winter semester line-up

i am going back to the kind of school schedule that made me beam - exuberantly beam, i mean.  i love my classes, right now!  but {being honest, here} they've gotten a little heavy.  heavy load, weighty subject matter, all on the same day... it's gotten to be quite a lot this semester.  

class registration opened for me today, and although nothing will be absolutely finalized for a week or so (and even then, it'll probably change until a day before the semester begins), i'm ecstatic about several of these classes.  it is rather funny, though: the schedule is surprisingly reminiscent of my high school class schedule - something i never thought i'd care to repeat.  with the art major i've added, i'll have either a painting or drawing class.  i've decided to give in to my love of it and take a creative writing class (thus more happiness).  i really haven't done much thought-out creative writing for a few years, so i am excessively excited about this one!  also, it's a prerequisite for a class natalie is taking this semester, creative non-fiction, that seems fantastic.  i'll be taking that one for sure as well.  also, call it a guilty pleasure if you will, i'm taking a family finance class.  it makes me a little giddy, i'll be honest.  all that budgeting stuff, it's just right up my alley.  of course, there's the moral foundations of family life course, theories in family perspective, and the high hope of the internship prep class rolling around in the potential mix, too.

one thing's for sure: there's no getting bogged down in five fourteen analytical research papers due on the same day in the same semester again.  i was crazy for taking this many 400-level classes at once. crazy, i tell you.  but i think it paid off.  after all, i never would have broken down enough to add an art minor to begin with if i hadn't gone a little bit crazy.

so here's to crazy.

and a really great class line-up.

to october:

lately, i love the yellow leaves crunching under my black shoes while i run on the provo streets, swishing and whirling on the pavement.  the watercolor east mountains, staying transparent from dawn till late afternoon, give the days a surreal quality {as if in a fairytale}.  confused clouds - all different shades of blue and grey, all different shapes and speeds floating - play around the mountain tips, concealing their heights, failing to hide the white sunlight, the sunlight the last days of october have still permitted power to leak through to rest on my eyelashes and cheeks.

lately, i wake up slowly because the mornings have turned blue.  i peak out the blinds, anticipating the first morning i'll wake to white covering my windowsill, the stair-rails, the light-posts, the trees.  the sun is tardy usually, these days.  on the walk to class, this morning, natalie read aloud to me (essays by brian doyle); the moving text kept my mind off the frigid air.  scarves. coats. mittens.  socks and tights.  frozen breath in air.  red trees covered with spiderwebs of ice.  these are the days i crave yoga in the early mornings, to wake up before the sun.

lately, midnight comes too soon.  october is slipping away from beneath my toes, whisping and threading through my fingertips and out of grasp {like a handful of sugar}.  it's real - very real.  although each individual day isn't filled with specific memories lifetime lasting, the repetitive nature of waking and cracking the blinds to check for snow leaves a fingerprint in the storage center of my mind.

october has been a remembering month, granting nostalgic longing for lost people, lost places, lost emotions.  the onset of winter tends to have that effect - a clinging, of sorts, while memories are buried under white drifts.  checking for that burial is an anticipation, i guess.  soon, the snow will cover more than the leaves.  i've never felt quite so freed by the idea of winter as i do this year.  there have been things i've neglected to bury,  but the snow is coming; the first flurries danced in the valley today.  and when snow buries autumn's dead, the earth can begin to heal, to restore, and once again to play.


and about the scrabble interview: i was called back for a second (which took place last friday).  individual this time, luckily!  the waiting shouldn't last long.  the promise of the first of november clutches the back of my mind constantly.  honest to goodness, i want this internship!

a day in the life of:

buzzing chirping wailing beeping screeching zzzzzzzzzzzzz...  pulling flying grabbing going running heaving panting counting checking crossing (tally) stepstepstep - sit - clacking hacking etching scratching clickclickclick munching crunching gulping scraping gone... (ringringring) giggle sob guffaw swoon {pounding choking sighing seeing} breathing     breathing        breathing               breathing.

tossing twirling beam - flinching flirting dream - 

s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g

ticking tocking talking rocking stocking stalking

plod

plod

plod

plod

chirping buzzing bleeping flashing: LOLOMGTTYL

scribble doodle blog

ddrriinnkk.

fading falling coming going

washing brushing laying closing (twirltwirltwirl)

breathing:

closing

breathing:

beating

breathing:

out.

rice

the last few consecutive nights, something rather peculiar has been added to my bedtime routine - something i think needs remedying.  last night, for example...

10:00 pm, and my eyes were definitely ready to turn the lights out!  in fact, they were closing on their own - mascara, contact lenses and all.  so i jumped into my newly washed pj's (mmmm, dryer-warmed clothing!), washed my face, brushed my teeth, read my scriptures and prayed, and meandered into the kitchen for a bedtime glass of water.  with me, i brought my bright blue heating-pack (natalie's actually, mine are both too ragged).  while drinking my glass of water, i waited for the pack to warm up in the microwave.  {*note: during the winter in provo, there is simply no sleeping without a heating-pack for me.  i get too cold!  especially my feet; they freeze, the poor things!  no matter how many blankets, i simply can't sleep without warmth radiating from something other than my own limbs.}

the pack draped across my shoulders, i headed back to my room.  i pulled down the covers.  my feet slipped to the end of of the bed.  the first thought in my head was BUGS!  i gasped and quickly retracted my feet.

wait... not bugs, RICE.  that's right.  rice!

this bright blue heating-pack is filled with nothing other than rice (and lavender, of course, which makes it smell incredible).

normally, this wouldn't be a problem.  but last winter, our situation was far from normal - me and this rice-pack.  our microwave was possessed.  well... maybe not quite.  but either that or just down-right dangerous.  anything you put into the microwave came out with a black hole burnt into it.  popcorn, potatoes, my roommate's glass dishes - you name it, it came out of the microwave with a hole.  well, or broken in half, but that's another story.

so this rice pack has a hole in it.  small, but still enough for little grains of rice to escape down by my feet as i'm falling asleep.  and yes, they feel like bugs.

time for a new heating-pack?
i think so!

but until i have a chance to pull out my sewing machine, i might just have to deal with a little bit of rice at the end of my bed.  after all, no one likes to sleep with freezing toes!

song of the week...or more :)

i go through phases, obsession {sorta} with music.  lately, this song is about all that will satisfy my singing memory.  i'm in love with it - completely.



and by the way, i'm not in tahiti - i'm right here, in happy valley.

fine line

some days, i feel like this.

{it's why high heels aren't a good idea sometimes}

every once in a while, your eyes don't stay on the destination - or even the rope,

and when you look down, you realize it's a long drop before the safety net catches you.

{if they remembered to put it up}

i'm going to take off the metaphorical high heels for a while...

and request a parachute.

internship? i thought this was game night...

yesterday, 12:42 pm. i walked into a little office on the left side of one of the most beautiful buildings on campus. three minutes early.  purposefully - not too early, but definitely not cutting it close, either.  heels: not too high, pointed.  pants: blue and white pinstripe, wide-leg, high-waisted, made me look tall.  blazer: white, feminine, three buttons on top, fit like a glove - thank you natalie's closet!  purse: zebra; hair: curly; lips: red.

i walked into the office (smiling), and looked at the boy with the clipboard.  "ah, there you are!" he announced to the two seated individuals, a lanky man with worn dress shoes and a gal with long dark hair and a flouncy skirt.  {interjection: i don't talk about clothes or the way i look much, i don't think.  but when entering a mysterious group internship interview, clothes are about the one thing that you can control.  well, other than the shape of your mouth...the lanky man wasn't smiling.}  "have a seat, jessica.  we're just waiting for one more."  he instructed.  the one more showed up quickly - too quickly for my liking; i wanted a moment to collect my thoughts.  she was tiny, smiley, and pretty in blue.  she stepped through the door and without a moment's hesitation, the boy with the clipboard whisked us back to a small closet/room with an oval table with four chairs behind it, a video camera in front of it, and a newspaper laying horizontally on top of it.

brief (very brief) instructions and introductions were given.  the researchers (including the boy with the clipboard) would leave the room after starting the camera and handing us a task card.  we had exactly six minutes in which to complete our task.  "we'll knock at two minutes. open the door at six."  a card was laid on our table, a button pressed, and right before they left, they snatched the newspaper from the table to reveal an entire set of scrabble letters - face down.

that's right - letters.  we had six minutes to use all the letters on the board in the most creative words we could think of, bonus points for length.  {interjection: at this point you should know that this is not a dream.  no worries, i had to pinch myself a few times to make sure my mind wasn't frantically making up nervous stories about the up-coming interview, too.  nope, this is a real interview, down the every last Q and Z.}

we stared at each other - all a little shocked - for about 5 seconds.  30 seconds of interaction, "let's try for the longest words individually, then combine them and see how far we can get with those," and we took off.  "here's the Q!", "anyone have any great Z words in mind?", "RESPONSIBILITY, they'll like that, haha...".  knockknockkncok.  two minutes left, "okay let's just start tacking smaller words on where ever we can find a space," the lanky man dictated.

the door opened, the button was pushed.  "thank you for your time! it looks like you guys did a great job!" a new woman exclaimed.  "we'll let you know within the week if you've been chosen for an individual interview through email.  have a great day!"

that was it.

six minutes of stressed-scrabble-mania to decide the next year of my life.

thank you, natalie, for making me play scrabble with you more than once a week for the last year {exaggeration, but still, we play a lot}.

here's to hoping those scrabble skills didn't interfere with my social skills too much!




ps.  i picked up the hitchhiker again, today.  yes, the same hitchhiker.  bad habit of his, i guess.  convenient for him, i own a very polite car.

not really a punishment

balance is something i have searched for through this semester (now half-way in).  i've made progress.  i get more than three hours of sleep a night lately, and my room stays consistently clean {for the most part}.  i read my scriptures, go to most of my classes with almost most of my homework most of the way finished, and i play a little, too.  taking a critical look at my schedule, i am a pretty balanced gal - especially considering i'm going to school.  however, i haven't felt quite grounded enough since school started.  the summer was grounding - perfectly so.  but since classes started up again, the ground seems to be constantly tilting, slipping out from under my feet, or sometimes trying to shake me off my feet altogether.

i think i'm going to shift my focus slightly, for the rest of the semester.  i'm balanced - i think i've gotten pretty good at that!  but i want to stay grounded, feel like i always have my head on. 

so i'm grounding myself.  really.  to my room, to be alone with myself for a little while every once in a while.  because for me, being grounded (in a sense) really is....grounding.

pumpkin addict

i bought canned pumpkin in the stores for the first time a few days ago, and i celebrated!  i don't think i've ever loved pumpkin so much as i do right now.  i bought four cans.  even if they aren't nearly gone, next time i pass the grocery store i'm going to buy six. the time after that eight, and so on.  i simply can't get enough of it!  the stores always run out at the most crucial times, and this year, i will be prepared with plenty of extra pumpkin in my pantry.  really, if i had my way i'd want to buy enough to last until next october, through the very pumpkin-less summer.  but... that might be a little far fetched!  hopefully i'll save it up at least through the winter!

last night i had the most delicious pumpkin pie smoothie, with just a hint of chocolate.  i still have pumpkin muffins left over for my breakfast this morning.

but i need more recipes!  what's your favorite pumpkin recipe or autumn food obsession?

goals, balance, and food

so once the first round of midterms hits (byu classes normally have two midterms), schedules get so crazy that there isn't much time to think about what you're going to eat for lunch tomorrow.  this, for me, is a little tragic - i take a lot of joy in planning meals and even more in making meals that take me more than five to ten minutes.  this week was the beginning of midterms, but the first round won't end for me for another two weeks or so.  after that, i'll only have a few days until the cycle starts all over again.

so i've made a new little resolution.  i'm going to start making something exciting (something i've never made before) every weekend!  i like to give myself at least a little break on the weekends most of the time, and this will be a perfect way to satisfy my cooking-craving that i starve from during the week.  it should also keep my pallet satisfied - college-quick food has my mouth in a constant depression most of the time.  for the first test, i've decided to try vegetarian pot stickers and chinese chow mein, although i'm a little skeptical about the mushrooms and the bok choy... but hey! this is an experiment, so caution to the wind! right??

change of thought pattern, slightly..

i also have another little goal i'm starting today.  okay, it's more like a lifestyle change, i guess.  but that all starts with small goals, i think.  this all started with a post by loveyoulongtime a few days back.  she talks about the little things she does to show her love to herself (really, it's a great little post - you'd like it).  it made me think about how hectic my life has been the past few weeks and the things i usually do to remember my worth that have been sacrificed lately.  nothing huge, but sometimes small things count the most.

so i'm going to implement a few things and bring a few things back into my life:
i'm going to treat myself to eight hours of sleep a night (which will be a huge improvement).
i'll let myself feel a little more feminine and make time to paint my nails - pink!  i haven't done this in quite a while.
in this lifestyle, there isn't much alone-calming time, so i'm going to calm myself and have some very me-time with yoga - several times a week.
i'm going to start eating breakfast sitting down every morning - without rushing (fifteen-minute breakfasts - oh yeah!).  that way it'll be more than an apple out the door.
i really love to shower, and i love to wear skirts, but lately i've been in such a rush that shower time has been significantly cut down.  so i'm going to make time to shower everyday without rushing, and shave enough to wear a few more skirts.

now that i've realized how many things i cut out of my schedule during school, things that really make me remember that loving myself is important, i've realized that it's the lack of these things that make me feel frantic when i get busy.  i think bringing them back will help me feel more balanced and secure in my lifestyle right now!

what things do you do to bring balance back to your life?

ps. i've decided that once you start dating frequently, the inevitability of a really bad, awkward, depressing, or time-wasting date is a little daunting.  the pro: sometimes you get really great stories.... and sometimes you come home laughing and looking forward to your own apartment.

pps. HAPPY OCTOBER!