of cats and such things.

i think my cats have a death wish.  i honestly miss these two little critters like crazy when i'm away, but one of the first things they do once i'm home is lose another life.  i was jump-roping this morning: click, click, click, click went the rope hitting the tile in our front room.  then with no warning my twelve-year-old cat holly (who had been lazily snoozing in the window sunlight) pounced on the tile exactly where my rope was hitting, getting herself smacked sharply on the head by the rope.  surprising? in fact, yes.  holly is no-nonsense cat - she does not play.  she's also a little too old to be chasing things.  death wish? apparently.

a few minutes later (after making sure the rope didn't do too much damage to my kitty's head), the younger cat came around the corner.  merlin is only a couple years old, and still very much a moody, playful, brainless siamese kitten.  and he pounced.  this time i was spinning full-force and he took the momentum right on the tip of his nose.  he yowled for about a minute and walked around sideways, shaking his head and sneezing for about five.  maybe he doesn't have quite the death wish the older cat seems to demonstrate, but.  if all merlin's friends decided to jump off a cliff, i'm pretty sure he would follow, too.

cats are crazy, but considering the little bit of excitement they add to life, who doesn't love them?

train of thought derailing a little... i miss my kittens when i'm not home.  but this summer, i miss superman - and the missness doesn't really compare to missing cats.  two months of missing has gone by already {can you believe it?  summer half way over}.  well, tomorrow at least.  tomorrow's the half-way.  when the missness is finally downhill.  and yes, i count down.  hopeless romantic, i told you.  anyway, the last two months have been such a whirl.  there really isn't a separation in my memory between winter and spring semesters, and spring semester only boosted the stress level and made my perception of time more warped.  i'm a little afraid though, now that i'm not nearly as busy or distracted, that the next two months will move by too slowly, painfully.  one thousand miles seems such an easy distance sometimes, with all the convenient technology of the 21st century.  but sometimes, the technology just doesn't help, and you crave real, face-to-face interaction.  so.  here's to two more months.  eight more weeks of superman's absence.  after all, the second half of any separation is supposed to fly by even faster... right?

night frights

so it's going on more than a week now.  a week that i just absolutely cannot sleep.  you'd think that once all the stress was whisked away and the comforts of home surrounded me that sleep would come easily, naturally.  unfortunately, my body has a different opinion than yours.

or maybe it's my mind.  because, you see, it's not that i can't sleep because i'm restless or achy or just not tired.  i can't sleep because my mind simply will not turn off.  and i'm not thinking of nice things, either.  i go over and over whether or not all the doors in the house are locked, how big the cat has to be to set the sensor light on outside my window, and if that sound i heard in the kitchen was the cat or... wait, the cat's by my feet.  what in the world could have made that sound in the kitchen??  etc.

usually, going to bed is a bit of a self-calming exercise to begin with.  i'm no stranger to the solution of hum a hymn and pick your favorite memory to mull over until you doze off and don't have to worry about the could-be robber outside your bedroom window.  but the last week has been an unnatural panic every time the light goes out.  i don't remember being afraid of the dark when i was younger, but somehow that fear must have developed with a surplus of information.  information about the rapes around my apartment.  information about how easy it would be to break the front door in if you really wanted to.  information about the importance of carrying mace around in my purse... or hand if i really want to be prepared.  simply too much information.  taking greater care with safety precautions in my apartment coupled with all the stress of the closing of last semester has made me paranoid.  and i can't seem to turn off the paranoia quite as quickly as it seemed to come on.

but.

sooner or later, i have to get some sleep.  after all, one can die from exhaustion.  it's a fact.

so. i might as well try again tonight.

goodnight.

and wish me luck.

the best dad

dad in disneyland, 2008

i have the best dad in the entire world.  sounds cliché, i know.  but guess what? it's true.  every father's day i obsess for a couple weeks before, thinking, this father's day i'll get that perfect thing that will tell him exactly how grateful i am, something that embodies my love, gratitude and appreciation in one or two items.  but.  1) those one or items don't exist - there is no one thing that would show him exactly how much i love him, and 2) my dad is one of those hard-to-buy-for people.  maybe it's because i want the gift to mean too much, but every gift i can think of giving just seems too much like a generic... thing, object, devoid of deep meaning.  so i change strategies.  there won't ever be a one thing perfect enough to show him how grateful i am for his sacrifice, his example.  i can only try to live up to it, try to be worthy of the sacrifices he's made and follow the example he's set.  and hopefully, someday, that will be a gift enough to show just how much he means to me.

happy father's day!

rejuvenation

so.

spring semester is finally, finally over.  i'm still a little frantic.  i keep trying to remember and make mental lists of everything that needs accomplishing and what gets turned in when.  only after a few minutes of that do i realize, hey wait.  i'm finished. i don't actually have any deadlines to meet for the next two and half months.  i'm a little surprised at how long it's taking to sink in.

but, not surprisingly, my body has already realized that the backpack full of stress has been lifted.  and, naturally, it does what it usually does after all the stress goes away.  i crashed.  i've slept until noon the last two days in a row {which isn't unusual after a demanding semester}.  i've been a little dazed.

so i decided to give myself the weekend off. i haven't (and i'm not going to) read anything until monday.  i'm not going to worry about how much i should exercise, what i should eat, or what projects i want to jump into.  until monday.  i think it'll be good for me to have a little wind-dooown time, before i start sewing, painting, and (oh yeah) frantically searching for a job. any suggestions? ... i need them.  pathetically.
but i'm not going to think about that for another day and a half.

it's surreal, being home again.  with natalie back from london, all my sisters coming over for family dinner, my nephew william learning to walk, fresh apricots (from our own trees) in my bowl, curling up with my kitties, sleeping in a room with two of my sisters.  but a good kind of surreal.  a restful, beautiful, dream-like kind of surreal.  and i hope it lasts.

at least enough to rejuvenate all my parts - body, spirit, mind, emotions, etc. - enough to go back, just for another two semesters.

okay, so i get a little obsessive...

fablehaven: my latest finished fantasy obsession.

i finished the very last book today.  and it was spectacular!  it contained all the good things a perfect fantasy series is supposed to end with.  a little bittersweetness over what was lost, joy at the discovered peace, reflection on the learned lessons, and {of course} the best guy gets the best girl.  really, i'm a little amazed at how quickly brandon mull rapped up the plot.  with 75 pages to go lat night, i was certain he was going to have to break his promise to readers and write another book.  but. to my joyful surprise, he proved worthy of his title as a fantasy author (unlike christopher paolini who {despite his original goal to write a trilogy} extended his last book another thousand pages only to continue the story line and loose more than half his follows by announcing a fourth book in the trilogy {can there be four books in a trilogy?} but. back to the point...).  

one of my favorite elements of brandon mull's stories is the correct portrayal of consequences.  maybe i obsess too much, but i'll never forget when seth was transformed into a walrus for his mistake.  i love the encouragement to look to the older generation for advice and help.  the character development is exquisite, building and solidifying with each book.  with a turn or tug at the end of every chapter, i never once was bored.  i even finished this book during a semester (something i haven't accomplished in years).  AND! it's clean - not a foul word or scene in the entire series, which, especially with fantasy, is rare.

enough with the extended praise, though.  if you haven't read fablehaven, read it.  it's a page-turner. it's an adventure.  it's something you can relate to.  it's something you can escape with.

and it's something i've added to my list of favorite fantasies.  mull now holds a place in the section of my heart's library also containing tolkien, cs lewis, and lloyd alexander.  now, that is praise.

ps. don't get me wrong, paolini started out as a superb author (page-turning creativity), but really? a trilogy just can't contain four books - it's logically impossible.  and. when i set out to read a trilogy, i don't want to be drug (against my will) into the perpetual world of a twenty-year old boy's fifteen book series.  no thank you. 

motivational sticky notes

sticky note of the day:
bright pink and very visible, this sticky note is my daily dating motivation.  my roommate and i came across the quote while researching for a paper we both were scrambling to write last semester, and it stuck (like a.. sticky note).  wow, i'm corny.  anyway, dating can be a pain sometimes.  so i think it very wise to keep little motivational phrases close at hand.  really? yeah right. but. this one's worthy of a funny calendar.

"in ancient times, many first marriages were by capture, not by choice."

happy... um, dating.  it's better than abduction, right?
love,
jessica's desktop sticky notes.

rainy day recipes

it's raining in provo, again.
but the gang in 205 refused to be brought down by the drizzling today!  to warm ourselves up, we tried a few new recipes, and a few old ones.  it was a baking day - a delicious one!

for dinner:

broccoli cheese stuffed potatoes
(coined by the food network hit rachel ray and adapted by her superior - my mother)

4 potatoes
2-3 tablespoons olive oil (i used coconut this time)
1 bunch green onions minced
2 tablespoons whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon dejon mustard
1 cup veggie broth
grated cheese (i used raw sharp cheese - super yum!)
salt and pepper to taste

throw the potatoes in the oven to bake, and steam the broccoli lightly (5 minutes).  in a small sauce pan, sauté the onions in the 1 tablespoon of oil for about a minute.  sprinkle the flour and cook another minute (stir so the mixture doesn't burn).  add the mustard and broth and simmer until the sauce thickens, stirring occasionally.  toss in the cheese (i didn't put an amount, but i used a little over a heaping handful), and season the sauce to taste.  stir in the broccoli, then pour over your baked potatoes and be careful not to burn your tongue!  this recipe is one of my comfort foods - it reminds me of mom, of saturdays cleaning the house, and board games around the dinner table.  today, it was a perfect rainy day dinner: it warmed us from the inside out and filled our tummies to the top.

and....

now for dessert!

chocolate chip banana bread
(another one adapted first by mom, next by me - because my pantry isn't quite as stocked as i'd like to be)

2 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup honey (i used some absolutely delicious local honey i've had in my cupboard since christmas)
1/4 cup coconut oil
egg replacer for 2 eggs
3 medium sized bananas
1/3 cup plain coconut kefir
1 teaspoon vanilla

*remember to preheat the oven to 350!  i always forget and have to wait another 15 minutes for the slow-to-warm-up apartment stove and it just delays the satisfaction even more.  beat the coconut oil and honey together till its really combined.  add egg replacer, bananas, kefir, and vanilla, then beat beat beat it up.  dump in the flour, soda and salt and mix until its all moist and yummy (oh yeah, with the chocolate chips, too. don't forget those).  grease a bread pan and spoon the dough in.  finally, shut it up in the oven for a full hour (too long, i know! but no peaking).  after, let it cool in the pan on a cooling wrack for five minutes before slipping it out and enjoying a thick, delicious slice!

rainy days aren't so bad when you have time to whip up some fabulous warm food, are they?
what are your favorite rainy day recipes?

no worries

i have this little sticky note stuck to the overhang of my desk - right above my computer screen.  it's yellow, an energizing, soothing and happy color (the color of the sun).  it's a reminder to take a few yoga breaths, stretch a little, smile at my homework, and say a little prayer.  it's been quite the help this week preparing for all these crazy tests (another one down!).

it simply reads:
i am free from excess worry.

to me, it's a powerful statement.  one that brings a little more balance and perspective to my life.  it reminds me of a woman that i would visit with my mother when i was young.  her name was shiela and she lived in a little trailer surrounded by animal cages.  every desert animal imaginable loved this woman, and she loved them back. snakes, raccoons, wolves, coyotes, golden eagles... you name it, she probably rescued it at some point.  besides all the furry (and scaly and feathered) animals to make friends with, i predominantly remember one thing about sheila, the phrase she would say to mother often:
don't worry, just pray.

so.  because worrying never gets anyone anywhere in life (except for stressed and sick), i'm not going to worry about the rest of my tests.  i'll study, and i'll pray.  but no more worries.
(i'll be controlling this with a very large quantity of yoga breaths, spaced throughout the remaining few days).

so. to all you worriers out there: stop for a moment.  then just pray.  and see what happens.

it's a random day.

i have a visitor this week!

at an attempt to maintain my sanity through the last push of the semester, i captured my sister hailey.

she's definitely keeping up my spirits while i'm doing everything i can not to get sick:

feeding me nutella,

sitting me in front of the couch to watch a knight's tale,

and giving me a little bit of company in my last few classes (only one left!).

really, only one left.  one class. three tests. 

yesterday was so busy (and sleep was so little the night before) that i was physically ill.

but.

the sun is shining. the sky has given provo beautiful showers at night and the sun still scares the clouds away in the early morning.  i love springtime. 

i have an unusually short attention span this morning.

i can't wait to finish fablehaven (my guilty pleasure fantasy series of the year).

i can't wait to really test out my sewing machine.

i have thirteen different lists on my desk... is that bad luck, do you think?

i have fresh strawberries in my fridge.

and kefir. we'll see if i like it - it's a trial run.

i switched some of the fortunes on my bulletin board this morning (it's been quite a while).

today's fortune:

today is a good time to take some extra relaxation. 

i think it's telling me to lay off the studying, go finish that test now, and then buy myself some frozen yogurt. don't you think?

catch up

it seems i've been having more adventures than i expected, lately!  life is always busier at the end of a semester than any other time of the year, and this time around, as the pace of school picked up, the mounting level of homework squeezed everything else entirely out of my brain.  including the good old blog, apparently.

but, i persevere.

just to catch up a little...

the presentation: much better than expected.  scared me to pieces (as most public speaking related assignments do), took entirely too much time to prepare, covered a gargantuan amount of fascinating research (the effects of personality on marital outcomes), and is now over.  it felt so good. and it feels even better now that i can breath again.

one and a half weeks left of the semester - it's going by so quickly i almost don't dare to blink for fear i'll forget to take one of the remaining four exams.  luckily, this semester has been a little boost to my gpa - thus, i don't have to worry quite so much about minimum qualifications to keep my scholarship.  

now: my focus shifts (again) to a job hunt... which i'm relating more and more to a witch hunt.  i'm jumping at every minuscule sign and opportunity.  

despite the busy level jumping from 10 to 20 the last two weeks, i have had a few little adventures (that didn't involve presentations, papers, or gpas).  more to come about these few things very soon: the return of the roommate, the beginning of the tolkien marathon, old friends reunited, new vegetarian friends found, an exciting update on fibromyalgia issue, and some absolutely incredible new recipes (which is usually the case after another trip home - you can't be around my mother for very long and not find at least a few new favorite recipes!).  

but. those are for later. 

for now, it's time for a sunday nap.

goodnight!