last saturday, my internship officially ended. a month ago, i would have given anything to be right here right now. but then the sun came out.
i've been packing, starting to clean, and getting distracted by beautiful seattle all week already. now it comes to it, i'm not so sure i want to leave. i'm realizing all the things i'm going to desperately miss.
like in the early mornings, the man in the gym that doesn't speak any english, but always has a massive smile and loves his grandchildren more than anything in the world.
the misting - there's no such things as sprinkling rain here, i've decided. it doesn't sprinkle, it mists. and sometimes that mist is so mysterious and beautiful.
driving down the 5 today, i realized how much i'll miss driving in seattle, too. now don't get me wrong - driving in seattle can excessively obnoxious. it's prevented me from eating ice cream more than twice this summer. although i'm not sure if that's good or bad. but when you're on the 5 driving south, the view of the city is breath-taking. with the water surrounding it and sailboats blowing on the water... it's a sight burned into my memory that i'd die to come back and experience again someday.
i'd still never live here, if it was my preference. the rain is just too much for me most months. but my families were right - this city sparkles in the sunshine!
at the moment, my room's still a slight disaster area, although i think i'm starting to see sense in my madness. the kitchen's still dirty, and i need to find a way to remove the nails in the wall. but i'm procrastinating. i don't like to pack, and now i don't want to go away quite so quickly, either.
it took a while, but now i really do love seattle.
Tuesday, August 9
Wednesday, August 3
gelato nostalgia
bring on the sun!
this week, seattle is sparkling. i find myself thinking, "yeah... yeah, i could stay here for a long time..."
and then i remember the last three and a half months of grey and rain and freezing humid cold and tell myself to come back to reality. really, as gorgeous as the emerald city is in the "summer," i'm too much of a desert rat to live in a rain forest.
this afternoon {despite all the scrambling to finish everything from office work and interviews to packing, moving, and cleaning}, victoria and i decided that sunshine demanded we eat gelato. so, i put down my almost finished class-work {please, 399r, get out of my life}, she stopped frantically trying to sell everything flourishing families owns, and we took a little {hourlong} trip to wallingford. which has within the last several weeks, become one of my favorite parts of seattle. it's almost tied with fremont.
the fainting goat was good to us.
and really, how awesome is that sign? definitely double points for artistic taste. not to mention the incredible gelato flavors: honey rose, nutella, virgin mojito, salted caramel, and so so many more. my tastebuds were tingling.
while in the gelato shop, "hello, seattle" by owl city came on the radio - a provo classic. suddenly, a massive wave of nostalgia hit me and i realized how sad i am to be leaving this unique city and beautiful experience. we spent the rest of the time reminiscing about the whole trip - start to finish.
also, this summer i've found a new love for waffle cones. when you're feeling slightly indulgent, nothing does it like a waffle cone.
speaking of extras like that... i'm in a fight with food blogs lately. because american women can't separate pleasure from calories and calories from weight. and half the time the word "calorie" replaces the word "food" even on blogs that claim to be simply for the love of the substance without weight-watching connotations. not that being aware is wrong. i've been hyper aware of how messed up our food media is lately.
but who wants to spoil a good gelato posts with talk like that? not me... so, forget that and let's enjoy that upside down goat!
{of course, saving that conversation for later...}
also, this was an absolutely great little tea shop next door. i think i want that clock in my apartment.. because after all, it's always T time! :)
this week, seattle is sparkling. i find myself thinking, "yeah... yeah, i could stay here for a long time..."
and then i remember the last three and a half months of grey and rain and freezing humid cold and tell myself to come back to reality. really, as gorgeous as the emerald city is in the "summer," i'm too much of a desert rat to live in a rain forest.
this afternoon {despite all the scrambling to finish everything from office work and interviews to packing, moving, and cleaning}, victoria and i decided that sunshine demanded we eat gelato. so, i put down my almost finished class-work {please, 399r, get out of my life}, she stopped frantically trying to sell everything flourishing families owns, and we took a little {hourlong} trip to wallingford. which has within the last several weeks, become one of my favorite parts of seattle. it's almost tied with fremont.
the fainting goat was good to us.
and really, how awesome is that sign? definitely double points for artistic taste. not to mention the incredible gelato flavors: honey rose, nutella, virgin mojito, salted caramel, and so so many more. my tastebuds were tingling.
while in the gelato shop, "hello, seattle" by owl city came on the radio - a provo classic. suddenly, a massive wave of nostalgia hit me and i realized how sad i am to be leaving this unique city and beautiful experience. we spent the rest of the time reminiscing about the whole trip - start to finish.
also, this summer i've found a new love for waffle cones. when you're feeling slightly indulgent, nothing does it like a waffle cone.
speaking of extras like that... i'm in a fight with food blogs lately. because american women can't separate pleasure from calories and calories from weight. and half the time the word "calorie" replaces the word "food" even on blogs that claim to be simply for the love of the substance without weight-watching connotations. not that being aware is wrong. i've been hyper aware of how messed up our food media is lately.
but who wants to spoil a good gelato posts with talk like that? not me... so, forget that and let's enjoy that upside down goat!
{of course, saving that conversation for later...}
also, this was an absolutely great little tea shop next door. i think i want that clock in my apartment.. because after all, it's always T time! :)
Tuesday, August 2
race #2
i did a really ambitious thing yesterday.
i wanted to run a half marathon at the end of the summer - train while i was in seattle. but... that didn't happen. it might have been a really good thing - it could have been a good stress outlet, forced me to keep my eating habits in check, and probably would have helped me fit into some of clothes that are just too snug at the moment. but it also could have been a disaster. it might have stressed me out more because i wasn't eating well enough to feel good while running so much. it could have taken too much time, and goodness knows i did NOT need another demand on my time this summer.
but it didn't happen. and really, there's no use going over the what if's.
but, now it's going to happen.
i spent the last month letting myself be slowly persuaded by mindy {who is my inspiration} to run the halloween half marathon in provo. two days before halloween. after all, who doesn't want to run thirteen miles in a costume?
yesterday, i signed up!
i'm not as nervous as i thought i'd be. something about the enthusiasm of my roommates {who also signed up, without any running experience at all} gives me a little boost of confidence. it'll be a good thing - a good goal to help my body feel strong again.
and i get to wear a costume!
this morning: 3 miles around greenlake. it's only up from here! :)
i wanted to run a half marathon at the end of the summer - train while i was in seattle. but... that didn't happen. it might have been a really good thing - it could have been a good stress outlet, forced me to keep my eating habits in check, and probably would have helped me fit into some of clothes that are just too snug at the moment. but it also could have been a disaster. it might have stressed me out more because i wasn't eating well enough to feel good while running so much. it could have taken too much time, and goodness knows i did NOT need another demand on my time this summer.
but it didn't happen. and really, there's no use going over the what if's.
but, now it's going to happen.
i spent the last month letting myself be slowly persuaded by mindy {who is my inspiration} to run the halloween half marathon in provo. two days before halloween. after all, who doesn't want to run thirteen miles in a costume?
yesterday, i signed up!
i'm not as nervous as i thought i'd be. something about the enthusiasm of my roommates {who also signed up, without any running experience at all} gives me a little boost of confidence. it'll be a good thing - a good goal to help my body feel strong again.
and i get to wear a costume!
this morning: 3 miles around greenlake. it's only up from here! :)
Thursday, July 28
meat
today, i'm eating italien chicken sausage, and a slice of turkey. {both from happy animals.}
and that's a really, really big deal!
some days, meat tastes absolutely divine to me. others, i can barely get it past my gag reflex. but we're working, here! baby steps...
also a delicious salad with grape tomatoes and banana peppers (my favorite pepper ever).
i've decided there's no way to politely eat a grape tomato...
or a slice of meat for that matter.
i'm just not good at politely eating meat. and i need to work on that before eating it in public.
bon appetit!
and that's a really, really big deal!
some days, meat tastes absolutely divine to me. others, i can barely get it past my gag reflex. but we're working, here! baby steps...
also a delicious salad with grape tomatoes and banana peppers (my favorite pepper ever).
i've decided there's no way to politely eat a grape tomato...
or a slice of meat for that matter.
i'm just not good at politely eating meat. and i need to work on that before eating it in public.
bon appetit!
Monday, July 25
wherein dr. day restores my sanity.
today is a glorious day.
today is glorious for two reasons.
1) i woke up to an amazing thunderstorm. really, if you're going to be cloudy, bring the thunder with you! while i don't do rain so well, i adore thunder.
2) we're going home early!!
really, it's just about the best thing that ever happened to me. after vacation, i've been feeling severely ready to leave. although i'll admit, i've found my love for this place {in a very sudden and large way}, i'm also extremely excited to be moving on. sometimes, that time just comes, and when it comes, there is simply no sense in dragging things on.
dr. day understands this. in fact, he seems to understand this better than most of the general population. see, when he came in to work today, he said, "this is the end." and he meant it. no more dragging everything on for another three weeks. after this week, we'll be finished up with our work and after next, we'll all be having a party and heading home! ten days left in seattle.
only ten days.
and that is very, very doable.
dr. day, i love you.
today is glorious for two reasons.
1) i woke up to an amazing thunderstorm. really, if you're going to be cloudy, bring the thunder with you! while i don't do rain so well, i adore thunder.
2) we're going home early!!
really, it's just about the best thing that ever happened to me. after vacation, i've been feeling severely ready to leave. although i'll admit, i've found my love for this place {in a very sudden and large way}, i'm also extremely excited to be moving on. sometimes, that time just comes, and when it comes, there is simply no sense in dragging things on.
dr. day understands this. in fact, he seems to understand this better than most of the general population. see, when he came in to work today, he said, "this is the end." and he meant it. no more dragging everything on for another three weeks. after this week, we'll be finished up with our work and after next, we'll all be having a party and heading home! ten days left in seattle.
only ten days.
and that is very, very doable.
dr. day, i love you.
Sunday, July 24
my long absence
it's been an interesting summer.
i blog, i stop... i blog about not blogging, then i stop again.
but i think i've started to understand why i just haven't been able to get myself to blog lately. my sister told me last week,
"there's a time to write and a time to experience. you're just experiencing right now."
i think that's a big part of it. after doing everything i'm doing everyday, there just isn't enough in me most days to sit down and write about it. it's taken all my emotional energy to DO.
then, there's another part, too. this summer has changed me. enough that i might call it an ideological shift. according to social science research, those don't happen often in people's lives. maybe once, very rarely twice, and sometimes people go through life without ever experiencing something that makes them question who they are in relation to everyone else in the world.
this summer, the shift has been rather gradual, but looking back now, it seems to override all the other experiences i've had while living in seattle. it's hard to even put words to it... i'm just simply not the same.
it has quite a bit to do with my inner state of peace, with my relativity to others around me. the fact that i know i can't compete with the world anymore, so i might as well live in peace with it. it has quite a bit to do with deciding not to go to graduate school and to explore other options to live and love what i'm living. it has loads to do changing the way i eat.
i feel like i'm still kind of ... grasping at air trying to put my hands on it sometimes. which really, can get frustrating because most of the time i'm not sure how to live, now that the way i used to live isn't right for me anymore.
through all of this, the thought of writing it down has been a little ridiculous. and yet, i couldn't really write about anything else because of how unimportant it all seemed in comparison. so, the simple solution was to stop writing for long periods of time.
i've been thinking really hard about coming back lately. back to provo, back to ivins, first. back to school, back to the blog. and when i've thought about coming back to the blog, more often than not i've thought about not coming back at all. it feels like i've outgrown the roots of this blog.
paisley: my first description stated that i was the pattern - that during life, it always seemed so chaotic; it didn't make sense. but when i looked above, stepped back, i could see the pattern. my life was the pattern.
while that's a cute philosophy, it's just not me anymore.
i'm refusing to be a part of anything approaching chaos.
i've fantasized at times about never coming back to the blog again once my journey through school is over. it's certain now. the initial goal was to make it through college. i'm almost there. come december, i'll finish my last class and walk out of byu, for good. after that, it's goodbye, paisley.
i'm not sure if i'll start another, but i have plenty of time to think about that!
i hope i'm back consistently, at this point. but i can't be sure. when one is ideologically unsteady, you never can tell when things are going to tilt off-balance again and send me into another bout of emotional overload. but i can hope that doesn't happen. and as long as it doesn't, i'm back for at least another five months!
i blog, i stop... i blog about not blogging, then i stop again.
but i think i've started to understand why i just haven't been able to get myself to blog lately. my sister told me last week,
"there's a time to write and a time to experience. you're just experiencing right now."
i think that's a big part of it. after doing everything i'm doing everyday, there just isn't enough in me most days to sit down and write about it. it's taken all my emotional energy to DO.
then, there's another part, too. this summer has changed me. enough that i might call it an ideological shift. according to social science research, those don't happen often in people's lives. maybe once, very rarely twice, and sometimes people go through life without ever experiencing something that makes them question who they are in relation to everyone else in the world.
this summer, the shift has been rather gradual, but looking back now, it seems to override all the other experiences i've had while living in seattle. it's hard to even put words to it... i'm just simply not the same.
it has quite a bit to do with my inner state of peace, with my relativity to others around me. the fact that i know i can't compete with the world anymore, so i might as well live in peace with it. it has quite a bit to do with deciding not to go to graduate school and to explore other options to live and love what i'm living. it has loads to do changing the way i eat.
i feel like i'm still kind of ... grasping at air trying to put my hands on it sometimes. which really, can get frustrating because most of the time i'm not sure how to live, now that the way i used to live isn't right for me anymore.
through all of this, the thought of writing it down has been a little ridiculous. and yet, i couldn't really write about anything else because of how unimportant it all seemed in comparison. so, the simple solution was to stop writing for long periods of time.
i've been thinking really hard about coming back lately. back to provo, back to ivins, first. back to school, back to the blog. and when i've thought about coming back to the blog, more often than not i've thought about not coming back at all. it feels like i've outgrown the roots of this blog.
paisley: my first description stated that i was the pattern - that during life, it always seemed so chaotic; it didn't make sense. but when i looked above, stepped back, i could see the pattern. my life was the pattern.
while that's a cute philosophy, it's just not me anymore.
i'm refusing to be a part of anything approaching chaos.
i've fantasized at times about never coming back to the blog again once my journey through school is over. it's certain now. the initial goal was to make it through college. i'm almost there. come december, i'll finish my last class and walk out of byu, for good. after that, it's goodbye, paisley.
i'm not sure if i'll start another, but i have plenty of time to think about that!
i hope i'm back consistently, at this point. but i can't be sure. when one is ideologically unsteady, you never can tell when things are going to tilt off-balance again and send me into another bout of emotional overload. but i can hope that doesn't happen. and as long as it doesn't, i'm back for at least another five months!
Wednesday, July 6
the city of roses
this week, my focus is on keeping things simple. i have a few big projects to get underway before my family comes to visit in a week, so cutting out all the unnecessary fluff will help tremendously, i'm sure. it's also a big list-making week {to make sure i actually reach my goals}.
even though the idea of independence day in seattle, was thrilling, i opted for a holiday in another just-as-cool city. i spent the long weekend with hannah's family {a fellow research assistant} in portland, oregon. the plan formed a little over two weeks ago - hannah, gregory, me and victoria would drive down to the city of roses right after work on friday - not to return to work until tuesday. the plan soon included brittany and victoria's friend ty {who spontaneously visited from alberta canada}. together, the six of us made a fabulous group for adventuring.
because we're into list-making around here...
friday: we made our quick getaway after office hours (our three-times-a-week morning work meeting). sadly, the three hour drive to portland took us more than five hours because of holiday traffic added to seattle's unpredictable traffic times. after driving through the city, we drove to more central oregon where we hiked angel's rest, an absolutely stunning view of the rivers and mountains. incredible introduction to the trip! already tired and hungry at 9:00pm, we drove to hannah's house where vegetarian pizza was waiting for us on the kitchen table.
saturday: portland exploration! beginning with pancakes {made by gregory and hannah courtesy of the bradford's kitchen} and filled with saturday market {which to-date, is one of the coolest things i've ever done}. i came away from the market with incredibly fresh greek cuisine, a bracelet handmade from a danish tea can, earrings and a barrette made from spoons, a sunburn, and sore feet. oh, and an insatiable desire for a coffee bag messenger bag, dreadlocks, and henna paste. we filled the afternoon with powell's books {largest bookstore in the united states}, and voodoo doughnuts {funky vegan doughnut shop with just about everything imaginable - good and bad}. as we came home, we realized we were in for a treat staying with the bradford family: black bean chipotle burgers with rice and black bean salad and pasta pesto salad - complete with texas sheet cake and ice cream for dessert.
sunday: sunday i woke up late {score for me - i only did this once the whole vacation!}, scrambled to get ready for church, and enjoyed an early sacrament meeting. we hurried back to the bradford's for sanwhiches and to pack up some fruit and change, and we were off to the oregon coast! ...with a quick stop at the tillamook dairy factory to supplement {free self-guided tour, free cheese, free ice cream}. the day at the beach was glorious. clear skies, sand, cliffs, and big waves. we sat on our blanket and visited, rolled up our pants and played in the {diminished} waves, climbed through a tunnel, and caught some sun. actually, the sun caught me - my skinny jeans only rolled up so far... thus, i now have the world's dorkiest three-quarter-calf sunburn line. and it's not even gradual - nope, one straight line of bright red burn. haven't figured out how to get rid of that one yet...
monday: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! truthfully, one of the most memorable independence holidays i've had in my short lifetime. mr bradford woke us with the smell of breakfast: soughdough french toast with fresh strawberries and pure maple syrup, vegetarian sausage, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. after breakfast, we pulled out hannah's henna paste and painted ourselves pretty. then we packed our bags again and hit the road - back to the gorge! the hike we chose this time was the most magnificent i've ever seen - a lifetime highlight. after looping behind a massive waterfall to start, we trekked up switchbacks for {what seemed like} days. coming to an overlook, we could see three waterfalls, only several feet separating them, tumbling down hundreds of feet. after gaping at the sight for a few minutes, we trudged on, eager to see what other glories the end of the hike held. after some time, as we reached the end of the trail, coming very near the edge of the waterfalls. we decided to get just a little closer. and that idea had us sitting in between the three waterfalls hanging our feet over the massive cliff while eating clementines, snapping pictures of our feet hanging over the edge and laughing. we simply couldn't get enough of this tumbling river. so we hiked upstream {literally on the rocks in the river} till we found an ideal spot for rock sculptures. we built for quite a while, took pictures of each, brittany fell in the river while crossing to the other side, and we decided to find the trail and head back. six hours after we started hiking, we arrived back at the falls and decided we simply couldn't leave without seeing multnomah falls. it was an incredible sight! tired and sore again, we drove home and arrived to moroccan lentil stew with curry and apricots inside half an acorn squash accompanied by corn on the cob, greek quinoa salad and macaroni salad. after that, we enjoyed home-made lime-basil sorbet while playing mexican train. fireworks in the park followed shortly after, and we ended the day by lighting off some of our own little fireworks and dancing in the street with sparklers. really, one of the best holiday vacations - i'll remember it forever.
tuesday: we packed up and headed home! and this time, the three hour drive only took three hours.
and now i'm back in sunny seattle, where it's finally realized that it should have been summer for the last three months. that means it's warmed up - a little. sadly, you miss what you once wished away, and at the moment i'm wishing the heat and humidity would back off until we figure out our dysfunctional air conditioner.
to take my mind off my sweatiness, i'm making plans - and goals:
homemade pita bread tomorrow
cupcakes and sweet potato casserole on friday {to celebrate ffp's thanksgiving in july, of course}
internship course all caught up before family vacation...
and last of all, get rid of this blasted cold sore! second of the year... which {i guess} really makes me grateful i'm passed the years where that would have been mild.
happy {finally} summer, everyone!
because we're into list-making around here...
friday: we made our quick getaway after office hours (our three-times-a-week morning work meeting). sadly, the three hour drive to portland took us more than five hours because of holiday traffic added to seattle's unpredictable traffic times. after driving through the city, we drove to more central oregon where we hiked angel's rest, an absolutely stunning view of the rivers and mountains. incredible introduction to the trip! already tired and hungry at 9:00pm, we drove to hannah's house where vegetarian pizza was waiting for us on the kitchen table.
saturday: portland exploration! beginning with pancakes {made by gregory and hannah courtesy of the bradford's kitchen} and filled with saturday market {which to-date, is one of the coolest things i've ever done}. i came away from the market with incredibly fresh greek cuisine, a bracelet handmade from a danish tea can, earrings and a barrette made from spoons, a sunburn, and sore feet. oh, and an insatiable desire for a coffee bag messenger bag, dreadlocks, and henna paste. we filled the afternoon with powell's books {largest bookstore in the united states}, and voodoo doughnuts {funky vegan doughnut shop with just about everything imaginable - good and bad}. as we came home, we realized we were in for a treat staying with the bradford family: black bean chipotle burgers with rice and black bean salad and pasta pesto salad - complete with texas sheet cake and ice cream for dessert.
sunday: sunday i woke up late {score for me - i only did this once the whole vacation!}, scrambled to get ready for church, and enjoyed an early sacrament meeting. we hurried back to the bradford's for sanwhiches and to pack up some fruit and change, and we were off to the oregon coast! ...with a quick stop at the tillamook dairy factory to supplement {free self-guided tour, free cheese, free ice cream}. the day at the beach was glorious. clear skies, sand, cliffs, and big waves. we sat on our blanket and visited, rolled up our pants and played in the {diminished} waves, climbed through a tunnel, and caught some sun. actually, the sun caught me - my skinny jeans only rolled up so far... thus, i now have the world's dorkiest three-quarter-calf sunburn line. and it's not even gradual - nope, one straight line of bright red burn. haven't figured out how to get rid of that one yet...
monday: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! truthfully, one of the most memorable independence holidays i've had in my short lifetime. mr bradford woke us with the smell of breakfast: soughdough french toast with fresh strawberries and pure maple syrup, vegetarian sausage, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. after breakfast, we pulled out hannah's henna paste and painted ourselves pretty. then we packed our bags again and hit the road - back to the gorge! the hike we chose this time was the most magnificent i've ever seen - a lifetime highlight. after looping behind a massive waterfall to start, we trekked up switchbacks for {what seemed like} days. coming to an overlook, we could see three waterfalls, only several feet separating them, tumbling down hundreds of feet. after gaping at the sight for a few minutes, we trudged on, eager to see what other glories the end of the hike held. after some time, as we reached the end of the trail, coming very near the edge of the waterfalls. we decided to get just a little closer. and that idea had us sitting in between the three waterfalls hanging our feet over the massive cliff while eating clementines, snapping pictures of our feet hanging over the edge and laughing. we simply couldn't get enough of this tumbling river. so we hiked upstream {literally on the rocks in the river} till we found an ideal spot for rock sculptures. we built for quite a while, took pictures of each, brittany fell in the river while crossing to the other side, and we decided to find the trail and head back. six hours after we started hiking, we arrived back at the falls and decided we simply couldn't leave without seeing multnomah falls. it was an incredible sight! tired and sore again, we drove home and arrived to moroccan lentil stew with curry and apricots inside half an acorn squash accompanied by corn on the cob, greek quinoa salad and macaroni salad. after that, we enjoyed home-made lime-basil sorbet while playing mexican train. fireworks in the park followed shortly after, and we ended the day by lighting off some of our own little fireworks and dancing in the street with sparklers. really, one of the best holiday vacations - i'll remember it forever.
tuesday: we packed up and headed home! and this time, the three hour drive only took three hours.
and now i'm back in sunny seattle, where it's finally realized that it should have been summer for the last three months. that means it's warmed up - a little. sadly, you miss what you once wished away, and at the moment i'm wishing the heat and humidity would back off until we figure out our dysfunctional air conditioner.
to take my mind off my sweatiness, i'm making plans - and goals:
homemade pita bread tomorrow
cupcakes and sweet potato casserole on friday {to celebrate ffp's thanksgiving in july, of course}
internship course all caught up before family vacation...
and last of all, get rid of this blasted cold sore! second of the year... which {i guess} really makes me grateful i'm passed the years where that would have been mild.
happy {finally} summer, everyone!
Thursday, June 30
while scanning...
tonight, i'm celebrating a surprise package from my wonderful mother!
one of the happiest moments of a poor college student's existence (in my opinion) is the arrival of a package - especially when that package contains goods that are far beyond my budget. like larabars. YUM.
this week's been a little up and down, and even as i'm writing this, i'm regretting that i have to use the phrase "this week." writing has been altogether too sparse so far this summer. speaking of, after this week, i only have a month left of my internship. june flew by so quickly i barely remember the individual days. and as my time in seattle comes (quickly) to a close, i'm more motivated to do more than just work - and to document it all. which means more pictures. finally.
reminiscing for a moment, a week ago, bekah and i had a rather climactic moment. all our office work was finished. that's right. even if we had wanted to work, there would have been basically nothing to do. good feeling, for sure. however, all good things come to an end, right? saturday saw us spending all day in olympia and tacoma on interviews south of here. it made for a long day, but satisfying because it took us down to five interviews left to complete. not bad, eh? in addition to those interviews, two completed packets came back into our hands from overseas, and with the addition of a "mission impossible interview" completed, i'm in the office again. scanning.
{time passes...}
so... because something went wrong and the rest of my draft wasn't saved. this is it for tonight! there was more... but i don't remember exactly what it was all about. it's late. sadly, i missed my workout today... but i think i have some pretty great plans for the weekend - working out and otherwise. happy almost weekend!
one of the happiest moments of a poor college student's existence (in my opinion) is the arrival of a package - especially when that package contains goods that are far beyond my budget. like larabars. YUM.
this week's been a little up and down, and even as i'm writing this, i'm regretting that i have to use the phrase "this week." writing has been altogether too sparse so far this summer. speaking of, after this week, i only have a month left of my internship. june flew by so quickly i barely remember the individual days. and as my time in seattle comes (quickly) to a close, i'm more motivated to do more than just work - and to document it all. which means more pictures. finally.
reminiscing for a moment, a week ago, bekah and i had a rather climactic moment. all our office work was finished. that's right. even if we had wanted to work, there would have been basically nothing to do. good feeling, for sure. however, all good things come to an end, right? saturday saw us spending all day in olympia and tacoma on interviews south of here. it made for a long day, but satisfying because it took us down to five interviews left to complete. not bad, eh? in addition to those interviews, two completed packets came back into our hands from overseas, and with the addition of a "mission impossible interview" completed, i'm in the office again. scanning.
{time passes...}
so... because something went wrong and the rest of my draft wasn't saved. this is it for tonight! there was more... but i don't remember exactly what it was all about. it's late. sadly, i missed my workout today... but i think i have some pretty great plans for the weekend - working out and otherwise. happy almost weekend!
Thursday, June 23
i found my happy place.
i found my love in seattle.
one of four studios in the world,
donation-based.
the best yoga workout i've ever had,
and the happiest.
on a busy street,
i found that seattle is capable of
peace.
Sunday, June 19
i strugs. and i love my dad.
strugs: n./adj.; an alternative form of the word struggling, invented by victoria and used frequently this summer to describe the general state of... well, me.
sympathy? scorn, maybe? actually victoria is quite a factual person. i'm almost positive her use of the word is simply a fact, devoid of emotional attachment. this is pretty apparent from the way she uses the word. something like, "this is jessica. she strugs."
which reminds me of a time several years ago when (upon entering the kitchen), natalie {endearing older sister as always} introduced me to a very large group of friends like this: "this is my sister jessica. she's diseased!"
i won't go as far as to say i was traumatized, although the fact that the moment is burned into my memory speaks for itself. at that point, i'd come to accept the fact that i was {as she so politely put it} diseased.
the point is, the last few weeks, i strugs. although, i'm not sure i'm exactly using the word correctly.
at first, living in seattle didn't seem to phase me much more than making me forget to breath several times a day {stress or beauty... or both}. i remember distinctly telling my mother that i expected to have at least a small emotional breakdown after being here for a week or so. after all, it's kind of the way my body deals with change sometimes. a good cry can be a good thing. but for some reason, i couldn't really relax enough to cry, and everything just kept building up and up and up.
and then, i cried. and since then, i haven't really been able to stop. not to say i'm crying all the time. but moreso than any self-respecting individual wants to cry.
i came to seattle with this team with the awareness that i might have difficulty with several things.
first, i'm on a team of perpetual over-achievers who have their lives planned by day for the next five years. yes, i've been accused of being an over-achiever, but now that i've been placed in a league of them, i've realized the title is not mine, nor do i want it to be. i'm a peaceful person, who likes simplicity, quiet nights at home, and a low-stress environment. i don't think i want a graduate degree, and after i graduate i don't really know what the next step in life will be. i'd rather be a full-time mom with a part time yoga-teaching job than a 40-hour-a-week career woman, if that's in the up-stairs plans for me. for the girls on this team, that mindset seems unusual. most of them know where they want to go to grad school (although i'm closer to graduation than most of them and i'm still unsure if i'm going to grad school or not). most of them are actively moving toward a full-time career. true, most of them also want to be mothers, but in the words of one of the female professors we met with, "why not have both??"
is it really that odd to just... not want both? to be honest, the idea of having a full-time career while trying to be a good wife and even thinking about children just kind of makes me sick. i take my hat off to the women that can do it all, while very simply saying, i'm just not one of them.
and then there's the endless debate of what actually is driving that personal desire. am i just lazy to only want one instead of trying to have both at once? would i rather not compete for full-time careers because i think i wouldn't have what it takes in that area? would i be selling myself short or stifling the academic talent i've been given if i stop at a bachelor's degree, and in the future decline full-time work to raise children?
truthfully, i have never felt so tormented by the bind of that decision. i understand this is far, far in my future. however, i also understand that my present path will determine my future, and after seeing the dollar amount of my undergraduate education, i won't be choosing an academic path that doesn't lead to at least some financial compensation, if i chose an academic future at all.
really, i believe in marriage and in motherhood. and i believe in those things as a highest life priority - way, way above a career for me.
society expects women to have successful careers, be wonderful wives and mothers, to do both at the same time and to want to do both just as much. but... isn't it okay just to pick one?
mostly, it's wonderful to be surrounded by other young women who are high achievers because it pushes me see how far i can stretch - and teaches me my limits, too. it's impressive to see girls who are driven enough to insist that life give them both {family and career} at the same time. but it's also difficult to have different expectations, to want different things, and to value much different things in life, too.
and that's why i strugs this summer. because it's hard to feel different.
by the way, as a way to end this discussion about society's expectation for women, i'd like to say...
sympathy? scorn, maybe? actually victoria is quite a factual person. i'm almost positive her use of the word is simply a fact, devoid of emotional attachment. this is pretty apparent from the way she uses the word. something like, "this is jessica. she strugs."
which reminds me of a time several years ago when (upon entering the kitchen), natalie {endearing older sister as always} introduced me to a very large group of friends like this: "this is my sister jessica. she's diseased!"
i won't go as far as to say i was traumatized, although the fact that the moment is burned into my memory speaks for itself. at that point, i'd come to accept the fact that i was {as she so politely put it} diseased.
the point is, the last few weeks, i strugs. although, i'm not sure i'm exactly using the word correctly.
at first, living in seattle didn't seem to phase me much more than making me forget to breath several times a day {stress or beauty... or both}. i remember distinctly telling my mother that i expected to have at least a small emotional breakdown after being here for a week or so. after all, it's kind of the way my body deals with change sometimes. a good cry can be a good thing. but for some reason, i couldn't really relax enough to cry, and everything just kept building up and up and up.
and then, i cried. and since then, i haven't really been able to stop. not to say i'm crying all the time. but moreso than any self-respecting individual wants to cry.
i came to seattle with this team with the awareness that i might have difficulty with several things.
first, i'm on a team of perpetual over-achievers who have their lives planned by day for the next five years. yes, i've been accused of being an over-achiever, but now that i've been placed in a league of them, i've realized the title is not mine, nor do i want it to be. i'm a peaceful person, who likes simplicity, quiet nights at home, and a low-stress environment. i don't think i want a graduate degree, and after i graduate i don't really know what the next step in life will be. i'd rather be a full-time mom with a part time yoga-teaching job than a 40-hour-a-week career woman, if that's in the up-stairs plans for me. for the girls on this team, that mindset seems unusual. most of them know where they want to go to grad school (although i'm closer to graduation than most of them and i'm still unsure if i'm going to grad school or not). most of them are actively moving toward a full-time career. true, most of them also want to be mothers, but in the words of one of the female professors we met with, "why not have both??"
is it really that odd to just... not want both? to be honest, the idea of having a full-time career while trying to be a good wife and even thinking about children just kind of makes me sick. i take my hat off to the women that can do it all, while very simply saying, i'm just not one of them.
and then there's the endless debate of what actually is driving that personal desire. am i just lazy to only want one instead of trying to have both at once? would i rather not compete for full-time careers because i think i wouldn't have what it takes in that area? would i be selling myself short or stifling the academic talent i've been given if i stop at a bachelor's degree, and in the future decline full-time work to raise children?
truthfully, i have never felt so tormented by the bind of that decision. i understand this is far, far in my future. however, i also understand that my present path will determine my future, and after seeing the dollar amount of my undergraduate education, i won't be choosing an academic path that doesn't lead to at least some financial compensation, if i chose an academic future at all.
really, i believe in marriage and in motherhood. and i believe in those things as a highest life priority - way, way above a career for me.
society expects women to have successful careers, be wonderful wives and mothers, to do both at the same time and to want to do both just as much. but... isn't it okay just to pick one?
mostly, it's wonderful to be surrounded by other young women who are high achievers because it pushes me see how far i can stretch - and teaches me my limits, too. it's impressive to see girls who are driven enough to insist that life give them both {family and career} at the same time. but it's also difficult to have different expectations, to want different things, and to value much different things in life, too.
and that's why i strugs this summer. because it's hard to feel different.
by the way, as a way to end this discussion about society's expectation for women, i'd like to say...
happy father's day!!!
especially to my dad.
he is the best father that anyone could ever have. i look up to him more than anyone else. thank you, dad, for always being there to listen, to give me advice, steer me back on track, and make sure i'm doing okay. i value your support and love so very much. and i love you with all my heart!
have a happy father's day!
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