and the moving begins!

tonight, the packing begins!  we planned on starting to pack up our apartment about a week ago, but i don't think it's sunk in that we're moving yet (for either of us) because everything's still in it's place.  everything.  so, with six days before we have to load everything up from this apartment, move it six miles, unload it into a new apartment, and sign papers at both, nothing has been started yet.  tonight's the night.

loud music.

good snacks.

and the promise of a free redbox promo code waiting for us as long as we reach our goal.  or just another episode of merlin.  thanks, hailey, for getting us hooked!

i'm a little sad to leave this apartment.  it's been good to us.  it's kept out {most of the} awful texas bugs.  it's provided a free gym pass, which has allowed me to keep my sanity.  it's been big enough for all our stuff, small enough that i haven't gotten freaked out the few nights i've had to sleep in it alone, and it's fit our furniture perfectly (something we're a little concerned about with this new place).  also, there's a man that lives just across the complex from us who has a massive long-haired cat.  every couple of days he comes out, sets the cat on the grass in the sun to soak up fresh air, sits down on the stairs and thinks.  i love that cat with my whole heart.  and i love seeing the man pick up the cat when it's time to go inside, give it a big love-squeeze, pet and kiss it, and hold it the whole way back in.  that man loves his cat, and his cat loves him back.  so i'll miss those things quite a lot.

our new apartment might have a green wall (which could be fun).  it has a pretty iron gate around the pool covered in vines which i like.  and i'm not excited about the mutual-practically-outdoor-facility at all.  the day i get my own washer and dryer is a day i'll celebrate for the rest of my life... and so will taylor because it means he won't always have to do the laundry... ha :)

so that's about all i know about this new place.  we'll see how it goes.  i'm sure once i can find an affordable gym on that side of town, i'll be able to deal with any problems that might come up - a good workout goes a long way.

on that note, having just finished a workout i need a good snack.  happy weekend! :)

ps.  i found another thing i like about texas.  cool cowboy boots are everywhere!  seriously, everywhere.  even regular stores like buckle have a big section just for the boots.  before i come home, i'm going to have an awesome pair.  and really, they are awesome.  so many different colors and patterns... i don't know how i'll ever choose!

accomplished.

last week, i completed my six-week exercise goal!  in trying to build a healthy maintainable lifestyle, i wanted to incorporate several different types of exercise.  usually, i get into just one for spurts with breaks in-between activities where i'm not doing much at all.  so, the goal was to run/walk 3-4 times a week, while working up to a 5k distance again.  in addition, i wanted at least 1 hour of power yoga a week, three days of strength training and 1-2 rest days.  the schedule was a good fit for me right now because it allowed for flexibility from day to day.  if i didn't feel up to running on monday, i could take a break from the pounding, do yoga and be ready for more intense cardio on tuesday.  it was also nice to measure my running in "this many days per week" rather than miles per week like i used to.  after about week 3 of my goal, my hip and knee of my left leg started bothering me quite a bit, so i had to tone down my running and walk a little more.  the plan allowed me to ease into running slower than i anticipated while still being able to reach my goal.  because of that, i'm tackling the setback to my running with a lot of stretching and being mindful not to push my legs too hard.

so, all completed, here's the chart!

of course, this probably only makes sense to me.  but for the sake of documenting and remembering my progress without collecting clutter, i have to put it somewhere so it doesn't become clutter.  for the sake of my mental health, you know...

for a while i was just keeping the chart on the desk next to my laptop, but after cleaning i pinned it on the wall above the desk.  what i didn't realize is that the location was an absolutely horrible place to write.  so the last two weeks are practically illegible.  but really that's irrelevant because i did what i set out to!!

although this was meant to be just a test period, it worked so well for me that i'm going to continue this plan for another six weeks while i keep working toward building my running back up to at least a 5k distance.  i love incorporating the strength training and my body craves yoga.

i've also realized that my body does quite a bit better when i don't run every single day.  for the last three weeks or so, every time i've run three days in a row i'm sore and exhausted and it gets harder with each day.  if i give myself a rest in between (running on monday, wednesday and friday) then my legs are much happier and my body doesn't feel quite so beat-up.  this was kind of an interesting discovery since most of my running progress in the past was made during times when i committed to run 5-6 times a week.  i understand now why i felt like i was wearing myself out!

all bodies are created differently, i guess.  some can take 5 days of running in a row and others (like me, it seems) need more cross-training and a break from the repetitive pounding in order to feel good!

anybody else have good work goals their plodding away at?

btw, happy friday! :)

bible belt collections

greg laswell's doing good things for my soul today.

and guess what? i've added another thing that i like about texas (although i'll admit i don't love this one all the time, there are sometimes i really really do love it).

bible-belt road signs.

they're everywhere.  absolutely everywhere!  you can't drive for more than a couple blocks anywhere in the city without being reminded...

God is good.
Save me Jesus.
Come have a Spiritual Explosion!!

they are all over and they are such good reminders.  okay, the spiritual explosion one has me laughing every time i see it on my way to church, but most of them are actually inspirational - good reminders to keep God in every part of life.  these signs have me thinking a lot about worship lately.  we all do it differently, every single person on the planet worships uniquely.  some devote their life to scriptural text, others to christian rock music and some simply make a reverence out of going on hike.  although i do believe in truth, as in some things are right and others are wrong, i also believe in degrees.  good, better, best, if you will.  in some things, we are commanded to worship - renewal of covenants with God, study of the words He's prepared to guide us through life.  and in some things, we are simply left to find things to do with our lives that are right - find ways in our unique situation to worship.

for me, i feel closer to God while i'm hiking and enjoying the grandeur of nature than almost any other time.  music helps me feel closer to my Savior, too.  sometimes hymns and music of peace, sometimes christian rock or a simple line of truth from an everyday artist.

sometimes i struggle to feel truly worshipful at church but i know that it pleases God when we serve in his church and participate in the rituals he has created for his children so they can feel a part of his family.

in the end (or..beginning) it comes down to figuring out what things bring you (personally) closer to God and what things create more separation.  then, doing more of the first and less of the last!

and back to bible-belt signs.  i don't know what most of those churches teach, specifically.  i know there are many similarities and many difference in our beliefs.  but in the end, we're all believing in something.  and i love their signs, their reminders.  they take my mind closer to Christ, lift my thoughts out of the mire of this world that they so often get stuck in.  and i love that these messages are proof that people are (in their own various ways) worshiping God and encouraging others to do likewise.

in decision, i'm going to start a collection of pictures: my favorite signs from that time i lived in the bible belt.

oh yeah. that's still now.  i better start carrying my camera everywhere.

now, for your listening pleasure, some greg laswell.  enjoy :)

an interview

it's storming again in texas.  the last two days it's been all thunder, lightning and humidity, and tonight it's still a steady pitter-patter and pounding.  despite the rain, the moths still flop around trying to find a dry patch of air and the monster-crickets still chirp on.  sadly, the storms can't even control the bugs.

it's been a day.  a long day where at the end i'm grateful i can sit on my couch, eat a peanut butter cookie and watch the downpour from the safety of a second-story apartment and a sliding-glass door.

this morning i interviewed for a job (first, driving with taylor to an appointment so i could take the car).  he helped talk me through some questions - which has become fairly standard before interviews these days.  it helps.  by the time he jumps out of the car and wishes me luck, i feel confident, competent and somewhat calm.  a great run this morning added to feeling all-around pretty great.  as i walked up to the interviewing office, i could see that the interview before me was still in progress.  over the next ten minutes of waiting my turn, my hope for this job diminished slowly.  typically, there will always be someone with ten years more experience, or someone willing to take lower pay and work more hours.  there will usually be others more qualified and less qualified than me.

so as i tried not to overhear the woman before me boast of her ten years of secretarial and management experience, my little hope for being one of the most qualified slipped to ground and rolled away, leaving me with nothing but the firm resolve that i have something to offer - many things to offer and many things i can be very good at.

as my turn came, i walked into the office with a straight back and laid my strengths out for examination.  i left feeling competent, with little hope of being called back.  i can honestly say that i've never been less nervous for an interview.  apparently when i can actually see and hear in front of me that my chances are slim my nerves vanish and leave me with nothing but courage to do what needs to be done and surrender for the things i can't control.  it's a peaceful place to be, even if it's not making us any money.

after the interview we drove to the mall and picked up a few applications for lower-paying and more likely employment.  a girls' clothing store, a maternity clothing store... and back i'll go tomorrow to turn them in for review.


and tonight, i'm sitting on the couch making a grocery list and eating a peanut butter cookie.  i love texas storms.  i love texas storms.  i love texas storms.  and i'm competent.  and i'm good at many things.

progress

lately, i've realized my progress.  i've noticed myself reaching out to God and to friends instead of food.  i've recognized my fears, my anger and anxieties and worked through them instead of stuffing them up and trying to ignore or deny them.  lately, i've been eating good food in good amounts.  i've been exercising and resting, treating my body well.  i've been acknowledging the necessity of pitfalls and set-backs, looking at them as opportunities to learn and experiment more.

i've been trying to live my life with vulnerability and courage, seeing every day as a new start, a new chance.  i've been filling up my calendars and checking off days - creating visual proof of my efforts and successes, proof that i'm not perfect and no longer trying to be.

scripture of the week

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
-- Matthew 11:28-30

being yoked with Christ brings me rest, respite and peace.  with him, there is no burden too heavy to keep going.  happy sabbath, everyone!

writer's inconvenient scheduling

my very best writing time used to be mid-afternoon.  while at byu, i had a twenty minute walk home from class everyday.  usually afternoon and usually alone.  i didn't realize it at the time, but that walk was absolutely ideal writing prep time.  on my way home, i'd day dream, process the day's happenings, and think deep thoughts about life, religion and the social sciences (as if i didn't get enough of it in class...).  typically, once i'd get home, i'd plop my backpack on the bed, sit in my chair and write until everything was out of my head.  most of the time i wouldn't even take off my shoes or my coat, which is pretty unusual for me - i'm comfort-demanding.

i feel like some of my best writing came from that time period, where my schedule had built-in thinking/pondering time.  and i think that's one of my biggest blocks, too.  right now, there isn't thinking time in my schedule.  the closest thing i have to mindless time right now (where i can't be doing anything else productive at the same time) is while i'm at the gym.  and let's be honest, here... while i'm at the gym my thoughts look something like this:

i'm so tired.
NO! i'm happy!  i'm energized!  i'm waking up!
...but my legs hurt..
YOU CAN DO THIS!  run run run, you're getting faster, you're running longer!
it isn't a big deal if i stop thirty seconds early....right?
I CAN FINISH! I CAN FINISH!


and so on.  it's difficult to brainstorm and think deep thoughts about anything when your mind is engaged in a constant battle of self-discipline against sore muscles.

this schedule, with no think time, is creating the illusion of writer's block.  for the last week, i sit down to write and stare at a blank screen for five minutes or so.  then over the next 15 minutes, i start six different sentences on different topics, backspacing each before the thought is even complete.  then finally i'll start a thought that feels sustainable (for a couple paragraphs, at least) and before i have a full paragraph sketched out, it's time to move on to something else.  so then right before bed, i'll hurriedly finish a few thoughts and click publish with no particular attachment to what i've just written.

which makes me kind of sad.

i'm seriously considering giving myself 15 minutes of meditation time before i write any words at all... that might do the trick.  or maybe some writing prompts?  my goal to write every day this month is looking pretty bleak after one week.  i want to write every day to practice, but i would really dislike writing 30 days of blah.

i need another challenge, i think.  and so the search will begin.  tomorrow.  tonight, i'm going to push publish without even so much as a read through and start trying to conquer the goal in the morning light.

also, i'm welcome to suggestions. really.

one of the good parts

i've had molly moons on the mind, lately.  it probably has something to do with an email from my mom with a link to their new cookbook... (you mean i can have molly moon's lavender honey ice cream at HOME?)  excited is an understatement.  although i'll admit the release of the ultimate ice cream cookbook gave me a small dose of anxiety, too.  see, the only time i've made ice cream was a total flop.  sure, it froze up okay and we devoured it and loved every bite.  but see... it didn't thicken at all.  as in, when i finally gave up, stopped the machine, and put it in the freezer, it was still liquid - an incredible amount of chocolate milk.

i'll have to practice.  ice cream, anyone?

anyway.  molly moon's has me thinking of seattle.  in lots of different ways.

i think i mentioned a while back that i'd finally come to terms with the city itself.  i decided i actually loved the place quite a lot.  it's a beautiful place with interesting people and a food culture to covet.  the experience is still requiring mull time, though.  i'm still not sure where i'm at with it.  with most life experiences, i can attach a general word or emotion to help me sort through the memories, put them in their mental boxes, all organized and resolved.  for example, i can say with surety that the last summer i spent in my ivins home was bliss.  pieces of my life were in disarray and i wasn't happy the whole time, but looking back i can say good memory and stick it in the wonderful box.  i can pin several relationship memories clearly in the negative life experience box.

but seattle?  i just can't peg the experience.  i guess most things in life aren't as simple as just good and bad, and probably most can't even be put on a gradient scale of black to white and all the shades in between.  all experiences have good parts, bad parts, weird parts and funny parts.  but it makes my organizational mind squirm to have things our of their boxes, sometimes.

despite the continuing mental confusion, there are a few things i can label specifically with good.  maybe even with fantastic.

molly moon's is one of them.  before seattle, ice cream was just ice cream.  if it was offered, i'd gladly take part in its consumption, but it wasn't ever my treat of choice.  molly moon's changed all of that.  i can't count the times i went that summer.  too many - or never enough depending on the viewpoint.  i ate more ice cream that summer than i'll probably eat this year.  okay, maybe more than i'll eat in the next two years.  and i fell in love with it!  the crunch of the waffle cones, the fresh vibrant flavors...  honey lavender was a reining favorite.  but i really love their sasquatch flavor, too.  this ice cream taught me how to live.

it took a girl who would always and forever choose chocolate over anything else and transformed her into someone who couldn't wait to try the next seasonal fruit flavor.  i started buying waffle cones, not giving a darn about how many calories they were (or how many extra dollars it would cost).  two different flavors if i get an extra scoop?  bring it on.

never before had i eaten a treat with such freedom.  i appreciated their commitment to local ingredients instead of caring what the calorie content was.  i savored the taste as long as possible instead of shoveling it down like most strictly rationed sugar in my life.  i learned that food, enjoyed, is food at it's best.

in part, molly moon's is to thank for helping me end unhealthy restriction in my life.  not that it's all the way done forever - just a bigger step in the right direction.  and in the right direction i'll continue to go.

now somebody get me that cookbook! ;)

fireworks + we bought a zoo

as it turned out, abilene does have fireworks.  pretty good ones.  last night, we planned to head to acu campus to watch the fireworks.  we didn't think it was particularly close to where they were being launched, but we wanted to go on a walk while we were waiting and were pretty sure it'd be as good a place to watch as any.  not long after we jumped on the freeway to head to the other side of town, the traffic started to pick up significantly.  abilene doesn't ever really have traffic (which is nice), so this was unusual.  a big group of cars all got off a few exists before we were going and that's when we started to see what abilene really does for independence day.  for several miles, cars (okay, trucks mostly) were pulling off the freeway wherever there was space.  the sides of the road were packed with trucks and people, parked in the weeds, sitting on tailgates, playing football... right next to the freeway.

sounds illegal, right?  i'm pretty sure it must be.  after passing the continuous tailgate party for a few minutes, we decided to change our plans and see what it was all about.  apparently, without even meaning to, we'd found the place to watch fireworks in abilene.  we flipped around and found a spot right in the weeds with everyone else.  everyone was facing a big field and we were fairly confused because we thought the fireworks were going to be launched from somewhere north of "downtown."

once the fireworks started, we were happy we'd followed the crowd this time.  they were being shot off from the field right in front of us!

true, our bums hurt from sitting on the top of our car, but the show was pretty fun.

after fireworks we saw why sections of the freeway in abilene have three lanes (the mysterious third lane has always been a little funny because it's really not needed).  it took us over an hour and a half to make a commute that typical takes 10 minutes or under.  talk about traffic.  despite the setback, we came home and watched a movie to finish off our celebration.

and now, we bought a zoo is one of my favorite family movies i've seen.  right up there with dan in real life in my book.  it was charming, real and wonderful!  my favorite thing in the whole movie was the "20 seconds of courage" idea.  really, i want to start using that in my life.

all it takes is 20 second of insane courage and great things will happen.  i promise!


love it.

anyway, off to dinner.  really wanting fresh bread today, but that won't be ready till tomorrow.  gotta find something else that sounds good!

::summer love

happy 4th!

it was a sleep-in sort of day (with no tea, despite last night's supposing).  however... there were things much better than tea.  breakfast in bed is exactly what a sleep-in sort of morning calls for, and i'm glad my husband knows that even better than me!  i woke up to scrambled eggs and veggies, bacon, toast with jam, and a green smoothie.  sooooo yum!

i'm excited to see what texas can do with the 4th of july tonight.  i have my doubts, but hey - if a city can organize a daschund race, then they certainly can shoot off fireworks, right?  but fireworks or not it'll be a night of lacrosse-catch, a walk in the park, black bean burgers, and probably a movie.  or the hobbit.  we'll see which catches our fancy first.

have a happy summer independence day, everyone! :)