rolled up pant-legs

today was an official day: the first official day that ants are taking over my life.  up until today, they have taken over my kitchen and my living room, but never dared invade my most personal spaces.  today, they crossed the line.  over the last several weeks, the ant problem in our apartment has been increasingly worse.  first, i was interrupted while studying by a tiny, pesky black one exploring my toes.  next, one came out of hiding from under our fridge to make a stand for his newly discovered territory; thankfully the stand-off was ended quickly by the short-time official bug-squisher, dustin (thank you, deary).  after that (even though both ants were killed almost instantly) the ants seemed to be attempting a retaliation movement - two of their lives for two of ours.  they covered the floors, walls, counters, and yes, even the ceilings.  every time i left my room, i was armed with shoes, rolled up pant-legs, paper towels for squishing, and wide open eyes scanning all possible surfaces.

at the beginning of the week, after reporting the problem several times to our ever-vigilant management company, my dad called to snap them into action.  they sprayed for ants, finally fixed the toilet handle (yay! two bathrooms again!), and placed ant traps in every corner.  feeling a little relieved, i stopped rolling up my pant-legs when i left my room.  however, sabrina and i are now quite positive that instead of ant-killer, the ant traps contained an illegal version of ant-steroids.  tripling in size, they have now invaded my bathroom and traveled via sabrina's purse into her car.  the really crazy thing is this: sabrina and i are clean... no, i could even say we are meticulous.  however, the ants soldier on.  no amount of cleaning can take care of this one. so, i continue to pray: please, please, please, please take away the ants!! or... if the ants really must stay, at least hide them from my sight so i won't know that i'm sharing my apartment and my life with large, infected, crawling, shiny, squirmy, black bugs.  and i won't complain about continuing to roll up my pant-legs.

p.s. i tried to post a picture of the large black ants we house, but i couldn't bring myself to do it. i deleted it from the computer because it was giving me the creeps! so... go look up a picture of ants yourself if you really need a visual. it just makes me itchy!

SUMMER...or not

yep, that's right. i've made a rather unreasonable decision to NOT take a break this sunny season.  for another six weeks i'll still have my nose in text books, my hand cramping from note-taking, and my seat parked in a classroom with dim lights at 8:00 a.m. (such a recipe for an alert student, isn't it?).  but please, don't mourn the loss of my sanity quite yet!  although i am absolutely sure that to most, the idea of sitting in the basement lecture hall while the weather is ideal for kite-flying is enough to bring tears the same way smacking your nose against the door frame does, i am actually mostly...excited.  there, i said it.  i am excited to be enrolled full-time in the summer.  i have officially sold my soul to the educational demon.  and yes, they have those at byu, otherwise known as the over-ambitious student ("BURN THE OVER-ACHIEVER!!" that's for you hailey). my only qualm is that i think my decision might be effecting the weather.

mother nature: "it's spring!! wait.... you're going to class.. i mean, it's SNOWING! goodbye flowers, haha!"

snow in almost-may, really? this IS an unusual year... however, although i am going to be swamped  up to my eyelids with reading and writing and test-taking, i am not going to give up my few simple pleasures of the season.  that reading list is still going to be finished at the end (i've started already - man! fablehaven is such a great escape book for post-stressful-semester).  i'm still going to sew and make jewelry, and i'm still going to make time to paint again. yes, even if it snows through june.  so wish me luck! and pray that if it really must snow, it snows so much that no one can leave their apartments so i don't feel quite so guilty about my little summer pleasures inserted in the middle of another semester.  ready, set, study!

scripture of the year

on a particularly difficult night at the beginning of fall semester 2009, natalie came into my room with her scriptures.  i had been crying - again.  why in the world do people move far away from their families? why did i move away from my family??  yes, i was a little bit home-sick at the beginning of fall semester, and facing a more daunting challenge ahead than i had comprehended before the move.  luckily, i was blessed with a sister that knew how strengthen me.  opening her scriptures, she read to me from Mosiah 24:15 (read verses 13 through 15 to get the complete picture):

"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren [jessica and her sister] were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

this scripture has been the source of strength that i look to when i start asking myself, "why? why in the world did i move out of the home that i love and away from the best family anyone could ever ask for?"  the answer: because the Lord wanted me to.  and drawing my confidence from this scripture, i know that because i came here, in accordance to the Lord's will for me, he will strengthen me, help me through the hard times, and let me see the joy through the difficulty.  written on a sticky note and tacked to my desk, this has given me comfort, and been my dictating scriptural reference throughout these two semesters.  as life changes a little bit more with the passing of winter semester, i can see that where ever the will of my Heavenly Father takes me, i will be strengthened and supportive by His great and divine love.

summer dreams

the semester is almost over.  for me, this means i've been making lists of summer projects like a madwoman.  all semester long (as is usual, especially during a frost-bitten winter semester) i have made plans for project after project (new skirt patterns, wall hangings, a few blank canvases, etc.), and now that the semester is coming to a close, i have realized yet again that i haven't finished one yet.  yes, i am a firm believer in de-stressing time.  however, my lists always seem to find a way to the bottom of the de-stress pile... it's thanks to my friends, i think, that i haven't been artsy lately, and that i haven't been a recluse.  thanks friends. :)

the lists just keep growing! but for now, my projects list reads something like this:

• embroidery hoop wall hangings
• vintage frames cleaned, painted and filled (i've been hording some beautiful old frames - DI's a great place for that sort of thing).
• sew two dress patterns, at least one apron, and a couple bags (++ really, i want to sew as much as possible this summer so i don't forget everything i learned last semester! but i'll start with these).
• finish decorating/painting/pinning my lamp shade
• paint - 3 canvases just waiting for some looooove.
• build up fabric necklace collection to start selling... and giving away :)

my reading list is also overflowing.  i can't wait for to allow myself a little pleasure-reading time!

• 3 cups of tea
• thomas jefferson education
• fablehaven 5 (FINALLY!! ...guilty pleasure, i know)
• killing us softly (okay.. not really pleasure reading, but jean kilbourne - so so interesting)
• 12 steps to whole foods (by the green smoothie girl)
• 8 human talents (wow... even my books are full of lists! great yoga reading i can't wait to get my hands on.)
• fast food nation
• the phantom of the opera
• laddie
• the coming aristocracy
• anne of green gables
• the continuous atonement

really, i think this list is rather ridiculous. all i'm going to do the whole summer is read!  honestly, i can't wait to start.  however, i'm having a little difficulty deciding where to start.  any suggestions? i'm open. :)  i've decided that this summer will be a great time to learn more about raw roods.  although i think i have a pretty decent handle (for a college student, at least) on whole foods, i feel quite uneducated when it comes to raw.  what better time than summer to start, right?  in addition to all of this fabulous summer living, i'm also going to school this spring, and starting to work again, but i'm determined.  it will still be summer, and i will still live like it is!

home again, home again...

to sum up the last several months, the first thing i would say is that absolutely too much time has passed between four hour trips back to my beloved ivins.  this weekend, a spontaneous road trip was in order.  in the morning, i woke up (too late to go to my friday classes), showered, packed my bags, and jumped in the truck to hit the road.  while in provo, it's easy to become so consumed in that kind of lifestyle: the constant overload of homework, the juggling balance of the life in a college town (almost void of order and predictability), the lack of sleep and constant atmosphere promoting parties - not peace.  my ivins home is almost the definition of peace.  the smell of essential oils, grapefruits, and mostly lavender from hours of my mother's soap-making.  a pleasing proportion of space to furniture, clean cut and orderly.  quiet music, complex classical that calms and clears my mind.  images of christ, the prophets, the temples, our family - all in harmony with muted colors and clear southern utah sunlight streaming through large clean windows.  unlimited delicious food and treats in a fridge full of unrestricted delights.  and mostly my mother: arms open, smile wide, voice soft, questions ready, a complete personification of peace.  i love the nieces and nephews, the reunion of all my sisters (a bond not often enough renewed with complete togetherness).  i love my cats, despite their mauling fights and slinking foot attacks.  i love my red mountain: bright, solid, and protecting.  i love the southern utah skies with clouds full and billowing, larger than any other sky on earth.  but mostly, i love peace. i love the renewal of my soul, of who i am deep down inside, the remembrance that i am part of the most important institution on earth - the family.  coming home is remembering where i fit in the world, why i fit in the world, and all the possibilities the world given to me provides - and this brings me peace.

completely greeeen salad

a couple days ago, i had the most beautiful salad - honestly, i want to re-create it again and again every day for the next three weeks.  it was an accident, actually.  without any forethought i had started combining all the ingredients in the fridge that needed to be used first and most, and i ended up with the best salad combination i've had.  this is what came out:

a large plate filled with spinach

topped with steamed broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus

diced yellow onion and cucumber

drizzled with a mixture of lemon juice, basil, salt, pepper, and fresh garlic

simply divine.

next time i think i want to add artichoke hearts and avocado slices, keeping with the green theme.  the light lemon and garlic dressing was perfect over the steamed veggies, and the contrast between the warm broccoli, brussels sprouts, and asparagus and the cool cucumber and onion was delicious.  definitely a keeper! i wish i had taken a picture. besides being a love fest on my tongue, it was also quite the sight, covering the full spectrum of the color green.  expect one next week when i can't stand the craving any longer!

stove-top POPcorn

last night was my very first experience with stove-top popcorn.  believe it or not, my health nut expertise did not include healthy popcorn.  the extent of my cooking with popcorn that isn't pre-coated in butter, oil, salt, saturated fat, and yellow food coloring is that little container you pour whole kernels into and throw into the microwave for two minutes - the air popper, or whatever they call it.  and even that has been years.  lately, my popcorn cravings are satisfied by a one-portion sized bag labeled "newman's naturals!".  hardly healthy.

so last night, i drew the line.  i love popcorn... i really love popcorn. but i will not stoop to put little bag of fake flavorings in the microwave again! or at least not this week.  natalie, the always-supportive sister, came into the kitchen to coach my efforts.  being a long-time stove-top veteran (thanks to the lack of microwave popcorn in uruguay), she assured me that this was my experiment; she had burnt too many helpings, and the blame for a catastrophe would be all mine.  apprehensive, i poured 3 tablespoons of oil into a pan along with 1/3 cup whole popcorn kernels. i had a small panic attack as the liquid began to sputter from the heat and i realized i couldn't see inside the pan.  how in the world could i stir so it wouldn't all burn if i couldn't even take the lid off without kernels popping clean out of the pan and all over the kitchen floor?? a sharp, "calm DOWN!" from natalie stopped my squealing, and i stood staring at the pan rather frantically. i could hear the popping; it shook the pan slightly. suspenseful?? yes. 

when the popping finally subsided, i yanked the pan off the stove and switched the burner to off.  slowly, i lifted the lid from the steaming pan.  beautiful, white completely popped kernels stacked, then spilled over the edge onto the stove.  perfect popcorn.  with not one black spot visible and barely five kernels left unpopped.  i overflowed. as if the thrill of making the stove-top perfection popcorn wasn't enough, eating it covered in a saucy mixture of coco and agave syrup was heaven.  hello, world. throw away the butter-stained microwave bags and wake up to the wonderfulness of stove-top popcorn!

coming out of hibernation

it's been a month. a hectic, rather uncreative month.

but finally, after almost resigning to the sun's decision to altogether abandon northern utah, i saw blue sky and budding trees, awoke to frantic birds in the branches outside my window, wore a jacket instead of a coat, ate salad instead of soup, and subtracted one blanket from my bedding equation.  it's still cold enough to require bundling to walk to campus, but not quite enough to demand a coat, scarf, and boots to run down to the mailbox.  although snow soaked through my shoes again this afternoon, the day started out much like what i think spring might look like here.  the world is waking up, at last!

the unpredictable (but undeniably improving) weather has aroused my spontaneity.  last weekend i wore magenta pants for the first time in almost a year.  for the past week, upon arriving home, i fly into laughing fits that end in three to four people sprawled on the couch and table close to tears (really for no reason at all).  i start homework only to convince myself that something else is more important today... like blogging.  i listen to kate nash.  i have an irrepressible urge to watch sappy chick flicks (yes, i watched the proposal twice last week and had a flashback with disney's beauty and the beast).  the only explanation for all of this ridiculous behavior is this: the sun is waking me up, and giving me spring fever. although personally, as ridiculous as magenta pants appear, they are actually a very liberating item of clothing to own.

i'm finding the need to console myself often - really, it's okay to watch a movie.  after all, i earned a 92% on my last test, and so on.  it makes me feel more productive (and combats the urge to drop out of school and start a perpetual spring break.  i've made several different 5-year life plans, budgeted for the rest of my life, cleaned my room from top to bottom, and made some new goals (blog post at least once a week, sleep for eight hours a night, make myself three full meals a day, etc.).  but even with all this general productivity, i am still counting down the days until the end of winter semester. 11 class periods left of tuesday/thursday classes, 11!  and i feel justified in doing so.  if byu won't grant me at least one week of spring break, i am STILL going to blog, i am going to sleep, i am going to leave all the windows open. and  i am going to wear magenta pants.

late-night demetri martin spree

for those times when you just really need to laugh so hard it makes your stomach cramp and your eyes water. this was that time for me tonight, demetri martin was the source of its accomplishment, and these are tonight's best of the best: enjoy :) in the words of the soy creamer carton, "shake well and smile often."


“I went into a deli and got an egg sandwich and a hot chocolate. And then I went outside and I had to get a cab, so I had to put up one of my hands. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. So I chose the hot chocolate. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. Standing on the street, ‘Here’s to you guys, to everybody heading west, I just wanna say I like what you do… but one of you needs to stop, pick me up.’”


“I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said “if you need anything, I’m Jill”. I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.”


“I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then Í said, “Does he bite?”. She said “No.” And I said, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? … Liar.”"


"If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy."


"I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such...a specific item. I don't know that many words and I'm going out...and I have pants. Perfect!"


-- demetri martin 

thankful.

january has been a month unusually full of difficult situations.  now, in the last week, i have realized the abundance of resources i've been blessed with throughout.  i think most of us (like me) have the tendency for complete obliviousness to the simple blessings of everyday life in the midst of an unwanted experience.  i'd like to overcome that tendency someday, to bring more grace and composure to the way i handle the situation when an unexpected color is thrown onto my canvas.  i'd like to be able to recognize the beauty of all the colors together more quickly.  in the words of nancy (one of the most influential women in my life), "you know you can eat this week, you have a place to go when it rains, you have clothes on your back, and now you have new experience, too!" because that's what this is all about: experiences.  after all, at the end of the month i find myself only thankful, in a simple way.

i am thankful for my bed and pillows, and especially for the rice pack that warms them up at night.
i am thankful that i have boots this week, so my feet don't freeze in the snow.
i am thankful for chocolate peanut butter balls.
i am thankful for thank you notes when they are truly sincere.
i am thankful (most of all) for my sisters, both related and not, who will cry with me, hold me when i need someone close, laugh at the smeared make-up on my face, make sure i eat well and sleep enough, and send me support from miles away.
i am thankful for toothpaste and soap.
i am thankful for sleepy time tea.
i am thankful (most of all) for a father and mother who know the importance of a hug and a seven hour drive.
i am thankful (most of all) for blessings and instruction.
i am thankful for puppies and cupcakes.
i am thankful.
and i am thankful that thankful is all i need to be.