random review, a few lists

okay, it's been a while... {again} so instead of trying to make up for anything, i'm simply going to do one of my favorite things: make a list. and probably include a picture or two.

thanksgiving plans! and plan of attack:

- leave tomorrow (friday) by noon

- create really fabulous driving playlist with all my new favorites from natalie and sabrina (including blind pilot, whom i now love).

- packpackpack tonight.. at some point hopefully.

- buy myself a couple sweaters - or at least long-sleeved shirts. believe me, i NEED winter clothes.

- go running in the morning so i don't get crazy fidgety in the car on the way down to home.

homework level:

- affects sleep level, which is at a monthly low.  fortunately, i've got another night to catch up before driving.

- last assignment before thanksgiving turned in as of 8:30 this morning

- school surprise this morning! both morning classes absolutely canceled. i am sorry my professor is ill, but also very grateful that i could eat breakfast this morning.

- 4 papers to go before the end of the break (big ones)

- two classes to go before the break... i think i can i think i can i think i can i think i can... 

excitement factors:

- i get to see my family tomorrow.

- i get to see my cats tomorrow.

- i get to go shopping in the morning.

- i have a bunch of new exciting music.

- i got to sleep in this morning.

- there are still crunchy red leaves all over provo.

- ivins is going to be significantly warmer than provo.

- all my finals have been moved up - that much closer to the finish line.

- i would have been on time to both of my 8:00 classes this week, had one of them not been canceled - that's progress, i'm telling you!

- i get to read all the books i want to read over the holiday.

the last week{ish}'s events/highlights:

- genni smashing nilla wafers with a hammer

- only one night of less than three hours of sleep

- speaking in church - glad to have done it, glad to have it over with

- listening to lady gaga with sabrina dancing like crazy in the car

- laughing more at comedy sportz, with the whole crew of us here

- one and a half days running this week (and one yoga day) - not hitting quite the mark, but still much better than expected this week

- starting my christmas shopping (that's right, sabrina - you were first!)

- drawing christmas names in my apartment (i have genni!)

- redesigning {slightly} the blog.  i was in desperate need of a change - however subtle.

- olive garden fhe

- a couple of really interesting experiences with crazy boys

- romeo & juliet: anticipated heartache, discovered freedom. allison, you are my favorite.

- really great hearttohearts

- pumpkin chocolate oats and bananas

- pumpkin pie oatmeal

- pad thai

- the emergency room for two hours (it had been a while - luckily, this time i wasn't the one with the bracelet)

- going to bed at 12:00, waking up at 11:30

- going to bed at 3:45, waking up at 6:30

- professor ripping apart my paper

- professor commending my paper

- professor condoning my eye-rolling and acknowledging my honesty in doing so

- helping hailey with math on less than three hours of sleep

- late birthday present from natalie - book by brian doyle! 

- wearing a high-wasted skirt and being happy about it

- finally doing my laundry

- cornbread and toothpaste... then the lack of toothpaste

- cookies from mom

- new potential favorite game: atlantis

- and of course, spit. the game, you know.

what a week! and only one more to go till thanksgiving. november has flown, hasn't it?

black ink

today is monumental.  today, my printer officially prints in black.
for the last several weeks (probably more like month or so), i have printed papers in blue, green, and red.  sticky notes stuck on the front page of every hard copy turned in assignment apologizing for the strange colors - i simply couldn't get my hands on black ink.  i bought ink twice: both times it was the wrong cartridge for my printer.  that fact alone makes me want to run around in circles ranting about ink cartridge sizes and conspiracy theories and college student budgets and the end of the world.

luckily, last night natalie went to costco.  we realized just two or three days ago that costco will refill our ink cartridges for much less than buying a new one.  at least, we had heard the rumor.  little did i know, that fact alone would save me more than fifty dollars this week!  that's right.  ten dollar refills.  costco, you are my hero.

but i've had a slight realization... after printing my first paper in a month in black ink, i realized that i kind of liked all these colorful papers!  it was like a signature... a stamp or mark stating this is the work of a gal that loves color!  unfortunately, i don't know how much my aging professors would like to read yellow ink after all the other colors have run out... and to tell you the truth, this semester, i'd rather not test those limits!

so, thank you costco, for refilling the ink cartridges of desperate students for a much more reasonable price than all the alternatives.  i am, for the rest of the semester, in your debt!

run to love

i have a lot to talk about.  but for a moment, i revert to an old summer subject: run.

i learned to run (and learned to love to run) in ivins.  well, behind ivins, actually.  back in those weaving red canyons, i learned to talk to my Heavenly Father - really talk; i learned to be happy, learned to love myself.  a large portion of that learning peace came from the surrounding peace of the mountains, the barely-dawn light, chirping birds, silent streets, sparse housing.  there, back in that desperate-clinging-overpowering peace, is self-discovery, is God-discovery.  there, it's easy to pull my legs out from under the covers and into my running shoes, easy to get on that running trail.

naturally, then, returning to provo-running is more than slightly jarring.  stop signs at every corner, backpacks back and forth on every street, crowding the thin sidewalks.  houses with no yards or stacked right on top of each other.  thousands of other runners with their ipods and minishorts.  but peace? thought? prayer?  especially when the privacy of your own room is invaded by roommates' music and upstairs residence movie nights twenty-four hours a day, those are scarce things to come by.

yesterday, i found a slice of that mountain-peace in provo.  it resides at 6:00 am - before the beginning sunrays touch the mountains.  i don't run alone in provo, especially in pre-dawn darkness.  happily, my roommate genni is a willing *accomplice this week, enabling me to rediscover that peace.  re-recognizing that provo is capable of holding a feeling even slightly resembling my mountain-prayer-peace encourages my good-opinion-growth of the city more than ever.

so there you go.  it was dark.  it was raining beautifully and freezing cold.  but quiet, still, sleeping, inspiring, dreaming.  and i remember that i have enough love, enough love for all of provo now, too.


ps. i saw a note in a campus bathroom this morning that read: smile! remember you are a beautiful daughter of God!  it did make me smile, and i sent a silent thank you to the kind girl that reminded me.
pps. today was provo's first real snow of the season.  thick flakes falling in clumps gracefully to the ground.  and yes, they stuck on my nose and eyelashes!
ppps. and now i have officially used too many hyphens and dashes in a post... oh dear!
*also,  i know i'm not technically using the word accomplice in its proper setting. i just like it a lot. it's what came to mind! and i wanted to use it today.

birthday!! and a shocking surprise.

yes, that's right.  this week {thursday} was my twenty-first birthday.  because the last year has sincerely taken me for a whirl, i'll be updating soon.  new profile.  new layout.  new life lists.  new goals {i do this by birthday more than by year...i think it makes them more personal}.  new pictures.  new-ish me. . . . but not really more grown-up.  i've officially decided i don't believe in growing up.  not that i'm throwing responsibility to the wind and joining the peter pan generations, here.  i'm just not growing up in the usual sense.. i'm growing up in the literal sense.

thanks mostly to the saintly natalie, my birthday celebration was an absolutely fabulous blast.  she made me breakfast, bought me a package of guilty pleasure veggie corndogs, planned, organized, decorated, and more.  a little group of close friends {natalie, sabrina, beth, genni, and me} went to dinner at happy sumo  - YUM sushi. so so great.  later that night, we played spit for hours, watched emperor's new groove, ate mountains of cupcakes, threw over a hundred yellow balloons around, played some kazoo, attempted an unsuccessful learning session of killer bunnies, and generally had a ball.  my birthday had really been kicked off the night before {starts at midnight!} with a thrilling, ear-splitting round of happy birthday by the general living room crowd.

mostly, i felt loved - which is what a birthday is all about.

sadly, the decorations came down yesterday in preparation for our vigorous cleaning checks {PASS}.

and now for my news...
this coming summer, i will not be blogging from little happy valley.  i won't be blogging from home-sweet-home-ivins, either.  i'll be blogging from seattle!
shocked?
i was, too.

remember that internship i applied for?  well, there are two branches: one in provo, one in seattle, washington.  i applied for the provo branch.  logically, i'd be close to home, wouldn't have to drive my car all over a huge city...it just made sense.  but guess what?  they offered me a spot in seattle.  and guess what?  i took it!  i'm nervous, anxious, eager, excited, scared, anticipatory, still shocked, horribly sad to be leaving my family for a solid four months, fabulously thrilled by the thought of such a huge adventure, and feeling so many different and contradictory things i don't know how to react. except for excited. i am that.  also nervous. i know i'm that, too.
did i say nervous?

satisfactorily, i can now say to my dear little future: i found you!

adventure, here i come!
i feel a little like buzz lightyear. see, for me, seattle is practically infinity.  i can't even imagine what beyond would look like!

i have the most amazing little sister.

hailey jo.
it's not really what her name is (my parents thought hailey jo johansen might be a little much), but it's what we've called her since she was born.  since the day she came home to us, we knew she was destined to be great, to be important, to be beautiful.  with dark curly crazy hair and wild green eyes to match, she stands the tallest of the johansen women - beating me by almost an inch and a half.  she loves cats and dogs just as much as i do, and gives our two a little extra love for me while i'm away from home.  she's slightly more than five years younger than me, but you wouldn't know it to look at us.

despite her age (most high school girls need a wakeup call, and i can say that because i was one of them once), hailey is cool.  really cool.  because of her early determination and stubborn nature, she's on her way to becoming a master pianist, already wowing us.  at every trip home, one of my favorite moments is lying on the couch and listening to her play.  i could do that for hours, and i miss hearing that everyday just as much as i miss my kitties.  you'd think a brilliant pianist would steer away from high school sports slightly, right?  not hailey.  not only does she decidedly not avoid crazy high school competition, she chose the most intense to participate in.  my sister's part of one of the first rugby teams in utah.  i can't wait to see her play.  add to the list a few more things: her passion for political discussion; love of education, literature, and history; her intense game of chess; and her strength of testimony in her Savior.  she makes incredible raspberry cornmeal pancakes and perfect buttercream frosting which is just the right compliment to my cupcake obsession phases.  she's willing to try just about anything - once at least, and because of that has a wide range of loves.  she owns rock climbing shoes and heels.  can beat me at spit and sprints {but not chess - yet}.  i help her with her math homework and she tells me all she knows about current political candidates.  she already knows what colleges she wants to attend, which degrees she's aiming for, and has a working oh, probably 20 year plan laid out.

this girl's got it figured out.

i love you, haimee.
and can't wait to see you in four days!

winter semester line-up

i am going back to the kind of school schedule that made me beam - exuberantly beam, i mean.  i love my classes, right now!  but {being honest, here} they've gotten a little heavy.  heavy load, weighty subject matter, all on the same day... it's gotten to be quite a lot this semester.  

class registration opened for me today, and although nothing will be absolutely finalized for a week or so (and even then, it'll probably change until a day before the semester begins), i'm ecstatic about several of these classes.  it is rather funny, though: the schedule is surprisingly reminiscent of my high school class schedule - something i never thought i'd care to repeat.  with the art major i've added, i'll have either a painting or drawing class.  i've decided to give in to my love of it and take a creative writing class (thus more happiness).  i really haven't done much thought-out creative writing for a few years, so i am excessively excited about this one!  also, it's a prerequisite for a class natalie is taking this semester, creative non-fiction, that seems fantastic.  i'll be taking that one for sure as well.  also, call it a guilty pleasure if you will, i'm taking a family finance class.  it makes me a little giddy, i'll be honest.  all that budgeting stuff, it's just right up my alley.  of course, there's the moral foundations of family life course, theories in family perspective, and the high hope of the internship prep class rolling around in the potential mix, too.

one thing's for sure: there's no getting bogged down in five fourteen analytical research papers due on the same day in the same semester again.  i was crazy for taking this many 400-level classes at once. crazy, i tell you.  but i think it paid off.  after all, i never would have broken down enough to add an art minor to begin with if i hadn't gone a little bit crazy.

so here's to crazy.

and a really great class line-up.

to october:

lately, i love the yellow leaves crunching under my black shoes while i run on the provo streets, swishing and whirling on the pavement.  the watercolor east mountains, staying transparent from dawn till late afternoon, give the days a surreal quality {as if in a fairytale}.  confused clouds - all different shades of blue and grey, all different shapes and speeds floating - play around the mountain tips, concealing their heights, failing to hide the white sunlight, the sunlight the last days of october have still permitted power to leak through to rest on my eyelashes and cheeks.

lately, i wake up slowly because the mornings have turned blue.  i peak out the blinds, anticipating the first morning i'll wake to white covering my windowsill, the stair-rails, the light-posts, the trees.  the sun is tardy usually, these days.  on the walk to class, this morning, natalie read aloud to me (essays by brian doyle); the moving text kept my mind off the frigid air.  scarves. coats. mittens.  socks and tights.  frozen breath in air.  red trees covered with spiderwebs of ice.  these are the days i crave yoga in the early mornings, to wake up before the sun.

lately, midnight comes too soon.  october is slipping away from beneath my toes, whisping and threading through my fingertips and out of grasp {like a handful of sugar}.  it's real - very real.  although each individual day isn't filled with specific memories lifetime lasting, the repetitive nature of waking and cracking the blinds to check for snow leaves a fingerprint in the storage center of my mind.

october has been a remembering month, granting nostalgic longing for lost people, lost places, lost emotions.  the onset of winter tends to have that effect - a clinging, of sorts, while memories are buried under white drifts.  checking for that burial is an anticipation, i guess.  soon, the snow will cover more than the leaves.  i've never felt quite so freed by the idea of winter as i do this year.  there have been things i've neglected to bury,  but the snow is coming; the first flurries danced in the valley today.  and when snow buries autumn's dead, the earth can begin to heal, to restore, and once again to play.


and about the scrabble interview: i was called back for a second (which took place last friday).  individual this time, luckily!  the waiting shouldn't last long.  the promise of the first of november clutches the back of my mind constantly.  honest to goodness, i want this internship!

a day in the life of:

buzzing chirping wailing beeping screeching zzzzzzzzzzzzz...  pulling flying grabbing going running heaving panting counting checking crossing (tally) stepstepstep - sit - clacking hacking etching scratching clickclickclick munching crunching gulping scraping gone... (ringringring) giggle sob guffaw swoon {pounding choking sighing seeing} breathing     breathing        breathing               breathing.

tossing twirling beam - flinching flirting dream - 

s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g

ticking tocking talking rocking stocking stalking

plod

plod

plod

plod

chirping buzzing bleeping flashing: LOLOMGTTYL

scribble doodle blog

ddrriinnkk.

fading falling coming going

washing brushing laying closing (twirltwirltwirl)

breathing:

closing

breathing:

beating

breathing:

out.

rice

the last few consecutive nights, something rather peculiar has been added to my bedtime routine - something i think needs remedying.  last night, for example...

10:00 pm, and my eyes were definitely ready to turn the lights out!  in fact, they were closing on their own - mascara, contact lenses and all.  so i jumped into my newly washed pj's (mmmm, dryer-warmed clothing!), washed my face, brushed my teeth, read my scriptures and prayed, and meandered into the kitchen for a bedtime glass of water.  with me, i brought my bright blue heating-pack (natalie's actually, mine are both too ragged).  while drinking my glass of water, i waited for the pack to warm up in the microwave.  {*note: during the winter in provo, there is simply no sleeping without a heating-pack for me.  i get too cold!  especially my feet; they freeze, the poor things!  no matter how many blankets, i simply can't sleep without warmth radiating from something other than my own limbs.}

the pack draped across my shoulders, i headed back to my room.  i pulled down the covers.  my feet slipped to the end of of the bed.  the first thought in my head was BUGS!  i gasped and quickly retracted my feet.

wait... not bugs, RICE.  that's right.  rice!

this bright blue heating-pack is filled with nothing other than rice (and lavender, of course, which makes it smell incredible).

normally, this wouldn't be a problem.  but last winter, our situation was far from normal - me and this rice-pack.  our microwave was possessed.  well... maybe not quite.  but either that or just down-right dangerous.  anything you put into the microwave came out with a black hole burnt into it.  popcorn, potatoes, my roommate's glass dishes - you name it, it came out of the microwave with a hole.  well, or broken in half, but that's another story.

so this rice pack has a hole in it.  small, but still enough for little grains of rice to escape down by my feet as i'm falling asleep.  and yes, they feel like bugs.

time for a new heating-pack?
i think so!

but until i have a chance to pull out my sewing machine, i might just have to deal with a little bit of rice at the end of my bed.  after all, no one likes to sleep with freezing toes!

song of the week...or more :)

i go through phases, obsession {sorta} with music.  lately, this song is about all that will satisfy my singing memory.  i'm in love with it - completely.



and by the way, i'm not in tahiti - i'm right here, in happy valley.