i'm not a bad blogger... just a really good liver.

i've done yoga everyday for the past two weeks {except sunday}.
i ran yesterday for fourty-five minutes - at night {an accomplishment this semester}.
i've eaten three meals a day for the last four consecutive days.
today is the first day i haven't finished all my due homework this semester.
january is practically three-fourths of the way over and my nights of almost-eight hours of sleep are already more than last semester.
i go to family home evening.
and drink lemon-cayenne warm water in the mornings.
i've giant journaled twice this month,
and drawn three cartoons.
i've only been late to class once - by fifteen seconds.
my books are now color-categorized.
and the pictures on the wall are rearranged - not to mention the kitchen cupboards!

but lately, i just don't write quite as much.
i'll write more -
when i feel like it.

my favorite thing about this week is weather so warm the snow's melting!  well, yesterday and the day before.  today will give us new snow. . .which is better than old snow, anyway!

reassurance on the walk home

sometimes i do things without thinking, and directly after the fact i wonder what in the world possessed me to do it.  the funny thing is that most times, these little absent-thought-actions lead to big things - life changes.

last year, despite my current emotion coma, i decided to give one of my shoes to the ward activities committee, thus committing to attend the cinderella ball.  {it's something unique to provo: it seems the religious leaders here delight in watching horribly awkward situations unfold in front of their eyes}.  after turning my shoe in, i went back to my apartment and cried.  what in the world had i done?? i don't even go to normal ward activities i thought, why why WHY did i give them my favorite SHOE??  luckily, i had really great roommates who supported my rather insane urge.  i met a boy at the ball that i dated for a significant amount of time.  i'm still not sure how i feel about the whole thing {after-the-fact emotions take a while to resolve for me sometimes}.  but it was definitely a life-altering process.  it changed the way i viewed myself, the way i looked at the world and the people in it.  it changed the things i want out of life, my goals and dreams.

and they did return my favorite shoe.

a little over three months ago, i found myself in a similar situation.  i had submitted my application to work with the flourishing families project in provo over the summer.  after a group interview i was asked to return for a personal interview that would determine if i would participate in the internship.  i'd thought it all out, was confident in my decision and excited to move forward.  provo was a great place to be in the summer - last spring in provo was absolutely beautiful!  i would be close to family, be paid enough to secure my last semesters at school, and be in an area i felt comfortable in.  i had decided firmly that going with the seattle team of flourishing families was out of the question - too big, too unknown, too long, and too far.  

and yet there i sat in the interview telling them that although i applied for provo, i was equally interested in seattle opportunities.  i knew what i was saying, and it horrified me!  but i couldn't stop myself.  it was like being in a bad dream, one where you know what's happening and don't like it one bit, and yet you have no power whatsoever to stop it from happening.  it's really the experience i'm interested in more than the place, i said.  yeah right.  i was terrified of seattle.

i agonized the entire walk home.  hopefully, i wished, they would discard that statement as only an afterthought.  why did i even say it?  am i absolutely insane?  

i tried my best to dismiss the interview and let things play out.

several weeks passed and i received an email from the flourishing families project coordinators.  we are pleased to congratulate you on your acceptance to the flourishing families project - seattle team.  i'm almost embarrassed to admit i cried for ten minutes before coming out of my room and announcing my good news.  

but as i walked home from my internship preparation course tonight, i had a strange feeling.  the snow makes everything absolutely quiet, absolutely still.  it makes it easier to think on the walk home in the twilight.  and i thought, maybe this is another cinderella ball.  

life changing, certainly.

true, if i think about moving to seattle right now, i still panic.  but i don't have emotional breakdowns if i focus on the one day before me.  a twenty-four hour period.  an article summary, an email to my assigned professor.  today, i can do that.

and today was the first day this winter that i was infinitely grateful for how quiet the snow makes a busy campus.

i'm appreciative of my belief that nothing is coincidental - despite the panic of an unexpected adventure.

such a nice boy...

last night i found myself in a little bit of an awkward situation {luckily it had a few benefits}.  but before i get to the story, there's a little background information that needs to be laid on the table.

to my dismay, natalie is not with me this semester.  that's right, partner in crime in this winter jungle is MIA.  yes, it gets lonely and quiet and i don't laugh quite as much - or go out to eat as much, for that matter.  but we're coping!  and sabrina is a major source of . . . copement.   no that's not a word, but it's what i mean.  goodness gracious am i ever lucky this gal decided to move in next door!  lately i've  escaped to her apartment a couple times.  it's usually a lot lighter (literally and figuratively), full of more people (with quite the variety), and packed with entertaining and memorable moments.  this will probably become a habit {and we can only hope that her roommates learn to love me!}.

last night was such a night.  i was snuggled up in the armchair of apartment 102 enjoying the smell of pancakes and bacon.  sabrina and i were discussing a boy of mutual acquaintance {over whom i was slightly perplexed} when two guys in earshot decided they wanted a part in the conversation.  after several minutes of them discussing my little plight and both giving full-fledged step-by-step advice, one simply declared, "he sounds crazy! you're a really pretty girl!  just tell him to bug off and be done!" . . . or something like that.  really, i just remember the phrase you're a really pretty girl!

despite his crazy advice and rather egotistical performance throughout the night, in that moment he was one of the best men in the world!  i don't remember the last time someone told me i was really pretty.  it's been a rough week and hearing a little praise of my feminine self was such a lift.  and quite the confidence boost considering the company.

so thank you, boy, for your kind words - they touched my heart!

guest posting

my friend allison is a really stellar human being.  she gets things done, changes the world bit by big bit.  however, even though she's in the middle of several great big life projects, she's decided to put things on hold while she serves a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (i believe - to the left).  while she's away for a year and a half, she's recruited me for a little keep-up on a project blog called the we are women project.

so.  i'll be writing over there about once a month (maybe more - we'll see what the wind blows in).  today was my first post!  i'm excited to be involved in such a great project - although my part is extremely minor.  aaaannnd  the other writers are absolutely great - i can't wait to see what they have to say as well.  so give it a read!  it'll definitely be worth your time! :)

little adventure in big store

today was a get-things-done day.  i had a list - a long list.

after calling natalie for directions to target (it's the one place i visit often in provo/orem area that i can never remember how to get to), i arrived with the intention of grocery shopping.  however, after spending almost an hour to find yoga pants, a humidifier, and a britta pitcher, i was almost frantic.  see, super-stores have the tendency to make me crazy - not a good way.  it's a pity the target here is super, because i love target.  but this one is so absolutely massive that i can't anything {anything} at all.  it took an hour to find three items, and after which i decided i was better off driving back to the grocery store than tying to navigate my way through endless isles of food.  grocery shopping with that long of a list is better done when you know were you're going... or at least aren't almost frantic.

luckily, provo has a health food store that does the opposite to my nerves.  two minutes in there and i had a full cart, a happy smile, and could have skipped back to my apartment.

i made tortilla soup tonight.  a favorite!  and it tasted like home. :)

tortilla soup - original recipe in one of lori's cookbooks.

1 T olive oil

1 diced onion

2 minced garlic cloves (or three... or four)

2 cups each of black, red, and pinto beans

4 1/2 cups water with 1 veggie bullion cube

1 can diced tomatoes 

1 tsp each of cumin, oregano, and chili powder

 2 T miso 

2 T nutritional yeast

stir the onions and around in the pan for a few minutes with the oil until they're transparent and brown, then add everything but the miso and nutritional yeast.  after cooking for a while... (30 minutes ish) add the last two ingredients.

i topped my soup with tortilla chips, jalapeños, green onions, and cilantro.  really, it's stupendous!

merry christmas, happy new year, and hit january's ground running

happy new year!!!

okay, i know i'm a little late.  i could say merry christmas as well because i missed that one first.  i took a little extended vacation during the holidays.  a break from. . .well, everything.  everything, that is, except a lot of wonderful and needed relaxation!

i want to jump right into the new year, new semester, new goals, and all that stuff.  but first, here's a brief review of the holidays from my perspective:

- hours of tamale-making while watching beezus and ramona three times (love it!)

- started sense and sensibility and still can't put it down.  darn that willoughby - he gets me every time in the movie, too!

- was renamed nanny by my almost-two-year-old nephew.  i'm still not sure how i feel about this.  however, i'm comforted by the fact that he actually said my name first, and that his calling everyone nanny originated by him missing the collective: "nanny and jessi."

- was second place in ticket to ride!  an accomplishment in my family, i assure you

- played carcasone into the hours of the night with hailey and natalie

- ate waaaaaay too much sugar (no worries, i'm repentant now)

- sang in the family christmas eve program

- made avocado tomitillo salsa for that evening's dinner

- saw the movie tangled twice.  man, if the holiday media has a highlight for me, it's this one.  i laaooooove it. i want to watch it again and again!  i'm listening to the soundtrack daily, and still cracking up at the funny parts.  new ideal man: eugene fitzherbert.  i've gotta find me one of those, someday.  more on this obsession to follow, that's really what it is!

- and caught a cold.  a cold that is ALMOST GONE! i'm elated. but knocking on wood and praying at intervals.

overall, i had quite the needed dose of family love this holiday season.  it was fabulous. fantastic. restful. and i didn't want to leave.

but life goes on!

and really, i love january.  a lot, actually.  new beginnings are addicting for me - i think it gives me some sort of strange adrenaline rush. . . 

you already know my obsession with little goals, and in january i get to make big ones!

so.  new year.  new me.  some changes to come, so be watching!

happy january!

and... a few photos from over the break:

 hailey's christmas toes

my wonderful nephew ashton and me - playing chess with him is always a highlight of home!

my family's wonderful christmas tree.  best. tree. ever.

roommate christmas party! {and a birthday}

last night my roommates and i gathered in the front room of our apartment to have a little gift-giving christmas party.  genni and beth were leaving provo today, so yesterday was the closest we could get to the real thing.

we are tree-less in provo this winter, so my pineapple lamp did double duty {and didn't mind one bit}.

being poor college students, we drew names between the four of us.  it was a silly coincidence that our gift-giving ended up in age order.  natalie gave to beth, beth to me, me to genni, and genni to natalie!

natalie gave beth a spanish novel she's been wanting this semester, a beautiful necklace {which was worn immediately}, and a notepad from knockknock, one of my personal favorite places to give and get from.

genni gave natalie a bright yellow teapot to replace the one that rusted very early this winter.  this picture describes her reaction almost perfectly - she was tickled!

from beth to me: two pairs of fabulous tights, the a&e pride and prejudice, and little owl earrings.  it was perfectly splendid!

i was too busy watching genni open my gift that i forgot all about my camera!  i gave her two of my favorite novels in the whole wide world {little women and the princess bride} and a beautiful heart-rose necklace.

of course, we had to have a little treat with the gifts!  my mom had given me a few things to make some end-of-the-semester treats for our apartment.  the cheeseball was definitely a hit!

later that night, brant {natalie's boyfriend} came over after work for an early birthday celebration. since none of us would be around on his birthday we decided it was necessary to have a provo-birthday party.  after we started eating, two of his roommates came to join our dinner celebration.  

i discovered something last night while we were madly preparing dinner and making sure everything looked beautiful: i really love to throw dinner-parties.  i love the cooking rush before, the beautiful table {we were excited that no two plates, bowls, or glasses on the table matched}, the communal eating late at night, and the lounging around the dinner table after it's all over with.  truthfully, i don't mind the morning clean-up much either, granted i have loud energetic music and pajamas!

oh, and i almost forgot!  the four of us {beth, genni, natalie, and i} went to the mall in search of bride's maids dresses for beth's wedding.  sadly, the ones we found are out of stock.  so the search continues!  but we did get some pretty snazzy pictures of the three of us. . .

i must say, the shiny dress took us each about fifteen minutes to put on.  it was such pain!  but worth it for the ridiculous pictures, at least!

snow.

i opened my eyes.  little flecks of pale-blue light floated through the closed blind.  not summer light, the light of a new snow.  i opened my blinds a crack to find every limb and twig of every tree and bush covered in beautiful delicate white snow.  

i couldn't help myself.  it was so peaceful that i didn't want to get out of bed.  but knowing that my day was already in mid-morning phase {sleeping in a tad bit was glorious this morning with no homework looming over my head}, i sneaked into the dark kitchen, mixed up a quick warm glass of lemon juice and cayenne pepper and tip toed back to my bed to listen to ingrid michaelson and watch the snow.  the warm water fogged the window a tiny bit and nothing moved but the solar-powered plastic flower on my dresser, waving back and forth in excitement.  

yoga this morning.  in my bare feet with the windows cracked just enough to see the snow while i breathe.  

i love the first snow here, almost as much as i dreaded it before i knew what it felt like.  

someone's going to get a very large snowball thrown at them today, because i simply don't think i can help myself!

the end.

finished.

clicked send on my last final at 6:13 pm.

i'm tired.
but i'm reveling in the excitement of finishing such a demanding semester!

it's elating, and although i'm really quite exhausted i don't want to sleep for fear i'll wake up and realize i still have eight research papers due. . .
or something scary like that.

school has been all-consuming this semester, since that first day i came home from class and laid on the floor for four hours reading.  i don't think i've stopped reading {or writing} since. . .

the first day: {could have been every day}

i laid on the floor reading. standing, stretching, breathing every half hour or so.  several hours into the bulk of it, an outgoing {and slightly overbearing} boy calls me.  from the ward.  he'd gotten my number the previous day at a little "get-to-know-you" activity. don't we all love those?  i was flattered.  after all, more than a few girls had been eying him the whole night.  i was not, however, very interested.  i'm polite, but i had homework and was a little too emotionally overwhelmed to be a very pleasant date at the barbecue.  i said no. but thank you, and please ask me again some time!  he never called, and i was never disappointed.  as it turns out, i was very, very lucky.  eating cookies at his apartment about a month later, i heard the whole tale straight from his own drama-filled mouth.  dating three girls in the ward, stressed that he couldn't hide it much longer and distressed because he couldn't decide which one to choose.  i'm glad to say i didn't laugh {out loud}.

believe me, i do consider myself lucky.

and now i get to sleep.
and cook whatever i want, disregarding the amount of time the recipe takes.
and paint my end table.
and read sense and sensibility and eating animals and three cups of tea and total money makeover.
and drink hot chocolate in the morning in bed.
and run for an hour without worrying about the time.
and finish my christmas shopping!

happy end of the semester.  merry christmas to all!
and to all. . . a very good night!

weekend excursions

have i said how excited i am to be all the way finished with this semester yet? tomorrow. tomorrow is the day that it's all over with.

as a little break from all this finals studying, my sisters mindy and hailey came up to visit on friday night.  they just left this morning - it was a fabulous weekend.  christmas concert with the utah symphony, shopping with the sisters for christmas presents and clothes, lunch at one of the coolest healthy-urban-hippie-ish restaurants in salt lake (the oasis), and dinner at an all-time favorite: the bombay house.  who doesn't love indian food, right?

having my sisters up for a little escape to salt lake city was one of the best thing that could have happened this weekend! it gave me just the break to work up a little more stamina for my last two finals.  one in the testing center tomorrow that will determine whether i scrape by or come off with my all-time lowest class grade yet, and another that will only make me feel warm and fuzzy.

no matter the outcome, tomorrow night i'll be celebrating!  making myself and my sister wonderful balanced meals, running every day, and reading all the books i've been dying to read all semester long.  not to mention sewing, painting furniture, possibly doing something drastic to my hair (and i mean really drastic), and... well, doing anything and everything i want!  maybe i'll even find some willing boy and take myself swing dancing - something that this semester has had a shocking lack of.

this semester has been rather suppressing. . . and it's time for a little creative liberation.
in just about every way possible.

also, going to salt lake helped my seattle excitement to escalate.  i'm getting excited - really, really excited!  in fact, i started thinking about how sad i'll probably be to leave when the time comes.  i can't wait for the new sounds, sights, smells, and people.
i'm ready for adventure!