  ma'am, those are my olives.  that's all it would have taken, probably.  but who knows?  i froze.  my husband paid, and spun our cart away and out into the parking lot.

she took my can of olives and with it my hope for american society {for the day}.  have we really fallen so far and become so used to instant gratification that we would steal from a stranger on that kind of an impulse?

she didn't break any laws - she paid for the darn can of olives.  all she did was greatly inconvenience the people in front of her to satisfy her instantaneous craving for olives.  she could have waited until her next shopping trip.  she could have asked the cashier to wait while she quickly grabbed another can from the isle we were standing right next to.  heck, she could have told me she was tired and asked if i would grab her a can of olives while she paid.  i would have.  happily.

but steal my can of olives?  really?

while working at red mango {which thankfully is completely over-with} i heard many an ancient person come for a cup of coffee and complain about my generation's sense of entitlement.  after today, i have no sympathy for them at all.  they may have lived in a better world once upon a time.  but today, 70 year old women feel entitled to steal from the grocery carts of twenty-something-year-olds.  if that's not an entitlement complex, i don't know what is.

thanks to you, old woman, my pasta salad will be entirely without olives this week.

reaching for my pencils.

i'm realizing it more and more lately: art is in my blood.

since finishing school, i feel i've been searching for something.  something more than just a thing to fill my time with.  i have plenty of those.  something different than a look how much i accomplished thing.  i was searching for an outlet of sorts.  there were things inside me that needed to be let out, needed to run rampant and have their say, needed to be expressed, demanded attention.  and i needed a thing with which to give them voice.

i've seen this happen to my sisters.  several years after lori was married, her cooking and baking became more than just food on the table, more than just giving her family the respect of a beautiful meal.  it became creation, expression and love.  several years after mindy was married, she started running - really running.  working out became her outlet, her go-to.

i love to make food, i really do.  but when it comes down to it, i'll admit my relationship with food is still at quite a love-hate stage.  pouring myself into creating food isn't satisfying my hunger to express lately.  and while working out it one of the few things i can absolutely whole-heartedly count on to put me in a good mood and stabilize me for the remainder of the day, i don't have a magnificent drive for it.

and then there's my art.  my art that i vowed i wouldn't give up if i decided not to make it my career and then promptly put it away for more than two solid years.  my art that draws so much out of me, has the capacity to take what's inside and make it physical.  my art that feels so rusty, feels so far away.  but it's been coming back of late.  after three full-body sketches i finally hit my groove.  true, i'm not near where i used to be as far as creative skill.  i can't put the things in my head on paper the same way i could several years ago.

but i think i'm moving with a different motive now.  i'm not trying to capture perfect replicas anymore and really i'm not trying to get back to where i used to be with art because i'm no longer that same person.  i don't really expect to produce anything of similar scale or quality because i anticipate my art will be taking an entirely new direction.  i'm a new person, it's a new medium to me in this phase of life.


i haven't been artsing continuously lately.  but i plan to try.  i plan to be more comfortable expressing with that medium.  that's the goal of late.



and then there's something swimming around in the back of my head about eating less sugar for the sake of the pain in my neck and inflammation and chard and kale and folic acid and omega threes and how food is something i don't want to have too much of a fascination with at the moment because i know the tweaking i'm going to do is going to make me slightly uncomfortable.  although i do love kale.

i also love a darn good frozen yogurt with candy bar pieces on it.
but really, i'm about at the point that i'd do anything to get the pain in my head and jaw to stop.  so... omega threes and folic acid, here i come.

farewell, espresso-less frappe.

family and cheese.

i'm blessed, and also a little crazy.

tonight i went to dinner with my mom and natalie, and really talked.  we talked about my upcoming wedding {the food, the decoration...}, we talked about ethnocentrism and the beauty of different cultures, and about the movie anonymous {which i want to see SO badly}.

and now, here i am sitting in my underwear because i ate so much at dinner.  i get upset sometimes because i have more than one day at a time in which i exercise and eat really well {and start feeling really great}, and then i go and blow it with one massive meal with more cheese than one cow could produce in a lifetime.  not that we get cheese ...directly from cows.  i know where cheese comes from.  but you know what i mean.  a lot of cheese.

so.  while my shirt is uncomfortable over my protruding stomach for the next couple of days, i just need to remember that i am blessed.  with good family and good company.  and next time we want to go out for a treat, i'll suggest somewhere without so much cheese.

i like this jessica better

first, the canker sore on my lip has officially reached the "people probably think my lip is deformed" stage.  not that you can see it, but it's drastically impairing my ability to speak normally... or at all.  ouch.  it really is pretty bittersweet that the juiciest sweetest plum of the season caused me to bite my lip so hard it bled.  and really, that line is not as metaphorical as it sounds or should be.  i really ate the most incredible plum ever, and i really did bite my lip and it bled.  a lot.

and if i said that in church, my sister would hold up a massive sign from the back of the room that read "TMI!"  but this isn't church.  it's a blog.  and on the blog we can basically say whatever we want and nothing is too much information, right?? ...erm.

moving on.

i'm addicted to baking.  no worries, this post isn't nearly as serious as it already sounds.  i'm not being literal.  although food has become the greatest excuse not to do homework the past two and a half weeks.  see, there were many things i was deprived of while i was in seattle.  {also, there's a positive seattle experience post in the making.  no, it wasn't all horrible.  just sometimes..in someways..you know.} one of these deprivations was a drastic lack of me cooking or baking anything.  that's right.  you know your soul is slowly dying and it's time to make some drastic changes when you go for that long without getting giddy over what's coming out of the oven.  or, at least i do.

but i'm making up for it.

in the past several days, i've made raspberry cornmeal pancakes with celestial cream, banana chocolate chip muffins, falafel with tzatziki sauce, and a massive batch of monster cookies.  oh yeah, and italien breakfast sandwiches.  ask me about those later!

really, not only am i enjoying food more than i have in well, a really long time, i'm also eating in pure guilt-free moderation.  disclaimer: no one is perfect.  ever.  but i've hit this blissful balance the last week or so between being healthy and eating all the foods i love {love and either have always restricted or binged on}.  it's this awesome stress-free mental food umbrella - being able to eat what i love when i'm hungry stop when i'm full.

it's strange, too.

see, i've had a lot of sugar lately, in retrospect.  and it's not like i've stayed at an ideal calorie intake or really been working out to my personal satisfaction.  the cool thing is that it doesn't matter much anymore.  not that being healthy doesn't matter, but my perspective has changed so much.  healthy isn't eating a perfect diet anymore; healthy is eating wonderful food in good amounts and being generally nutritious.

and look at that.

without even intending to, i've worded what i've been attempting to put into language since the end of the summer: health isn't perfection anymore, it's eating wonderful food in good amounts and being generally nutritious.  and it's being happy about it, too!

ideology shift?

i think so.  and it's in a really good direction.  so, i'm taking this moment to celebrate.  i didn't sit down with the intention to write about my eating disorder recovery, but that's what came out.  i've changed over the summer.  natalie said it best about two weeks ago.  she said, i like this jessica better.  the one who'll eat cupcakes with me and not care about how much sugar they have in them because they are so good!  that's paraphrased, but you get the idea.  i'm a more relaxed individual, now.  i'm more me, less... less obsessive and stressed.  because when i let go of all those expectations of perfect everything for myself, i became a little closer to the real me.  and that's the real point, here.

isn't it?

so that's it.  i'm reestablishing my relationship with food {and my own awesome body}.  and also, i love to bake.  hey, look - back to the beginning.  what i meant to write about was this:  this week, i can't wait to go to sunflower market and check out their all-natural meat section.  also, i can't wait to delve into a few unopened cookbooks to figure out how to cook the meat!  and because i love to see things come out of the oven i'm also going to be making white cheddar rosemary scones and chocolate chip apricot scones.  incredible, i know.

and i'm going to have some left-over falafel for dinner.

and the point of this whole post: i love food and i'm happy.

at the same time.

happy eating! :)

pancake saturdays reestablished.

saturday morning pancake roommate breakfasts - one of the best traditions ever established in my life outside of the my family.  today, the pancake tradition was brought back to life!  like i've already said, i'm so happy to be living with these girls again.  the difference between living with people who want to love each other and living with people who are decidedly indifferent is like the difference between living in australia and sibera.  and that analogy might only work for those of us who find the outback appealing... anyway, i feel like i spent quite a bit of time in siberia this summer, and it's good to be back in the sun.

to celebrate being all back in provo, the four of us planned a little weekend extravaganza. guru's for dinner {one of the best veggie burritos in provo}, pirates of the carribbean at the {two} dollar theater, and a few epic games of speed scrabble {with several new variations to bump up the competition}.  oh! and i can't forget the banana smoothies topped with fudge at one a.m. .... and the disney princess youtube videos.  yeah.

this morning topped off our little celebration when we brought back our weekend pancake tradition.  every weekend, we rotate making pancakes for each other.  this week was my week.  raspberry cornmeal pancakes with chocolate chips and celestial cream - yum? yeah.


lately, more than anything, i'm grateful for these people:

• erika {the newest addition - bio coming soon}, who is just as big a foodie as me.  we spent a solid two hours last night passionately drooling over each other's favorite food stories.  fresh patries in spain, seattle's best greek food, conveyer belt sushi bars, molly moon's worth-a-million-dollar ice cream, and beecher's cheese factory... we are two women who have a very mutual passion for beautiful food.
• genni, who gives the most amazing back rubs.  i love her peacefulness and her nightgowns.
• ariana, the provider of our speed scabble/bananagrams obsession.  beautiful, sensible and grounding.  i think our apartment would be more emotionally out of control without her logical mind.
• taylor, who is my sanity.  i'm also extremely grateful for the ability to text, to talk on the phone without internet static interruptions, and a much more workable time-zone connection.  he motivates me to learn and helps me remember i love the social sciences during my last semseter.  he helps me regain composure when i'm freaking out, and puts perspective on my decision-making process by reminding me i don't have to know everything right now.
• natalie.  who provides yet another layer of emotional comfort and support this semester.  living with people i love is only exemplified by the fact that we can't stay away from each other because we have so much darn fun together!  homework parties, excursions to the chocolate and the mall... yes, yes i love to live by natalie again.
• hailey, who texts me at night and always reminds me i'm loved from home, too.
• my parents - who take me out to breakfast and still usually answer their phones even though i call them multiple times a day - sometimes.

basically, i'm feeling loved right now.  it's been so long since i've been surrounded by people who care about me, and it just feels so darn good!

just as good as raspberry cornmeal pancakes.

2 nephi 22:2

behold, God is my salvation; i will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he has also become my salvation.

gelato nostalgia

bring on the sun!
this week, seattle is sparkling.  i find myself thinking, "yeah... yeah, i could stay here for a long time..."
and then i remember the last three and a half months of grey and rain and freezing humid cold and tell myself to come back to reality.  really, as gorgeous as the emerald city is in the "summer," i'm too much of a desert rat to live in a rain forest.

this afternoon {despite all the scrambling to finish everything from office work and interviews to packing, moving, and cleaning}, victoria and i decided that sunshine demanded we eat gelato.  so, i put down my almost finished class-work {please, 399r, get out of my life}, she stopped frantically trying to sell everything flourishing families owns, and we took a little {hourlong} trip to wallingford.  which has within the last several weeks, become one of my favorite parts of seattle.  it's almost tied with fremont.

the fainting goat was good to us.

and really, how awesome is that sign?  definitely double points for artistic taste.  not to mention the incredible gelato flavors: honey rose, nutella, virgin mojito, salted caramel, and so so many more.  my tastebuds were tingling.

while in the gelato shop, "hello, seattle" by owl city came on the radio - a provo classic.  suddenly, a massive wave of nostalgia hit me and i realized how sad i am to be leaving this unique city and beautiful experience.  we spent the rest of the time reminiscing about the whole trip - start to finish.

also, this summer i've found a new love for waffle cones.  when you're feeling slightly indulgent, nothing does it like a waffle cone.

speaking of extras like that... i'm in a fight with food blogs lately.  because american women can't separate pleasure from calories and calories from weight.  and half the time the word "calorie" replaces the word "food" even on blogs that claim to be simply for the love of the substance without weight-watching connotations.  not that being aware is wrong.  i've been hyper aware of how messed up our food media is lately.

but who wants to spoil a good gelato posts with talk like that?  not me... so, forget that and let's enjoy that upside down goat!

{of course, saving that conversation for later...}

also, this was an absolutely great little tea shop next door.  i think i want that clock in my apartment.. because after all, it's always T time!  :)

meat

today, i'm eating italien chicken sausage, and a slice of turkey.  {both from happy animals.}

and that's a really, really big deal!

some days, meat tastes absolutely divine to me.  others, i can barely get it past my gag reflex.  but we're working, here!  baby steps...

also a delicious salad with grape tomatoes and banana peppers (my favorite pepper ever).

i've decided there's no way to politely eat a grape tomato...
or a slice of meat for that matter.

i'm just not good at politely eating meat.  and i need to work on that before eating it in public.

bon appetit!

the city of roses

this week, my focus is on keeping things simple.  i have a few big projects to get underway before my family comes to visit in a week, so cutting out all the unnecessary fluff will help tremendously, i'm sure.  it's also a big list-making week {to make sure i actually reach my goals}.

even though the idea of independence day in seattle, was thrilling, i opted for a holiday in another just-as-cool city.  i spent the long weekend with hannah's family {a fellow research assistant} in portland, oregon.  the plan formed a little over two weeks ago - hannah, gregory, me and victoria would drive down to the city of roses right after work on friday - not to return to work until tuesday.  the plan soon included brittany and victoria's friend ty {who spontaneously visited from alberta canada}.  together, the six of us made a fabulous group for adventuring.

because we're into list-making around here...

friday:  we made our quick getaway after office hours (our three-times-a-week morning work meeting).  sadly, the three hour drive to portland took us more than five hours because of holiday traffic added to seattle's unpredictable traffic times.  after driving through the city, we drove to more central oregon where we hiked angel's rest, an absolutely stunning view of the rivers and mountains.  incredible introduction to the trip!  already tired and hungry at 9:00pm, we drove to hannah's house where vegetarian pizza was waiting for us on the kitchen table.

saturday:  portland exploration!  beginning with pancakes {made by gregory and hannah courtesy of the bradford's kitchen} and filled with saturday market {which to-date, is one of the coolest things i've ever done}.  i came away from the market with incredibly fresh greek cuisine, a bracelet handmade from a danish tea can, earrings and a barrette made from spoons, a sunburn, and sore feet.  oh, and an insatiable desire for a coffee bag messenger bag, dreadlocks, and henna paste.  we filled the afternoon with powell's books {largest bookstore in the united states}, and voodoo doughnuts {funky vegan doughnut shop with just about everything imaginable - good and bad}.  as we came home, we realized we were in for a treat staying with the bradford family: black bean chipotle burgers with rice and black bean salad and pasta pesto salad - complete with texas sheet cake and ice cream for dessert.

sunday: sunday i woke up late {score for me - i only did this once the whole vacation!}, scrambled to get ready for church, and enjoyed an early sacrament meeting.  we hurried back to the bradford's for sanwhiches and to pack up some fruit and change, and we were off to the oregon coast!  ...with a quick stop at the tillamook dairy factory to supplement {free self-guided tour, free cheese, free ice cream}.  the day at the beach was glorious.  clear skies, sand, cliffs, and big waves.  we sat on our blanket and visited, rolled up our pants and played in the {diminished} waves, climbed through a tunnel, and caught some sun.  actually, the sun caught me - my skinny jeans only rolled up so far... thus, i now have the world's dorkiest three-quarter-calf sunburn line.  and it's not even gradual - nope, one straight line of bright red burn.  haven't figured out how to get rid of that one yet...

monday: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!  truthfully, one of the most memorable independence holidays i've had in my short lifetime.  mr bradford woke us with the smell of breakfast: soughdough french toast with fresh strawberries and pure maple syrup, vegetarian sausage, scrambled eggs, and orange juice.  after breakfast, we pulled out hannah's henna paste and painted ourselves pretty.   then we packed our bags again and hit the road - back to the gorge!  the hike we chose this time was the most magnificent i've ever seen - a lifetime highlight.  after looping behind a massive waterfall to start, we trekked up switchbacks for {what seemed like} days.  coming to an overlook, we could see three waterfalls, only several feet separating them, tumbling down hundreds of feet.  after gaping at the sight for a few minutes, we trudged on, eager to see what other glories the end of the hike held.  after some time, as we reached the end of the trail, coming very near the edge of the waterfalls.  we decided to get just a little closer.  and that idea had us sitting in between the three waterfalls hanging our feet over the massive cliff while eating clementines, snapping pictures of our feet hanging over the edge and laughing.  we simply couldn't get enough of this tumbling river.  so we hiked upstream {literally on the rocks in the river} till we found an ideal spot for rock sculptures.  we built for quite a while, took pictures of each, brittany fell in the river while crossing to the other side, and we decided to find the trail and head back.  six hours after we started hiking, we arrived back at the falls and decided we simply couldn't leave without seeing multnomah falls.  it was an incredible sight!  tired and sore again, we drove home and arrived to moroccan lentil stew with curry and apricots inside half an acorn squash accompanied by corn on the cob, greek quinoa salad and macaroni salad.  after that, we enjoyed home-made lime-basil sorbet while playing mexican train.  fireworks in the park followed shortly after, and we ended the day by lighting off some of our own little fireworks and dancing in the street with sparklers.  really, one of the best holiday vacations - i'll remember it forever.

tuesday: we packed up and headed home!  and this time, the three hour drive only took three hours.

and now i'm back in sunny seattle, where it's finally realized that it should have been summer for the last three months.  that means it's warmed up - a little.  sadly, you miss what you once wished away, and at the moment i'm wishing the heat and humidity would back off until we figure out our dysfunctional air conditioner.

to take my mind off my sweatiness, i'm making plans - and goals:

homemade pita bread tomorrow
cupcakes and sweet potato casserole on friday {to celebrate ffp's thanksgiving in july, of course}
internship course all caught up before family vacation...

and last of all, get rid of this blasted cold sore! second of the year... which {i guess} really makes me grateful i'm passed the years where that would have been mild.

happy {finally} summer, everyone!

for crying out loud, have a cupcake.

in my experience, there is a theme among roommates these days.  

after graduating from high school, i received one of the most influential gifts ever given to me: vegan cupcakes take over the world.  yes, i can thank my lovely sister lori for changing my life.  for a solid year, i made vegan cupcakes like i owned a bakery.  several batches a week!  it taught me that when you give people cupcakes, it makes them happy, then they love you.  {as illustrated by the diagram below.}  by the way, this is just background information - i'm getting to my point in a moment.  anyway, this is a natural cycle, process of life.  give people delicious things to eat and they will love you.

cupcake-love diagram

HOWEVER.

in my experience, this apparently universal truth is subject to a complete phenomena when the female brain hits age twenty.  see, when i moved into my first apartment, one of the first things i said to my new roommate was, "hey. i'm going to make you cupcakes and you're going to love me."  {okay, not literally, but you get the idea.  i did in fact tell her i was going to make her cupcakes.}  she replied with, "no, don't! i don't want to eat that. i'll throw them away!"  

that was the beginning of the decline in my delectable pastry baking.  since that time, i have always had at least one roommate who protested the making of sweet-things in the apartment.  {with several small-period exceptions.}  therefore, i should not have been surprised when not one, but two of my roommates this summer protest the making of only-slightly-unhealthy delishishness.  

here's the kicker: 

i've recently learned that it isn't just my roommates.  oh, sure, give cupcakes to the male interns and they'd have a party!  but, to the gals?  think again.

one is abstaining from all desserts for the entire summer {believe me, sugar's in more than desserts, ladies.}  one will eat desserts, but only if it doesn't make her calorie-count for the day spike too much.  another, zero carbohydrates for the summer.  yet another will only eat bread on the weekends, and her roommate is supporting the goal by joining in the obsessive restriction of all things bread.

are we stressed, ladies?

don't get me wrong, i've had my share of sugar-free days, weeks, months... my sister has been upset more than once by my restriction of sweets.  i've had my share of eating obsessions, but from them i've learned that over restriction and dieting only leads to binging, out-of-whack hormones, and still more obsession.

it's time we reconsider the pressure we're putting on ourselves, don't you think?

because after all, with the demands we're placing on our bodies and minds, eventually something's going snap.

i've started reading the triple bind, and it speaks to me.  it talks about the pressures of being female in today's society, and yaknow... they have a point.

more to follow.

the ice cream that changed my life, among other things.

of course, the first thing i have to take pictures of is food.  naturally :)

first comes first.  it was a big day for brittany - she'd been home from her mission for one whole year!  because she served spanish speaking, mexican food was on the menu.  however, we were all a little short on energy and patience after our evening interviews... not to mention we were going to eat each other if we didn't get food quick.  so, we decided to take a trip down to the corner taco stand.  great stuff, that.

"now, for the camera, we'll introduce you.  from left to right, this is victoria, brittany, and jessica."  - direct quote from the flourishing families interview script. 

brittany on {okay, two days after} her big day.

next, pictures of something that really did change my life.  molly moon's.  one the best things i've ever put in my mouth.  really, seriously, it's just that darn good.  i don't even eat sugar, and this is good enough i'd be willing to make a once-a-week exception to the rule for the summer.  

really, it's that good.

brittany, victoria, and me - happy lil' roommates. 

brooke and liz - two of the coolest gals ever. 

brooke, thoroughly enjoying her double-scoop waffle cone of sasquatch and salted caramel.

me, simply falling even deeper in love with this glorious substance.  double-scoop waffle cone of sasquatch and honey lavender.  {ps. the sasquatch is one of the best things ever invented - theo chocolate with caramel, chocolate, and granola.}

victoria and brittany - feeding each other like the loving roommates they are. 

liz and victoria - both bowls gone - one of the most satisfying and disappointing feelings one could have.

more, please? :)

foodie night number one.

it's eight in the morning and i've been awake for two hours!  which is a big contrast to last semester when i was usually slightly late to my class at ten am.  there's something about a consistent summer routine that's extremely satisfying to me.  i'm a creature of habit, naturally, but routine in the summer time makes me happier than usual school routine.  possibly because it seems more achievable.

however, i will admit waking up at six is tough when you just didn't get to bed quite on time.  i've found some real connections among my fellow interns.  when victoria and i moved in, we discovered we held very similar philosophies on eating meat and food in general.  we both hold a generally whole-foodist approach and are vegetarian {except for the seldom exception of happy home-farm-raised animals}.  gregory, another intern in our group, holds very similar beliefs.  slightly more strict on the vegetarian scale than i am, but much less vegan than me, with a passion for cooking and ethnic food, he is an absolute foodie - heart and soul.  i didn't get enough sleep last night because my before-bed routine {which involves quite a bit of talking on the phone to several different significant people} was pushed back by my new-found food lovers.

as victoria and i were on our way out the door to scope out some local indian food, gregory texted us both.  "to all vegetarians and flexitarians, thai food off the cuff at my place!  be there around six."

thai food and indian food are about equal in my book - two favorites.  and really, free vegetarian food that i know is going to be healthy?  who could resist??

long story short, the food was amazing, the conversation was steller, and the company made me feel a little more at home in seattle.  not to mention, i now have a long list of recommended health food markets and other food-related destination points to visit in seattle.  several, i'm sure, will become second homes.  we spent several hours talking vegetarian-talk, moving back and forth between the logistics of vegetarianism, vegetarianism and LDS beliefs, vegetarianism in the scriptures, our individual transitions to a whole-foods attitude, and the general food industry vs. whole foodism.

it's been much too long since i've had conversations of that sort, and i feel so blessed to have found a few people that share my passion for food in such similar ways.  it makes it easier here to cook for other people {something i love and thrive off of} and gives me a little comfort knowing that others will do the same for me - and i'll be able to eat knowing i'm having something healthy, something i would cook for myself.

thus was the beginning of vegetarian foodie night number one.  i'm sure there will be many more to follow over the course of the summer, and i can't wait to see my recipe collection grow!

the {almost} last day of class celebration

for as long as i can remember, on the very last day of school my mom would pick my sisters and me up from class and take us out to ice cream.  it's just about the best last day of class celebration ever.  it takes priority over parties, friend lunches, and everything else.  last day of class ice cream is my favorite. ever.  being three and a half hours away from mom, i'm always a little sad on the last day of class when no one's going to pick me up and pay for my yogurt {because believe me, this tradition will not die}.  luckily {not to repeat myself too many times} i live with a couple fantastic girls that believe in traditions involving good food and the end of school.  i'm driving home on the last day, so we're a day early here.  we felt safe to assume at this point that no one will die before tomorrow's over with.

mine's the one with the oreo crumbs, of course.  ari's on the left, and genni's on the right.  because frozen yogurt tells a lot about a person, right? :)

my beautiful girls!

ari and me

devoured!

we talked about having a little book club over the summer - we're going to chose a book we'll read to talk about when we get back together again in the fall.  oh yes, and we are officially living together again in the fall - one story up for an extra window {yay!}.  we dreamed about summer plans, avoided going home to one last night of homework, and talked about animal testing... and cats falling from buildings... and rats on the top floor of the swkt.  weird, right?  who in the world would have thought they kept rats up there. . .

oh glorious yogurt.  it was a much needed reunion.  thank you, mom, for the absolutely excellent tradition!  and thank you, roommates, for keeping it up!

basically, i love my roommates.

because anyone who'll stay up to watch confessions of a shopaholic and eat this yummy goodness with me is just my favorite.

ps. that's overnight oats, cookiedough ice cream, AND peanutbutter banana soft serve. one of the best girls' night treats we've had this semester!

nut butter fail + thoughts on my new electronic addition

fun plans tonight!  a few girls from high school/home ward are coming over for a collaborative taco night.  it will probably become the new tradition.  we all used to go out to dinner together once a month{ish}, but now ironically, we don't have quite the money we used to.

today, i was really craving nut butter.  but not just any nut butter.  i wanted something decadent, something extra creamy, something chocolate.

even though i was pretty much extremely hungry by the time i walked home from class (really, two-thirty lunch was never my thing), i decided that this nut butter had to happen.  sometimes, you just have to have some chocolate nut butter, right?  well... okay, i do! :)

i dropped my backpack on the ground and promptly gathered all my ingredients.  half almond, half pecan.  that's right, this was going to be deluxe.  sadly, i forgot one small detail.  my food processor valiantly takes on all the frozen bananas i throw at it.  most of time, it chokes through the nuts and dates till i can make them into balls for "cookies".  but i'd never tried to turn nuts to butter in this mini appliance before.

at first, i thought it was going to work!  it whirred {too loudly, as usual}.  after one minute, though, i'd given it all it could take.  so, relunctantly (but i'm sure to the relief of my neighbors), i gave up.

today, decadent chocolate pecan-almond butter = bitter nutty crumble.

it was okay on my chocolate peanut butter oatmeal though.  {but that's another story... can you say addicted??}

so, transitioning from my mini food processor fail to my new computer {still nameless}.

last post was a bit of a rant.  complete incomprehension of electronic devices does that to me, i guess.  really, truly, i am so darn thankful to have a computer again.  the week i went without was just. . .off.  i don't like to admit it, but i felt pretty disconnected.  lately, blogging is the main creative outlet in my life {other than food adventures every so often that do come out okay}.

so.  i'm happy to be back.  happy to have this little computer!

and i'm sure eventually, it will learn to behave itself and {in time} will also earn the privilege of being named.

i'm off to eat some bitter nut crumble!
{and prep the kitchen for the party.}

all of you that can, go eat some nut butter for me, will ya? :)

the un-outfit post #2

day fourteen.

task: ...outfit post. {a.k.a my excuse to blog about something else}

i never had a valentine's post!  i'm so sad i forgot!  so i'm going to do a valentine's recap + a few other random tidbits...  basically, this is {once again} creative liberty to celebrate my womanhood in ways other than take pictures of my clothes. which, as i've said, i'll get to.  maybe once. :)

valentine's day is my favorite.  okay, maybe not quite favorite, but when it comes to random holidays it gets up there on my charts.  i love love!  and i love to celebrate love.  a couple days before the fourteenth, my parents came through provo on their way to slc.  after breakfast, they surprised me with valentine's gifts!  admittedly, my favorite thing about the holiday is that my wonderful father gives me flowers and my incredible mother makes heart-shaped scones for breakfast!  this year, because i wasn't home i didn't get to enjoy scones by mom, but i did attempt them myself!

the flowers from my dad are still brightening my everyday!  because i wasn't going to be there for scones this year, my mom gave me a chocolate bar - dark orange. . .YUM.  it was definitely a treat.  i've been being super careful with sugar lately so my running will be tip-top shape for the race in a week.  the chocolate was much-needed and much-enjoyed!

speaking of this race, i signed up tonight!  the dogtown 9k and half marathon is going to eat my dust in a week, let me tell you.  actually, i'm a little nervous. . . :-}  this is my first race, and i've worked so hard to get to it, but i'm already feeling the nerves.  hopefully, this is one of those cases where i'm nervous for a week beforehand and then completely calm on the day of the event.

i planned out my training schedule at the beginning of the month and have stuck pretty close to it!  this week i've fallen off the grid a little bit.  i haven't had a car, and i'm a chicken when it comes to running in the cold.  but!  i've been adding in a few other things {besides running}.  annalisa, my roommate from last summer, was just certified as a personal trainer.  she and i went to the gym last night and she showed me a thing or two about weight-lifting.  i'm really new to anything other than running and yoga, so it was exciting!  as to be expected, i've been a little sore all day long, but it feels tremendous to have muscles sore other than the ones i run with.  tomorrow i'm hoping to tackle somewhere between five and six miles.... wish me luck!

so back to valentine's day.  genni and i decided that it was high time for a proper number 103 girls' night, and that valentine's day was just the right time to do it!  we went all out.  pulling our mattresses into the living room, we smooshed them together for a sleep-over.  

we both enjoyed the pile of blankets.  i think we used most of them in the apartment. . . which is quite a few!  and they came in handy during the movie.  i know, i know, valentine's day is the day to watch sappy chick-flicks!  but we just weren't in the mood for anything but my beloved lord of the rings.  i know.  i'm a nerd.  but it really is so darn good.

it may be quiet everyone once in a while with just two of us in the apartment, but when it comes to holidays, genni and i know how to celebrate.  it's been so fun with the two of us the last month!

of course, all sleep-overs have a few necessary ingredients.  we made pizza together, had hot chocolate, edamame, and {of course} chowed down on the valentine's scones i made earlier that morning.  it was a splurge day, that's for sure.  but you have to have a little treat every once in a while, and there's no better time than a holiday!
ps. the pizza and hot chocolate were to die for that night!

me and my food - usually the happiest part of my day.  well, besides running! :)

pumpkin addict

i bought canned pumpkin in the stores for the first time a few days ago, and i celebrated!  i don't think i've ever loved pumpkin so much as i do right now.  i bought four cans.  even if they aren't nearly gone, next time i pass the grocery store i'm going to buy six. the time after that eight, and so on.  i simply can't get enough of it!  the stores always run out at the most crucial times, and this year, i will be prepared with plenty of extra pumpkin in my pantry.  really, if i had my way i'd want to buy enough to last until next october, through the very pumpkin-less summer.  but... that might be a little far fetched!  hopefully i'll save it up at least through the winter!

last night i had the most delicious pumpkin pie smoothie, with just a hint of chocolate.  i still have pumpkin muffins left over for my breakfast this morning.

but i need more recipes!  what's your favorite pumpkin recipe or autumn food obsession?

goals, balance, and food

so once the first round of midterms hits (byu classes normally have two midterms), schedules get so crazy that there isn't much time to think about what you're going to eat for lunch tomorrow.  this, for me, is a little tragic - i take a lot of joy in planning meals and even more in making meals that take me more than five to ten minutes.  this week was the beginning of midterms, but the first round won't end for me for another two weeks or so.  after that, i'll only have a few days until the cycle starts all over again.

so i've made a new little resolution.  i'm going to start making something exciting (something i've never made before) every weekend!  i like to give myself at least a little break on the weekends most of the time, and this will be a perfect way to satisfy my cooking-craving that i starve from during the week.  it should also keep my pallet satisfied - college-quick food has my mouth in a constant depression most of the time.  for the first test, i've decided to try vegetarian pot stickers and chinese chow mein, although i'm a little skeptical about the mushrooms and the bok choy... but hey! this is an experiment, so caution to the wind! right??

change of thought pattern, slightly..

i also have another little goal i'm starting today.  okay, it's more like a lifestyle change, i guess.  but that all starts with small goals, i think.  this all started with a post by loveyoulongtime a few days back.  she talks about the little things she does to show her love to herself (really, it's a great little post - you'd like it).  it made me think about how hectic my life has been the past few weeks and the things i usually do to remember my worth that have been sacrificed lately.  nothing huge, but sometimes small things count the most.

so i'm going to implement a few things and bring a few things back into my life:
i'm going to treat myself to eight hours of sleep a night (which will be a huge improvement).
i'll let myself feel a little more feminine and make time to paint my nails - pink!  i haven't done this in quite a while.
in this lifestyle, there isn't much alone-calming time, so i'm going to calm myself and have some very me-time with yoga - several times a week.
i'm going to start eating breakfast sitting down every morning - without rushing (fifteen-minute breakfasts - oh yeah!).  that way it'll be more than an apple out the door.
i really love to shower, and i love to wear skirts, but lately i've been in such a rush that shower time has been significantly cut down.  so i'm going to make time to shower everyday without rushing, and shave enough to wear a few more skirts.

now that i've realized how many things i cut out of my schedule during school, things that really make me remember that loving myself is important, i've realized that it's the lack of these things that make me feel frantic when i get busy.  i think bringing them back will help me feel more balanced and secure in my lifestyle right now!

what things do you do to bring balance back to your life?

ps. i've decided that once you start dating frequently, the inevitability of a really bad, awkward, depressing, or time-wasting date is a little daunting.  the pro: sometimes you get really great stories.... and sometimes you come home laughing and looking forward to your own apartment.

pps. HAPPY OCTOBER!