the IN club

the temperature has finally started dropping in abilene. a couple weeks ago, i saw for the first time a ten-day forecast of temperatures all lower than 95 degrees.  today, it looked cooler outside, mostly overcast.  so in the afternoon i pulled on my running shorts and a t-shirt and headed out for a two-mile loop around campus. thirty seconds outside my car and i was back inside, shivering. no two-mile loop. a trip to the gym instead. my car's thermometer (which is always off) said it was 57 degrees.  it may be chronically off, but 57 is a definite a change from the typical 107 it reads on most afternoons.

finally, finally it's starting to feel like fall.

tonight, on a quick trip to the grocery store, i wore a jacket, a scarf and a beanie.  i remembered how completely i love weather that lets me wear five layers and thirteen colors at once.  you can't do that in shorts and t-shirt weather. it's just not possible.

tonight, i cooked butternut squash and this morning we ate the last of the pumpkin muffins.  i've cooked three different kinds of squash in the last three weeks.  fall food. warm, comfy and steaming.

i feel like i've finally been accepted to the in club. you know, that club of people who live in places of this world where the leaves are turning colors and stuff. for weeks, i've suffered facebook cover pictures of people playing in leaves, blog posts boasting of being able to wear scarves again. recipes for soups soups soups and pumpkin everything. and for weeks all i had was 107 degree weather with no possibility of soup that hadn't been thoroughly chilled.

but now.
now, i'm finally
in.

now come on, abilene. let's keep this up.

i finally love it here.

last saturday, my internship officially ended.  a month ago, i would have given anything to be right here right now.  but then the sun came out.

i've been packing, starting to clean, and getting distracted by beautiful seattle all week already.  now it comes to it, i'm not so sure i want to leave.  i'm realizing all the things i'm going to desperately miss.

like in the early mornings, the man in the gym that doesn't speak any english, but always has a massive smile and loves his grandchildren more than anything in the world.

the misting - there's no such things as sprinkling rain here, i've decided.  it doesn't sprinkle, it mists.  and sometimes that mist is so mysterious and beautiful.

driving down the 5 today, i realized how much i'll miss driving in seattle, too.  now don't get me wrong - driving in seattle can excessively obnoxious.  it's prevented me from eating ice cream more than twice this summer.  although i'm not sure if that's good or bad.  but when you're on the 5 driving south, the view of the city is breath-taking.  with the water surrounding it and sailboats blowing on the water... it's a sight burned into my memory that i'd die to come back and experience again someday.

i'd still never live here, if it was my preference.  the rain is just too much for me most months.  but my families were right - this city sparkles in the sunshine!

at the moment, my room's still a slight disaster area, although i think i'm starting to see sense in my madness.  the kitchen's still dirty, and i need to find a way to remove the nails in the wall.  but i'm procrastinating.  i don't like to pack, and now i don't want to go away quite so quickly, either.

it took a while, but now i really do love seattle.

the city of roses

this week, my focus is on keeping things simple.  i have a few big projects to get underway before my family comes to visit in a week, so cutting out all the unnecessary fluff will help tremendously, i'm sure.  it's also a big list-making week {to make sure i actually reach my goals}.

even though the idea of independence day in seattle, was thrilling, i opted for a holiday in another just-as-cool city.  i spent the long weekend with hannah's family {a fellow research assistant} in portland, oregon.  the plan formed a little over two weeks ago - hannah, gregory, me and victoria would drive down to the city of roses right after work on friday - not to return to work until tuesday.  the plan soon included brittany and victoria's friend ty {who spontaneously visited from alberta canada}.  together, the six of us made a fabulous group for adventuring.

because we're into list-making around here...

friday:  we made our quick getaway after office hours (our three-times-a-week morning work meeting).  sadly, the three hour drive to portland took us more than five hours because of holiday traffic added to seattle's unpredictable traffic times.  after driving through the city, we drove to more central oregon where we hiked angel's rest, an absolutely stunning view of the rivers and mountains.  incredible introduction to the trip!  already tired and hungry at 9:00pm, we drove to hannah's house where vegetarian pizza was waiting for us on the kitchen table.

saturday:  portland exploration!  beginning with pancakes {made by gregory and hannah courtesy of the bradford's kitchen} and filled with saturday market {which to-date, is one of the coolest things i've ever done}.  i came away from the market with incredibly fresh greek cuisine, a bracelet handmade from a danish tea can, earrings and a barrette made from spoons, a sunburn, and sore feet.  oh, and an insatiable desire for a coffee bag messenger bag, dreadlocks, and henna paste.  we filled the afternoon with powell's books {largest bookstore in the united states}, and voodoo doughnuts {funky vegan doughnut shop with just about everything imaginable - good and bad}.  as we came home, we realized we were in for a treat staying with the bradford family: black bean chipotle burgers with rice and black bean salad and pasta pesto salad - complete with texas sheet cake and ice cream for dessert.

sunday: sunday i woke up late {score for me - i only did this once the whole vacation!}, scrambled to get ready for church, and enjoyed an early sacrament meeting.  we hurried back to the bradford's for sanwhiches and to pack up some fruit and change, and we were off to the oregon coast!  ...with a quick stop at the tillamook dairy factory to supplement {free self-guided tour, free cheese, free ice cream}.  the day at the beach was glorious.  clear skies, sand, cliffs, and big waves.  we sat on our blanket and visited, rolled up our pants and played in the {diminished} waves, climbed through a tunnel, and caught some sun.  actually, the sun caught me - my skinny jeans only rolled up so far... thus, i now have the world's dorkiest three-quarter-calf sunburn line.  and it's not even gradual - nope, one straight line of bright red burn.  haven't figured out how to get rid of that one yet...

monday: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!  truthfully, one of the most memorable independence holidays i've had in my short lifetime.  mr bradford woke us with the smell of breakfast: soughdough french toast with fresh strawberries and pure maple syrup, vegetarian sausage, scrambled eggs, and orange juice.  after breakfast, we pulled out hannah's henna paste and painted ourselves pretty.   then we packed our bags again and hit the road - back to the gorge!  the hike we chose this time was the most magnificent i've ever seen - a lifetime highlight.  after looping behind a massive waterfall to start, we trekked up switchbacks for {what seemed like} days.  coming to an overlook, we could see three waterfalls, only several feet separating them, tumbling down hundreds of feet.  after gaping at the sight for a few minutes, we trudged on, eager to see what other glories the end of the hike held.  after some time, as we reached the end of the trail, coming very near the edge of the waterfalls.  we decided to get just a little closer.  and that idea had us sitting in between the three waterfalls hanging our feet over the massive cliff while eating clementines, snapping pictures of our feet hanging over the edge and laughing.  we simply couldn't get enough of this tumbling river.  so we hiked upstream {literally on the rocks in the river} till we found an ideal spot for rock sculptures.  we built for quite a while, took pictures of each, brittany fell in the river while crossing to the other side, and we decided to find the trail and head back.  six hours after we started hiking, we arrived back at the falls and decided we simply couldn't leave without seeing multnomah falls.  it was an incredible sight!  tired and sore again, we drove home and arrived to moroccan lentil stew with curry and apricots inside half an acorn squash accompanied by corn on the cob, greek quinoa salad and macaroni salad.  after that, we enjoyed home-made lime-basil sorbet while playing mexican train.  fireworks in the park followed shortly after, and we ended the day by lighting off some of our own little fireworks and dancing in the street with sparklers.  really, one of the best holiday vacations - i'll remember it forever.

tuesday: we packed up and headed home!  and this time, the three hour drive only took three hours.

and now i'm back in sunny seattle, where it's finally realized that it should have been summer for the last three months.  that means it's warmed up - a little.  sadly, you miss what you once wished away, and at the moment i'm wishing the heat and humidity would back off until we figure out our dysfunctional air conditioner.

to take my mind off my sweatiness, i'm making plans - and goals:

homemade pita bread tomorrow
cupcakes and sweet potato casserole on friday {to celebrate ffp's thanksgiving in july, of course}
internship course all caught up before family vacation...

and last of all, get rid of this blasted cold sore! second of the year... which {i guess} really makes me grateful i'm passed the years where that would have been mild.

happy {finally} summer, everyone!

writer's block.

life's been strange the past week{ish}.  and several times i've started to mentally blame my neglected blog on the fact that i'm busy.  but really, let's be honest, here.  i'm just going through a significant period of writer's block.  about every other day, i sit down at my computer to write and something unusual happens: nothing.

every time i'm just...kind of, well... blank.

this summer's already been a swirl of decisions made, second-guessed, and called off.  plan-b's thought through entirely only to be discarded.  on one hand, it's already been an exhaustingly moody summer.  but on the other hand, it's been mostly many moments of pure happiness.  but... on the third hand, i've had more days of depressed restlessness than ever before.  i've known concretely what the next year of my life will look like six different times already - and none of them overlap even the slightest.  i've cursed the cold for seeping into every possible crack it could and screamed at the humidity for making me sticky and sweaty.  i've apologized for being a horrible person multiple times to my work partner, my roommates, my boyfriend, and my messy room {which takes the brunt of it all}.

yesterday {while i couldn't think of anything to write}, i read over several posts i wrote from last summer, which {if i had to title it} would be the time period of finding inner-joy.  i looked back and marveled.  i wrote those words?  while i remember learning those lessons, i'm not sure what happened between points a and b.  not that i'm unhappy.  not in the least.

just excessively inconsistent.

i'm the kind of person that thrives on structure - scheduled {but not overly-busy} days.  predictability in almost every area of life.  spontaneity present, but definitely on a back-burner.  and i have fully realized that if i  wanted to stick with that high-structure sorta thing, i definitely picked the wrong summer job.

but we end up with the things in life that help us grow, yes?

yes.  yes, we do.

looking back i can see what a massive period of growth last summer was for me, and i can only hope that in hindsight this summer will look similar.  i feel like i'm learning some of the same lessons {over and over and over again}, but in circumstances that increasingly build in difficulty.  last summer i learned to find joy in life while in the most predictable and safe setting possible, home.  this summer, i'm trying to learn to find that inner peace and joy while in an extremely unpredictable setting, one that is constantly changing and constantly go go going.  it's more difficult, that's for sure.

but... {deep inhale breath}

hard is good.

and i can do hard.

also, this whole "what do i want to do with my life after school" thing is really starting to drive me crazy. so, let's take a pole, shall we? :)

things that very well could be in jessica's future {aka, pick the future you want to vicariously live through my blog}:

• social work master's degree
• yoga teaching certification program
• massage therapy school
• family studies research master's degree
• holistic nutrition and healing master's degree 
• or the all-present option of calling a bachelor's degree sufficient and finding a groovy job at a cool cafe or bakery while being poor and having time to read books i want to read, run races i want to run, and get a dog.

and honestly, that last one is awful appealing, lately.

and now i'm going to go do yoga and meditate about all that stuff for a while {which really means i'll be thinking of anything BUT those things}.

this summer's mantra: "i can be happy independent of my environment, my schedule, and my messy apartment."

now... to prove it.

happy weekend :)

i'm obsessed with the weather.

weather.com just became one of my top ten most visited sites.  yep. . .it must be spring!  i know i'm officially obsessed when the hourly forecast stays open the entire day, and all the weather websites start remembering my zip-code.

. . .75 degrees? please?  that's not asking too much, i don't think!

to october:

lately, i love the yellow leaves crunching under my black shoes while i run on the provo streets, swishing and whirling on the pavement.  the watercolor east mountains, staying transparent from dawn till late afternoon, give the days a surreal quality {as if in a fairytale}.  confused clouds - all different shades of blue and grey, all different shapes and speeds floating - play around the mountain tips, concealing their heights, failing to hide the white sunlight, the sunlight the last days of october have still permitted power to leak through to rest on my eyelashes and cheeks.

lately, i wake up slowly because the mornings have turned blue.  i peak out the blinds, anticipating the first morning i'll wake to white covering my windowsill, the stair-rails, the light-posts, the trees.  the sun is tardy usually, these days.  on the walk to class, this morning, natalie read aloud to me (essays by brian doyle); the moving text kept my mind off the frigid air.  scarves. coats. mittens.  socks and tights.  frozen breath in air.  red trees covered with spiderwebs of ice.  these are the days i crave yoga in the early mornings, to wake up before the sun.

lately, midnight comes too soon.  october is slipping away from beneath my toes, whisping and threading through my fingertips and out of grasp {like a handful of sugar}.  it's real - very real.  although each individual day isn't filled with specific memories lifetime lasting, the repetitive nature of waking and cracking the blinds to check for snow leaves a fingerprint in the storage center of my mind.

october has been a remembering month, granting nostalgic longing for lost people, lost places, lost emotions.  the onset of winter tends to have that effect - a clinging, of sorts, while memories are buried under white drifts.  checking for that burial is an anticipation, i guess.  soon, the snow will cover more than the leaves.  i've never felt quite so freed by the idea of winter as i do this year.  there have been things i've neglected to bury,  but the snow is coming; the first flurries danced in the valley today.  and when snow buries autumn's dead, the earth can begin to heal, to restore, and once again to play.


and about the scrabble interview: i was called back for a second (which took place last friday).  individual this time, luckily!  the waiting shouldn't last long.  the promise of the first of november clutches the back of my mind constantly.  honest to goodness, i want this internship!

rice

the last few consecutive nights, something rather peculiar has been added to my bedtime routine - something i think needs remedying.  last night, for example...

10:00 pm, and my eyes were definitely ready to turn the lights out!  in fact, they were closing on their own - mascara, contact lenses and all.  so i jumped into my newly washed pj's (mmmm, dryer-warmed clothing!), washed my face, brushed my teeth, read my scriptures and prayed, and meandered into the kitchen for a bedtime glass of water.  with me, i brought my bright blue heating-pack (natalie's actually, mine are both too ragged).  while drinking my glass of water, i waited for the pack to warm up in the microwave.  {*note: during the winter in provo, there is simply no sleeping without a heating-pack for me.  i get too cold!  especially my feet; they freeze, the poor things!  no matter how many blankets, i simply can't sleep without warmth radiating from something other than my own limbs.}

the pack draped across my shoulders, i headed back to my room.  i pulled down the covers.  my feet slipped to the end of of the bed.  the first thought in my head was BUGS!  i gasped and quickly retracted my feet.

wait... not bugs, RICE.  that's right.  rice!

this bright blue heating-pack is filled with nothing other than rice (and lavender, of course, which makes it smell incredible).

normally, this wouldn't be a problem.  but last winter, our situation was far from normal - me and this rice-pack.  our microwave was possessed.  well... maybe not quite.  but either that or just down-right dangerous.  anything you put into the microwave came out with a black hole burnt into it.  popcorn, potatoes, my roommate's glass dishes - you name it, it came out of the microwave with a hole.  well, or broken in half, but that's another story.

so this rice pack has a hole in it.  small, but still enough for little grains of rice to escape down by my feet as i'm falling asleep.  and yes, they feel like bugs.

time for a new heating-pack?
i think so!

but until i have a chance to pull out my sewing machine, i might just have to deal with a little bit of rice at the end of my bed.  after all, no one likes to sleep with freezing toes!

pumpkin addict

i bought canned pumpkin in the stores for the first time a few days ago, and i celebrated!  i don't think i've ever loved pumpkin so much as i do right now.  i bought four cans.  even if they aren't nearly gone, next time i pass the grocery store i'm going to buy six. the time after that eight, and so on.  i simply can't get enough of it!  the stores always run out at the most crucial times, and this year, i will be prepared with plenty of extra pumpkin in my pantry.  really, if i had my way i'd want to buy enough to last until next october, through the very pumpkin-less summer.  but... that might be a little far fetched!  hopefully i'll save it up at least through the winter!

last night i had the most delicious pumpkin pie smoothie, with just a hint of chocolate.  i still have pumpkin muffins left over for my breakfast this morning.

but i need more recipes!  what's your favorite pumpkin recipe or autumn food obsession?

goals, balance, and food

so once the first round of midterms hits (byu classes normally have two midterms), schedules get so crazy that there isn't much time to think about what you're going to eat for lunch tomorrow.  this, for me, is a little tragic - i take a lot of joy in planning meals and even more in making meals that take me more than five to ten minutes.  this week was the beginning of midterms, but the first round won't end for me for another two weeks or so.  after that, i'll only have a few days until the cycle starts all over again.

so i've made a new little resolution.  i'm going to start making something exciting (something i've never made before) every weekend!  i like to give myself at least a little break on the weekends most of the time, and this will be a perfect way to satisfy my cooking-craving that i starve from during the week.  it should also keep my pallet satisfied - college-quick food has my mouth in a constant depression most of the time.  for the first test, i've decided to try vegetarian pot stickers and chinese chow mein, although i'm a little skeptical about the mushrooms and the bok choy... but hey! this is an experiment, so caution to the wind! right??

change of thought pattern, slightly..

i also have another little goal i'm starting today.  okay, it's more like a lifestyle change, i guess.  but that all starts with small goals, i think.  this all started with a post by loveyoulongtime a few days back.  she talks about the little things she does to show her love to herself (really, it's a great little post - you'd like it).  it made me think about how hectic my life has been the past few weeks and the things i usually do to remember my worth that have been sacrificed lately.  nothing huge, but sometimes small things count the most.

so i'm going to implement a few things and bring a few things back into my life:
i'm going to treat myself to eight hours of sleep a night (which will be a huge improvement).
i'll let myself feel a little more feminine and make time to paint my nails - pink!  i haven't done this in quite a while.
in this lifestyle, there isn't much alone-calming time, so i'm going to calm myself and have some very me-time with yoga - several times a week.
i'm going to start eating breakfast sitting down every morning - without rushing (fifteen-minute breakfasts - oh yeah!).  that way it'll be more than an apple out the door.
i really love to shower, and i love to wear skirts, but lately i've been in such a rush that shower time has been significantly cut down.  so i'm going to make time to shower everyday without rushing, and shave enough to wear a few more skirts.

now that i've realized how many things i cut out of my schedule during school, things that really make me remember that loving myself is important, i've realized that it's the lack of these things that make me feel frantic when i get busy.  i think bringing them back will help me feel more balanced and secure in my lifestyle right now!

what things do you do to bring balance back to your life?

ps. i've decided that once you start dating frequently, the inevitability of a really bad, awkward, depressing, or time-wasting date is a little daunting.  the pro: sometimes you get really great stories.... and sometimes you come home laughing and looking forward to your own apartment.

pps. HAPPY OCTOBER!

perceptions of autumn

happy first day of fall!

monday, monday

i have a new favorite listening pleasure this week: the soundtrack to the beautiful movie 500 days of summer.  it's emotional.  frustrating.  exhausting.  and so so real.  during the movie (watched with clear-play editing for my own conscience), i noticed the music was moving, but i didn't understand quite how much i would fall in love with the soundtrack until i gave it a full listenthrough.  my ears say YUM.

sidenote: this week is supposed to be full of tremendous thunderstorms here in southern utah.  tonight, in a theater with my family, we heard the first huge bursts.  it was pretty sunny going into the movie.  coming out, everything was thoroughly drenched, but still over one-hundred degrees.  the rain here is magical.  the desert comes alive with pungent sagebrush filling your nose and the thunder echoes through the canyons.

the moody weather has me in a strange state of being, at the moment.  i'm a little antsy, slightly agitated.  i'd like to read my book for a while (i'm almost finished), but i don't know if i have the attention span tonight.  maybe the thunder just has me a little anxious.  i'm craving new things, again.  this weekend's road trip will definitely be a satisfying one.  just to drive through some beautiful country and see some beautiful people.  normally, i'm not a live for the weekend kind of person.  i like to live for the weekdays, enjoy my everyday.  but every once in a while, it's okay to take a deep breath and simply say, "here's to the weekend. i'll make it there with a smile on my face!"

so.  tonight, i'm saying that.  "here's to the weekend!"  tomorrow, is another matter.  tomorrow, i'm going to wake up, run my heart out, do a little yoga, eat some overnight oats with banana soft serve (and maybe a green smoothie, too), workworkwork, sew a little, read my book, and most of all, smile-breath-be.

happy monday!

positively one of the most random pen splotches i've had yet.

i absolutely can't believe there's less than a week left of july.  it's been such a frisbee of a month!  since coming home after my hectic spring semester, i've been completely caught up in work, projects, summer reading, cooking and baking, running running running, and catching up on some much-needed sleep.  but about four days ago, i remembered the feeling of the first week of a semester in provo (giddiness, new faces, old friends, my leopard-print backpack, etc.), and i was more than a tincy bit excited.  nervous, yes.  dreading the end of the glorious southern utah sun, of course.  but also energized.  i feel grounded, finally.  ready to take on a few new challenges (as i already know i'll be creating for myself this coming fall).

still, my emotions are pretty mixed (in a not quite typical way).  since superman left the states, i've never wanted to skip a summer more quickly, and i'm still counting the weeks until we're both back in provo again (five weeks, only five!).  but the last three consecutive semesters left me so physically and emotionally drained, i'm still apprehensive.  i keep telling myself, one year, just two semesters left and i'll have the bachelor's degree i set out to gain in three years.  i'm two-thirds of the way finished, and i can taste the end.  however.  this conflicts with my excitement for a new semester.  all i know right now is that the sun in my triple-digit home gives me so much energy!  running in these mountains gives me even more joy than i remembered.  i think i'm learning to live in the moment, which at the beginning of spring was one of the largest goals for this summer.

speaking of the moment (since i really don't want to think about all the reasons i do and don't want august to be here yet), i'm watching glenn beck right now.  a new-found summer love.  his passion is incredible, isn't it?

today, i finally started one of those sewing projects that have been below my bed for a month!  it should be finished tomorrow, pictures to come!  while i was laboriously measuring to make sure i really had enough room to cut out each piece on the bias, my sister natalie was reading out loud to me the Top Ten List of Militant Animals, and oh my goodness gracious did we have such a laugh.  dolphins, bats, and a pigeon in the smithsonian museum for being a war hero!  really, as much of a waste of time some things are like this, it's worth reading - just for the laugh.  unconsciously me (her blog) has a link to the hysterical essay.  after reading, it just gives me one more reason to go to d.c. this august.  i was already on board for a quick trip to rally at the feet of lincoln, but after knowing about the pigeon, buy me a ticket!

for the record, it's been an absolutely beautiful sunny day.  positive affirmations work.  the grandeur of the red mountains is surpassed by nothing.  i love blog friends.  these next five weeks are going to fly by just as quickly as this month has, and i'm going to enjoy every single moment of it.

with lots of yoga.

self-sewn skirts and dresses.

a few more spectacular books.

a couple more weddings.

a trip to the lake.

lots of naps with my kitties.

tea parties with my niece.

basketball with my nephews.

the slobber of my sister's pit bulls.

long laughs with my mother.

and so much more.

to close, i love summer.  but i can't wait for fall.  i love.  that's all i guess.  i love ivins, but i have quite enough love for provo, too!  i love these grounding summer days, but i have quite enough love for autumn and yes even winter (even provo winter).  i have enough love.  enough for myself.  enough for all the places in world i'll ever go and all the people in the world i'll ever meet.

that's my moment tonight, lots of moments of love.

a little change

yep, with the sloooow change of seasons this year, i felt i needed a change in my life that was a little more drastic.  so i cut my hair again!  well, okay, i didn't go crazy and cut it all off this time - it's still growing out.  but i decided to bring the bangs back.  we'll see how i like them after a couple of days, but right now i'm mostly on a change high - kind of like an adrenaline rush, just not quite so dangerous.  it's all straight in this picture, not like it is in real life when i absolutely don't have time to run an iron through it everyday.  i'll try to sneak a picture in of how it really is, all wavy and such, sometime.

also, to get this haircut, i successfully navigated my way through the obnoxious freeways of northern utah.  toooo big for me!  too many lanes, too many cars, too many huge trucks to pass, just too much.  but. i did it without causing any accidents, fainting, or getting myself or anyone else killed.  not to mention that i didn't even get lost (which is probably the greatest accomplishment of the entire month, if you know me).  i have now expanded the area i know i can safely access with a car.  to riverton... pathetic, maybe. but a step in the right direction.  salt lake, watch out.  here i come!  

...some other day. 

when i'm feeling much much much more adventurous.

SUMMER...or not

yep, that's right. i've made a rather unreasonable decision to NOT take a break this sunny season.  for another six weeks i'll still have my nose in text books, my hand cramping from note-taking, and my seat parked in a classroom with dim lights at 8:00 a.m. (such a recipe for an alert student, isn't it?).  but please, don't mourn the loss of my sanity quite yet!  although i am absolutely sure that to most, the idea of sitting in the basement lecture hall while the weather is ideal for kite-flying is enough to bring tears the same way smacking your nose against the door frame does, i am actually mostly...excited.  there, i said it.  i am excited to be enrolled full-time in the summer.  i have officially sold my soul to the educational demon.  and yes, they have those at byu, otherwise known as the over-ambitious student ("BURN THE OVER-ACHIEVER!!" that's for you hailey). my only qualm is that i think my decision might be effecting the weather.

mother nature: "it's spring!! wait.... you're going to class.. i mean, it's SNOWING! goodbye flowers, haha!"

snow in almost-may, really? this IS an unusual year... however, although i am going to be swamped  up to my eyelids with reading and writing and test-taking, i am not going to give up my few simple pleasures of the season.  that reading list is still going to be finished at the end (i've started already - man! fablehaven is such a great escape book for post-stressful-semester).  i'm still going to sew and make jewelry, and i'm still going to make time to paint again. yes, even if it snows through june.  so wish me luck! and pray that if it really must snow, it snows so much that no one can leave their apartments so i don't feel quite so guilty about my little summer pleasures inserted in the middle of another semester.  ready, set, study!

summer dreams

the semester is almost over.  for me, this means i've been making lists of summer projects like a madwoman.  all semester long (as is usual, especially during a frost-bitten winter semester) i have made plans for project after project (new skirt patterns, wall hangings, a few blank canvases, etc.), and now that the semester is coming to a close, i have realized yet again that i haven't finished one yet.  yes, i am a firm believer in de-stressing time.  however, my lists always seem to find a way to the bottom of the de-stress pile... it's thanks to my friends, i think, that i haven't been artsy lately, and that i haven't been a recluse.  thanks friends. :)

the lists just keep growing! but for now, my projects list reads something like this:

• embroidery hoop wall hangings
• vintage frames cleaned, painted and filled (i've been hording some beautiful old frames - DI's a great place for that sort of thing).
• sew two dress patterns, at least one apron, and a couple bags (++ really, i want to sew as much as possible this summer so i don't forget everything i learned last semester! but i'll start with these).
• finish decorating/painting/pinning my lamp shade
• paint - 3 canvases just waiting for some looooove.
• build up fabric necklace collection to start selling... and giving away :)

my reading list is also overflowing.  i can't wait for to allow myself a little pleasure-reading time!

• 3 cups of tea
• thomas jefferson education
• fablehaven 5 (FINALLY!! ...guilty pleasure, i know)
• killing us softly (okay.. not really pleasure reading, but jean kilbourne - so so interesting)
• 12 steps to whole foods (by the green smoothie girl)
• 8 human talents (wow... even my books are full of lists! great yoga reading i can't wait to get my hands on.)
• fast food nation
• the phantom of the opera
• laddie
• the coming aristocracy
• anne of green gables
• the continuous atonement

really, i think this list is rather ridiculous. all i'm going to do the whole summer is read!  honestly, i can't wait to start.  however, i'm having a little difficulty deciding where to start.  any suggestions? i'm open. :)  i've decided that this summer will be a great time to learn more about raw roods.  although i think i have a pretty decent handle (for a college student, at least) on whole foods, i feel quite uneducated when it comes to raw.  what better time than summer to start, right?  in addition to all of this fabulous summer living, i'm also going to school this spring, and starting to work again, but i'm determined.  it will still be summer, and i will still live like it is!

coming out of hibernation

it's been a month. a hectic, rather uncreative month.

but finally, after almost resigning to the sun's decision to altogether abandon northern utah, i saw blue sky and budding trees, awoke to frantic birds in the branches outside my window, wore a jacket instead of a coat, ate salad instead of soup, and subtracted one blanket from my bedding equation.  it's still cold enough to require bundling to walk to campus, but not quite enough to demand a coat, scarf, and boots to run down to the mailbox.  although snow soaked through my shoes again this afternoon, the day started out much like what i think spring might look like here.  the world is waking up, at last!

the unpredictable (but undeniably improving) weather has aroused my spontaneity.  last weekend i wore magenta pants for the first time in almost a year.  for the past week, upon arriving home, i fly into laughing fits that end in three to four people sprawled on the couch and table close to tears (really for no reason at all).  i start homework only to convince myself that something else is more important today... like blogging.  i listen to kate nash.  i have an irrepressible urge to watch sappy chick flicks (yes, i watched the proposal twice last week and had a flashback with disney's beauty and the beast).  the only explanation for all of this ridiculous behavior is this: the sun is waking me up, and giving me spring fever. although personally, as ridiculous as magenta pants appear, they are actually a very liberating item of clothing to own.

i'm finding the need to console myself often - really, it's okay to watch a movie.  after all, i earned a 92% on my last test, and so on.  it makes me feel more productive (and combats the urge to drop out of school and start a perpetual spring break.  i've made several different 5-year life plans, budgeted for the rest of my life, cleaned my room from top to bottom, and made some new goals (blog post at least once a week, sleep for eight hours a night, make myself three full meals a day, etc.).  but even with all this general productivity, i am still counting down the days until the end of winter semester. 11 class periods left of tuesday/thursday classes, 11!  and i feel justified in doing so.  if byu won't grant me at least one week of spring break, i am STILL going to blog, i am going to sleep, i am going to leave all the windows open. and  i am going to wear magenta pants.

winter: an overcome-able state of mind

The seasons have a funny way of wishing the northern hemisphere a happy new year.  January 1: new goals, new start, beginning of new trends, the horizon to days, weeks and months still undiscovered, unscathed, undamaged, and inviting... Also, beginning of the two bleakest months of the entire year: filled with overcast days full of slush, ice, snow, smog, frozen noses and ears, cold toes and fingers, and a complete absence of color.  Obviously, Mother Nature is attempting to crush the world's confidence.  This kind of cold is bearable... but only with Christmas lights!  As a substitute for the lack of festive decoration, I have been diligently seeking a consolation, a comfort, or a sunny-side to this season altogether lacking all warmth and life provided by the center of our solar system.  I need a reason to survive the season; I am on a mission to discover the life (if any) that was left when the sunshine deserted the town of Provo.  I will discover it, or I will move to the equator.

Logical, provable, and valid reasons for loving (or at least appreciating) those winter months following the festivities:

Fireplaces: How wonderful is it to curl up in front of the fireplace in a huge quilt with a wonderful book? Very wonderful. In fact, it almost rivals wearing flip-flops every day.  It especially counts as a plausible argument for winter when the fireplace smells like a fireplace natural does and is situated by a large, overstuffed, and comfortably worn-in chair.  Flaw: Unless I am willing to pay a tremendous fee for turning my roommate's bedroom into a furnace (and probably threatening a large amount of screaming girls at the same time), I will experience a drastic lack of fireplace this winter.

Hot Chocolate: Yum. That's about the first and last thing that I want to say on this topic.  Dark chocolate orange, milk chocolate mint, creamy chocolate with a tinge of hazelnut, or deep chocolate peppermint, which almost makes the air in my apartment taste like Christmas again.  There is not a stopping place when it comes to this divine gift.  As I have said more than once, chocolate is proof that God loves us.  Two weeks ago, this seemed like the perfect solution.  I think that chocolate orange quickly became the most popular in my mouth, although a straight dark chocolate rich enough to make you dizzy was a close second.  However, two weeks was two weeks too long.  When I was in my bed, completely sick to my stomach, with the second cup of hot chocolate from the last day of the second week still standing on my night table, I proclaimed the experiment a fail.  The amount of hot chocolate it takes to take away the winter blues is also enough to run you flat into bed for days.  Bad idea.  Also, it's more expensive to make "healthy" hot chocolate than I at first realized. Sorry, delicious comfort drink, my sugar tolerance level AND my pocket book say "No."

Snow: I would think this one is rather self explanatory.  It snowed today - a light sprinkling of itsy-bisty flakes flying around while I was walking to class.  I loved the first snow! It was magical, breath-taking, peaceful, and all those other cliche things that snow is. I loved every bit of it.  I don't actually mind the snow, I've come to realize.  It's the innate fact that it simply must be accompanied by bitter cold, and more often than not, bitter wind, that I am just not fond of.  Snow: not a bad thing at all, but simply not good enough to make up for the bleakness and blahness of January 20th.

New Year's Resolutions: No. I am a goal-setting, list-making, self-improvement-meeting maniac.  But how much more optimistic are a set of new goals and exciting endeavors if you announce them to a drizzling sky?  They are not.  I have quickly discovered that this year's set of resolutions is proving much more difficult to keep than ever before simply because of my atmosphere.  The sun motivates me, encourages me, and strengthens my will to keep going, try again, do better, do better! The desertion of that energy source leaves my self motivation rather raw.  Unfortunately, the weather has effected this element instead of this element effecting my outlook on the weather.  But persevere I will, as this lengthy post proves, I am determined to find a reason to at least like the winters in Provo.

I am now searching for a new object, state of existence, or thought process that will improve upon the first two months of the new year, or even take my mind away from their faults.  I am taking suggestions!  At the moment, I am simply looking forward to the fact that there is one more single-day-long break from classes approaching quickly.  And once it is gone, the end of seemingly endless grey skies might, just might be in sight.

celebrations of autumn

this september brought the autumn equinox, ushering out the summer heat of st. george (which never quite hit provo).  nevertheless, there was still a celebration, complete with autumn soup, pumpkin biscuits with orange honey-butter, and an impressive line up of deluxe caramel apples.  this year, things were a little more spread out than usual.  sadly, dinner and dessert were separated from tuesday to friday (the plus side being an entire week of soup and celebrations!).  dessert night started out with wrappers and bags...

...and ended with a chocolate coated sugar rush.

in st. george, we're used to several more weeks of short-sleeved, air-conditioned weather.  in the north, however, mother nature apparently values punctuality.  a week after our celebrations came to a close, the snow blew across the mountains (luckily, not any lower than the tops of our heads).  flip-flops were put on the top shelf and sweaters came out of the boxes.  fortunately, we still had autumn soup left-overs to warm us after the shock the first day of the cold front provided.