trails.

several times this weekend, i've found myself on the wrong trail.  twice, attempted hikes in beautiful provo canyon turned into paranoid wandering on bike trails (just hoping all the unsuspecting bikers were more than a little observant).  however, even though i never actually found a hiking trail, enjoying the beauty of early summer and provo canyon was unquestionably worth one almost-bike-wreck and several scrambles off the trail to safety.  

all this searching for hiking trails only to wander in circles on bike trails has me thinking about a different kind of trail - a metaphorical one.  my life trail.  despite feeling rather lost, aimless, and devoid of destination in the mountains, i came back to my snug little number 205 knowing that i was, without a doubt, on the right trail.  it's quite the contrast, that aimless hiking and this destination-driven life style i'm living right now.  goals are good things, they take the frustration out of the hike, insert each step with purpose.

but i guess we all have to get out and enjoy the scenery with no plan.. every once in a while.

ps. i didn't eat my strawberries fast enough this week.  actually, smith's sold me already old strawberries. so. moldy strawberries. sad day.

i'm going back to bed.

i woke up this morning with a runny nose. and a tiny bit of a sore throat.  and a headache.

and i have a presentation my whole life is resting on - tuesday.

i

can't

get

sick.

i know my body is worn out with how busy and stressful the semester's been, but really? now?

a week ago, i could have dealt with it.

in another week, it wouldn't be so bad either.

but now? 

please, no.

please, please, no.

i

can't 

get sick

right now!

i guess it's time to go back to sleep.

drink an extra green smoothie - and more water.

double up my fruits and veggies.

start taking echinacea

and stop being so darn stressed out!

i love you, nathaniel eaton.

i had a flashback today.  i think at least 75% middle school girls daydream about the school's quarterback, basketball captain, or another macho real-life epitome of "modern masculinity".  the other 25% is a hodgepodge of girls who either have their head on straight or their head in the clouds: 1) girls who can already see that their interests are better served away from the over-popularized jocks, and 2) the real daydreamers - the ones smitten with book characters.  i was the latter.  and nathaniel eaton was my kind of man.

anyone who's read "the witch of blackbird pond" will agree that it is just one of those books that touches you deep down inside.  that understands what being different feels like.  that teaches about real friendship.  that shows you things will all work out in the end.  in short, if this book were a person, it would be my kindred spirit.  if kit tyler was a real girl, i'm positive we would get along fabulously.  it's one of those books that someday i'll pull off my bookshelf and hand to my teenage daughter, because she needs to know that it's okay to be different or understand the value of true friendship and determination.

really, it's no surprise that nat eaton became my crush of all time.  i connected with the plot so much that i think it was sort of inevitable, despite his relatively small role in the story.  

today, i saw a boy who reminded me very much of nat.  same brown unkempt hair as the nat in my head, with the same sailor-tanned skin and mostly average looks.  and i remembered how absolutely head over heals for this fictional ideal of a romancer i used to be.  true, he did burn down the house kit's fiancée built for her, and a few times when the plot absolutely demanded his comforting presence, he was absent.  but. even though his absent life as a sailor kept him away, he was her friend.

he jumped into the ocean to rescue her - even though she knew how to swim.

and you have to admit, there's something beautifully romantic about burning down the house his competitor built - and to woo their subject, too (with jack-o-lanterns, of all things)... not to mention the fact that he was sailor.  in books, that's usually all it takes to spell romantic.

so, nathaniel eaton, i loved you.  and i don't think it was all that bad of a daydream, either.  it taught me to value friendship - in more ways than one.  it taught me that i could be loved, even if i felt very, very different from the other girls.  and it formed a schema for relational friendship, a standard, so to speak, for the boys that would befriend me in the future.

yep.  good flashback. 

now back to reality: on the subject of fabulous friends, a surprise present came to my door yesterday!
flowers for jessica.  guess who they were from?

they were from superman.

i'm a lucky girl.  after all, how many people get flowers from superman, anyway?

a new kind of yum.

so.
today was stressful, this week is stressful.  but to counter the heightening tension spring semester is causing, i've decided to feed myself particularly well and make time for emotional wind-down while i cook and eat (instead of studying while i eat, which is {unfortunately} the usual).

today, i found a new favorite recipe!  really, it's fabulous.  i was a little skeptical at first, but wanted to try it just because it looked so darn beautiful - and as we all know, beautiful food always tastes better.  okay, maybe i'm at the liberty of the food photographers sometimes, but hey.  this time, it paid off.  the blog i snatched the recipe from is also quickly becoming another favorite.

http://ohsheglows.com/

if all her recipes are as good as this one, then i'll definitely be trying more from her archives.

these are her "you're so cheezy" savory oats:  http://ohsheglows.com/2010/03/03/youre-so-cheezy/
1/2 cup oats
1 cup water
1/2 cup almond milk (i didn't have any on hand, so i used soy milk)
1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
1/6 cube vegetable bouillon
tumeric
and a little salt.
practically the easiest (and one of the quickest) delicious dinners ever.  put everything in a pot, bring to a boil, then simmer on low for about ten (ish) minutes.  i topped mine with home-made crumbled flax crackers, sliced avocado, salsa, and black beans. absolutely delicious.  make sure to check out the link, too - she has some great pictures of it, and her post is super fun.

to even further convince you of this deliciousness, it passed the non-vegan taste test.  christine, a non-vegan food lover, came to dinner to try my new find and loved it just as much as i did!  she also gave me a recipe that i'll be trying soon for sweet potato scones - yeah. talk about yum.

hope i've left you drooling.  by the way, i just bought nutritional yeast and besides using it for the loads of savory oats i'm going to be making, i want some other good recipes that taste veganly cheesy, so i'd love some suggestions!

eat on, and be happy.

a little change

yep, with the sloooow change of seasons this year, i felt i needed a change in my life that was a little more drastic.  so i cut my hair again!  well, okay, i didn't go crazy and cut it all off this time - it's still growing out.  but i decided to bring the bangs back.  we'll see how i like them after a couple of days, but right now i'm mostly on a change high - kind of like an adrenaline rush, just not quite so dangerous.  it's all straight in this picture, not like it is in real life when i absolutely don't have time to run an iron through it everyday.  i'll try to sneak a picture in of how it really is, all wavy and such, sometime.

also, to get this haircut, i successfully navigated my way through the obnoxious freeways of northern utah.  toooo big for me!  too many lanes, too many cars, too many huge trucks to pass, just too much.  but. i did it without causing any accidents, fainting, or getting myself or anyone else killed.  not to mention that i didn't even get lost (which is probably the greatest accomplishment of the entire month, if you know me).  i have now expanded the area i know i can safely access with a car.  to riverton... pathetic, maybe. but a step in the right direction.  salt lake, watch out.  here i come!  

...some other day. 

when i'm feeling much much much more adventurous.

psst.

i'm back again.

back to this little apartment with broken front blinds and cold tile.  back to my cheery-colored room.  back to class.  back to more homework.  back to the place where it snows at the end of may (ridiculous).  back to the green trees and vines on all the old beautiful houses.

i went to the dentist while i was home.
and ate a lot of delicious food (brought some back, too! including a jar of fabulous chocolate cinnamon peanut butter from my generous sister, lori)
i traded a pair of jeans with my younger sister (goodbye skinnies, hello something that fits my hips!)
i snuggled with two unwilling kitties the whole time
i talked about the downfall of righteous government, correct education, and the deterioration of the english language (yes, we're mostly crazies)


and now.
i need to unpack. humph. that's almost the worst part of traveling,
isn't it?

a drive to the past

it's been a nostalgic day.

driving from my beautiful ivins home *into town always gives me throw-back memories, depending on the route i take.  one specifically takes me back to my senior year of high school (a drive i made probably four times a day some days - when my senioritis had me skipping class more than most).  another reminds me mostly of my very first real job.  it was a little (rather greasy) burger shop, complete with ready-made fry sauce and onion rings.  how many times did i press the gas pedal a little harder to miss that yellow light so i wouldn't be late? more than a few, i'm sure.

today, it was skyline drive.  i could make this drive blindfolded, missing every pothole, catching every curve of the road.  back and forth to and from the little community college, back and forth to my college job, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  i remember one specific day i made the 20 minute drive five times.  different classes, different work schedules, forgotten lunch, no money to buy lunch, late-night trip to the "community-college-boyfriend's" apartment, and home again, home again, jiggity jig.

it seemed i was two years younger again.  i found myself thinking about old professors (specifically the worst biology professor ever to step into a classroom and the best {and possibly most attractive} sociology professor in the realm of social science - not one missed class, not one late day... extraordinarily unusual for me. especially high school senior year).  i remembered friday nights late in the visual arts building, and believe me i will never forget the time the rats attacked me.  but that's another story.  i remembered that "community-college-boyfriend," and then i quickly remembered how glad i am that i'm not living in two years ago.

lots of people write letters to themselves in the future.  dear future me, dear future family, dear future husband, etc.  i'm guilty.  you'll find them stashed between pages in my journal, and yep - even here on my blog.  lots of people do that.

but sometimes (most times), i wish that instead of writing letters to my future-self i could write letters to my past-self.  they would look something like this:

"dear self,  i know that you're running really late for class today, but trust me. please, please don't take center street.  really, you can't afford that ticket.  love, someone who's already been there."

"dear self, holding that guy's hand right now might seem like a good idea, but just don't. for once, don't ask for a reason, and just don't be so emotionally driven.  love, a more logical you."

"dear self, i know you can fly through high school without trying much and still get into college.  but take some advice from a poor college student and work a little more, scare your parents a little less, and actually try to live up to your intellectual potential.  it might just get you further than you think. love, someone who would have appreciated a larger savings account."

i think this is why i write to the future version of me sometimes.  it keeps me focused on what i'll think when i look back, keeps me critically asking myself is this a decision i'm going to okay with in five years?  because sometimes (most times, again), i look back on the past five or so years and simply wonder what in the world i was thinking.  i know, i know.  i was a teenager - cut myself some slack!  but i don't want to cut myself some slack in another five years because i was just a young adult, either.

yes, living for the present matters.  but most times, isn't it a good thing to know what direction you want to be headed, too?
that's why i write to my future.

so.

future self,
tonight, i'd like you to remember what you think about when you drive down skyline.  then remember what you think about when you drive down south campus drive, provo.  look at the difference.  and then look at what you'll be remembering in another five years, when you re-visit your current city (where ever in the world it might be).  please adjust your life so the memories that drive brings back only fill you with gratitude, with joy, and with a reverence for the past.
love,
a past nostalgic driver.





*into town: i've now been told a sufficient number of times that this is not a normal phrase.  explanation: it comes from living out of central town, and the phrase is practically incurable.  besides, i rather like the small town sound of it.

her morning elegance

new recent music love: beautiful, and creative, too!

my little study companion

introducing my favorite little furry friend: holly (aka ticky, kitty-baby, lovey, baby, sweetheart, kitty-witty, etc.)  i was studying for several hours today on the sofa in the front room of my other home (the real one in fact - how how good to be home again!), and she kept me company the whole time - alternating between curling up by my feet, falling between the cushions (seen above), and sitting on a rocking chair next to me.  that's right. a trip home this weekend was definitely in order.  unfortunately, you can't exactly escape homework when you bring your backpack with you.  i think holly was rubbing it in.  sometimes i envy the life of my cat, snoozing in the sun on the squishiest part of the sofa cushion.  but i guess she doesn't exactly get to enjoy the other good things. like chocolate.  still though, i wish could nap as easily as she does, even while her back end is completely falling off the cushion.

swinging in the park

today, i met an old friend.  and when i say "old friend," i mean really old friend.  in my first memory of her, i called her a muskrat.  she called me stupid.  and that was the beginning of a fabulous friendship.

in my next memory, i was lying flat on my back, coughing up the tooth her flying fist had just knocked loose.  

there were years that we saw each other two, maybe three times other than in weekly sunday school classes, and there were years that we never missed a thursday night trip to the temple together - just us.  

over those years, we've talked about everything from bugs to boys.  mostly silly and laughter, sometimes serious and tears.

she was married a month and a half ago to the boy of her dreams. (and i'm still not quite finished with her wedding present).

it's a little strange when people you're close to move on.  i'm happier than anything in the world that she's happier than anything in the world.  but at the same time, it feels strange that she grew up.  i know it happened a little at a time, but sometimes it seems so sudden.  swinging together at the park seems so close in the past.  i guess that's the thing: we all grow up. quickly. and then we just have to figure out what to do with this adult-sized body that doesn't quite seem natural yet.

a couple days ago (at a church activity) a boy was trying to guess my age. after a little hmmming, he pinned me at nineteen.  a little in shock, i said no, i'm twenty. 

oh, it's about the same thing! he exclaimed, then walked off to refill his salsa bowl.  

it's the first time i remember someone ever assuming i was even a year younger than i am.  it's a good thing i think.  maybe my age is catching up to my looks finally.  or maybe i'm growing young again.

anyone want to swing?

ps. congratulations to the muskrat!